b3ta.com user waxdart
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Back when I used to try, I once got an FP.Well done me!

I've put as much effort into this as the weekly news letter they do here. :)

Recent front page messages:

I colour in so I don't need to spell

(Tue 17th Apr 2007, 18:45, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Restaurants, Kitchens and Bars... Oh my!

The foreign staff in my local mcd were so bad I once had to climb up on to the counter and take a shit into my own burger.
Several other customers asked for a dollop and I now run my own small restaurant in Tower Hamlets.
If a customer is rude to any member of staff we put mayonnaise in their spunk sauce.

I can do made up stories too.
(Mon 24th Jul 2006, 13:58, More)

» We have to talk

We have to talk...
I've been reading your collective posts for a few years now and I have to say some of you are really really sad fuckers.

Unless you start having better luck I just don’t think I can stand your pathetic wingeing much more. Maybe if you were more confident and fun to be with you’d have better luck and we could work things out.

Thanks for the sex.
(Fri 20th Apr 2007, 14:41, More)

» DIY Surgery

You'll not like this one
Many years ago I was a proud owner of a Prince Albert in my winkey.
Once in a while it was good to take it out for a clean. To give it a scrape if you like.

If you don't know how a PA works, imagine a C shaped bit of metal (the ring part) which threads a hole made in your cock and out your japs eye. This C ring holds a metal ball (the ball has indents in, giving it a place to be held).

Anyway to open it up and take it out, you get some pliers and stretch the metal C open. The ball falls out leaving a gap to unthread it from your chap.

To put it back in, you thread it back, hold the ball in place and use pliers to crimp it back down. It takes a bit of effort.

However, one time the ring slipped and I ended up clamping down on about 0.5mm of my bell end. On the underside fish gill shaped part. I hit the fucking roof and the blood was everywhere. So much so that I couldn't see how much damage I'd done at the time. Lucky only about two pixels worth of rip; but the amount of blood was a bit worrying. I felt a bit giddy and sat on the floor for a good while.

I think that trumps most of the stories here.

Length, still the same amount thankfully. The lesson - never use pliers on your cock! whoda funk it!?!
(Fri 21st Jan 2011, 14:22, More)

» Voyeurism

Big Mammas
Mammary that is.

One Sunday Morn, my eyes still full of sleep, I went into the kitchen to make some coffee. My back garden backs on to the adjacent back garden, which gives a clear view to neighbouring bathroom window. It has frosted glass; but that made no difference.

From the inside a massive yellow sponge was cleaning the window, majestically sweeping from left to right in an enormous arch.
Connected to the sponge was a big arm with bingo wings flubbering to-and-fro, and connected to that arm was the biggest pair of Maam tits hitting the glass and smearing back and forth. The huge black nipples and 10cm areola hypnotising me with their sickening time delayed swing.

Each time I look at that window now, I get the fear.
(Fri 12th Oct 2007, 13:09, More)

» Stupid Tourists

Me, 4am in Spain going back to hotel
I was very drunk walked up to the receptionist and asked -
“Where is'o agua'o machine'o?”

She said back in good English.
"Second floor sir."

speak'o spanish'o is very easy'o
(Thu 7th Jul 2005, 17:15, More)
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