b3ta.com user Fetid Cheese
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I am currently suffering from a form post traumatic premature seasonal disorder as I am doing the Christmas buying for my company.

Next month: Easter 2005!

And for my mighty yawp!

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Skulking on the hotel lobby, wielding a meaty axe, cometh Fetid Cheese! And he gives an ominous howl:

"Hail the blood-letting! Skulls will be fucked for Satan!!"

Find out!
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created by beatings : powered by monkeys




Just tried the Grammer Quiz!
Master!
You are a MASTER of the English language!


While your English is not exactly perfect,
you are still more grammatically correct than
just about every American. Still, there is
always room for improvement...


How grammatically sound are you?
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» Your Revenge Stories

A mate's girlfriend was attacked by a bloke ...
but there wasn't enough evidence to get the police involved. So, we decided to take the law in to our own hands.

He had a nice new car and being a chemistry student at the time I picked up some bits and pieces from the lab. I placed some iron filings and granulated aluminium on the bonnet of his car. Put in a magnesium ribbon for a fuse and lit it.

The reaction of the two metals is used to fuse rail tracks together and any metal it comes into contact with adds to the reaction.

The outcome of the 'experiment' was a hole (about 6in in diameter) in his bonnet which went through his engine block, through the tarmac and about 8 inches into the earth below.

That was my small contribution to a campaign of revenge that lasted for years.
(Fri 14th May 2004, 11:46, More)

» Shit Stories

As a student in Manchester ...
we were playing 5-a-side footie in a park in Moss Side when my house mate went up for a scissor kick, hit the ball into the back of the net and then walked off the pitch and left (leaving his bag and coat).

About an hour later I returned back to the house to find him there. What happened was as he went for the kick he farted, followed through and thought it best to leave (half mile walk to house). Unfortunately, he left his bag and coat which had house keys in so had to climb in a window - got stuck had to take trousers off leaving a slug trail of poo down the window for all to see!
(sorry for length)
(Thu 6th May 2004, 14:35, More)

» Shit Stories

A sales rep i once worked with ...
had traded some samples for some sugar free sweets from another rep. On a particularly long journey he had consumed several packets of the confectionery delight (loaded with xylitol). However push came to shove when stuck in a traffic jam on the M25 as he had to shit himself in his car seat, completely unaware of the laxative effects of xylitol!

Ah, how we laughed! He joined a new company shortly afterwards....
(Thu 6th May 2004, 14:48, More)

» Best Comebacks

Smoking
I often get harassed for being a smoker. However, when being told by some particularly interfering old biddy that 'smoking will kill you!'my mate happily told her that 'Non-smokers die every day to!'.
(Thu 29th Apr 2004, 16:13, More)