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(

rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)

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Morning everyone
anyone else about?

It's a grey drizzly day here in London, so not really looking forward to leaving the cozy confines of my flat yet.

(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 8:45, 265 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Let me be
your distraction, ladies...

*peels off undergarments*

*hears laughter*

*dons them again*
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 8:51, Reply)

Mornin' all
and ain't it a lovely mornin'?
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 8:56, Reply)

Tis done me dear
Morning assorted b3tans, I'm off to work now, but I'll probably be back on during the day as we've not got ops booked for today.

see you later :)
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 8:57, Reply)

Cheerio Becky!
@ancrenne shucks, you sure know how to make a guy feel good about himself.
How's my favourite non-perverted b3tan today then?
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 8:59, Reply)

Bye Becky
Have a good one with the kittens etc.

*waves*

Have you seen Bert's other post this morning, ancrenne?
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:00, Reply)

The goggles, they do nothing.
Morning all. I have braved the rain and have been at my work for the last hour.

EDIT Bye Becky
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:00, Reply)

I shall be here for a short while.
The book-keeper is due to sort out the mess that I produce each month wiht the accounts.

That women deserves a medal, I tell ya.
(

girlinthehole, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:04, Reply)

Morning, Ms Blouse
Life would be simpler if all your transactions were in cash. Then you could just put it all in a big biscuit tin, and if you have some left at the end of the month, you know you have a profit. If not, then you write IOUs and start worrying a bit.

Accountancy made simple.

The financial houses of the world are queuing up to sign me, I tell you.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:06, Reply)

Very well, thank you
in that I cant' complain about much.

Have no fear, you're top o' the range, there's nobody in the whole world who wouldn't like you*.

*except maybe Alan Titchmarsh, but he's a cock.
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:07, Reply)

I'd need a bloody big biscuit tin.
We have a rather large turnover you know *sniggers*
(

girlinthehole, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:08, Reply)

You could use
large denomination notes then, BGB!

Speaking of turnovers, anyone got any cakes? Where's HLT when you need her? Mind you, it's usually 10 or so until she gets in, so I'm being a bit previous this morning.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:09, Reply)

@ancrenne
Good morning chuck.

Good luck with the presentation *snogs*

Break a leg or whatever people say : )
(

girlinthehole, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:10, Reply)

Shoes with big heels
must be a bit difficult to walk in. Hope you manage to stay upright and steady ancrenne.

Alternatively you could wear a skirt like Mrs Honeyman from Camberwick Green (or was it Trumpton...?) which reaches the ground, and go nude-footed as usual.

Edit. Sorry. I'm being an arse this morning.

*kicks self*
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:20, Reply)

mmmm
Who knows what goes on under a long skirt...
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:24, Reply)

@Hair Pot
Nothing!

Although for someone trying to sell pants, that's not really good advertising.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:25, Reply)

I'll need more than binoculars
as she's even further away than usual just now.

But the friskiness is still there. You noticed, then?

:-)
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:28, Reply)

*bursts in, a swirl of wet leather, knives and chewing gum*
Mornin' all.
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:29, Reply)

morning!
isn't it the grottiest day ever? I have an interview with an agency today and am going to arrive looking like a drowned rat. yuk.
who employs drowned rats? nobody, that's who.
bum.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:33, Reply)

Still in bed?
*grins*

*takes off wet clothes*

*joins you*
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:34, Reply)

Ah, thank you
*tries extra big binoculars*

*gives up*

*tries Google Earth instead*

Yes, I must do something about the elevated hormone levels. Preferably use them properly.

Morning Kaol, Lucy. I take it it's raining in the south today then? It's dry here...

*looks out of window*

...although possibly not for much longer.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:37, Reply)

@Ancrenne
Tarpaulin would work wouldn't it? Although I can't imagine a joyous reaction from the other tube users. they are cranky enough as it is without me irritating them!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:40, Reply)

Yay, verily, good chums of th'internet...
By my troth, it is a good morrow! Fare thee well?

*capers*
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:43, Reply)

It was full-speed wiper
Weather on my way i to work.

I just want today to be over, so I can go and meet a fantastic person for lots of drinks in Brighton tomorrow.
Hope the weather changes for that.
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:46, Reply)

It rained here
during the night, and I saw some lightnings before I went to bed. But it's not been enough rain to wash all the crap off my car. Looks like I'll need to do that.

And good morrow, diabolical one, 'tis grand to make your acquaintance once more.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:50, Reply)

Aawww! Kaol!
You're just a fluffeh bunny (with knives) underneath all that leather and psycho-ness, aren't you?!

