I knew we should have walked
Bound for Spain for a week of hedonism on something like Sleazyjet before it was invented. Boarded the plane to find our seats were directly in front of a group of dangerously refreshed Scousers one of whom had a frigging guitar. Fantastic! Two hours of musical comedy from this bunch of tossers. Sure enough the poor cow who was doing the “if we crash you’re fucked speech” was heckled with witty one liners like “please extinguish your drinks” and couldn’t get sat down quick enough. It was going to be a long flight.

A bit into the flight just as I was wondering how many of them I’d have to kill to make a jail sentence worthwhile (I decided on 5) there’s a tug on my sleeve and my mate points to floor level smoke working it’s way down the plane towards the pointy end. Cue frantic attempts to get stewardess’ attention to point out a very bad thing without sending the plane into a Airplane movie style frenzy. Stewardess spots it before we get chance to tell her. Runs to the back and then to the front, presumably to tell the driver. We’re quite worried as are those around us but at least it’s shut the Scousers up.

Captain informs us that there is a “technical issue” with the plane and we are going to make an “unscheduled stop”. Plane returns groundwards at a speed akin to an anvil being dropped out of a window. We land at a Portugese military base who were really pleased to see us and remain there for the next 20 hours with fuck all to do apart from be stared at by swarthy looking psychos with uniforms and automatic weapons.

Eventually another plane comes to pick us up and it turns out that the smoke was because someone burnt the lunch in one of the ovens!! I still hold the Scousers responsible and have never been to Spain since. Or Liverpool for that matter. Nothing to do with the plane fire just one of those things.

Apologies for the length but I am rather excited and pleased to see you.
(Opus_O_Rama, Fri 8 Sep 2006, 15:06, Reply)