When I was in Hull
I saw two criminals in two days from the comfort of my bedroom window.

The first one was two fat chavs spending around 45 minutes trying to nick a moped from the alleyway opposite me. The alarm kept on going off, which they ran away from at first, then a little bit, then ignored.

I got a bit fucked off though, as I'd been playing S.T.A.L.K.E.R. and the alarm was making me shit myself more and more as it was going off at inopportune moments. I rang the rozzers after a while, which sorted that out.

The second day a guy got arrested two doors down (a house which MUST have been a crack den given the amount of house calls), something I was only alerted to after I heard two officers reading his rights as they took a fucking butcher's knife off him.

I was peeking through the curtains until the crim saw me and stared at me. I did what anyone else would have done in the circumstances and proceeded to do a long, drawn out impression of a spastic at him, hand/wrist action and all. Pressed my mongy face against the window, too.

Then the police also saw it, and knocked on my door to give me a very pissed off look before asking me if I saw anything.
( TGP on the rock 'n' roll, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 20:50, Reply)