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This is a question Why should you be fired from your job?

I spent three years "working" in the Ministry of Agriculture carefully crafting projectiles out of folded paper and drawing pins that I would then fire at colleagues with an elastic band. On discovering I'd been conducting all-out warfare when I should really have been in a field counting cows, I was asked to "reconsider my career options" outside the service.

Why, then, should you be fired from your job?

(, Thu 9 Aug 2007, 13:04)
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Beware of IT Techies....we can be wankers!
I work in IT, and as you all know, we IT Techies can be especially cruel bastards. I love my current job and am therefore a model employee. Not the case with my previous job, where, I should have been sacked daily! Offences include:

Getting steaming during the week, turning up 2 hours late, stinking of booze and inisisting on having a tea break.
Me and my friend regulary taking off for 2 hour lunch breaks to go shopping.
Switching off the server to piss everyone off.
Taking 3-4 hours to switch the server back on.
Sneaking into the Chief Exec's office and doing major logs in his private loo, and not flushing.
Helping myself to pens and other stationary from client's drawers while fixing their PCs.
Launching about a dozen VDU's across my office in a fit of temper and claiming "they fell".
Dropping VDUs, Printers etc from the top floor to the car park to see if "they bounced".
Chaning the Chief Exec's display name on the e-mail to say "Miss Tittywhipper".
Playing my own invented game of "password roulette" - if someone pissed me off, they had to guess what I'd changed their password to, it was usually offensive.
Jizzing on some twat's "assigned" seat in the staffroom and wiping my knob on his mug.
Seeing if a screwdriver could pass through the main office shredder, it didn't.
Swapping identical PCs around the main office to confuse the users, after they had a heart attack and thought they'd lost everything, put them back and say that I'd managed to restore everything and they should be more careful.
Randomly deleting people's mail boxes and claiming they were incompetant and must have done it themselves.
This list could go on forever.

To be fair, I was treated like shit in that job from day one, so I left with minimal notice, no-one to replace me and without my tender loving care, My Baby, aka main server, shut herself down within 3 weeks. I was asked to come in as a consultant, on consultant rates to keep them going until a replacement could be appointed. I fleeced them out of thousands of pounds for doing fuck all and generally sitting having a wank and watching porn for 4 hours a night.

After 2 months, got bored and my willy was so sore I told them to stick it once again.

They finally replaced me, with 3 people who still can't do what I did. Now I have a wank on my own time.
(, Sat 11 Aug 2007, 15:51, Reply)

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