Profile for chewbakayoko:
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- a member for 20 years, 11 months and 17 days
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» My Wanking Disasters
At boarding school
some bloke was having a shuffle, and ended up bursting a blood vessel in his bell-end. He then had to run all the way up to the nurses office (at about 1 in the morning) dressed in nothing but a dressing gown and a large beach towel wrapped around his nob, which was drenched with blood. However, he was a fairly short bloke, and he lost quite a lot of blood, so while he was waiting for the nurse to get dressed and come to the door, he fainted on the doorstep.
Cue the nurse opening the door to find an unconscious student wearing only a dressing gown and clutching a towel soaked with blood, with his mangled, bloody cock staring her in the face.
(Wed 2nd Jun 2004, 14:02, More)
At boarding school
some bloke was having a shuffle, and ended up bursting a blood vessel in his bell-end. He then had to run all the way up to the nurses office (at about 1 in the morning) dressed in nothing but a dressing gown and a large beach towel wrapped around his nob, which was drenched with blood. However, he was a fairly short bloke, and he lost quite a lot of blood, so while he was waiting for the nurse to get dressed and come to the door, he fainted on the doorstep.
Cue the nurse opening the door to find an unconscious student wearing only a dressing gown and clutching a towel soaked with blood, with his mangled, bloody cock staring her in the face.
(Wed 2nd Jun 2004, 14:02, More)
» World's Sickest Joke
what's black
and screaming?
stevie wonder answering the iron
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 16:21, More)
what's black
and screaming?
stevie wonder answering the iron
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 16:21, More)
» Foot in Mouth Syndrome
A long time ago
1) I called a teacher at school "dad" by mistake.
I'm still waiting for the ground to swallow me up.
2) Some bloke I was at school with had an unfortunate birthmark that looked like a large brown mess on his knee. This chap was quite sensitive about this and everything else you could possibly think of, so naturally he was a bit fragile. One day after games, evrybody was going through the showers to clean themselves up, and a pervy PE teacher was hanging around, to make sure that veryone had cleaned up properly. When the bloke with the birthmark came out, the teacher saw his birthmark and screamed "What the fuck are you playing at *****?! Get back in the fucking showers, and wipe that fucking shit off your knee, you dirty little bastard!" No-one was that embarassed, but it was quite funny and we didn't really like him very much.
(Wed 21st Apr 2004, 10:50, More)
A long time ago
1) I called a teacher at school "dad" by mistake.
I'm still waiting for the ground to swallow me up.
2) Some bloke I was at school with had an unfortunate birthmark that looked like a large brown mess on his knee. This chap was quite sensitive about this and everything else you could possibly think of, so naturally he was a bit fragile. One day after games, evrybody was going through the showers to clean themselves up, and a pervy PE teacher was hanging around, to make sure that veryone had cleaned up properly. When the bloke with the birthmark came out, the teacher saw his birthmark and screamed "What the fuck are you playing at *****?! Get back in the fucking showers, and wipe that fucking shit off your knee, you dirty little bastard!" No-one was that embarassed, but it was quite funny and we didn't really like him very much.
(Wed 21st Apr 2004, 10:50, More)
» Pet Names
I used to have a black gerbil called Desmond
after the Channel4 sitcom about a jamaican guy in Peckham. Unfortunately Desmond had to share a cage with Mikey (after Michaelangelo the turtle, not the artist) who happened to be gay. Desmond was repeatedly raped for about 5 years, until his cellmate passed away.
(Wed 25th Feb 2004, 15:00, More)
I used to have a black gerbil called Desmond
after the Channel4 sitcom about a jamaican guy in Peckham. Unfortunately Desmond had to share a cage with Mikey (after Michaelangelo the turtle, not the artist) who happened to be gay. Desmond was repeatedly raped for about 5 years, until his cellmate passed away.
(Wed 25th Feb 2004, 15:00, More)
» Things you've done when you've had no money.
while at university
i never had enough money for cigarettes. however, i found out that if you bought a pack of fags from a shop and later discovered that the pack was damaged (and so the contents would naturally be less than satisfactory), you could take your 'dodgy' pack of fags back, and get a refund, having smoked 1 or 2. this led to the odd week of marching all over london, going into different newsagents to buy cigarettes, then returning 1/2 an hour later to demand a refund. normally a pin through the underside of the packet does the trick, as you can then claim that they're stale.
(Fri 8th Oct 2004, 12:27, More)
while at university
i never had enough money for cigarettes. however, i found out that if you bought a pack of fags from a shop and later discovered that the pack was damaged (and so the contents would naturally be less than satisfactory), you could take your 'dodgy' pack of fags back, and get a refund, having smoked 1 or 2. this led to the odd week of marching all over london, going into different newsagents to buy cigarettes, then returning 1/2 an hour later to demand a refund. normally a pin through the underside of the packet does the trick, as you can then claim that they're stale.
(Fri 8th Oct 2004, 12:27, More)