*tickles Kaol under the chin*
(

chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:51, Reply)

Good morrow, good morrow..
How's everyone today?
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:52, Reply)

Morning all.
Terribly sorry for my b3ta tardiness recently. Have I missed much? :-)

'Tis a tad grey oop north, but thankfully not raining - yet. But it absolutely hammered down yesterday evening, with the result that my pond overflowed within about 10 minutes...

ancrenne, good luck with the presentation. I'm working on an application for promotion, in between trying to get paper files made up for audit purposes. Which means trawling through about a year's worth of email correspondence for stuff that might be considered part of the audit trail. Wonderful.
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:55, Reply)

Gosh!
Wouldn't it be a coincidence if you and Kaol found yourselves in the same place, ancrenne? Now that would be spooky...

Yes, lightning is fun, but I unplugged my computer from the mains, the telly aerial and the phone line last night, just to be safe.

And flying through a thunderstorm at night is quite an exciting experience, if somewhat scary. Although seeing a whole cumulonimbus light up is worth it.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:58, Reply)

Ay, madam!
My hose are wetten'd through. Tis only a feat of luck that I am cross-garter'd, holding 'em in sensibility! Zounds!

EDIT: Fare thee well, brother Davros? May angels smile upon thine application!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:58, Reply)

You're gonna be in Brighton
Too ancrenne?

Wanna go for a drink?
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 10:00, Reply)

Cheers DiT, innit!
It's, like, a shortened application process, cos of, like, the restructuring, like. But even if, like, I don't get it, I won't be too bovvered, like, cos well, like, I've still got a job and everything, like, you know?
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 Jul 2008, 10:02, Reply)

Ok...
Ancrenne, I do hereby formally invite you to join myself and my bondsmen for a fuck-orf quantity of ales and ciders in the fair town of Brighton.
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 10:09, Reply)

'Tis not a matter of what I have eaten, madam!
I am as constant as the Northern Star!

But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 10:11, Reply)

@ancrenne
For what it's worth, I had to give a presentation a couple of weeks back, and running through it the day before with my boss, I made a right arse of it. Hums and erms everywhere.

I looked through my notes on the train on the way for only a few minutes, but as soon as I went into the room I immediately got into 'professional speaking' mode and presented it very well, even if I do say so myself. So you'll be fine.

That said, I haven't heard from them yet, so it doesn't look like I'm getting the funding

As for being sensible - well, more prudent really. I'm not keen on the idea of my £how-much? computer going bang.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 10:14, Reply)

DiT
Why dost thou speak so, sire?

Practiseth thou for a Shakespearian performance? Perhaps Macbeth?

What? Did I say something I shouldn't have?
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 10:19, Reply)

GAH!
Hot potato, off his drawers, Puck will make amends!

I speak thusly, sirrah, as (by my troth) the ladies love it.
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 10:23, Reply)

DiT I have but one thing to say to you...
MACBETH!

*thinks that this could be fun*
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 Jul 2008, 10:28, Reply)

@DG
Ah, I see Queen Mab hath had her way with you.

*possibly a misquote*
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 10:31, Reply)

GAH!
Hot potato, off his drawers, Puck will make amends!

NOT funny.

I wonder what a Geordie's weak point is? Hmm. Kevin Keegan is rubbish!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 10:38, Reply)

Hmm...
MAAAAACCCCCCCCCBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHH!

*wanders off*
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 10:40, Reply)

*not playing*
We're not backstage, so it doesn't count! NYAAAAAH!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 10:41, Reply)

Right...
Now I've had a bit of a chat, tied Bert Sexmonkey up with climbing ropes, hidden with DiT and generally chewed the fat with everyone on the subject of being famous for b3ta...

I think I'd better do some work.

Expect me back within the hour.

*not very good at getting down to work*
(

chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 10:42, Reply)

Nowt to do
*feels efficient*
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 10:47, Reply)

@ DiT
technically, I'm not a Geordie - I'm a Border Reiver. Or, more pointedly, an Englishman from a border town with an identity crisis...
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 Jul 2008, 10:53, Reply)

@DG
Berwick, then? Geographically in England but plays football in Scotland.

It's a bit like Strasbourg, in that it's been fought over by neighbouring nations for hundreds of years and changed hands numerous times. It even ended up with a half German, half French name.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 10:56, Reply)

I remembered that as I posted...
And was hoping you'd forget.

*grovels*
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 10:56, Reply)

K2k6
Spot on.

DiT - grovelling accepted. I shall no more mention 'the Scottish Play'.

