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So. Today...
Darren from Hollyoaks presented my daughter Tegan with the 2nd place award in a local bonny baby competition.

Have any Z-list celebrities awarded your progeny with anything today?
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 20 Jun 2009, 20:21, archived)
The sheer idea that humans are able to reproduce at whim is revolting enough
let alone giving them awards.

"Your DNA managed, eventually, after 9 months glooping around under your mum's navel, to make a face, to which I shall give this rosette and book-token in recognition of your incredible achievement."
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 20 Jun 2009, 20:23, archived)
It was a rosette and 15 quid.
Actually...
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 20 Jun 2009, 20:26, archived)
Fuck's sake, man.
I'll give you twenty quid if you'll stop whoring out the cherub fucking face of an ignorant child. This isn't the fucking USA.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 20 Jun 2009, 20:27, archived)
I was actually 50 miles away.
My mum took her. Though I'll admit she is in the local papers one too. But more for the professional photos deal than the competition itself.
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 20 Jun 2009, 20:28, archived)
What do you want from this? Pride? Admiration? The envy of other parents?
Recognition that despite your obvious failings as a human you've managed to form an independantly-breathing organism using little more than the starchy waste the rest of us wipe onto an old sock of an evening? Well done. She's very fuckable. Is that what you wanted to hear?
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 20 Jun 2009, 20:30, archived)
Isn't it a bit sick competing for least mong-looking mong?

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 20 Jun 2009, 20:24, archived)
Got to give them some hope in life.

(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 20 Jun 2009, 20:25, archived)
She came second, even though she was the only one to enter :(

(__, Sat 20 Jun 2009, 20:25, archived)
Yes, well you're not funny and have a massive face.

(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 20 Jun 2009, 20:26, archived)
Well that's crossing a line

(__, Sat 20 Jun 2009, 20:28, archived)
You started it.
*stomps feet*
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 20 Jun 2009, 20:28, archived)
Tsk
Oh Maffers.

:(

Lots on my mind. Grargh.
(__, Sat 20 Jun 2009, 20:30, archived)
FUCKING WHO GIVES A SHIT?

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 20 Jun 2009, 20:31, archived)
Hush up, you girl's dick.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 20 Jun 2009, 20:32, archived)
Your mum has a MASSIVE wang.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 20 Jun 2009, 20:33, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/4710218
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 20 Jun 2009, 20:34, archived)
A massive WRINKLY wang.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 20 Jun 2009, 20:35, archived)
PHWOAR!

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 20 Jun 2009, 20:35, archived)
this made me belly-laugh

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 20 Jun 2009, 20:35, archived)