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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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isn't it traditional to say something about lunch now?
I have just let a chicken and mushroom pasta thing over boil

what's the worth thing you've ever cooked?
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:08, Reply)
Yer Mum
(I'm assuming a spitroast counts...)
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:11, Reply)
ooh
imagine the dripping on that
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:12, Reply)
fucking arse gravy everywhere

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:14, Reply)
Non-maternal answer: Back in the days when my cooking was more...erm...experimental in nature
(i.e., before I really knew what I was doing) I managed to bugger up a simple cheese sauce. To this day I'm still not sure how I managed it, but it ended up as a sea of yellow with lumps in it.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:13, Reply)
i made grey cheese sauce once
lighty took pity and sent me a proper recipe
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:16, Reply)
Did it contain lumps? Please tell me it contained lumps
My old flatmate and I, probably just before my own cheese sauce failure, speculated on the existence of a recipe for "boring soup," which would be "grey, with lumps." Obviously the closest I could get was yellow with lumps - I'd love to be able to tell him it's possible.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:20, Reply)
yes
it had lumps
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:23, Reply)
I had porridge for breakfast and I just had another bowl for lunch.
I'll go to Waitrose and buy some sun-dried tomatoes and maybe couscous for dinner.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:14, Reply)
a weird mix of posh and scummy student

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:17, Reply)
I don't think there's anything scummy about porridge.
Tastes amazing with the right amount of cinnamon and fake sugar, it's slow burning so keeps you full throughout the day and it's great for keeping in shape.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:22, Reply)
it's the eating it for two meals thing

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:23, Reply)
Cinnamon and fake sugar?
Fucking hell. That's the worst thing I've ever read on here. You nasty dirty cunt.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:25, Reply)
Putting real sugar in things is for fat messes.

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:28, Reply)
Says the person on the porridge-and-fake-sugar diet.
Fake. Fucking. Sugar. You tragedy. You terrible fucking tragedy.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:29, Reply)
I'm not a food person and I make no apologies for that.
I just eat to survive (and stay skinny).
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:30, Reply)
Kill yourself now.
The rest of your life is just a waste of cereals.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:31, Reply)
actually that's not true
lots more research these days showing that you are much better to have a tiny bit of the real thing than bigger amounts of the diet substitutes, which are full of fake badness like aspartame, which can cause insulin rushes and then crashes that make you eat more, etc etc.

of course, the problem probably lies in the words "a tiny bit"...
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:50, Reply)
I used real sugar for ages.
I still eat the same amount of food every day, and use the same amount of fake sugar as I would the real stuff. I do completely agree with what you say though, it can easily be just as bad/worse if you don't use it right.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:52, Reply)
i went out with a personal trainer for a little while
and he was adamant that you should be using the real stuff. for example, he said never mix animal and vegetable - eg fry vegetables in a drop of olive oil, but use organic unsalted butter if you are cooking meat/fish.

he was a walking example of his own healthy eating tips, but god he was dull.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:55, Reply)
And a credulous meat-head.

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:56, Reply)
i am trying to remember the name of his diet
i think it was along the lines of the metabolic diet, ie some people should eat some things, and others should eat others.

i switched off after a while. he was quite depressing to date, even with a 6pack of iron.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:57, Reply)
"Shut up and keep doing the squat thrusts!"

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:59, Reply)
"take your top off when i'm talking... to..... y....."

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:00, Reply)
Speaking as somebody with type 1 diabetes I feel I ought to point out that this is bollocks.
Kthx.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:54, Reply)
the research is def out there
whether it is bollocks or not is way beyond my feeble non-sciencey brain
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:56, Reply)
His sense of taste is abysmal, a weapon that he puts to good use by rimming out birds for hours on end
lol you should see the jackets and shoes that he links to as well lol
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:30, Reply)
I've never licked an arse that tastes like cinnamon.
I'm obviously doing it wrong.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:31, Reply)
I've licked a few that were covered in "porridge" though.