Right, I should probably do some work.
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 Jul 2008, 10:57, Reply)

You
could do that I guess.
It's all gone rubbishly quiet on here.
*shakes fist*
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 11:29, Reply)

kaol
That's because some of us have work to do, I suspect.

Oh, hang on...
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 Jul 2008, 11:30, Reply)

Day three of my new job
And I've done all the work already.
Either I'm fuckin' amazing, or I'm missing something significant.
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 11:34, Reply)

Can't you be both?
Eh?
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 Jul 2008, 11:35, Reply)

Er...
*does the "I'm bored" dance*

*frowns*

*eats pistachios*

*plays with knife*
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 11:39, Reply)

ancrenne
never having written a business plan I wouldn't now. However, I do have to prepare business cases for approval at various panels. The ones we have here are approximately 60 pages long minimum and far too bloody complex for their own good, being that they are having to satisfy EU funding requirements.
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 Jul 2008, 11:42, Reply)

Teh EU
is a pain in the arse. We used to have some ERF funding here, but it's more trouble than it's worth.

I went to a meeting once to see how to get grants from the EU's FP7 (actually, it may even have been FP6) and they had some blokes giving case studies. During the Q&A session they more or less admitted that once you had jumped through a million hoops to get the funding, it was pretty much a full time job doing the administration. Every last penny has to be accounted for in the quarterly(?) audit.

I've also been to meetings in Brussels on this very subject. One was so boring that I made my escape at the coffee break. I actually ran away!
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 11:52, Reply)

Part of the problem
is with the levels of investment the organisation makes, for instance I'm working on a business case that's worth £4.5m over the next three years... so the Agency likes the case for investment to be absolutely robust.

Never mind that this particular £4.5m is a requirement as part of the wider programme I'm working on and the EU would give us a hefty slap and a fine if we DIDN'T deliver the goods on this occassion...
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 Jul 2008, 11:54, Reply)

@ancrenne
My point exactly. They were always trying to push the fact that there was this huge great pot of money out there just waiting to be used (and it is huge - it's over £1 billion) but they were short of applications.

Try making it less bureaucratic then, EU gods. Then more people might be attracted to it. As it is, it takes so much time and effort to get the funding, and even more time and effort once you've got it, that very few can actually be arsed with it.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 11:59, Reply)

K2k6
this particular programme I'm working on is a nightmare of red tape and legislation. For example, it runs until 2013, with a stop date of 31/12/15 to allow for project spends to be completed. Paperwork on all projects funded must be kept for 10 years from the stop date - so any project funded now needs to keep all documentation, receipts, invoices until 31/12/25...

And if anyone thinks 'sod that' they would do well to remember that the EU can, and will, claw back funds on the slightest discrepancy. One project (not one of ours) funded a few years ago had £12,000 recovered because of a missing receipt for 40p... I kid you not.
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:02, Reply)

Ancrenne
I can play with photoshop, but everyone can see my screen with not too much effort, so fun stuff has to be avoided.

I can get away with b3ta, as it looks like the html writing that I'm meant to be doing, from a distance.
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:05, Reply)

Morning B3tards!
Blimey there's some serious discussion-type-thingys going on here today. Hasn't anyone got any good poo stories?

I ate a vegan cupcake this morning. It was awful. What is usually buttercream filling was an very odd lumpy / watery goo, presumably made with soya or something equally sick-making. Afetr two bites I got the chav mantra in my head - 'leave it G-Lo, it ain't worth it' - and put it safely in the bin.

There's no substitute for butter, is there?
(G-Lo, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:05, Reply)

@DG
Perhaps we should bring this to the attention of our dear politicians who, when asked about their expenses, claim that they can't possibly be expected to keep receipts for everything.

Well, everyone else does. If I go on a work ~~jolly~~trip, I keep receipts for absolutely everything I want to claim back, otherwise I can't claim it. And if I can do it, surely an MP earning several times what I do can do so too.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:06, Reply)

^ G-Lo
Not if your Marlon Brando, no.....
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:06, Reply)

G-Lo
*lowers tone*
I can think of one substitute for butter...
It's lower in fat, higher in protein...
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:07, Reply)

K2k6
Nice sentiment, but we are talking about the arses that had an 8 course banquet after lecturing the plebs about food wastage here...
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:11, Reply)

Perhaps
high food prices will make people stop and think about throwing away food. I will quite happily eat food that's past its sell-by date*. I sniff it first and if it doesn't smell off, then it's fit for consumption.

*Seafood is of course an exception to this rule.

