When I'm taking time off from picking up drug dealers cars and throwing them in the river.
Or at the Playboy Mansion over near my registered Asthmatics Unite Center, I enjoy shagging hot girls.

For absolutely no reason I'm going to tell a story. As everybody else is.
I've probably told it before. Anywhere up to 20 times on here.

I was speed dating at this local youth centre with a pocket full of dimes and a mouthful of rhymes when I looked out the window and observed this well built chap clip the Honda Accord with his big black van.
Naturally I decked three wrestlers and ran outside to confront the confused gentleman, who'd just taken in a hefty glass of what he claimed was "Milk".
That couldn't have been milk, as he was clearly half asleep and looking all set to topple over. So I did what any humanitarian would. I dressed up in Latex underwear and punched him in the larynx.
Some of you girls might like to know that I can also stay out on school nights now, and I have my own clotted cream factory if you know what I mean?

Later that evening I was spoon feeding some war heroes with the gold spoon award I got in Iraq for fighting off bears in Kuwait when this chap returned now full of beans and wanting a proper fight. That was his first mistake.

So I stopped giving this Army Commander a Blumpkin and got totally in to it.
I said "WHAT'S YOUR NAME LIKE?" and he was like "Mr. T Foo'!" and I was like "WHAT?" and he was like "YEAH!" and I ran over to him and kicked him in the face which was quite a feat considering I was wearing high heels and a scuba mask with the air pipe rammed up my arse.
This chap was quite the mover, and after ten minutes of drop kicks, grappling and double entry we decided it was an amicable draw. Which was his second mistake as the second he dropped his guard I totally roundhoused him to the ground and I was like "YEAH" and he was like Yeah..." and I was like "FUCK YEAH!" and he was like "Yeah.." on the ground bleeding from his eyes and his legs.

Then I fellated a German Shepherd.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:36, 18 replies)

I've
shat out funnier stuff than this. Why don't you just fuck off back under the rock you came from?
(Keyman, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:38, closed)

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:39, closed)

In all fairness, I've no doubt you've shat out funnier things.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:40, closed)

Why must the higher numbered users be so serious JMG?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:43, closed)

I think they rush in a bit too quickly and it can be a bit too exciting.
Especially if it's a JMG post.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:46, closed)

You're turds are born with rolled up sleeves, perfect comedy timing and have slap bass accompanying them when a scene transition happens

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:40, closed)

It's a good job I didn't mention the time I bronski'd Howling Mad Murdoch.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:41, closed)

Or creamed on The Face's face.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:44, closed)

Friz, etc..

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:45, closed)

YES

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:38, closed)

Excellent use of the old 'That was his first mistake'.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:43, closed)

Only one thing for it

(stimpy, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 16:58, closed)

Transparency..
Use it.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 22 Oct 2009, 17:01, closed)

I'm not good with any imaging tools
I've only got Paint at work, which doesn't help. Will try better next time, oh mighty overlord!
(stimpy, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 17:03, closed)

Sounds true to me.
Thank you for protecting us from drug dealers and Honda Accords.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 17:25, closed)

Then I fellated a German Shepherd.
the only part of this story I actually believe
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 18:08, closed)

Yes, because it's QOTW..

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 22 Oct 2009, 23:00, closed)

So I did what any humanitarian would. I dressed up in Latex underwear and punched him in the larynx.
I would have done the same thing.
(McChinaman banned, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 1:39, closed)