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:32, Reply)
i just had blueberry oatmeal
one time I put carrots in water in a bowl in the microwave and let them cook for about a minute and gave them to my mom
to be fair I was about 7
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:14, Reply)
that works, doesn't it
or didn't you chop them up?
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:16, Reply)
not in a minute yuck
and I did chop them up
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:18, Reply)
but nothing takes
longer than a minute in a microwave, right?
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:20, Reply)
it's a fair enough good point

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:28, Reply)
"Just a minute" flies by.

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:50, Reply)
Donkey.
edit: no ... actually ... camel
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:26, Reply)
I made a thai soup
with far too many birds eyes chillis and then I made the mistake of liquidising before adding noodles.
It hurt a lot and I couldn't actually see my eyes watered so much.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:28, Reply)
Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's Caribbean Vegetarian Squash and Chickpea stew.
With added chicken.

I'll be eating it all week too. The receipe is enough for 6 people and there were only 2 of us.

edit: That's lunch, not the worst thing I have ever cooked. I think that honour would have to go to when I was a poor student and all i had left was some tomato ketchup, a tin of corned beef and some raw peanuts. I just mixed them up and cooked them in a wok. It was gross.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:32, Reply)
i made this potato bake the other week
it was awful
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:34, Reply)
I once made cottage pie, put it in the oven, and fell asleep for 2 hours
I tried a little of it, it was absolutely fucking abysmal. However, it has to be the pea soup I made over Christmas, I decided to add lentils to bulk it up a bit, it just tasted disgusting.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:35, Reply)
Root veg soup, and a Brunswick ham, tomato and mustard wholemeal pitta on the side.
It was dull but not wholly unpleasant.

Like Monsieur Chompet above, I have overdone the spicing of Thai food on several occasions. I love chillies but rendered a green curry I made inedible even to my destroyed tastebuds. Lusty ate a single bite and nearly wept.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:38, Reply)
Wholemeal pitta sounds like an act of contrition for an unspeakable crime.
Were you wearing a hair shirt while you ate it?
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:40, Reply)
Yes. And moisturiser.

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:44, Reply)
I'm so aroused right now.

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:56, Reply)
I mixed a tin of stewed beef in gravy with a tin of pasta in creamy sauce in a saucepan and heated
Don't. Just don't.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:41, Reply)
That would qualify as haute cuisine in 80% of the USA.

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:42, Reply)
Oh my, momma ain't that Texas Cookin' something
Oh my, momma it'll stop yo' belly and backbone bumpin'
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:44, Reply)
In my defence that was a long time ago
I'm quite a bit better at the cookery now.

At university there was a curry made by three housemates together, all three of whom assumed responsibility for adding the spices. Even very drunk we couldn't eat more than a couple of mouthfuls.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:46, Reply)
Next time on "two and half students"
LiC dates two girls at once, with hilarious consequences
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:00, Reply)
If only

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:06, Reply)
I've seen the pilot for that show.
They hardly own anything at all when they move in. Just one cup between them.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:18, Reply)
Heroin for some retarded kids

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:44, Reply)
I used to eat pasta with ketchup and cheese when i was a student and had noting else left

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:46, Reply)
*bokes*

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:46, Reply)
It wasn't that bad...like a really cheap ragu

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:48, Reply)
The usual student favourite when I shared houses
was either pasta, sweetcorn, tinned tomatoes and any herb or spice.

Or beans and jacket potato.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:55, Reply)
Ragu is meat sauce.

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:55, Reply)
he MIGHT have meant the brand
which is just tomato shit
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:56, Reply)
nah, i have never used jarred pasta sauce, really don't see the point

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:57, Reply)
Ah.
I might have let my man of the people mask slip and revealed the middle class ponce beneath.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:57, Reply)
to the nigellacopter!

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:04, Reply)
I'm so aroused right now.
Again.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:18, Reply)
You say tomato I say tomato
but you are correct, slight brain freeze
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:56, Reply)
swap the ketchup for brown sauce
and you have my speciality meal
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:02, Reply)
I was told a tale of a guy at university
who lived an entire term on nothing but Smash(tm) instant mashed potato and brown sauce.

I was given to understand he'd completely destroyed his stomach lining and had to be hospitalised for some time.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:08, Reply)
I have never been that short of food.

