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» Celebrity Encounters III

When I was little I wrote a piece of fan mail to David Attenborough, saying how I wanted to be just like him and also providing a shit-quality snot-and-crayon drawing of a bonobo or something for him to enjoy.

Couple of weeks later having brekkie before school, I get a posh-looking piece of post, back when morning post was actually before 8am. My mum was curious; 7-year-old-girls don't get much post with embossed envelopes,and I was all like 'Prolly just David Attenborough.' She was like 'Nah, probably your Nan.'

I opened it at the breakfast table and it was indeed a hand-written-in-scrawly-old-man-writing letter from David Attenborough himself, thanking me for my correspondence, suggesting I go to university to study a biology related subject when I was older, and wishing me good luck in my future endeavors. LEGEND.

I think my mum was surprised to say the least (she didn't know I'd posted the fanmail in the first place) as I nonchalantly placed it in my schoolbag and proceeded with my Rice Krispies.

I'll try to scan the letter and get it on here if anyone's interested - I still have (and treasure) it and still want to be like David Attenborough. Not least because he makes the time to personally respond, by hand, on posh stationery, from his home address to young, slightly obnoxious, over-achieving children who just want to be among the beasts.
(Thu 5th Dec 2013, 15:49, More)

» Midlife Crisis

I feel that it's that bit in the middle between about 18 and 50, that bit when you're still working your arse off as a subordinate in a godawful job, driving frumpy affordable cars, stuck in boring relationships and watching in horror as your fun friends fall off the radar, having started to breed like bonobos - that's the crisis.

After the menopause, when you finally have time for hard drinking, gardening, sports cars and spending money on yourself, that's the good bit. I can't wait.
(Sat 4th May 2013, 21:45, More)

» Best and worst TV ads

Drink driving ditty
I liked this one, especially when the kids and old lady join in.

At the moment, I particularly hate that one for Glade with the pebble.
If I invited my friends over to look at my pebble collection, they'd not come and they certainly wouldn't laugh if one of my pebbles was an air freshener. In fact, they probably wouldn't visit me at the Day Centre ever again.

And does anyone remember the Bold 2in1 infusions adverts (might still be on actually)? You just don't see glamorous women sniffing their fingers outside the jewellery shop being intoxicated by the scent of white diamonds do you? Because diamonds don’t have a smell and nor do amethysts or rubies. So whattheshittingwellballs is Bold on about? Are they referring to the alluring fragrance of a defunct and crumbling Koidu diamond mine? Or the sweat of a thousand Sierra Leonese labourers toiling amid civil war and poverty to furnish the digits of the Western rich with spangly gems? If that’s what the ‘kind of woman who loves to be seduced’ wants to smell of, it’s no wonder she spends her evenings rolling around in piles of washing at cheap hotels, like a big grubby Labrador that’s found a pile of sick to play with. So there.
(Fri 16th Apr 2010, 13:20, More)

» Family Feuds

There's a bit of graffiti on the bog wall…
…at my local. It says:
"I fucked your mum"
"Piss off home dad, you're drunk"

Thought that might suffice in the absence of any real feuds in my family. (apart from the one with the uncle who robbed me Nan of all rights to her own home, fucked off to La Rochelle on benefits and married a pissed-up Catholic lass)
(Fri 13th Nov 2009, 15:19, More)

» Bizarre habits

o is for orange, o is for oddball
If I eat a piece of satsuma and it has a little retard-baby-sized segment of satsuma attached, I have to bite their heads off simultaneously and cleanly so the 'parent' and 'baby' segments don't have to watch each other die.

I will also stop people in public if they have noticeable blackhead pimples and inform them. If a friend has a blackhead, I can't see that friend until the offending blemish is gone. I once split up with a boyfriend who had a big blackhead on his chest and wouldn't get rid of it, and frankly, I'd do it again. I can't fucking bear dirty, disgusting, lumpy, pestilent, sebacious, shiny, menacing blackheads. GAH!
(Thu 1st Jul 2010, 16:40, More)
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