Lightly baste your pea with duck fat, turning every so often until cooked through.
Emacs, the god of all text editors, comes with this plugin caled "Dr. Fill". You talk to it and it attempts to psychoanalyze you, with predictable results.

The following is the result of a combination of puerile infantilism and cold logic (the program talks, then TT, and so forth):

I am the psychotherapist. Please, describe your problems. Each time
you are finished talking, type RET twice.
-hi. my bumhole hurts
Maybe you should consult a medical doctor; I am a psychotherapist. .
-no, the bumhole in my forehead
Why do you say the bumhole in your forehead?
-cos it hurts
Perhaps you should consult a medical doctor; I am a psychotherapist.
-ok, changing the subject: im emo
Is it because of your plans that you say you are emo?
-what plans
Maybe your life have something to do with this.
-check your grammar
What makes you believe check my grammar?
-your balls, is what
Can you elaborate on that?
-testicles
I would appreciate it if you would continue.
-my testicles are swinging
Is it because of the people you hang around with that you say your
testicles are swinging?
-yes. they jiggle my balls and make them swing
Is it because of problems at school that you are going through all
this?
-yes. my friends at school also used to thump my balls around. it made
fapping a bit difficult
Tell me about your school.
-we used to fap a lot. oh, and jiggle each others' testicles
Are you sure that that?
-yes, i am sure that that
Go on, don't be afraid.
-i am thinking that you are a dirty old man and need to be sterilised
Is it because I am a dirty old man and need to be sterilised that you
came to me?
-yes. i want you to stroke my bumhole and stop it from hurting because
you are a dirty old man
Does it bother you that I am a dirty old man?
-not at all. i love it. it means that you will jiggle my balls and
stroke my bumhole
When did you first know that I will jiggle your balls and stroke your
bumhole?
-when you pooed on my forehead. that's normally a good indicator
What do you think?
-it was tasty
Earlier you said I am a dirty old man and need to be sterilised?
-yes. the argument stands
How do you reconcile any hobbies you have?
-by sticking my cock in them. normally, cake is involved
Are you afraid of sex?
-no. only sex with chips. the oil makes my shlong blister
Talk about something about your sexual history.
-this one time, i fucked a plate of chips and got blisters on my wang,
it made screwing the rubber giraffe impossible for a few days
Perhaps you could discuss your sex life...
-i take my pleasure from foodstuffs, rubber animals and pictures of
janet jackson with a dong photoshopped onto her forehead. also, i love
it when dirty old men poo on me
What happened when dirty old men poo on you?
-i jizzed on their faces
Do you really think you jizzed on their faces?
-yes. the white streaks of spaff were fairly telling evidence
You mentioned that I am a dirty old man?
-yes. you are.
Perhaps this has something to do with your sex life?
-we've already covered this...
Is it because of hangups you have that you say we've already covered
this?
-yes
I see... Well, what makes you think this is so?
-goodbye. you've been supremely unhelpful
My secretary will send you a bill.
-fuck her. i pooed on her face.
/cock
EDITED for line breaks...
(Tiktock Beating off flamers with a shitty stick, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:21, 2 replies)

I love line breaks

(PsychoChomp, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:34, closed)

Fail much?

(Tiktock Beating off flamers with a shitty stick, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:42, closed)

Nice one, now show us your tits
/ac
( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 15:11, closed)