how to paint a bathroom the wrong way
four years ago, i was told by the council that my lovely little shithole was unsafe to live in and that they would be moving me to a new, much better home and giving me a large sum of money for my troubles.
as i now had a bit of cash, i decided that i would do this new place up the way i had always wanted, with no secondhand furniture, no cheap wallpaper, no making do.
the furniture was easy. it's amazing what you can get from ikea for a little over £300. the decorating, however, i decided to leave to my sister. she was skint at the time so, despite the fact that i am quite capable of decorating for myself, i decided to let her do it for a bit of cash.
i'd got some very nice paint for the bathroom, specially designed for coping with steaminess and such crap. i handed the tin and brushes to my sister and left her to it.
after about half an hour, i could hear muttered cursing from the bathroom. my sister emerged and headed for the kitchen, where she grabbed one of those green pan scourers. assuming that she had got paint on the floor or door and was using the scourer to get it off, i thought no more about it.
ten minutes later, i heard a rhythmic scraping sound coming from the bathroom. curious to see what the noise was, i went in, to find my sister applying paint to the wall with the scourer.
"what the fuck are you doing?" i demanded. "don't blame me, it's your paint!" she complained. "the brush won't put it on the wall properly!"
she'd globbed almost half a tin onto one wall, seemingly in an attempt to get it to stick.
after telling her to fuck off, i painted the rest of the bathroom - and the flat - myself. the brush worked just fine and, to this day, i have no idea what the fuck she was doing to make things go so badly wrong.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 0:28, Reply)