» Restaurants, Kitchens and Bars... Oh my!

Staff parties
I used to work for a bar in the north east, sadly been taken over now and therefore nowhere near as much fun to work for.

All sorts of fun and amusing things happened, some of which are below :o)

one of the chefs falling asleep on the stage and us sellotaping him to the floor

my boss getting pissed, taking off all of his clothes and relieving himself against one of the big windows - inside!

my boss drunkenly falling asleep, again naked, on top of the hot plate in the kitchen. as it was cold he switched a few burners on on the cooker

riding around the function room on a member of staff's little electrc scooter

a female memeber of staff getting very drunk and copping off with a regular who has a jeremy beadle arm and a face like an egg with teeth. she was packaged off in a taxi, but returned a couple of hours later covered in curry.

moving the untaxed car of one of the regulars by bouncing and lifting it, and balancing it on some concrete steps (the office next door rang the police the next morning as they thought it was stolen and abandoned - they police towed it!)

a chef falling asleep in the bosses chair so having his ears painted with tippex

regular monday night staff beer-mat throwing wars in the bar

i know i've got more stories but my mind has gone blank! apologies for the size of my portion
(Fri 21st Jul 2006, 15:24, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

not really sick, but...
two japanese sewage workers have been working the same stretch of sewer for twenty years, one on the day shift, one on the night shift. Every change of shift as one is entering the sewer, the other is leaving. in twenty years they never say a word to each other.

anyway, they are both up for retirement, and as they are long serving, hardworking council employees, the council lay on a little party for them. so there they are, both holding a drink, and one of them decides he's going to break the ice. he walks over, says 'hello' (or should that be hewwo?) - the other says 'hi' back, and says 'you know what, we've been working in the same place for so long, and never said a word'. To which the other replies 'i know, we've just been two nips that pass in the shite'.

sorry for length, and also for it being crap!
(Sat 11th Sep 2004, 16:02, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

a couple of jokes...
what's blue and doesn't fit?
a dead epileptic


what's the differece between a paedophile and a greyhound?
the greyhound will wait for hares/hairs


oh, and i just remembered...

how did the black girl know her mother was on her period?
her brother's cock tasted funny


what's black and white and red all over?
an interracial couple in a car crash
(Sat 11th Sep 2004, 13:15, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

Justice
I work at a pub, and one day wanted to cut a lemon into slices for peoples drinks - anyway, went into the kitchen and went to get a big knife, only to be bollocked by the then head chef, told that only qualified kitchen staff should be using the knives, and that he would 'have' to cut the lemon for me.

Imagine my delight when the fat miserable bastard then managed to slice a chunk off his thumb. Kept me smiling to myself for at least a couple of hours :o)
(Fri 3rd Sep 2004, 12:57, More)