flying free
Ever since i was about 3 i wanted to be a pilot.

I loved the idea of swooping around in a jet, killing all the bad guys with my super fast lightning bullets.

There are a few reasons why i am not following that particular ambition:

1: I have just reached about 6 feet tall now and that is just a bit too much to be a pilot
2: I watched a program where Jeremy Clarkson went up in an F-16. He threw up about 5 times. I didnt want to be submitted to that kind of thing! I like eating and prefer it if the food stays where it ends up, IN ME!

so yeah another childhood dream squashed in an instant
(bushman, Mon 2 Apr 2007, 17:23, Reply)

I wanted to be...
ruler of the world, and indeed told my careers teacher as such. She suggested I become a quality checker in the local CD manufacturers. Now I run helpdesks and groom all my analysts to think as I do, one day I will rule the world through them infiltrating all the second line support jobs going.
(mrsfluffles Bitter & twisted? Probably., Mon 2 Apr 2007, 17:21, Reply)

Another ambition shot down the shitter...
As a child I was more or less raised in the Adirondack Mountains. (More or less because I was in suburbia during the week, and in the mountains every weekend and summer.) I had very damn few friends during my first 18 years- just deer, chipmunks, trees, birds and the like. (Goes far toward explaining why I was one of the weird kids in school...)

So when I was a teen, my ambition was to have a place somewhere out in the woods where I didn't have to deal with the rest of humanity. Fuck 'em all, said I- human beings as a rule are horrid, mean things who fuck up the rest of the world with their outboard motors and snowmobiles and the trash they throw while they're out stinkin' up the outdoors.

I wanted to be a hermit.

Then my hormones kicked in. I wanted sex, and wanted it RIGHT NOW. So my ambition shifted toward becoming the guy that women wanted to fuck, RIGHT NOW. Hell, if Bruce Springsteen and Rod Stewart could manage it, it should be a walk in the park for me, right?...

No, I am not a hermit (although I do still want that cabin out in the middle of nowhere on top of a mountain). Instead I went the more conventional route, because hermits never get laid.

And no, I never acheived that other ambition, either. Dammit.

Length and girth seem to be satisfactory. At least, I've never heard any complaints...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 2 Apr 2007, 17:15, Reply)

War Reporter
Like most people, I did the whole journalist/pilot/architect idea, once I'd reached the age when you realised that your pirate/astronaunt/superman ambition wasn't really going to happen.

Journalism was my big one though. Not just any old journo though - I wanted to be a war reporter. I thought it would the greatest job ever - hang arounc until it all kicked off in some far of place, fly over and stand there infront of a camera wearing a flack jacket, talking about explosions.

Until I realised that a) you and/or your cameraman stand a very good chance of meeting a lazerguided stickey end (usually as a result of a trigger happy US pilot) and b) I'm far too ugly for t.v.

So I'm a train driver. Sometimes the job does resemble Bagdad on a particularly insurgent-y day (think the last ain on a Friday night), and I often come uder aerial attack (usually local chavs throwing stones as I go by at 100mph).

Strange I never wanted to be a train driver as a small boy... do kids today want to be drivers, or was that just in the 1950's?
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Mon 2 Apr 2007, 17:12, Reply)

Hmph.
Now that I think about it, I did have a childhood hero who I wanted to be- Thomas Edison.

Yeah, I know. Geek. Total.

The thing is, when Edison was a kid in the 1800s he could get access to all kinds of cool shit that we who were born a hundred years later have no access to. He got hold of some sulphuric acid and used it to generate lots of hydrogen- and nearly blew himself up. He obtained a chunk of phosphorus, which needed to be kept under water lest it spontaneously combust, and was experimenting with it in his little lab that he set up on a railway car- and did in fact end up destroying said railway car when the phosphorus spilled.

But mostly he always seemed to have some sort of workshop where he could tinker around with odds and ends and make cool shit, get it patented, and make a living at this. With the exception of the phonograph- his only truly original invention- he took things that others had made, figured out how to improve them, then patented the improved model.

How cool would that be?

Of course, this isn't the Victorian age, so most of the simple stuff has already been done, dammit. To do as he did you need to be an engineer.

Many years and one engineering degree later, here I am...

I can say this much- I did in fact design an electromagnetic pulse bomb. Sadly, the electrical engineer in charge of the project doesn't understand the concept of inertia, so when they go to launch this thing it'll blow up in their faces... but hey, I warned them, so my hands are clean.

Length? Just far enough to stay out of the blast radius.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 2 Apr 2007, 17:00, Reply)

Precocious Pirate
In some ways I was a precocious child; I did not have ambitions, I had delusions. So rather than wanting to be a pirate when I grew up, I just believed I already was a pirate.

