Stalker meets stalker
One day a couple of years ago Stalker Boy and I were on the train to Birmingham, which is about half an hour away from where I currently live (in three weeks this will no longer be the case, woo). I went out onto the platform while Mr Transport (he's a travel geek but too much of a snob to take a Leisure & Tourism course) got our tickets. Out on the platform nearby to me is a man on his own, who comes over and announces in a comedy Brummie accent "Cold today, isn't it? I would have worn a jacket but it wouldn't go with my trousers..." "I see."

After a while the comparatively normal Stalker Boy appears. Mr Brummie shows slightly more interest in us, and suddenly announces "I know what you're looking at, mate!" "..." "We're WEARING THE SAME SHOES!" Fortunately at this moment the train arrives. We get on, followed by Mr Brummie and wander to a table, where a random student is sitting on his own. Mr Brummie also sits down opposite us and proceeds to kick Stalker Boy's feet under the table and tell the student over and over that they're wearing the same shoes. It is at this moment I notice the smell of vodka.

At one point he gets up to go to the pissoir, and the student asks "Do you know that guy?" "Er, no, he sort of latched on to us at Nuneaton and wouldn't go away."

On his return Mr Brummie tells us the heart-wrenching story of how he lost his job because 'I wanted to take the company in one direction, they wanted to take it in another and they kicked me out...', and how as a result his wife left him and he was going to get revenge on his former employers 'it'd be worth going to prison for', presumably involving flaming death and explosions.

And then the train stops about halfway to New Street, for no apparent reason. Which adds another ten minutes to my stalker hell from all angles. (The student went to sleep on his enormous rucksack.)

After him, a day with Stalker Boy was a picnic. Even if he did try to get me to buy clothes from Marks and Spencers designed for 40-year-olds (I was 17 at the time) because they were 'classy' and 'elegant', and give me his usual annoying speeches about forgiveness and how I shouldn't EVER have sex. And if you were the guy with the rucksack, I'm so sorry you had to put up with them.
( Maladicta, Sat 9 Sep 2006, 14:16, Reply)