Righty.
I apologise now for crudeness.

This was a while ago now. Got back from a night at the local Labour club (yes, they're amazing places to pick up chicks) and went back to the house of a girl I've known quite a while. I'd always wanted some slap and slap with her, so when we got upstairs I'm hearing the word "jackpot" in the back of my mind.

So, we're having a bit of pre-sexing fun and then the time comes for action. We start off and then all of sudden 'down there' feels a bit juicy. I look down to see Red. So, what do I do? Ask her if she's on (yeah, stupid I know). Her reply was no. It turns out that i'm spouting claret out the end of my spam dagger. AND A LOT OF IT.

Having pretty much ruined her matress with what looked like a shooting, I now had to get home, using a towel to contain the bleeding. So, i'm in a taxi, with a towel down my pants and my trousers have blood on them. Whatever the taxi driver must have thought i'll never know.

I finally make it home with a towel that has now been transformed from a nice small floral design into the equivalent of an elephants lady towel. Finally, the bleeding stops. I have a wash, get changed and go to sleep.

Only to be awoken by my dad, who thinks I've tried to kill myself (genuinely) after seeing a towel covered in more blood than the floor at a PMS meeting.

Needless to say, we haven't sexed since.
( Kavanagh thinks that -6C is warm, Fri 15 Jun 2007, 16:59, Reply)