Iain M Banks
Sadly missed, for some reason always came on book tours around my birthday. So I have a collection of first edition hardbacks signed:
"Happy Birthday!"
"Happy Birthday! (again?)"
"Happy Birthday!! (AGAIN?!)
etc.

Had a beer with him once too. Lovely, funny, clever fellow; died far too young.
(North Utsira South Utsira, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 20:56, Reply)

I once saw Alexei Sayle in the northbound car park of Keele Services on the M6.

( brb homonecrobatrachophile, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 20:40, 3 replies)

I stood behind Craig Charles in Manchester airport with my boss.
I was waiting to fly out of Manchester airport and there was a big line for security. I stood behind this guy and asked him if this was really the queue - he said yes.

A little while later it dawned on my that it was Craig Charles. I wanted to confirm with my boss, who was flying with me, so I wrote a message on my phone and showed it to him. At which point he read out really loudly "IS THAT GUY CRAIG CHARLES?"
(indie design Can I smell lobster bisque?, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 20:32, 1 reply)

I don't care who you are, fuck off
Pearoast: Around 1990, I was wrestling an enormous wheeled flight-case containing big boxes of electronic-make-music-loud stuff up a ramp onto a big stage in a field in Berkshire. On reaching the top, someone was stood blocking the ramp,with their back to me, and momentum was in charge of the proceedings. And that is how I came to bellow "Get out the fucking way you stupid fucking twat" at Mick Jagger. To his credit, he said "Sorry man" and got out of the fucking way
(redexile, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 20:25, 4 replies)

I met Peter Skellern
at the Assembly Rooms in Derby. Nice chap, he encouraged me to keep practising the piano.

True story.
(An Alien sneezed on Bill Oddies binoculars, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 20:10, Reply)

I haven't met David Attenborough,
but I did once meet John Aspinall, at one of his animal parks. He gave me a clump of animal hair, as a souvenir, which I kept for rather longer than was healthy.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 19:52, Reply)

Before either were famous
I met members of The Police and Squeeze in the same place (Capital Radio Green Room) and at the same time (late 1970s).

I don't know which of them it was, but someone smelled terrible: serious tramp-level B.O.

And Sting was a bit of a grumpy-boots.
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 19:32, Reply)

Bit lame really
[disclaimer, most of my posts are a bit lame so this is hardly a surprise]

Got in the lift to the car park in Marlowes Centre in Hemel Hempstead with a guy who looked a bit familiar. I commented that he looked a lot like Tony Hart and must get that a lot. He smiled wryly...

Few days later I saw the local paper commenting on Tony Hart's visit to same shopping centre.

Also, got glared at by Kate Moss's bodyguard on Oxford St after saying hi because I recognised her but didnt realise she wasnt someone I actually knew.
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 19:15, Reply)

There's a chip swears down the Elvis shop works he's guy.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 19:06, Reply)

I was having a pint in a pub in camden when my missus nudged me and said, "That's Amy Winehouse"
But by the time I'd had a long sip and looked around she was gone.
Amy that is, not the wife. She's stuck to me like shit to a blanket ever since
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 18:58, Reply)

Freaky Dancin'
I worked in my local Tesco, about eleven years ago. It was shit.

On a lighter note, I once served Bez and he was apparently smashed out of his gourd. It took him a good minute to count his change.

P.S. I also served Helen Baxendale, she didn't look half as sexy as she does on telly.
(Chairman Lmao Something something your mum, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 18:51, 5 replies)

Sir Patrick Moore was in the phone book.
I was writing an article for T3 magazine on 'the future of space travel' and in the early days of the internet (1997-8) I discovered that he was resident of Selsey. On the off-chance, got the most likely phone number from Directory Enquiries, turns out he did not go celeb-anonymous or ex-directory. Rang him up full of apologies and obsequiousness for the unauthorised approach and got the great man himself, recognisable by the reedy energetic chatter and mono-directional delivery.

At first the cranky old Emperor Penguin himself demurred to answer questions on the phone but relented and said 'send me the questions and I'll answer them when I have time'. In doing so he gave me his address with was trusting, to say the least- but I did so.

