Bad. Just bad.
I pulled a fat fifteen pinter of a barmaid a couple of years ago on holiday. You should have saw the look of happiness on her face. This girl clearly didn't get much action. I on the other hand, had to take it, as my mate had blagged the fitter one who was working with her (and I wasn't going home empty handed, so to speak) so I made my moves while waiting until the end of her shift while she served me more beer and I'll be honest, it wasn't hard to pull. I just said "Coming back to mine?" and it was like "Okay..." (by the way, that line has worked for me since, back home as well. Co-incidentally, with another fat barmaid!!!! Unbelievable, yet true.) Tried not to make eye contact with anyone on the way back to my hotel out of embarassment.

Gets back to my room, and before I went on this particular ride, I threw a "safety belt" on, as it would be just my luck to have to pay child support to a fat bird for the next twenty years. Didn't tell this girl my real name anyway but that's beside the point.

So only me could throw a condom on inside out!!! After a few of my moves, I was feeling a burning sensation. Words immediately going through my head were; broke, snapped, AIDS, FUCK!!!

Didn't know what was happening to me. This was wrong. Wrong all over. I had to pull out.

After finally realising what I had done after a thorough examination and checking there was no blood or snappage, I couldn't be arsed going through with it after that. She wanted to carry on. Told her I couldn't, and that it wasn't going to happen.

So as I'm lying there, she only leans over and puts my testicles in her mouth, thinking that I would like it and that it would be "sexy". A big fucking fat no. No, no, NO!!! That's not what they're for, don't touch them, in fact get them out of your mouth, stop sucking and "JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM PLEASE..."

Was all okay and working by the next night, with the much thinner and more attractive girl I managed to blag. More than once as well as I recall.
(jaymierobber, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 18:18, Reply)