Not just your run-of-the-mill rum-swilling skivvy, I was Captain Len and I sailed the seven seas in a cardboard box.

I am now an engineer, but I secretly yearn to be a pirate.
(deblacquiere, Mon 2 Apr 2007, 16:54, Reply)

Tank Girl
Didn't think I had too much to add this week, but Big Girl's Blouse just jogged the ol' memoir, and here we are.

When I was 17 I was absolutely convinced the woman I would marry would be a walking, talking, real-life Tank Girl, complete with technicolour mohican, band-aids, para-boots and collection of automatic weaponry. She would be the epitomy of post-goth, post-grunge, sexually-aggressive, stripey-hosiered Riot-Grrrrl cool, and she would, like, TOTALLY freak my parents out. Maaan.

Never mind the fact that my parents are late-60's, wannabe-woodstock, baby-boom liberals, who have so far proven themselves phenominally difficult to freak out, being the beligerantly tolerant bastards that they are (the one noteable exception being a minor brain-spasm when I got my ear pierced, which, bizarrely, caused way more of a riot than my tattoos did - if anyone ever figures out the middle classes, please can you send me a postcard?)

Never mind the fact that the one and only girl I ever met who really WAS the epitomy of post-goth, post-grunge, sexually-aggressive, stripey-hosiered Riot-Grrrrl cool, and who probably DID own an array of automatic weaponry concealed in the back of her walk-in wardrobe/dungeon/armoury, scared the living shit out of me so badly that for months I couldn't get aroused by anything more left-field than The Archers.

Never mind the fact that the woman I ended up with (who I WILL marry, exactly 6 months after everyone on Earth stops nagging me about it), works for an insurance company and likes to watch Desperate Housewives.

I guess my (absolutely non-patronising) point is that, however passionate they seem, the ambitons of teenagers can seem pretty ludicrous. Case in point - aforementioned girlfriend has a 15-yr-old sister who claims with absolute sincerity that she's going to have 3 kids - 2 by birth and she's going to adopt an African baby like Angelina Jolie.

That said, I don't remember ever harbouring an ambition to be an account manager for a hazily-sinister global technology company, and here I am, so who's to say I'm right and they're wrong?
(Monkey Tennis isn't Spartacus, Mon 2 Apr 2007, 15:05, Reply)

I knew where I was going at least...
When I was twelve and still in primary school our family drove past a major university and I was heard to say "I'm going there one day", 10 years later and I had graduated from that same university.
(TimChuma, Mon 2 Apr 2007, 14:48, Reply)

I wanted to be a
computer programmer since I was very young. During the later years of secondary school and a few years after, I was told by quite a few people, including the "careers advisor" that I had no chance!

Anyway, I can shove it back in their screwed up green faces, because I have been one for a few years now, and with no qualifications.

Bastards, the lot of them!
( Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Mon 2 Apr 2007, 13:37, Reply)

Well...
When I was little, I variously wanted to be:

A vet (i like animals)

A mechanic (until I was enormously disappointed. Swinging on the front gate I excitedly waited for my father to bring me home a puncture repair kit. Imagine, when he turned up with a small tin, not the unimaginably snazzy overalls I was expecting that would have made me look like the boys in Grease)

A teacher, until I realised that that was what I thought I should do, rather than what I wanted.

A brain surgeon (until I relised that science wasn't my way.

I at no point dreamt of sitting in an office in front of a strange plastic box all day, ruining my body and on some occasions will to live.

However- I then realised that YOU DO NOT STOP GROWING UP! You don't have to do the same thing forever, and in fact it's much more fun to have 2-3 jobs that you find really exciting. So, having been lucky enough to fall into a job I currently love, I can now say (with the full knowledge they'll all happen)

When I grow up next I will be:
- an internal communications consultant, and lecturer on same
- a holistic massage therapist
- possibly a life coach
- own my small, un-lucrative but incredibly good for the soul small knitted wierdness business
Possibly some stuff to do with conservation/animals, haven't decided yet.

And in about 10 years I fully hope to release ClapperCareer 3.0 and change it all again!

I think I'm the only person at work to have a very honest personal development plan that has 'leaving the organisation' as a clear and positive step:)
(clapper, Mon 2 Apr 2007, 12:57, Reply)

Wet
My boyfriend used to want to be in the Army. This all changed when, aged 11, he called his parents from scout camp and asked to be collected a day early because it was raining. Oh how they laughed.
(Mad McMad, Mon 2 Apr 2007, 12:39, Reply)

at the age of ten I watched Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure a biliion times...
and truly believed that I would build a phone-box
time machine and send it back in time to when i
was 10 so i could use to my heart's content...

this has not yet happened!... I hate my future self!
(likeajackhammer, Mon 2 Apr 2007, 12:13, Reply)

Another one.
For a brief period in the 80's, as some of you might remember, petrol stations started giving away gifts in a early loyalty scheme. The 'gifts' were normally a digital watch or whisky glass.

