golddust just reminded me
of a very embarrassing microwave incident involving cider, underwear and a sleeping bag.

whilst babysitting one night, many years ago, a friend of mine called to keep me company. she'd also brought a large bottle of scrumpy to keep us company, too. now, being a responsible(yeah, right) babysitter, i'd set myself a 2-drink limit. being a teenager, however, these drinks were served in pint glasses. it was a warm night, so the first pint was downed very quickly and hit my bladder just as quickly. as i stood up to go and relieve myself, my friend michelle said "what do you think of my new perfume?" and sprayed me in the face with the damn stuff.
i sneezed, hard.
my bladder, already on a hair-trigger, couldn't hold on any longer and i proceded to piss my pants.
after she'd stopped laughing, michelle offered to run round to my house and pick me up some clean underwear and leggings. unfortunately, it being a saturday night, nobody was home. i didn't have a key, either, so we decided the best thing to do would be to wash my knickers and leggings in the sink, then dry them in the microwave.
oh, how i wish the woman i was babysitting for had had a drier.
within about 30 seconds of putting my clothes in the microwave, the house was filled with an horrendous burning smell. rushing to the kitchen, i was just in time to rescue the legs of my leggings, as the gusset and top part melted, along with my knickers.
it was at this point that michelle decided it was time for her to go home, the bitch.
when diane, who i was babysitting for, finally arrived home, it was to find me sitting in a sleeping bag and feeling very sorry for myself. as she was much thinner than me back then and had no clothes to lend me that would fit, i had to hop home in that fucking sleeping bag. when my mum opened the door, she took one look at me and said "i don't even want to know."

length? right down my fucking leg.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 18:32, Reply)