Stopped the fantom knifers
We live in a small village, and every now and then people would come out of their houses and get into their cars when they would notice that their tyres had been knifed. This had been going on for quite some time, and to completely random people - so it was a fair guess to say that the incidents were not related.

Anyway, it was the day before New Years Eve about 6 or 7 years ago and the then GF and I were walking back from the pub just after closing time, when I heard a loud "Pfffffffff" from behind me - naturaly I looked round and saw 3 "kids" knifing tyres randomly - obviously, it being the end of the year was cause for a knifing-tyre frenzy by way of celebration. I chased after them and they ran (a lot fast than me, it has to be said - they hadn't had years of drinking and smoking behind them), but, I managed to catch hold of the slowest.

Unbeknown to me at the time and while my girlfriend was phoning the rozzers, one of the owners of one of the cars came out to see what was going on. Of course, he looks out of his door and sees my fat arse running down the road. He assumes it was me that had knifed his tyres and he and his mates come running after me.

As I'd caught the slowest, his 'mates' jumped into a red Rover (obviously borrowed from Daddy for the purpose) and buggered off and left him on his own - nice! My misses sees them get in the car, by which time she was on the phone to the rozzers and she gave them most of the number plate (all bar the last letter).

Anyway, the chap who's car it was and his mates catch up with me just in time to hear the little runt

They catch up, just in time to hear the little runt who had been caught by me say "Fuck it, those kids who were knifing tyres got away.....apart from THIS ONE (gesturing to me!)"

The bloke who's car it was then starts on at me, "What's you name? eh, come on" etc....

I try to explain what ACTUALLY went on, but of course the more I protest, the more guilty I look. Anyway, to stop a long story from getting any longer, after some searching of the kid and NO SEARCHING OF ME (they could fuck off, I don't care if it was 3 to 1, there was no fucking way 3 oversized twats were going to search me in the street) they found the knife - then they belived me - sort of - I still see them around and to this day I swear they are still not sure.

Anyway, about 2 hours pass, and a police car turns up. We stop them, as it seems they were content with just staring at us and driving straight past us slowly.

They had no intention of coming to sort this out, and in fact knew nothing of it, and refused to do anything about it despite the aformentioned kid being caught red handed and with a knife on him.

Another 2 hours pass (4 hours now!! 4 hours!), and finally a police car turns up who IS here to sort it out. Of course, I start on about how it could have taken them 4 hours and they reply they have come from xxxxtown - 9 MILES AWAY. I pull them up on this and point out that they could have moonwalked the 9 miles and still have had time to cook a roast dinner, the copper's reply was to nick me and send the knife laden kid on his way without so much as a clip round the ear.

Bah - next time the fuckers can just have flat tyres.
(dchurch bah, Tue 19 Feb 2008, 15:45, Reply)