Edit - regarding butter substitutes, I much prefer a small amount of butter on my bread to any amount of low fat spread. Especially that 'I can't believe it's supposed to fool anyone into thinking it's butter' stuff.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:15, Reply)

I agree, Mr. K,
If it's not gone off, it's fine.
Milk, seafood and pork are the exceptions.
Beef is pretty much invincible.
*is reminded to buy some biltong*
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:18, Reply)

*shudders*
the filling did look a bit like.... that, just a bit lumpier. Thank you Kaol.

I have no doubt that some vegan food can be nice, but this one was made by the 18-year-old, clinically depresssed neice of my administrator, who I think may be just finding her feet in the kitchen. I'm having to say lots of nice thinks about it and hoping no-one spots it in my bin.
(G-Lo, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:20, Reply)

You don't have to be nice
About someone just because they're clinically depressed, just be honest, it works better.

*considers "butter-icing-meat-injection-cake-techniques" for industrial production*
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:28, Reply)

You can be nice and honest at the same time though
By saying something constructive, and explaining that you didn't really like it, because of x and that perhaps you could improve it next time by doing y, but you appreciated the thought etc etc.

The "for fuck's sake, that tasted like a piece of shit and I'm never touching anything that comes out of your kitchen ever again" approach will never work with anyone, depressed or not, and is not recommended under any normal circumstances.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:31, Reply)

I did think
that was kind of spooky, ancrenne. Perhaps we should post it on the QOTW.

*rummages through ancrenne's brain*

Business plans. Pants. Bare feet. G&T. Kaol. Knives...KNIVES!

*gets out of ancrenne's head*

Yeah, you're right. Nothing I want to know about in there.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:35, Reply)

*thrusts self into room*
I've been working! I'm still working! I'm stressed!
But I couldn't resist the B3ta call any longer.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:39, Reply)

K2k6
Ever wondered what it's like in my head?
*smiles sweetly*

It's not like you'd expect...
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:42, Reply)

Afternoon clendrix
I wondered when you'd thrust yourself upon us (in a nice way, of course).

How do?

Subject highlights today include: the weather (we're British after all), vegan food, EU bureaucracy, DiT speaking like a mediaeval chap and ancrenne's upcoming presentation.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:43, Reply)

I'm glad to be here:
the weather: my hair is extra curly - not impressed
vegan food: very no thanks
EU bureaucracy: time for a new war
DiT speaking like a mediaeval chap: such an old-fashioned gent
ancrenne's upcoming presentation: ancrenne, you rock
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:46, Reply)

99...
......
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:48, Reply)

100!
Woo!
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:48, Reply)

@clendrix
Does your hair get curlier when it's raining then?

Oh, and next time DiT appears, just shout 'Macbeth' at him, and he goes into full-on superstitious actor mode!

@Kaol - bastard. I was waiting for 99 and you cheated!
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:51, Reply)

I didn't cheat
You're just jealous that I took matters into my own hands!
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:52, Reply)

My hair
is a constant source of distress for me. It's very, very curly, and the rain makes it worse.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:53, Reply)

Yay!
The bookeeper has gone and all the accounts are straight again.

God I love that women.

Hi everyone : )
(

girlinthehole, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:54, Reply)

Clendrix,
Your hair is cool!
Well, I liked it.
Not that I'm Mr. Style or anything...

EDIT: Hi BGB!
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:54, Reply)

@Kaol
Suppose you're right. But it wasn't fair. I'm telling on you.

*sulks at not getting 100th post*

@clendrix - Is it extremely curly then? Like really long pubes? (but nicer of course)
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:55, Reply)

Kaol
how terribly sweet (it wasn't raining the day I met you, but still...)

Softer than pubes, thankfully, but yes, as curly.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 12:57, Reply)

Some are born great,
Some achieve greatness,
And some have Clendrix thrust upon 'em!

Good morrow, fair maiden! I trust thou art well and happie?

*bows deeply*

Dost any of thee fair maidens need assistance to cross a puddle? Verily, I have my cloak at the ready!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:00, Reply)

@ancrenne
I didn't get as far as the kittens. As soon as I saw the knives I was out of there.

I'm scared to go into Kaol's head...I don't want to know about that.

@clendrix - have you ever tried hair straighteners? Or would you need an industrial strength pair?

And hello again, BGB. Did your accountant tell you to use a big biscuit tin then?
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:02, Reply)

Afternoon Folks
Dinner time!
Got a nice chorizo and feta salad.
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:03, Reply)

Lunchtime
Bye!
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:03, Reply)

I can't wait for the bash in London.
I feel like a child counting down the days till christmas : )

I want to meet everyone and make a tit out of myself.

Edit - No K2K6, biscuits tins were not bandied about.
(

girlinthehole, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:03, Reply)

Prithee sir
dost thou have a cloak big enough to cope with the fecking great puddles of the English summer?

