An R.E. Teacher. Let's just call him, oh, say, Mr Seal...
... because that is his real name.

Mr Seal was a Quaker (I resist obvious gag here) who was passionately religious. So much so he gave my friend Luke detention for listening to Chris Rea's eco-warning album The Road To Hell. (Deserved because it's shite not, as believed, a satanic rock album).

In another shining example of greatness he threw a wooden desk over and pointed at a small swastika sketched underneath and bellowed "this is how it starts!" Scary, I admit. More scary is how much time he must have spent looking underneath empty desks while we were out.

He also had a mysterious clear glass pot containing what one could only have assumed was glue on his desk. He never used it. It's volume slowly increased, to much speculation.

Mr Seal was a good man. A good teacher. Decent and true. His knee-clenched rocking on his chair while we read our text books could be excused for these reasons.

The story really takes a twist though when, as a thirty year old, I bumped into a former teacher. Having asked after Mr Seal the following TABLOID SHOCKER was revealed:

Mr Seal was not asexual, as widely believed. In fact, a nun who frequently came in to talk about 'The Calling' with pupils had mysteriously fallen pregnant several years ago. Mr Seal promptly mysteriously married her. They now live happily as Man and Wife with a baby between them and a little bit of Jesus' unique brand of love in there too.

The man knocked up a nun. If I could go back in time - I'd stand on my desk and salute him. "Oh Captain, my Captain."
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