photocopying assistant
My second job after getting fired from Waterstones for "not being a team player" (sorry for not wanting to be part of a team of underpaid drones who think working with books makes the minimum wage seem nicer).

I did everything I could think of to get fired:

1) On the boss's birthday, I made a card featuring a man teetering on the window ledge of a skyscraper and wrote "We're all behind you" inside. Hallmark would have been proud.
2) Was Basil-Fawlty rude to customers day after day. As a gent walked in at closing time I breezed right past him on the way out. "Have you got time for a quick copy, son?" "No."
3) Took numerous days off each month with 'stomach trouble' and went instead to London to enjoy the galleries and museums, or to sit in the parks.
4) Accidentally photocopied about 200,000 flyers for a dog charity and threw them straight in the recycling so no-one would notice my mistake.
5) Gave colour copies away free to old women who couldn't pay £3.50 for a piece of A4.
6) Pinned a copy of my degree certificate up on my noticeboard so everyone could see I was pissing my life and talent away there.
7) Photocopied essays from local students so I could take them home and laugh at their poor spelling and grammar.
8) Ditto spicy pictures of a naked Russian model... but not to laugh at
9) Took extra long lunches to read the paper in the local library.
10) Used 'marketing' as an excuse to walk about the town popping into bookshops and having tea at teashops.

Never got fired. No idea why.
(frankspencer, Thu 9 Aug 2007, 15:25, Reply)