Verily, I am well and happie.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:04, Reply)

Hey BGB!
Is it easy enough to get from Todmorden to London then,or do they make you go through Leeds?
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:05, Reply)

@BK
*googles chorizo*

Sausage and cheese, eh? Sounds grand. Hope you enjoy it.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:05, Reply)

@K2k6
I had my hair straightened once.

It wasn't nice.

Plus, it started to curl again immediately and was back to (ab)normal within an hour.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:05, Reply)

@K
It's lovely!
Lots of red onions. My sinuses are prickling!
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:06, Reply)

Hi BK.
I was going get a lift to Manchester and get a train from there.

I used to live in Manchester so I invariably end up going there for travelling further on.
(

girlinthehole, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:06, Reply)

@BGB
That makes sense.
I can't wait, me.
Will be ace!
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:07, Reply)

*drapes cloak over puddles*
*leaves some for ancrenne*

Come, Madam Clendrix, I will carry thee!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:09, Reply)

@BK
Red onions are great. The aftermath doesn't so much for social niceties, but they taste good.

@clendrix - I wonder, if you were to grow your hair long enough, would it become straight under its own weight, with curly bits at the end? I could devise some sort of experiment to find that out.

@BGB- biscuit tins are the future of financial management. No credit crunch issues (although you could have Ginger Crunch problems, I suppose)

Edit - bye ancrenne. See you tonight.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:11, Reply)

later ancrenne
Hope it goes well!

@K - feeling the effects already I think!
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:14, Reply)

@K2k6
It won't grow. It just stops at a certain length...perhaps it really is just soft pubes?

DiT you are a gentleman, but I shall not climb into your arms because I am far too fond of you to break your poor back.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:18, Reply)

Oh.
OK then.

*sniffs*

Lunchtime folks... See ya later!

Er... I mean... Fare thee well!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:31, Reply)

I can't wait to get home tonight.
I have a bottle of wine to drink.

*sobs at her boring life*
(

girlinthehole, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:35, Reply)

@clendrix
You can't possibly have pubes on your head! Surely your hair's nicer than that. Kaol seems to think so anyway, so I'll believe him for once.

Mind you, it would save on haircuts.

*considers pube-based hair transplant*

Oh, and see you later, Macbe...er, I mean DiT.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:36, Reply)

BGB
What's boring about going home and drinking wine?

Sounds lovely!

@K2k6 - good, let's indeed believe Kaol.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:37, Reply)

... And I'm back.
An excellent and productive lunchbreak.
I now have 15 cans of cider and a bottle of decent vodka in the car.
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:39, Reply)

@Clendrix.
I've got no-one to drink it with. : (

But then again.....more for me. Yay!
(

girlinthehole, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:39, Reply)

I second the Clendrix-has-nice-hair motion,
and as everyone knows I have the final word on such matters.

Afternoon all, I have been hella busy this week, it has been rubbish. Only the lure of a permanent contract after five bloody years of temping is keeping me going. Annual leave! Oh how I long for it.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:41, Reply)

@BGB
oh :(

Suddenly, the world seems too big.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:43, Reply)

All this talk of wine
is great. I've just ordered a case of scrumptious reds.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:50, Reply)

Wine and I are not friends, sadly.
I shall think about beer instead.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:55, Reply)

I'm not a beer drinker
It's an odd thing, personal taste. There are (occasional) days when I really fancy a pint, and indeed it is good when I have it. But after that, I'm less inclined to have a second. And if I make it as far as a third it has to be really good beer (German, typically) for me to still be enjoying it.

Normally after a pint and a half I stop liking beer. Two mouthfuls if it's Tennent's Lager.

But I can drink red wine until I have lost control over virtually all of my voluntary biological functions.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:02, Reply)

hello?
is this where we all are?

These late shifts get me so confused.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:17, Reply)

Afternoon hlt!
How's your good self?
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:19, Reply)

'lo BK!
I's grand ta, how are you? are you fully functional again now?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:20, Reply)

Hello tulip
You're late today. Morning off?
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:21, Reply)

in a manner of speaking, yes
I'm on a late shift today, so I'll probably be here till beyond 10pm tonight.

I've been in bed all morning!

how are you k2k6?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:23, Reply)

Late shift?
That's a bugger. I take it that does however mean we will have the pleasure of your company (and cake?) tonight?

I'm doing fine, although I seem to have been a bit more lecherous and crude than usual over the last couple of days. Feel free to tell me off should I start being an arse!
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:27, Reply)

Hello Tulip!
Having a nice day?
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:28, Reply)

hey miss 'drix!
*hugs*

I may disappear from time to time as we have a show on tonight and I will have to put my DM hat on. But yes, company and cake is on standby.