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:09, Reply)
weird
potatoes are cheaper than smash
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:17, Reply)
But they require effort and mionimal cooking ability to convert into mash
they also create more washing up. You're not thinking studenty enough, of all people I am surprised at you.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:24, Reply)
Spethal fried lithe.

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:46, Reply)
my cooking is generally pretty good
because i only ever do things like stir-fried vegetables or basics like shep pie/lasagne, so it's hard to fuck up.

but as a penniless student i once lived for about 3 days on sliced white bread sprinkled with herbs and salt. how fucking disgusting is that?!
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:52, Reply)
probably nicer than the abortion that you call a "vegetarian" shepherds pie

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:55, Reply)
this is where you are wrong, my undressed monkey friend
firstly, i cook it with meat for my dad/brothers etc.

secondly, when i cook it for myself, i tend to use lots of spicy vegetables. it's GOOD!
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:58, Reply)
But, that's not shpherds pie, it's just a bunch of vegetables with mash on top
it would be 'arable farmers' pie really
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:59, Reply)
Greengrocers pie.

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:00, Reply)
beetroot dyed purple mind piss

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:01, Reply)
it's fucking fit, is what it is
i also like bachelors bean feast shepherds pie, but i have to watch whom i cook that for - it gave my friend cc such dreadful stinking wind that she farted herself sick and had to take the next day off work because she was so scared of doing it in the office. she couldn't escape the reek that followed her around all day though.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:02, Reply)
I heard your ex liked Bachelors sausage feast pie

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:04, Reply)
i don't think i've heard of that one
you didn't just make it up to tease me, did you? surely not?
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:08, Reply)
Hevean forbid

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:26, Reply)
*shudders*
You can't make a veggie Shepherds Pie. It can't be called Sheperds Pie without lamb, shurely?
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:00, Reply)
see above
or "Greg Wallace Pie"
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:01, Reply)
Oh god.
I may never eat anything ever again.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:03, Reply)
when i ate meat
i had it with beef. that was nice too. much as i loathe meat and always have, i didn't mind mince.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:01, Reply)
when made with beef it's a "cottage pie"
and don't let Darth tell you otherwise
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:02, Reply)
oh is that the difference?
i thought the difference was that there are carrots in a cottage pie.

this is NOT a euphemism for darth's cock.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:03, Reply)
Lamb = shepherds pie
Beef = cottage pie
vegetables = not pie at all but a sorry excuse for food that shouldn't even be fed to those skinny starving donkeys in the middle East, you know, with the bent backs and long toenails, they would refuse it.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:05, Reply)
you need educating, boy

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:08, Reply)
Actually
Lamb/Mashed Potato = Shepard's Pie (Mash = Fluffy like a sheep)

Beef/Sliced Potato = Cottage Pie (Slices like roof tiles on a cottage).

Sadly i think I learnt that from Coronation Street.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:09, Reply)
That's a hotpot or scouse.
Plum.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:11, Reply)
You sir are wrong.
chickletsinthekitchen.com/?p=359

Don't ever doubt the wisdon of Stephanie Cole...
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:14, Reply)
It's still beef for cottage and lamb for shepherd though.
I wouldn't argue that changing the nature of the potato on top makes no difference.

That said, I would say lamb "pie" with sliced potato on is scouse.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:24, Reply)
It is, yes.
All we are missing now then, is the proper name for the beef/mash combo.

Unless that's hot pot.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:26, Reply)
No, that's cottage pie!
hot pot has sliced potato on top
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:32, Reply)
But is made with lamb.

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:32, Reply)
I refuse to accept this fact as fact.

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:35, Reply)
It is a fact on the internet and in real life

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:36, Reply)
But if I can't trust National Treasure Stephanie Cole, who can I trust?
Answer me that, mr destoyer of my entire belief system. ANSWER ME THAT!
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:37, Reply)
Who the fuck is stephanie cole?>

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:38, Reply)
I'm not sure.
Some actress.

I just googled 'Coronation Street Cast' to find out where I heard the Cottage Pie thing from.

She may have been in Tenko.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:39, Reply)
Why would Coronation Street be the place to look for food based facts?!

