I'm Special
Or rather I should say I was a Special (constable) and ignored lots of crimes!

I've always thought "How can I arrest or fine someone for something I've done myself"? And unlike some of my more over zealous colleagues (who just love the chance to enforce their authority on others) I've managed to successfully ignore the following:

Weed smoking on the street
Men and women having an alcohol induced wee on the street
Men and women swearing on the street
Kids cycling through an empty pedestrianised area late at night
Kids drinking in a park not annoying anybody

What really bugs me is that I've also attended all of the above where it ended up with someone getting fined/arrested or just generally being hassled by the police (generally by a Special. Real coppers are in the police bar drinking coffee. Paper work my arse).

And so I quit. I wanted to be a copper ever since I was a kid, but upon joining the Specials I realised the police weren't what I thought. Real coppers tend to be cynical, lazy and really hate having to walk anywhere. And Specials tend be, well, special. As in "You will respect my authority" kind of special. Probably those kids that got picked on at school and are now looking for revenge. I know of two in my own station who got 'sacked' for wearing their uniform around town when they were off duty. THAT kind of special.

But I did get to carry/use handcuffs, a truncheon and cs spray (never get it on your hand on rub your eyes) :0)

Length? 24 inches, black and hurts when you take one to the goolies. But really he just fell down the stairs Guv'.
(Big Smurf Brush me daddy-O, Mon 18 Feb 2008, 14:59, 4 replies)

Specials are pretty special
recently I came out of Camden tube at about 11pm, drinking a can of Red Stripe. Some mealy-mouthed cretin in a uniform took it off me as soon as I set foot on the pavement, and threatened to fine me if I argued. I didn't realise drinking cheap Jamaican lager was a criminal offence and told him so, apparently it's illegal to drink alcohol anywhere in the street. I made a comment about it being easier than catching real criminals and got the bus home lager-free :(
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 18 Feb 2008, 18:22, closed)

*sniff*
I miss my CS spray, hand cuffs, and riot baton.

But I make more money now, so it's ok
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Tue 19 Feb 2008, 4:46, closed)

on the up side...
At least you've never handled CS spray then gone for a whizz.

I recommend it not.
( Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Tue 19 Feb 2008, 9:49, closed)

^ ^ ^
very good point.
But the OC gas with no gas mask is a bitch. It sucks the oxygen out of the room you are in......and let me tell you, those prison cells are pretty damn small when you have to go in on an inmate with a suited up riot team. I only had to hold the video camera, but with the old cameras we had, you can't wear the masks (which are so old they don't work anyway so there isn't much point in wearing them). Inmates would hold a wet towel over their face (or be so nutso the gas didn't affect them) so the only ones to get gassed were the officers. Effective use of chemical agents? Not so much so.
But you get used to them after awhile.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Wed 20 Feb 2008, 2:51, closed)