I have to confess, I have been thinking about stealing one of your hats over the years.
So you'd have to become Hat Solo.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Thu 19 Sep 2024, 15:23, archived)

Write to fesshole.
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Thu 19 Sep 2024, 15:24, archived)

No, that's for made up stories, this is real.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Thu 19 Sep 2024, 15:26, archived)

Dear fesshole, one time my stepmother got trapped under a table and her skirt fell off and my trousers fell down and I tripped on a bar of soap. Anyway it's all completely true.
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Thu 19 Sep 2024, 15:29, archived)