» My most gullible moment

In my 1st job
I was 17 and there were 4 of us who only worked Saturday mornings in a mail room. There were 3, 17 year olds and an old lady. The old lady used to say she was off to the toilet and then return a few minutes later stinking of booze. The stuff we convinced her of.

The company was checking to see if any chairs were damaged so they didn't over order on new ones. We told her the guy looking at the underneath of the chairs was an FBI Narc and he's been tipped off that she's got a stash under her chair. When he came to her chair she had a massive kick off about how she'd never do drugs and she wants her lawyer.

We convinced her that the company was actually a consipracy (for what we never thought of, we just said conspiracy) and she couldn't trust anybody else in the office. She'd always stop talking if someone else walked by and wouldn't talk to anybody. And then she'd wink at us when they were gone.

And finally, she went to the shop on her break and asked if we wanted anything. We asked for some diet water and told her that the shop owner's on comission for regular water so he'll try his best to sell her that, but to not take no for an answer. She was gone an hour and came back empty handed. She'd been barred from the shop.

Might have been a bit cruel, but it was hilarious to us kids.
(Fri 22nd Aug 2008, 1:39, More)

» I'm going to Hell...

This could get me there
A few years back when I worked in a popular video rental store, me and the other lads there got to know a few of the regulars pretty well. We once made a list of every regular customer's nicknames that we'd given them too. There were some gooduns on there. Here's a few examples of why the lot of us in that shop are on our way to hell.

Mr Lafferty (Laffo): An elderly deaf man who rented shitty action films and soft core pornos. He was 100% deaf. We'd sneak up behind him and fart, then run away leaving him to wonder what that god awful smell was. We'd be across the other side of the shop by then. We'd also cover our mouths and see how much we could give him shit before laughing. And most of the time we'd film it on our phones. We'd also announce on the tanoy when he was in that there was some awesome new blueys in if he wanted them.

Blong: A child who was black and a mong.

Mr 'I Like Kids' - whenever he'd come into the shop he'd greet us with 'alright kid'. He mumbled and so we turned this into 'I like kids'. We once made a banner out old school printer paper with the words 'He Likes Kids' and an arrow pointing to him. My mate stood next to him with it for about 5 minutes and how he didn't notice is beyond me.

There was a fella who would come in who was wheelchair bound. He brought some films back late and was rightly fined. Que his brother coming down kicking off that his disabled brother had been fined. We explained that films brought back after we closed incurred a fine. He then went on to say that our sign with the opening times on the door was too high for somebody in a wheelchair to see. So I went outside and sat on the floor to show him how a person's neck can bend in a way that allows them to look upwards. In front of his brother in the wheelchair. And the boss. And all the other customers.

There's more nicknames (we had an A4 sheet full of them), but it was years ago so I can't remember them all.
(Sat 13th Dec 2008, 4:18, More)

» Family codes and rituals

There was a lad in our halls in uni
And one day we all noticed he had a tattoo on his arm that read 'Shitbag #12'. We were all really baffled at why someone would have something like this inked onto any part of their body forever so we asked him why (expecting an answer like 'oh, I was wasted one time and...'). No. Apparently all the men in his family, starting with his Dad and Uncle, were assigned a 'Shitbag' number and had to get it tattooed on their arm. This lad got into university.
(Wed 26th Nov 2008, 12:03, More)

» I'm going to Hell...

I'm a bit skint
And live the other side of the world to my family. So I emailed this to my dad along with an appeal for funds



Would that do it?
(Fri 12th Dec 2008, 3:24, More)

» Tales of the Unexplained

Coke
Always tastes better in a glass bottle. Explain that!
(Mon 7th Jul 2008, 5:54, More)