politest put down ever.
In the toilet of the Bodleian library in Oxford, there used to be a piece of graffiti that said "Arabs fuck off home", to which someone had replied:

"Dear boy, I think you'll find cubicle 2 is the venue for xenophia and racist bile. This cubicle is reserved for literary jokes and whimsical wordplay. Hope that helps."

Probably funnier when viewed through the lens of a 10 minute shit break three weeks into 12-hour a day finals revision, but what the hell.
(BiffTannen, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:53, Reply)

Smokers
Someone wrote a huge "Smoke Weed" in the mens toilets.

Someone else changed it to "Smokers Weed in the cistern. Dirty Buggers."
(Lil' Alan, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:53, Reply)

On the wall above a urinal.
"Have you ever tried stop pissing mid-stream... Hurts doesn't it?"

I feel such a fool for falling for it.

cheers.
(ameoba photographer for hire, cheap, see profile, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:51, Reply)

My first post!...
                                                                                         o
                                                                                         o
                                                                                        o
                                                                                       o
Don't beam me up yet Scotty I'm doing a po o o o
.
( skullface, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:50, Reply)

Another one
on the ceiling above the toilet:

"If you're reading this, you've probably just pissed on your shoe"
( Fudgebags will wear you like a glove, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:47, Reply)

My Dad told me about...
A condom machine he'd seen in a pub bathroom somewhere. On the side it said "performs to british standard blah blah blah"

someone had written underneath it "so did the titanic"
(tiredhorses, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:47, Reply)

Apartheid
Cape Town, 1987. My mother and I had just landed at DF Malan airport and had been collected by Dad and were en route to the Rondebosch district of the town travelling along one of the longest and straightest roads I've ever seen.

Either side of the road was flanked by 9 foot high concrete walls, which couldn't be seen over. Behind the walls lay a massive shanty town, which was home to millions of black South Africans, at this point denied the right to vote and subjected to massive unemployment and social problems. Sentiments were understandably frayed. The following slogan was daubed on the wall in three foot high letters:

"FREE NELSON MANDELA!"

Someone had probably risked their life to make such a public statement as it was no trivial act of vandalism. Had the SA Police caught him or her then a life ending beating would have probably ensued.

Clearly, a very brave soul indeed.

However, someone else had come along and arguably exposed themselves to even more danger than the first graffiti artist. They had rolled up to the side of the road and in an act of extreme but foolhardy bravery had added:

"WITH EVERY 20 LITRES"
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 3 May 2007, 17:46, Reply)

Glasgow University Library toilets..
Next to the toilet roll dispenser someone has written:

"Social science degrees - please take one"
( Fudgebags will wear you like a glove, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:46, Reply)

One of the ol' guys in school
He bunked off a class one afternoon, orange felt tip in hand. We see him a few lessons later, grinning like a madman.

Our old school used to be a series of staircases in a big tall building, and on staircase "A" there was a teacher called "Chinwig"; about 20 stone, sporting a big beard and gay as feck. About 2 floors below his class was a nice quiet spot with a nice clean wall, and that's where the felt-tip armed pupil struck.

By the next day EVERYONE had seen it. They couldn't miss it, it was fecking life-size. Twas only a 6 foot doodle of Chinwig with his cock out while holding a bong and a mug of "coffe" (was mis-spelt too). After lots of complaints by Chinwig, it got painted over after about 3 full months :D

They never caught the felt-tipper (even though they knew, never had enough evidence), and he became exempt from bullying up until the day he left.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:46, Reply)

In a public loo
"Here I sit broken hearted, paid my penny and only farted"
( Blackdogmanguitar is out with Fat Larry's Jazz Band on, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:46, Reply)

Woo Yay Houpla
on the wall of one of the gents' cubicles in the Chemical Engineering dept. at uni
( thistle, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:45, Reply)

On the back of 37% of white vans-
"I wish my wife was this dirty"
and often, in different handwriting underneath;
"she is"
(Londingham ., Thu 3 May 2007, 17:45, Reply)

Union minibuses are like gigantic whiteboards.
'cause no bugger ever cleans them.

So we used one to go diving, and while some of our group were underwater, this was written on the side of the bus:

"Dave's mum is this dirty, (arrow pointing to circle around some dirt on the side of the bus) but Chris' mum is only this dirty (arrow pointing to circle around a slightly less dirtier part of the bus).

This was all well and good, but Chris took offense when Dave put the icing on the cake by adding "but she squeals".

It's still there several months later and the bus is regularly driven around South Kensington, London and the UK on a regular basis.

Neither Chris nor Dave will tell us where their mothers live.