Are you asking for discipline, k2k6?...
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:29, Reply)

Er, no thanks.
That doesn't really do it for me, HLT!

I may however require some minor scolding from time to time. Withdrawal of cake rights is easily enough, I'd imagine.

Edit - you have a Doc Marten hat?
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:31, Reply)

@K2K6
There's nothing wrong with a bit of crudite now and then especially served with hummous.

*laughs* did you see what I did there.

Hi tulip *hugs*

Edit - Door manager hat K2K6. doh!
(

girlinthehole, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:31, Reply)

@BGB
When I was little I thought a crudite was something made out crud. I blame cartoons and their lazy naming of monsters.

Also, I thought Deuteronomy was a surgical procedure.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:34, Reply)

awright blousester?
*hugs*

*spangs for crudite joke*

I can always withdraw cake rights. So just watch it sunshine.

No, why would I want a Doc Marten hat?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:34, Reply)

@hlt
I'm great thanks.

Just placed an order with a company in Galashiels. I told him I'm from Hawick originally. He sounded a bit offended I would dare leave and went, "Aye, weel; ye dinnae soond it!"
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:37, Reply)

Wookie
celery crudities do indeed taste like they're made from crud.

*guesses at what crud tastes like*
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:39, Reply)

Borders humour
I was playing at a gig in Hawick a year or two back and a local raconteur was doing his spot. One of his topics was local inter-town rivalries.

"Aye, ye get fierce rivalries between the towns around here", he said.

"For example, there's Hawick and Galashiels. Innerleithen and... Gala. Peebles and Gala, Selkirk and Gala..."
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:41, Reply)

Whoever decided celery would be a good thing to eat.
They should be shot. Well they're probably dead already now but still Yuk!
(

girlinthehole, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:42, Reply)

I have to drive through Gala
every single day.

*awaits offers of protection*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:42, Reply)

I suspect
celery is like Brussels sprouts and some other veg in that it contains some bitter chemicals which only some people can taste. I can't taste the bitterness, and in fact actually like sprouts and celery.

Celery is also one of those foodstuffs which takes more energy to digest than is gained from eating it.

@HLT - I don't know why you'd want a Doc Marten hat, but that's what the abbreviation DM means to me!
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:44, Reply)

you silly billies
It means Duty Manager!

but I am slightly disappointed that none of you thought it stood for DangerMouse

back soon. a slight culinary crisis has reared its head.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:47, Reply)

I look forward to calling in to see BGB one day to
a) drink lots of wine and
b) not eat celery

Top night!

Edit: I like sprouts.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:47, Reply)

Isn't Gala
the town where women outnumber men by a large factor, because of the textile college or something?

*makes plans for journey down the A7 if this is true*

Edit - DM. Duty Manager. Oh, yeah.

*slaps forehead*
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:49, Reply)

@K
Borders humour - hilarious!
Can you remember where you were playing so I can avoid it next time I go back.

@hlt - aw poor you. Anti-Gala "Pailmerk" amulet in the post to you now.
I've just addressed it happylittletulip, Kelso.
Think it'll get there?

*edit* at K again.
So I've heard, but I'm a firm believer in quality not quantity.
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:49, Reply)

I love sprouts.
But I only eat them at Christmas so they seem more special.

Yay! I'll cook sprouts for us when you come to visit Clendrix.
(

girlinthehole, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:50, Reply)

@ K2k6
Have you SEEN the girls in Gala, k2k6?

*shudders*

edit: @ BK - hm, I don't know if it would, but seeing as there are about 4 people living in Kelso, probably.

I realised this morning that my car numberplate alludes to my b3taname as well as my real one. spooky eh.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:53, Reply)

@BK
It was Hawick town hall, as I remember.

And I prefer quality over quantity too, given that one would be sufficient. But the sheer quantity means that you have a better chance of finding quality too, at the upper end of the distribution!

Edit @HLT- only when I've been driving through late at night, and they're spilling out over the streets. I get your point.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 14:53, Reply)

@K
It's quite a nice building actually, the Town Hall.

*edit*
Most of the decent lasses bugger off as soon as possible. You're left with the perma-pregnant and the underage!
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:12, Reply)

@HLT
It is indeed spooky. Unless of course your real name is in fact Miss Happy L. Tulip, and you bought the registration number HLT 1 from the DVLA. Then that wouldn't really be coincidence.

@BK - I can't remember much about the place to be honest, other than it being a bit of a bugger to get parked at the back door.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:15, Reply)

@K
It is, yeah.

