Amateur
You're supposed to deposit a turd in a filing cabinet and hide the keys.
( Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 23:14, archived)

Does wanking onto his office door handle count?

( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 23:15, archived)

Wipe it all over the teaspoons

( Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Mon 1 Jun 2009, 23:18, archived)