A week or so later I received a snail mail from the astronomer, the replies to my four questions cranked out on his famous 1908 Woodstock typewriter- good to his word.

What a scholar, what a gentleman.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 5 Dec 2013, 18:12, 7 replies)

Jon Snow nearly knocked my missus over jumping a red light on his pushbike.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 18:10, 4 replies)

I also met Alan Hansen
He put his hand out and said "Hi I'm Alan". I was a fraction of a second away from responding "I know"

Thoroughly nice chap.
(fivetide, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 18:08, 2 replies)

I once queued up in a newsagent behind Jarvis cocker
He was rather sweaty smelling but it was summer and he still had a velvet jacket on.

He purchased a packet of Doritos.
(fivetide, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 18:04, 3 replies)

Whenever people recognise me and make a fuss, I do what I normally do
and protest my innocence.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 17:54, Reply)

David Attenborough
(sorry, I didn't have anything to say, but I just wanted to join in, and everyone seems to really like this guy)
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 17:45, Reply)

I spilled tomato ketchup on Bruce Grobbelaar at a butcher's birthday party in about 1985.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 17:45, 6 replies)

Another Attenborough story
Following on from Dancebiscuits post.

David Attenborough wrote out the whole of my best man's speech and left a personal message wishing my wife and I a long, and successful marriage and that "I hope you mate for life".

He was going to do the voice over for the video my best man had put together but he was filming in Madagascar.

My wife broke down in tears when my best man gave us the framed script.

This would also qualify under 'best present ever' in a future qotw.
(Deskbound You insignificant speck of dust, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 17:36, 2 replies)

I see Noel Fielding in the street outside my work quite a lot
In the same sort of area by the coffee shop I've also seen Sally Phillips (the blonde one from out of Smack the Pony) and the only one I was genuinely excited about - Terry Gilliam, who's a genuine inspiration to me.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 17:27, 5 replies)

Cillian Murphy eyed up my missus across a crowded bar.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 17:22, 3 replies)

I met Barry Cryer filming in Bicester when he was writing for Kenny Everett.
I said to him, "He is a pranny isn't he?
He said, "Yes."
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 5 Dec 2013, 17:19, Reply)

Phil Collins will only accept one-and-a-half sugars in his tea
My mum was going out with his mechanic at the time, so I tagged along once to lend a hand.

Mr. Collins himself wanders in and asks if I wanted a brew, I said yes, he said "Me too - the kettle's over there. Milk, one and a half sugars cheers."

"One and a HALF sugars?" I asked, to verify.

"Yes." he replied, "Don't ever put any other amount of sugars in my tea - even as a joke."
( evilrob saw that ludicrous display last night, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 17:18, Reply)

I have a friend who looks a bit like Derren Brown
I did a quick crap photoshop and e-mailed it to him:



He replied saying he'd printed it out and put it on his fridge.

I later bumped into him in the foyer after one of his shows, and had to ask if it was true - he said "Oh! That was you!" and that it was still there!
( evilrob saw that ludicrous display last night, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 16:58, Reply)

I got Brian Blessed to sign a print out of the "Jim'll Paint It" picture of Brian Blessed punching a polar bear.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 16:57, Reply)

Celeb spotting
Pissed in the toilets in Kings Cross station standing in between Dara OBrien and Rhod Gilbert at the urinals.
Shaken hands with Gorbachev during a visit to Aberdeen.

Capped by a mate who is now a top TV producer who threw up all over Julie Walters on the underground when he was a student 20+ years ago.
(szmytke, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 16:56, Reply)

I once shared a sleeper cabin on an overnight train with Wolf from Gladiators.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 16:55, 8 replies)

Stewart Lee once sent me a death threat through the post

( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 16:51, Reply)

I sat opposite
Bob Holness and his wife in the first class carriage of a train between London and Manchester.

When the trolly was left unattended she took two small bottles of red wine and put them in her handbag.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 16:51, 7 replies)