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:39, Reply)
cos its full of fat folks

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:40, Reply)
It wouldn't,
I've just let a joke get out of hand.

For the record, I have no strong opinions on the correct type of potato for either a Cottage or Shepard's pie.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:41, Reply)
So which type do you advocate for a fish pie?

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:42, Reply)
Well, clearly that has to be very small boiled potatoes to look like fish eggs.
This one I feel very strongly about.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:43, Reply)
rice

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:43, Reply)
a glass of wine and a pizza express, thats it

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:43, Reply)
fuck pizza express
fire and stone is sooooooo much better
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:47, Reply)
you ain't worth fire and stone!

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:50, Reply)
oh actually me and LQ went to covent garden the other day and had lovely pie and mash

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:51, Reply)
oh please
i'm like the chanel of off-topic.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:56, Reply)
you mean the chantelle
(her from off big brother who i think gets her baps out now)
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:58, Reply)
Popular in the 80's but not particularly trendy anymore?

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:59, Reply)
i can't believe this is still going on
it's fucking meat and fucking potato, get over it boys.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:45, Reply)
NEVER!

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:46, Reply)
Bloody women,
they don't even try to understand us, do they Nakers?
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:49, Reply)
I can't believe you didn't know that.
And you're from the country and everything.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:07, Reply)
but i haven't eaten either since i was about 12!
surely a good excuse
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:08, Reply)
Food knowledge 101.

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:12, Reply)
shepard's pie is rancid whatever you do with it
and cheese on top is just *vom*
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:01, Reply)
^incorrect.

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:07, Reply)
its a bird innit
they only like pasta and fruit and that

fucken cunts the lot of em
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:13, Reply)
Wrong.

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:57, Reply)

cooked eaten: Yak tongue.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:52, Reply)

eaten had wrapped around my cock and stuck up my arse
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:54, Reply)
That's a delicacy in the Himalayas.

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:55, Reply)

worst best
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:55, Reply)
That was before I ate it.

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:57, Reply)
well seasoned and with earthy undertones

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 13:58, Reply)
Tongue a la Dury

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:33, Reply)
It's a fundmental civil right

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:33, Reply)
Which of you snakes is Privahini Bradoo?
Stealing my ideas and shit www.wesolveforx.com/
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:25, Reply)
She'll be too lazy to see it through
you'll be ok
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:30, Reply)
part of my arm.

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:26, Reply)
Paella, looked and tasted like vomit

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:27, Reply)
Always does.

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:27, Reply)
Not when my mum makes it.

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:49, Reply)
ooh, I can't eat Paella since an unfotunate incident in Taragona.
Well, I probably could, but I choose not to now because of the memories.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:28, Reply)
Were you bum raped by a donkey while being forced to eat Paella?

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:31, Reply)
if anything that would have given him paellophilia

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:32, Reply)
Will you please stop reading my fucking diary.

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:35, Reply)
i hate people who keep diries of their fucking
it makes them seems really nobbish
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:50, Reply)
Especially when only two pages are filled in for every year.
Save the trees!
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:59, Reply)
Surth and Turth

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:40, Reply)
swollen tongue?

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:48, Reply)
On for Wapping!
Excellent.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 15:03, Reply)
Now I'm having a Lucky Strike tab (red) for my afternoon snack.

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:48, Reply)
You're supposed to smoke them.
Kids today etc don't know they're born etc
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:49, Reply)
Are your roots showing yet?

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 14:58, Reply)
why is he a rasta?

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 15:01, Reply)
He's Alex Hayley

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 15:02, Reply)
Alex who? and don't call me Haley!
lol
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 15:08, Reply)
No he's a Londoner!

/rebelmclolz
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 15:10, Reply)
maybe its because he's a londoner
that he thinks london's great?
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 15:11, Reply)
mainly through his entire lack of class

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 15:02, Reply)
Nah pop nah style.
E strickly roots.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 15:04, Reply)
Not unless you pull my hair up and have a look.

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 15:20, Reply)
Go on then
Someone start a new thread.
(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 15:20, Reply)
dunnit

(, Mon 13 Feb 2012, 15:22, Reply)

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