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Icelandic scientists

identify the the obesity gene...

(Dr Frank, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:17, archived)

Tut tut.

You should have done them in triplets, that would have made a lot more sense. Mind you you'd have had to change the gag to something like FAT GIT or something.

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:18, archived)

If they were in triplets

you could have "EAT PIE" in there :)

(Astatine, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:20, archived)

If it was Bulimia, you could have

GAG GAG and you wouldn't even have to diverge from the code.

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:21, archived)

possibly even

FUK WIT
TIT FUK
WAN KER
ARS OLE
BUM GAY
SEX WEE
BUM WEE

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lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:22, archived)

It's like the high score table

on Track & Field.

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0% Interest Expand Reply Retweet Favorite More, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:25, archived)

har di har

har

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d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:27, archived)

BAD GER.

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:25, archived)

sna kes
nak eoh
its asn
ake !!1

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sof sof, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:27, archived)

I think that'd be the "Comedy Tourette's Syndrome" gene.

(Astatine, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:25, archived)

GOA TSE
TES TSE

/Boggle

(t3d on FTLFM now http://83.149.101.8:8070/listen.pls, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:27, archived)

testse?

is that a misspelled tropical fly?

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new_matt, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:28, archived)

It is a mis-spelled tropical fly

on your bollocks

(t3d on FTLFM now http://83.149.101.8:8070/listen.pls, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:31, archived)

that reminds me

I woke up with a cockroach on my bollocks the other night.

nasty business

(Bubba Minx, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:36, archived)

eehhh!!

Thanks. I think

(t3d on FTLFM now http://83.149.101.8:8070/listen.pls, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:37, archived)

Thing is

My reflex action was to smush it

which hurt

(Bubba Minx, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:45, archived)

B3ta specific

You have to have "woo yay hou pla" in there somewhere too.

(

Claws of Doom I am no longer infected, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:29, archived)

some of us don't work in medical science,

but yes you are right.
Though it pains me to admit it.

(

Pootle, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:24, archived)

If you were being particularly sad

you'd encode a message in it that could be revealed by translating it using the one-letter symbols for amino acids.

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:26, archived)

Baz clearly doesn't 'work'

either, he's here all day.

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MizEmma, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:26, archived)

I reckon,

pro rata I currently earn around £300,000 pa.

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:29, archived)

hmm

Did you just find a quid on the floor or something?

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Claws of Doom I am no longer infected, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:30, archived)

Hmm, not sure any of the

regular boarders could say they offer their employers value for money.

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MizEmma, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:33, archived)

I do,

as I'm posting this very message I am answering the switchboard.
Thats how good I am.

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bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:35, archived)

Oo-er multi-tasking!

Normally only girls can multi-task.

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MizEmma, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:37, archived)

He's in touch with his feminine side.

*touches bovine's boobs*

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:38, archived)

i do

hence the name

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sof sof, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:42, archived)

would you

like to buy me some very very sexy boots? They're only £455.

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Lora, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:38, archived)

i'm sure we'll all chip in

if you take the appropriate photographs...

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new_matt, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:40, archived)

i'm really really tempted

to set up one of those websites with my bank account details on and see how much money i'd actually get.

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Lora, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:41, archived)

with or without these photos?

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new_matt, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:44, archived)

£455?

What the fuck are they made from? Solid gold?

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MizEmma, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:42, archived)

Hahahaha

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Sir Jon Dangerous, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:19, archived)

I'm about to write my personal statement.

Anyone got any meaningless but good sounding phrases I should throw in?

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:20, archived)

Your what what?

Have you committed a crime or something?

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:20, archived)

i think its an

UCAS form thing.

but you can never tell with kids these days

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lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:22, archived)

Oh right.

One of those things that no-one ever looks at unless you've got REALLY shit 'A'-levels.

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:25, archived)

yes.

and considering i just spent september fixing my uni's admissions database, i can confirm it

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lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:26, archived)

Unfortunately not.

Oversubscribed courses and lots of people with the same results leads to people reading personal statements and references. As my reference will fail to say that I work well to deadlines and have excellent attendance, I need to make myself sound fantastic in other ways.

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:27, archived)

How about:

"Don't fuck with me or I'll hunt you down and kill you."

(

Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:30, archived)

Does that work?

I'll have to try it at some point.

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:38, archived)

your school

has to write nice things?
my reference was embarrassing to hear.

(

Lora, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:40, archived)

they said little more than

I was a 'character' on mine, then I was permantently suspended

(

Pootle, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 15:03, archived)

Not yet.

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:23, archived)

are you doing law?

i could give you mine. It's all very pretentious though.

(

Lora, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:25, archived)

God no.

Work with people? Me?

Hah.

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:27, archived)

i'm not going to be helping people or anything

i just want to go into a big commercial law firm and make lots and lots of money, silly.

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Lora, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:29, archived)

Exactly,

if you want to progress in your job you'll have to suck (up to) your boss and stuff to get a promotion. I don't play well with others.

With a nice science degree, I just have to be ocassionally fantastic and amazingly arrogant and I'll be considered a natural for a professorship at a university somewhere.

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:32, archived)

but then you have to teach people?
I'll just find a nice rich politician to marry or something anyway i think.

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Lora, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:35, archived)

That's ok,

it gives me the right to shout at people who I think are stupid and get paid for it.

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:36, archived)

No, science is highly political

You have to make alliances with all the right people if you want to get your grants funded.

(

Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:36, archived)

But I don't.