Although now the whisky glass would be far more appropriate, at the time digital watches were something of a desired object amoungst young chaps. These wern't good ones, with a game and stuff, these were rubbish. Just the time display and a button that lit it up in the dark, normally only once before fading to the point of uselessness.

They did, however, normally boast of being 'water proof to 100m'. Living in surburban London meant that the opportunities to test this were scarce. Didn't stop my chum and I wanting to find out. We pictured ourselves in some Bondesque underwater peril, possibly involving sharks and a bomb, where the only thing that would save us would be our weakly made Casio wrist gadgets.

One week, during a school swimming lesson we decided to put 'em to the test.

That's when I found out I have the swimming ability and lung capacity of a tangerine.

My first real 'trade discriptions' disapointment.

Length, depth? Certainly not 100m.
( sir_spicious2000 Crap I've watched: www.filmplop.blogspot.com/, Mon 2 Apr 2007, 12:07, Reply)

Not what I wanted to be, but I was at one time
a fairy queen. They lived in the air vent in my room and only I could see them. I was too young to handle the whole kingdon/queendom so I had royal advisors and everything.

Then my parents made me change rooms and share with my brother while they painted my room, and in the process they killed all my subjects! Bastards.

So after that I decided I wanted to be a fireman. Whenever someone corrected me with "firefighter" or "firewoman" I'd throw a tantrum and insist I would be a fireman.

Now I'm an "actress" that just got a job at McDonalds. Go figure.

EDIT: Can't believe I forgot this - At some point in primary school, we had to write a small essay on what we wanted to be. I wrote "I want to be a fireman or if i can't do that I want to be just a mum. Because mums don't do much." I then proceeded to hand this to my very pregnant teacher. My defense? "Mum doesn't do anything all day, she just sits around and watches TV."

That's when I got my first ever detention. I also realised that my mum seems to run the whole damn world not long after.

When I think of a length joke, I'll make sure to tell you.
(EasilyRecognisable I’m back baby, Mon 2 Apr 2007, 10:45, Reply)

bewitched
i was desperate to be a witch (like samantha in the tv show). i had the long hair, the cat, the green eyes, and after hours of practice could even do that mouth spell casting thing.

never worked and i never did become a witch. had to settle for being a lawyer and making my clients and opponents think i'm one.....
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Apr 2007, 10:40, Reply)

Fire engine
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a fire engine. Not a fireman, a fire engine. Flashing lights, loud siren, red paint, the whole thing. Would have been ace.

I then went through a phase where I wanted to either be a binman, a train driver or an accountant. Always thought there was money in accountancy.

Ended up working in computer games for years instead, before realising it's crap and getting a "proper" job.
(ScousersPet, Mon 2 Apr 2007, 9:20, Reply)

Air Hostess
When I was seven my teacher the lovely Sister Maureen told me that as I was so pretty and clever (she was a nun – any girl with long curly hair was pretty to her) that I had the perfect career option open to me…

No, I wouldn’t have to become a nun or a teacher – that was just for the plain clever girls….

With my lovely hair I could become…..An Air Hostess! (Calm down James Tiger Woods!)


I took this advice to heart and decided I would have to learn lots of languages….so I learnt German, at seven.

Impressed? Well the class was when I stood up and sang “German” songs to them……


And Sister Maureen, bless her, never said “Chicken, you’re singing jibberish, now sit down and do your maths!”
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 2 Apr 2007, 9:20, Reply)

Girlpower!
In my twenties I wanted to be Tank girl from the comic.

The film was on telly this weekend and reminded me. Of course comic book Tank girl was much better.
( girlinthehole, Mon 2 Apr 2007, 8:54, Reply)

what a choice.......
my youngest has long wanted to be a dog. her sister convinced her that if she *really* wants to be a dog, she will grow a tail and fur and spots.......she wants to be a dalmation.
she has decided that if she never grows a tail, she'll just be a doctor.

granted, she does play fetch really well.....
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Mon 2 Apr 2007, 1:30, Reply)

Hehehe....
Bonfire
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Sun 1 Apr 2007, 23:21, Reply)

I also...
Used to want to be a vampyre and would wear a black binbag and jump off my orange slide to practice flying- flying being something I still want to do.

