the workplace ninja cares not for these things
soo.. more from the bike shop days
this, being a place unburdened with the cares of the internet and so on, gave life to some of the more... well, for want of a better word, creative fuckarsing.

highlights probably include the time we made ninja stars from old disc brake rotors (these are fuckin VICIOUS... weighty, hardened steel, will stick into metal panelling) and a throwing spear from shelf brackets and a mop pole, and spent the afternoon decimating bike boxes with them.

then there was the 'creative sleeping' which essentially involved taking some bubblewrap, clambering up the shelving units in the back, and falling asleep behind some boxes, OR disguised AS a box. this only worked if you trusted your coworkers to a: not rat you out, and b: remember you're there so you don't wake up at midnight in a locked store.

the tannoy system, was a boon. as was the 'stewie from family guy' speaking keyring...
i remember one time, i glibly passed the buck to a colleague to deal with an enraged, militant lesbian (probably) he's spent fiteen-twenty minutes straight being harangued, having his intelligence, looks, workmanship, lineage, and height assaulted, he's about fit to explode... the woman leaves, is halfway down the stairs, and i grab the phone, press the tannoy buttin, and jab a button on the talking keyring at random, as was the norm- and what plays? 'DAMN YOU VILE WOMAN!!' cue militant lezzer doing an about turn and storming back up the stairs, apoplectic with rage.. my mate was NOT happy.

we also mastered the art of customer baiting. this took on some odd twists.. the 'two word limit' one- whatever they ask, you have a two word max response. or the 'zone out' where you start explaining something, then go vacant and space out, with points for length of embarassed silence. i managed over a minute once, the guy was just looking at me quizzically.. :D

we also rigged a bike to self-destruct once the front brake was pulled, and left it locked outside with a shitty cheap lock. mainly because we were so sick of catching flak from higher up because crackheads were robbing us blind. it was quite funny watching the dude wobble off, off his tits, wobble, brake, bike suddenl;y becomes one wheel and a set fo forks lighter, and the guy slides down a muddy embankment on his face. evil? yeah.

apologies for length,. but admit it, you want to touch it.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Mon 12 Jan 2009, 9:31, 1 reply)

Bicycle Thieves
Are scum.

Have a click.
(Capo, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 5:41, closed)