the worst......ever
My worst journey by far, and there have been many during this period, was when I worked as a ticket inspector on the trains. I only lasted two months on the job and this is the story of my final night. I’d had enough abuse at this point from kids calling me “Rozzer” to old ladies telling me to “Catch some real criminals”. WTF! I check tickets, I’m not a police man. This last bloke took the cherry though.

It was a miserable day and I was on the London to Manchester, on a Friday night. Not too bad when the day starts but as the night progresses you get all the scum coming out and heading to the cities for promises of booze and fighting. The chavs are bad enough, but the real nasty pieces of work are the business men who think they so much better then you.

Which brings me nicely to the point. I was busily doing the rounds on the train, which was absolutely heaving with bodies. Loads of commuters coming out of London all squished in like sardines. It was taking ages to check all the tickets, collect the unpaid fares and generally being worn down by the sneers and the attitude. I knew I only had to get past this carriage and I was left with the food and 1st class.

Finally I make it to 1st class and there’s this little fat man (obviously pissed) and stuffing his face with food. Before I’ve even spoken he’s told me to *uck off and then rants about he had a ticket but he’s not going to show me. To cut a long story short, we had a bit of a row (i.e. he slung insults at me, I only wanted to see his ticket). It was getting boring so I threatened him with the old “I’ll have to get the transport police” line. To my utter amazement he wanted to get arrested. He literally begged me to call the cops. Then he babbled on about the press and going to court.

I had enough so walked off and avoided him for the rest of the journey. When we finally pull into Manchester I can see him still sitting on the train. I bugger off far a quick fag before starting the return journey and I spot him marching towards me. Again he demands to be arrested but I just can’t be bothered with this so I tell him that I’ve spoken to the Station Manager and decided he can go. He turns and shouts to me that me and my company are a bunch of gutless wonders!!! Since when did I own a train company??

I’m left standing speechless when the station manager actually does come over. “Did you upset him or something?” he asks. I calmly take off my cap, hand him my ticket dispenser and change pouch, and said “*uck this. I quit!” Then I hopped onto a train and headed home.

No apologies for length, I never got one!
(plant rolls out of bed like a fat wobbly tub of lard, Thu 7 Sep 2006, 17:42, Reply)