It was all ruined when my dentist pulled my fangs out. I was so upset.

My boyfiend wanted to be a bonfire.

Why is it that I find this adorabley cute and want to huggle him forever? Perhaps I am attracted to bonfires, who knows...
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Sun 1 Apr 2007, 23:20, Reply)

folly of youth ??
It was a film i saw on tv about Evil Kneivil the other day that reminded me of mine,as a nipper i had a deep seated ambition to be a stuntman-never mind that i had but a Raleigh Chopper and not a motorbike.

My summer hols where spent leaping over mates using makeshift ramps,how injury escaped me and my trusting pals is a mystery.
(shug, Sun 1 Apr 2007, 23:17, Reply)

Adopted.
I remember when I was rather young and the teacher asking the class, "If you could be one thing in the entire world, what would it be?"

I began thinking and decided that I wanted to be a princess. However, being a bright little child I realised that I couldn't be as my family weren't royalty. Although, that problem would be easly solved if my parents weren't actually my biological parents.

Teacher: What about you, Miss Elephants?
Me: Adopted.

My mother got some vicious looks when she came to pick me up at three o'clock.
( Fluffy elephants, Sun 1 Apr 2007, 22:57, Reply)

I have a little lad
Not in a strange, Gary Glitter type of way, but in a - I have some responsibility for this little lad - sort of way. He is nearly two. He wants to be a bin man. Can anyone help me stop him so he can actually do something with his life?

PS I've tried 'why don't you become a porn star' - he doesn't understand the fucking concept.
(Give me the cheese you cocksucker No board sig in protest., Sun 1 Apr 2007, 22:45, Reply)

Grandmasterfluffles
When I was but a wee cocksucker I wanted to be really manipulative as well.
(Give me the cheese you cocksucker No board sig in protest., Sun 1 Apr 2007, 22:37, Reply)

i'm with visualdichotomy
i want to be a monkey too, being an ape is rubbish, i want a nice long fluffy prehensile tail :( i have quite poor balance and climbing abilities at the moment, so i'm wondering if i can get the surgery on the nhs
(skankgirl, Sun 1 Apr 2007, 22:29, Reply)

Pop star
When i was young I wanted to be a famous white pop singer.
Almost made it, until my nose fell off and people noticed i used to be black. Then it all went tits up.

Michael.
(turtles head is touching cloth poked a dwarf on the forehead at, Sun 1 Apr 2007, 22:03, Reply)

I still do, you know.
When I was younger than I am now, I wanted to grow up to be a monkey. COME ON WHO HASN'T WANTED A TAIL AT SOME POINT IN THEIR LIFE. I know I have.
(visualdichotomy will be otherwise occupied until, Sun 1 Apr 2007, 21:42, Reply)

Life ambitions - fulfilled, then ruined.
Ever since i was a mini-digstar i have always been fascinated by the sea: Waves, reefs, fish, sharks (obviously) etc.
I have no idea why, I grew up about as far away from the sea as it is possible in England.

I lost the mini status and spent several years in the royal navy reserve including one year signed up for real, fixing submarine weapon systems (easier than it sounds kids, all you need is a hammer. And if you can’t fix it then your hammer isn’t big enough).
Then, I got a degree in marine navigation and joined a cruise company, which is almost spelt ‘O&P Cruises’. Turns out they were a bunch of filthy, lying b#stards so I left and joined a maritime consultancy. I now work for a major shipping company with far too much responsibility than I safely should have and enough money to allow long distance holidays, diving and snorkelling over pristine reefs.

Congratulations, I hear you all think.

Well, quite. Until one bored day in the office I googled my own name.

Turns out there is a bloke with my exact same name who is a photographer.

And yes, his entire catalogue is made up of nuddy woman artfully photographed in black and white...


Does anyone know anything about identity fraud?
(Digstar fu#king loves biscuits, Sun 1 Apr 2007, 20:55, Reply)

Videogames!
With my father harping on about BBC Micros for a decent amount of my childhood, I've always had a computery-based background. I've also enjoyed wasting mindless hours sitting in front of a computer screen playing games.

At the tender age of about twelve, I managed to write my own version of space invaders - for me this was a huge achievement, taking weeks on end of my time. It was at this point I decided I wanted to become a videogames programmer - I have a passion for programming, and most jobs in the IT sector fill me with dread.

I'm now in my first year of uni, on easter break, and have two giant textbooks (about 2000+ pages worth) on OpenGL sitting next to me, and I don't have a fucking clue what they're going on about.

If anyone wants to put the boot in round about now and finish the job, let me know!
(emcake putting a donk on it since, Sun 1 Apr 2007, 19:42, Reply)