real faceslap moment over pool
many years ago, on holiday with my family, my sister and i decided to have a game of pool. i'd only learned how to play it the day before, but i wasn't too bad at it.
now, being left-handed(or cack-handed, as my mother calls it), i hold the cue differently to my right-handed siblings. this wasn't bothering me or spoiling my game. in fact, i was actually winning.
suddenly, my arse of a brother turns up. "you're doing it wrong, you fat spaz!" he yells, trying to snatch the cue off me. "fuck off!" i retorted, "i'm winning!" undeterred, he continued to wrestle the cue off me.
there now follows two accounts of what happened next:

MY VERSION a.k.a the truth.
after finally wrestling the cue from my pudgy mitt, my evil-tempered hellspawn of a brother hit me in the side of the head with it, missing my eye by less than half a centimetre. much pain ensued.

MY BROTHER'S VERSION a.k.a bollocks
"honest, mum, i was trying to help her, but she wouldn't let go of the cue. i could see it bendsing, so i let it go and it sprang back and hit her in the face!" despite the fact that the positioning of the marks on my face and head clearly showed that i'd been whacked side-on, not hit by a backfiring cue, my parents decided to accept the bullshit version entirely. i spent the rest of the holiday with a black eye and red tramlines up the side of my head.
doing it wrong or not, i'd never ask for his help.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 18:45, Reply)