Grammar Schools
I went to a grammar school, breeding ground for weird teachers.

The most memorable was Mr Payne. He had a nickname for everybody. I had several; as he'd call me by any surname ending -son. Confusing when we already had a Parkinson in the class.

He was also boarding master of the 1st-3rd year boarding house. Various stories circulated about incidents in the swimming pool. He was renowned for showering naked in the communal showers in the gym; then stepping out with a towel wrapped round him to engage people in conversation while they were changing.

He also took us for moral issues, which we studies in the 3rd year for a few weeks. We had been prewarned about this, though it was still a suprise when he suddenly came out with the fact he had lost his virginity at the age of 32. Most of us were shocked at the fact he was even married.

Looking back, despite his weirdness, he was a decent teacher, and an alright sort of bloke, albeit not one you'd go down the pub with.


There was also Mr Bonney, a chemistry and PE teacher. He was a crap teacher, and hated you if you didn't like rugby. In a year of him teaching us we did just 2 practical experiments. He was an alcoholic with a permanent red nose, and wore the same tracksuit to school every day, though he would sometimes come to school in a suit which provoked general hilarity.

Bonney is most memorable for giving a homework out with 10 questions, which he had assinged letters instead of numbers. He had managed to get the alphabet wrong, crossed out a few letters in the wrong order, and replaced them. The thing is, they were still wrong. But he photocopied the work and gave it out, and so the legend of the BonneyBet remains more than just word of mouth.

During the 3rd year, we had a Canadian exchange teacher for French lesson. We made her life hell. Foolishly, she gave us email addresses of her class back in Canada, and we emailed them. They told us her nickname - big bird. Next lesson, she entered the room to a chorus of the Sesame Street theme, and promptly left in tears. We got a major bollocking for that, and the entire class signed a 'sorry' card.

Those are the memorable ones; there was also Dr B, who had a fondness for setting his desk alight, Mr R who enjoyed creating fireballs, Mr G who now teaches French with a ventriloquists dummy, Mr B who had an obsession with Grog clay.

School Days - best days of my life?!?
(insert username here, Mon 14 Nov 2005, 20:54, Reply)