I used to work in a factory making Dracula figures. It was hectic work; just me and one other guy on the production line.

I had to make every second count.
goodnight
Did you see that film about the unrepentant cannibal misogynist?
Gladiator.
proper goodnight
my neighbour gave me some nitrous oxide mixed with Oxo cubes, he's made me a laughing stock
proper proper goodnight
Have you swallowed a joke book?
Yes call me an ambulance
You're an ambulance 🚑
Thanks. You didn't disappoint.
Obviously.
Thanks for that brother. I was a bit mizog today, until that x
The jumper I got for Christmas kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back to the shop and exchanged it for another one free of charge.
i've got one more if you want it them i sleep
Yes, please
remember that bloke who tried to bomb Glasgow airport?
He was a right prick in hospital, kept complaining that all they were giving him to eat was haggis, neeps, and tatties.

Well he was in the Burns unit!!
Was he a foreigner?
yeah burns was scottish m8
Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock.
Who's there?
A spider with an erection.
I class myself as brown British
Wot?
Who's there?
I've been hospitalised following a peekaboo accident.
I'm in the ICU.
Looks horrific!
I haven't been able to stop singing old songs, first it was Frank Sinatra, then it was Andy Williams, then it was Tony Bennett, then it was Dean Martin, then it was Johnny Mathis. Weird, I went to see my doctor, he reckons I've got that croonervirus.
What kind of music do wind turbines enjoy?
They're big metal fans!!
Finally, a qwack with his/her head screwed on straight. That's what you're suffering from!
Magnetic, You
Why is it bad luck to be standing behind Satan in the queue at the post office?
Because the devil takes many forms!
Be Jesus! I never knew that
I got in trouble last night for loudly singing Englebert Humperdinck songs in the street.
But the police released me and let me go.
( MiseryCunt you cannot be sirious, Tue 24 Feb 2026, 21:15, archived)