b3ta.com user antifilth
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» Heckles

alien Vs Predator
cinema heckles now seem to be legit so i shall indulge my own...

alien Vs predator had been released... a shit cross-over designed to scare your girlfriend into your arms, to which she expected the favour to be returned later.
anywho halfway throught the film people have finally started to die (about fucking time) and the group has split up. one mexican guy (hollywood seems to have a vengetta against foreigners) is all alone in a temple with moving walls armed only with a pistol and a flare.
silence in both the room and screen 8 of southend's odeon... suddenly a shadow darts across the screen. the camera then returns to the paranoid face of our soon to be devoured hero.
i turn to the girl next to me a scream a short sharp "AAhhh!"
she shit herself. people in the back row could smell it. the tension and myself had caused a bowl movement. didnt take long for everyone to leave.
screen 8 was shut for 3 days.
teh lolz !!1!
(Tue 11th Apr 2006, 15:24, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

whats the difference?
between a trampoline and a baby?

you take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline
(Thu 8th Dec 2005, 0:57, More)

» Ignoring Instructions

ignoring instructions
i had this friend once who slept with a sheep, wasnt even a dare or stag-night prank, he just slept with a sheep. i think she was called flossy, well thats what it said on the grave stone, the farmer caught them and killed both of them.
that was a depressing eulogy

has anyone seen the new qotw?
(Fri 5th May 2006, 0:01, More)

» Urban Legends

once upon a time
there was a child with down syndrome who's mother took him to the zoo one day. having accompanied him to see most of the animals she allowed him 5minutes of freedom but he had to meet her outside of the monkey cages.
5 minutes passed and the 8 year old didnt return.
another 5 minutes passed but the mother kept calm. after 15minutes the small boy apeared but was soaked through, all of his clothes were wet, it looked like he had taken a bath.
His mother proceeded to demand of him "where have you been?" but the child said nothing, she repeated "where did you go i was so worried?" but again the child said nothing.
The mother, now angry, demanded of her child "if you dont tell me where you were we're gonna go home right now!" but the child remained silent. so the mother dragged him into the car and drove them both home.
Once they got home she told the child to run the bath, so he ran upstairs still soaking wet.
when the mother came up to the bathroom 10minutes later her eyes scanned the room where she saw:
1.her son still in soaking wet clothes
2.his empty soaking wet backpack
3.a penguin in the bath

*already wearing coat*
(Mon 9th Jan 2006, 21:08, More)

» Your Weirdest Teacher

Mr Powell
Well all these stories are usually about teachers bullying pupils, however for our GCSE maths years we bullyed that poor man. i have many stories of humming, repeating with a slight delay, throwing rubbers at him, shouting, acting incredibly camp...you see he was a screaming homosexual and most all boys schools dont take kindly to that sort of behaviour, needless to say eventually he left...

by jumping out of the window and running across the school field... some swear they heard him shouting "im free...im FREE"
(Wed 9th Nov 2005, 23:10, More)
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