Edit: Arse. Union staff read B3ta too...
(Squash, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:45, Reply)

In a passageway leading from campus
towards the city and a lot of student houses
"COGITO ERGO NON SATIS BIB"

Which I am reliably informed says in mangled Latin

"I think, therefore I have not drunk enough"
( Cadmus has teh uplikn coeds at, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:45, Reply)

Look inside yourself
with a small handheld mirror.
( brianftang www.brianftang.co.uk, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:43, Reply)

A public toilet somewhere when I was much younger
"Don't beam me up yet Scotty, I'm having a shi-"

with the dot of the 'i' forming a trail leading off the top of the door.
( Cadmus has teh uplikn coeds at, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:43, Reply)

In quite small writing in the middle of a toilet cubicle wall....
"If you're reading this I'm probably about to rape you"

Or words to that effect.
(doris_day, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:42, Reply)

Poem in the loos next to the Ram bar at Exeter Uni (around ten years ago)
Thin boy
Thin boy
Fat head
is a cock

Why this has remained in my brain when there are, I would imagine, better uses my memory could be put to, I do not know.
( brianftang www.brianftang.co.uk, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:42, Reply)

couldnt go!
Rumours nightclub, back of the toilet door!

'YOU ARE BEING WATCHED'

I was terrified!
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:40, Reply)

Oh god, fantastic.
The subway at the bottom of my road is currently being targeted by an absolutely wonderful being who is plastering it frequently in joy-provoking scentences. Highlights so far have included:

"I am a degraded mosaic"
"Grow! Seriously, do!"
"It is nice to see the sun at this time of year"
"I love my parents"
"Show your children good films"

Every time I'm trudging to work, filled with the horrors of saturday morning, I just have to read the subway wall and it cheers me up no end. Its almost motivational.

More to come as I remember them.
( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:39, Reply)

I want this on a T-shirt
This is just off Kingsland Road, Dalston

Cliche Guevara
(lincolnsmithvstheblackprince I'm up to my knees in lionel here, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:39, Reply)

Makes me chuckle everytime I see it...
"BIG DAVES GUSSET" written in foot high letters and visible from every Southeastern Train that passes through London Bridge Station.

EDIT: Beaten to it on my first post :(
(skintagain, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:39, Reply)

Bangor University, IT block, 3rd floor, blokes loos
On an open day, popped in for a Barry White, and it said on the back of the door "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch Cru 4eva"

The irony that they shortened "Crew forever" to save space was not lost on me.
(rhyswynne - on every social network mullarkey known to man, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:38, Reply)

When I was wee...
...I spent most summers on Brownie Camp, in a farmhouse-type thing that was used for all sorts of things. Perfectly idyllic place - sheep in the fields, water fights in the brook, more stick insects in the bathrooms than you could shake a erm... stick at, and so on and so forth. Good times.

Little Brownies slept in sleeping bags on mattresses in Dorm 1, which had a seriously grotty loo and managed to be cold even in summer. Bigger Brownies slept in sleeping bags in Dorm 2, which had bunkbeds, a slightly nicer bathroom, and a spirally-type staircase.

Why did the the older ones get the bunk beds? Because of a very large piece of graffiti on the bottom of one of the top bunks, which had apparently resisted all the increasingly desperate attempts at removal. It consisted of two robots, in what yours truly thought of at the time as "a rather unfeasible position", and the immortal verse:

If I were a robot
And you were one too
I'd give you a bolt
If you'd give me a screw



I slept in that dormitory three years running, and it was there every single year, in seemingly pristine condition. Probably still there if the place is still standing!
(BrokenMatchstick is harbouring a dangerous amount of phosphorus., Thu 3 May 2007, 17:36, Reply)

Not wordy, but someone obviously put at lot of time and effort into this

( The Coast Of Yemen, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:36, Reply)

DEATH STAR BIATCH


Spotted in glasgow 2005

/edit just seen aphexs' entry, is this a common theme?
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:35, Reply)

someone . .
more than likely my housey has written in the slight grime on the bonnet of my car

"I love my Volvo"

which made me chuckle, as I swear at it on most days and its called the beast.
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:35, Reply)

Kentucky-Freud-Chicken.
Mother-Fucking Good.
( Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:34, Reply)

Obscure...
On the train from London Bridge to Waterloo East there is a bit where you can see across to a half finished building, and in between the girders, on a wall you can see the words (about a foot high):

BIG DAVES GUSSET

Who "Big Dave" is and what his gusset has to do with anything I have no idea...
( Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Thu 3 May 2007, 17:33, Reply)

MUGGINS IS UNEXCEPTIBLE IN EAST BELFAST ANYONE CAUGHT WILL BE SEVERLEY DEALT WITH


I thought this was a bit of self depreceation on the part of the writer but then I discovered there's a cleaning firm in east belfast called "muggins cleaners" and it seems the owner is a bit of a bastard and underpays his staff
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Thu 3 May 2007, 17:33, Reply)