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» Horrible things I've done to a loved one

I sometimes snore
I have always told people that if I'm keeping them up then they are welcome to wake me up in whatever way necessary; I never remember it.

Soooooo......

Sleeping in a small room with 2 other people (who love me. That's the tenuous link). I'm in the top tier of a bunk bed. I'm snoring. Burly bloke in bottom bunk opposite gets up and pokes me. I stop. He goes back to bed.

I start again. He gets up and pokes me again. I stop. He goes back to bed.

I start again. He gets up, quite pissed off, and belts me on my arse (I'm lying facing the wall). I stop. He goes back to bed.

I start again. By this point he's had enough. He hauls himself out of bed, winds up, and punches me as hard as he can on my arse, determined that I will actually wake up properly this time, and give him a chance to get some kip.

Except it's not my arse. I've rolled over.

I woke up.
(Thu 16th Jun 2011, 23:59, More)

» Ouch!

My most painful experience ever






Damn I'm good
(Sun 1st Aug 2010, 17:36, More)

» Flirting

Lovely oirish lasses
Damn this site for dredging up memories. Another one I'd successfully repressed has come floating back up, like that monster turd that you finally and with no small relief manage to flush, only it's not actually cleared the U and was only teasing you.

Night out in Cork, I had my hands handcuffed together. Can't even remember why, not really important. My friend had the key. A very very pretty Irish girl came up and asked for the key. He gave it to her. I then pleaded with her give it back to me. She put it down her (already well-filled) top and with a filthy look told me to get it myself. After a moment's pause, I said 'but I can't use my hands!'. She paused for a moment, I expect dumb-struck by the idiocy on display in front of her, then winked and told me that I'd just have to use my mouth instead then.

Now, thinking back on this I'm squirming in my seat, partially from the offer itself, but mostly because of my response. I stomped back over to my mate and whined 'Daaaaan, she won't give it baaaaaaaack!'

*facepalm*
(Mon 22nd Feb 2010, 14:44, More)

» Caught!

What I get up to of a Saturday evening
Everyone else had already gone out and I was going to catch them up once I'd had a shower. Off they pop, and I proceed to get undressed and head into the toilet, leaving my bedroom door ajar.

Unbeknownst to me, one of the girls had left one of her shoes behind (or something equally spurious) so they had, en masse, decided to return to collect. They enter, to hear an unearthly wailing that throughly freaks everyone out. The braver ones venture towards the screeching, now reaching a crescendo...

Picture a hand, pushing at a door. It swings open to reveal....

A naked gentleman, half profile with his eyes closed....





screaming into a shampoo bottle at the top of his lungs "... YOU'VE LOST THAT LOVING FEELING!!! NOW IT'S GONE! GONE! GONE! WOOOH A-WOOH-A-WOOOooooo"


Length? well, I belted out another verse and a half before one of them broke down.

PS. I could have made up a more embarrassing song to have been singing, but this is unfortunatly entirely true.
(Thu 3rd Jun 2010, 15:43, More)

» Schadenfreude

i think this probably counts.....
not totally sure about posting this one, but hey ho.

*EDIT* Decided to do a bit of an intro....

I have the misfortune to have had my of moment of spackiness captured on video. Yay. It's been described as "like watching a disabled person falling out of a wheelchair".

www.youtube.com/watch?v=eo3V4DucQug

there may have been booze involved.....

Length? Well, I was going for height, actually
(Thu 17th Dec 2009, 13:47, More)
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