It backs out onto the terraces that are about 170 years old and not built for anything bigger than a horse and trap.
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:17, Reply)

^
K2k6 - is that rude?
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:17, Reply)

@clendrix
Unintentionally I think.
Don't think it warrants the naughty step on this occasion!
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:18, Reply)

*apologises in advance*
"a bit of a bugger to get parked at the back door"

Well, duh.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:18, Reply)

@BK
I don't have a naughty step!

I favour the old-fashioned slap-on-the-back-of-legs method.

But I wouldn't do that to cheeky K2k6.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:19, Reply)

@ clendrix
ha! I would...

*grins*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:20, Reply)

Greetings
How is everyone?

I just phoned the company I may or may not be having an itnerview with and all they told me was that the managing director and technical director were out the office so they still can't decide on a date for an interview. This means I still don't know what evening I'll be in London. GAH!
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:20, Reply)

Oh dear
it appears I'm now being rude without even realising it!

To clarify - I found it problematic to find a suitable parking space for my car close to the stage door of Hawick town hall.

Even Tourette's would have trouble getting double entendres from that. Maybe.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:21, Reply)

@clendrix
Only if you use a thick leather belt in my opinion.

Hello again everybody.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:22, Reply)

Afternoon all
How is everyone today?

Any cake or alcohol going?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:24, Reply)

hi PoD, spakka, Dok
we were just discussing the lack of lady talent in the Borders, and k2k6 was being rude.

that sucks about your interview spakka.

have you brought toasties, PoD?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:25, Reply)

@Spak
Hello! You're certainly keeping us all in a high state of anticipation!

@Dok - I don't have one of those.

@HLT - you're very strict! I like it...
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:26, Reply)

Afternoon spakka, Dok, PoD
There may be cake, I haven't asked.
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:26, Reply)

And it appears
that my punishment is being discussed too.

*worries about kilt allowing easy access to back of legs, and beyond*

Afternoon ~~Dr Minge~~Herr Doktor, PoD, spakka.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:26, Reply)

K2k6
re your board signature - explain the use of the word 'worn'.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:28, Reply)

Someone has always got cake or booze here.
That's why I keep coming.
(

girlinthehole, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:28, Reply)

I have no toasties on me
And the new ones we have at work are rubbish. Very rubbish.

Work was rubbish today, but then it usually is.

Playing drums in a kilt = very, very hard.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:28, Reply)

newsflash!
I have just been emailed a BOGOF voucher for Pizza Express. If anyone wants a copy, gaz me with your email addy and I'll forward it to you.

edit@ clendrix - yes, I am strict today.

*fetches wooden spoon*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:29, Reply)

@clendrix
You can borrow mine if you want, I promise my trousers won't fall down.

On Borders ladies, I come from a little bit further North than the borders, so I would honestly know nothing about them. I do however know a couple of lovely ladies in Paisley.

Edit RUN HLT's got the wooden spoon out! Unless you like that kind of thing.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:31, Reply)

@clendrix
Worn - as in frayed or deteriorated by overuse.

Mine's all in perfect working order

_{and quite low mileage too, for its age}
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:32, Reply)

@PoD
I suspect that it's not the playing of the drums that's difficult, it's the seating position to prevent unwanted up-kilt viewing that's the awkward bit.

I have similar problems on the rare occasions I need to wear the kilt while playing.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:34, Reply)

@K2k6
I keep meaning to get myself my kilt, but I've never gotten round to it. I'm just lazy that way.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:34, Reply)

Hello POD
Get in line for the cake.

@HLT: I may still have the interview. If they leave it much longer, I may not be able to get the cheap train tickets, or even worse, the London-based QOTW'ers will find something else to do when I'm in London.

Anyway, I'm considering going to London on the earlier date and spending some time exploring Bath and possibly Bristol too if I get no interviews.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:34, Reply)

@K2k6
Good. Very pleased to hear it.

@Dok - hmm...I think I'll pass, but thanks for the offer!
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:35, Reply)

I've always thought that...
There's something quite vulnerable about a man in a kilt.

*daydreams*
(

girlinthehole, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:35, Reply)

@Spak
I highly recommend you come to London on the earlier date - that way you can book your tickets and set a Bash date. Won't really matter about being here a day extra, will it?

@K2k6 - and for you, I recommend trousers.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:36, Reply)

@BGB
That's why only 'Real Men' wear them.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:37, Reply)

High stages are especially bad for it
We had to make a crude wall once out of boxes and music stands in order to maintain any dignity.

