My job is pretty busy at the moment
And so I don't have a lot of time to get bored, even if the task in hand is less than riveting.

Mini rant ahead.

Today, however, was a lesson in abject cuntfuckery from everyone I had dealings with and resulted in me doing, on balance, precisely fuck all despite having a full diary for the day.

Now, this afternoon, I was scheduled to conduct an inspection on a project that finished some time ago. This is part of a programme that my organisation had absolutely nothing to do with the running of, but because of changes in the way European funding is delivered, we now have an obligation to look after the 'legacy' work, as well as managing a completely new programme. The new programme is what I am employed to do.

I had been booked in to do this visit before Christmas but when I got there the only two people in the organisation that could help me were off because of a bereavement and man flu, respectively. So I duly rearranged it for today like the diligent little government monkey that I am. I was secretly relieved because it happened to be my birthday and the prospect of pouring over European files looking for financial anomolies did not really appeal at the time. Plus, I'm not an auditor, nor an accountant, so this sort of stuff leaves leaves me about as excited as a eunuch at an orgy.

Knowing that my diary for next week is booked solid, I thought I'd utilise my government-sponsored laptop for the first time. My logic being that instead of hand writing the report and then typing it up next week, it made sense to type it up there and then. Pretty bloody forward thinking, eh? And so, I lugged the laptop into work this morning and switched it on in order to check it was working OK.

First problem - having never actually used it in the 4 months I have had it, I was faced with a password request. OK; quick call to the helpdesk, and I'm in. Until I find myself faced with a username and password request for windows. I try my usual, and unsurprisingly, it doesn't work. Another call the the helpdesk, and they ask me to create a new password so they can change it - now we're cooking.

Except it still doesn't work. I'll try shutting down and starting again.

Nope. Nowt.

Another call to helpdesk. "Try it again, it should be sorted".

Still nothing.

Half an hour later I get a sheepish phone call from the helpdesk. Because I work remotely, I am not connected to the office system, therefore to use the laptop I have to go back to the home office and connect from there, after which I will be able to use the laptop with gay abandon. Fucking IT experts, eh? Oh well, revert to plan B, hand write the report for the inspection and type it up when I get back. And so off I troop into Newcastle. I arrive early, as is my wont, loiter with intent for a bit, have a fag, and then make my way to see the people who can fill me in.

However, on beginning the discussion it became apparent that they thought I was there to inspect a completely different project, despite my having stated exactly what I was looking to check and why. No matter, they should be able to get the relevant financial data from the archives.

Except they can't. "We can hunt it out and send it through to you on Monday via email", they offer, helpfully. I agree that this is probably the best course of action, inwardly cursing the realisation that my already overflowing diary for next week is going to get further compromised by the fact that the work I should have had completed today is actually going to take up probably another day next week. And therefore push the projects that I am supposed to be appraising back even further. And I'm out of the office for two days next week, plus have been summoned back to base because a bigwig from Defra is visiting on Friday.

I do love my job. I just wish that sometimes I actually had the fucking time to do it. I don't mind doing nothing if it's a constructive nothing, like cocking around here, looking for wedding coats or checking Have Your Say for the latest misinformed and borderline racist/homophobic rant by Ken from Brighton. At least I get some work done in between the random idling. But today, I spent over 7 hours trying to do specific tasks, and failing miserably in the process.

Remember folks - it's your (and mine, really) taxes that pay for this sort of shit.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 9 Jan 2009, 19:42, 3 replies)

Oh dear...
...your experience sounds worryingly like the IT desk I used to work on. *ducks*.

Who provides your IT?
(Musuko, Mon 12 Jan 2009, 19:08, closed)

Do you know...
I'm not sure. And I don't really care either.

Generally they're OK, but sometimes, just sometimes, they fail spectactularly...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 12 Jan 2009, 23:00, closed)

Ahh....er....
I suspect I *am* one of those 'fucking IT experts'...mebbe....

do any of the following senseless acronyms mean anything to you?

WEFO? PPIMS? ERDMS?

*fingers crossed that I'm wrong*
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 9:06, closed)