Edinburgh
When I was a student living in Edinburgh I often found myself walking down Foutainbrige road at night, stoned. My mate lived at the other end of the road, see, and his gaff was nicer than mine.
Anywho, I'm walking down said road when some woman comes running towards me screaming "HELP". She was clearly in distress and was being pursued by a rather large, scary man who was naked from the waist up.
She sees me and asks me to call the police. He sees me and says that if I do he's going to cut my fucking throat. What to do, what to do?
This was pre mobile phone days so I had to find some other way of alerting the police to the nasty little scene that was being played out not 5 meters from me. He had her pushed up against the wall and was strangling her. I looked on, stunned, for a minute and then realised I really needed to do something. There were no phone boxes about and most shops were closed apart from a fish and chip shop a few meters up the road. I ran in and told the old woman behind the counter that she needed to call the police because a woman was being attacked outside.
So what does she do....
She goes fucking mental at me of course. "Don't you come in here telling me what to do, ya radge wee cunt."
I stood there completely gobsmacked until the owner came out to see what all the commotion was about. I tell him what's going on, all the while being berated by this crazy bint. He gets his mate to call the police and then starts laying into this old woman.
"I've had enough of your shit. That's it. You're fired. Go on, fuck off."
She comes out from behind the counter and starts pushing me out the door, swearing at me and telling me I'm going to pay for this. As I get outside the shirtless gentleman turns to me and says "You're a fucking dead man."
It was at the point that I decided to high tail it out of there and ran home like a little girl.
I felt bad but there was no way I was taking this nutter on and the whole situation was just getting too scary, and a little surreal, for my liking.
(Creamy Discharge Freeze Motherstickers, this is a fuck up, Sat 16 Feb 2008, 6:38, Reply)