crap drug dealer
More crime prevention than anything, but it makes me giggle...

I work in my dad's pub, which is in a nice area of a shit city. Nothing criminal usually occurs there, apart from cheap fags and so on doing the rounds. Everyone knows each other, everyone (generally) likes each other. It's a bit like a small backwater village, but in a city. You get the picture.

So. A while back, some slightly dodgy types started coming in. They didn't do anything obvious, but didn't talk to anyone, and had a general air of suspicion around them - you know, one of them went to the loos, only to be followed by another after 30 seconds... I didn't like them, they were rude when they came to the bar.

Anyways, one of them smashes a glass by mistake. So dutiful barmaid (moi) goes over with a dustpan and brush to sweep up... Lo and behold, there's a small baggie on the floor with an extremely suspicious looking substance in it. (I don't do drugs so I can't tell you what it was but I think it was crack). So I quickly palm it and call my dad into the back to give it to him. We weren't sure who's it was though, so rather than risk shit going down, we decided to keep quiet, sure in the knowledge that the criminal would reveal himself.

About 2 minutes later, one of them leans back and casually puts his hands in his pockets. His eyes go cartoon-wide, and we know we have our man. He then (trying to be casual but actually looking like he's shitting his pants. He may have well been.) puts his hands in his other pockets. Nothing. All pretence of casual-nosity abandoned, he stands up and starts patting himself down, even going so far as to taking his shoes off and trying to empty them out. He then runs to the loos so fast he trips over the brass bar at the bottom of the bar and does a perfect somersault. My dad, having decided he's suffered enough, calls him over to the bar. 'X!' he shouts, 'looking for something?' X comes over very quietly and my dad shows him the find. Now, as I have said, the pub is a nice, local pub. It's the kind of place you can bring your wife and children, safe in the knowledge they won't be carried off by marauding vikings and suchlike. Not only did X ask for his drugs back, he was also genuinely shocked when he was barred..

At least it got rid of them.

So, like I say, not actually witnessing a crime, but that somersault was of near-olympian standards....


Length? about 5 pebble shaped bits, each about 1cm.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Sat 16 Feb 2008, 13:51, Reply)