If I get a grant fund, I'll have to produce results. Where's the fun in that?

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:37, archived)

you have to get funded to be allowed to do research

then you can just wank about as much as you like.

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new_matt, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:40, archived)

Hello!

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:43, archived)

i didn't like to name names

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new_matt, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:44, archived)

It's better than

having to live down a hole and eat rats.

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MissPrism, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:41, archived)

You're going to be a lawyer?

Couldn't you just kill yourself instead?

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:31, archived)

and if so...

b3ta.com/board/2157737

(yakmonkey, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:32, archived)

no silly

the training wage is £30,000. It then goes up to about £50k.
I'm already having fun imagining all the lovely things I shall buy.

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Lora, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:35, archived)

On the bright side

you'll have to work 80-hour weeks and with a bit of luck you'll have a breakdown before you're 30. Or take an overdose.

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:37, archived)

you want to become an accountant

all the ones I know make about 80-90k. And they're all Bon Jovi fans.

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thorpe www.voodootrombonequartet.com, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:38, archived)

I know someone who wants to be an accountant.

We can actually see him grow more boring by the day.

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:39, archived)

ooh

i like living on a prayer.
I was going to be an accountant/work in finance but then I dropped maths.

If I manage to stay in the profession for a while, i should be earning in excess of that anyway. I still like the politician idea though..

(

Lora, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:39, archived)

All the money in the world

can't stop you being a fucking fucktard.

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:40, archived)

i'm prepared to be a guinea pig for that experiment

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new_matt, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:42, archived)

That's a very profound thought.

I think when I am old I will embroider it onto a sampler and hang it on my wall.

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MissPrism, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:42, archived)

Fantastic.

I'd like you to be my grandmother.

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:43, archived)

I'll stock up on lavender water

and mint imperials, then.

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MissPrism, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:50, archived)

imagine a stadium full of fucktards

that's what a Bon Jovi concert must be like.

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thorpe www.voodootrombonequartet.com, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:43, archived)

You should do a 'thought for the day' on Radio 4.

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:45, archived)

There's an idea.

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:47, archived)

I'm

a hardworking and committed badger.

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icezebra *insert large monkey*, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:21, archived)

I TOUCH YOU

YOU MAKE GOOD WIFE

P.S. YOU MAKE ME SWEAT

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brainstuff can eat a whole shredded wheat, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:21, archived)

i know

"once saved a family from a car crash with a tin opener and some well place chewing gum"

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lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:21, archived)

"Naturally, but notwithstanding, these statements are inherently self-evident"

(Astatine, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:21, archived)

will fwuck for cash

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alistair, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:22, archived)

Why DID

that make me laugh?

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christhebarker, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:23, archived)

All day breakfast

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0% Interest Expand Reply Retweet Favorite More, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:22, archived)

"invented the internet"

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new_matt, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:22, archived)

Would I need to falsify some patents?

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:23, archived)

shurely

that's what Mark E. Smith always claims fans of The Fall did...

(flying_pasty, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:28, archived)

dan quayle claimed it

when he was vice president

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new_matt, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:33, archived)

erm...

How about: "I have two CSE certificates (art and life skills - both failed)"?

No?

Fair enough

/useless suggestion

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Claws of Doom I am no longer infected, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:25, archived)

write it

in crayon

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rosey, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:26, archived)

So simple

yet so elegant.

(

Claws of Doom I am no longer infected, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:27, archived)

If I was an art student,

I could get away with it by saying it was an expression of my distaste about society judging everything on first appearences. As I'm not, I wont.

(goat thinks you're shit, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:29, archived)

obesity gene?

Those people piss me off, it's not genetic, calories in, calories out that’s all that matters. Its odd that the only people who get contract genetic obesity, are the unemployable couch potatoes who's only exercise is lifting and pointing the remote control and dressing them selves quite absurdly in sportswear.
"But both my parents are over weight" that’s cos they're lazy sods too!

woo to the pic though.

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Happyperson, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:26, archived)

Woo to diatribes

about pie-masters!!!

(Goatse not a comedy account, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:30, archived)

Haha.

It's funny innit. There was a woman who worked here who claimed she had a "gland problem". Yeah, your fucking "pie-eating gland", you enormous fat fuck.

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:32, archived)

Saw a large lady this morning in the petrol station

getting breakfast. 6 bags of McCoy's extra lard crisps.

Fortunatley, not all for her - the little fat rug rats in the back of her car were also in for a dietary treat. HOW CARING.

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d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:35, archived)

i've said it before and i'll say it again

sterilisation at birth and then you apply for a licence to breed.

edit/ just out of interest was she drowning in Elizabeth Duke Jewellery?

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Happyperson, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:36, archived)

I like your ideas

do you have a newsletter I can subscribe to?

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:41, archived)

unfortunately no,

and the last person to suggest breeding licences was Hitler

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Happyperson, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:44, archived)

Good man.

I do find it odd the way people seem to think it's a basic human right for them to breed and the rest of us fuckers to foot the bill for them.

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Baz Fuck off, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:48, archived)

a license for bread?

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thorpe www.voodootrombonequartet.com, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:44, archived)

breed,

its like bread only more messy

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Happyperson, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:44, archived)

For some reason...

I originally read that as "obscenity gene"

(jeffna has blue yfronts with white piping, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 14:28, archived)

Jesus H Christ! Thats spooky

I just wrote an essay about the ethics of this kind of thing

(Goodie, Thu 16 Oct 2003, 15:58, archived)