and another scarring episode
oh god i'm getting a crushing, squeezing chest pain and shooting pains up and down my left arm remembering this episode.

winter olympics 2000. we're all drunk and back at my friend's house at about 2am gossiping and drinking. gbr were skiing at 5am and for some reason we decided to stay up and watch it. naturally by about 4am we were all flat out. or most of us were. i was asleep on the sofa with my gay mate thomas. two more friends were crashed out on the other sofa. and the final two, rebecca and andrew, were lying under a sleeping bag on the lounge floor. now, we've all known each other since we were 11 and none of us have ever pulled each other. steve has a long-term girlfriend, thomas is gay, andrew is very short and something of a sexpest.

so imagine my horror and shock at being woken up by a grunt like two pigs reaching simultaneous orgasm. as i opened my eyes, i saw straight down the sleeping bag and saw rebecca and andrew fingering each other. he looked very happy and up for it. she was pulling his hand away and with good reason; he looked like a child trying to rub out a mistake in a maths book.

oh god. my eyes were bleeding. i slammed them shut and panicked silently. i couldn't move because then they would know i was awake. and thomas was lying on me. it would wake him and possibly sam and steve on the other sofa. shit. shit.

i squeezed my eyes shut and stuffed my fingers right inside in my ears. encountered a bit of brain. carried on pushing. but i could still hear them. it was fucking disgusting. then suddenly the sounds and scarring images were the least of my worries. one of them had grabbed my ankle and was squeezing it in time with heavy breathing and getting more and more excited. the squeezing got harder and harder and more and more rhythmic, then spasmodic. finally the hand clutched my ankle and then slowly, dreamily, fell away.

then andrew got up, clutching the sleeping bag around his waist, and went to the toilet. this woke everyone else up and i said palely that i was going home. rebecca wanted to come with me and i couldn't say anything to dissuade her. to this day she has no idea i witnessed that.

if only it stopped there.

the next day, i was desperate to tell sam. but strangely, she rang me first thing to say we HAD to talk. odd. we met in starbucks. i said i had to go first as it was killing me. but the more i spoke, the madder sam looked. by the time i told her about the ankle shuddering climax, there was steam coming out of her ears.

turned out that after we left, thomas the caring host packed sam, andrew and the other guy steve off to the spare room. sam was in the middle and was lying on her side, her back to andrew. she was flat out when she was awoken by exploratory fingers sliding inside her tracksuit bottoms.

because sam didn't know he'd just pulled rebecca, her first thought was almost sympathetic. "ugh ugh but he's just drunk and if i wake steve then poor andrew will be really embarrassed," was what she thought. i would have thought, dirty fucking molesting bastard, but there you are.

instead, she hissed, "what do you think you are DOING?" to which andrew hissed back, "sssssh. it's allll-right." like some kind of paedophile uncle. sam reiterated firmly that it was very much not alright, but andrew persisted and managed to push his hand right into happy valley before she eventually made it clear that he was to fuck right off.

of course, when i told her what he'd been doing 5 minutes earlier, she wished she had screamed and then smashed something on his head. when i pointed out that i really hoped he had washed his hands between assaults, she actually heaved.

we don't really see andrew very much any more...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 17 Jun 2007, 11:35, Reply)