Focussed Cheese Hunters
My first job was when I was 15 working as a dish washer in a local pub kitchen. It was difficult work I suppose as the pub didn’t have a machine dishwasher so absolutely everything had to be done by hand but it gave me some cash in my pocket and and respect from my dad.

Working in that rural Welsh pub certainly gave me an insight into how the world worked. Also, it made me realise that I should never under any circumstances eat at a rural Welsh pub. My eyes have witnessed things. To quote Roy Batty from Bladerunner:

``I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.
Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.
I've watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate.
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.
Time to die...''

A great quote, but if you replace “Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion” with “indiscriminately mash cockroaches up with three day old mash potato and serve” and “C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate” with “sweating forty year old menstruating female cook removing sanitary napkin in the corner of the kitchen, replacing, lob said used item into the bin, then going on to make ramekins of crème brulee without washing hands” then it far more accurately describes where I used to work.

Anyway, this is about distractions. We used to open at 5:30pm and it never got busy until about 7pm, and then it tailed off at about 10pm. As we were mostly all there from 5pm to midnight this afforded us a lot of spare time.

So we used to play a game involving processed cheese slices. The nastiest cheapest kind available that came in packs of a hundred and basically contained only hormones and a patented chemical cheese smell. This also used to make it extremely sticky. We all tooled up by placing slices of cheese in each hand and then going up behind someone and mashing the cheese into their faces. Tension was always high in the kitchen. The waiters and waitresses used to come in and sidle along the side of the walls to come and collect the plated food as they didn’t have any access to the raw ammunition. People used to pop through the serving hatch set in the wall unexpectedly cheesed up and smeared them right in the mush.

A waiter got revenge by removing a slice of cheese from an outgoing cyst burger and forcing it into the ear of a passing cook. Oh how we laughed. Then we narrowed our eyes to become focussed predatory cheese hunters again.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:04, 4 replies)

Have a click
for the Bladerunner ref. Hormones in cheese? Did anyone grow breasts?
( SpankyHanky, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:47, closed)

Excellent descriptions and quote
especially the bit about the cheese slices

*click*
( chart cat has an itch, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 11:27, closed)

quote...
"I've seen things you people would believe. Newspapers on fire on the shoulder of the road. I've watched head-lights glitter in the dark when it's getting late. All those moments deserve to be lost in time like tears in rain. Time to lie."
(haberman is singing in the changes, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 14:44, closed)

Bladerunner.
I cried at that part.

Have a click.

Also because I lolled at the phrase 'cheesed up'.
(Angry Beaver, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 18:21, closed)