Cake!! I WANT CAKE NOW!!
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:37, Reply)

I have been know
to wear a kilt on occasion.

They were very handy for indulging in my youthful proclivity for public nudity.
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:39, Reply)

I normally wear trousers
in all walks of life. Except at weddings (as a guest) and certain functions where the kilt is specified for the musicians.

If I'm going to be dancing I make sure I wear undergarments, but otherwise I don't as it's more comfortable to let the wind get in.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:40, Reply)

@K2k6
Oh don't me wrong - I love kilts and the promises they hold. I just thought you ought to take BGB's statement seriously...
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:42, Reply)

^What Clendrix says^
*grins*
(

girlinthehole, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:43, Reply)

I do take it seriously
but with vulnerability comes easy access when required.

Swings and roundabouts...
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:44, Reply)

To paraphrase Star Wars
"With great bollocks comes great vulnerability"

*edit*
Was it Star Wars? Aw, fuck it.
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:46, Reply)

199
...
BK: It's Spiderman...
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:47, Reply)

200!
Hahahaha!
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:47, Reply)

.
@clendrix
The company said they might contact me tomorrow (which is when the MD returns). If I still haven't heard anything by then, I'll go ahead and set the bash date for the Tuesday. I think I can still get cheap train-tickets as late as next Monday, but I'd like to sort out a bash-date so that my fellow QOTW'ers don't fall off the edge from being on-edge too long.

Re kilt-undergarments: Does anyone remember that advert for the Lycos search-engine back in 2000 where someone wearing a kilt had to use an Internet search-engine to find pants? Just for a laugh, I browsed Lycos, typed in 'pants' and it brought up some kind of pants-fetish website.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:48, Reply)

@BK
*tries to ignore Kaol's second unfair bagging of the day*

You could quote anything and say it was from Star Wars and I wouldn't know. I have seen it, and one of the other ones (Return of the Jedi maybe) but I seem to be alone in not finding it interesting/cultish/exciting at all.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:49, Reply)

@K
I rarely watch them.
Last time was for a Star Wars drinking game, so I was incapable of noting the dialogue.
(

Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:51, Reply)

@spakka
I just typed 'pants' into Google for a laugh, and the fourth hit says "No Pants 2k6" which is a bit spooky considering what we've just been discussing!

With any luck Google will turn up ancrenne's site in the future.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:52, Reply)

@K2K6
What! not even Leia. Surely you have fantasized about Princess Leia.
(

girlinthehole, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:52, Reply)

My first date
took me to see 'The Empire Strikes Back'

Never watched the others.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:53, Reply)

@BGB
Nope, never.

But having said that, it's getting near 4pm.

*googles Princess Leia*
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:55, Reply)

K2k6
I only did it because you were so happy about it the first time!
*smiles*
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:55, Reply)

Speaking of Starwars...
It just so happens that I'm currently in the middle of a Starwars movie marathon where I'm watching all 6 films in episode-number order.

Re ancrenne's pants site: If we all plug it on the various forums we visit, would that improve it's google ranking?
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:55, Reply)

Kilts FTW.
I'm having my own one made!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:56, Reply)

Various forums?
Dear god, this one takes up so much of my time, I can't imagine going anywhere else.

I'm a one forum woman.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:57, Reply)

I'm sorry but I love all Sci-fi.
Even the crap stuff.

I have been known to watch Buck Rogers when desperate.

More than one forum, no thanks.

*sings the theme tune to 'Cheers'*

You want to go where everybody knows your name.
and their always glad you came.
(

girlinthehole, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 15:57, Reply)

Bidibidibidibidibidibidibid - that's right, Buck.
Perfect for hungover saturdays.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:03, Reply)

I'm not geeky enough
*cries*
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:04, Reply)

Well I'm off home now.
I shall probably pop in later at wine o'clock.

Bye!
(

girlinthehole, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:07, Reply)

.
Since I've been on b3ta, I've been neglecting my other forums. Still post on one of them but nowhere near as much as I used to.

@BGB: Bye. See you at wine time.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:11, Reply)

*disposes of tissues*
Right then, where were we?

Oh yes, kilts. I had one made for me last year, after getting fed up hiring every time. I needed it for three weeks in Oz so it was as cheap to buy the thing as hire it.

And what TWW says - always make sure it's sitting at the right length. A kilt that's too long (or worse, too short) just looks daft.

And bye, BGB. See you later.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:13, Reply)

Ha!
Took sip of drink as I read: A kilt that's too long (or worse, too short) just looks daft.

Oh dear, sorry keyboard.

*tries to wipe image of K2k6 in too-short kilt from mind*
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:22, Reply)

@clendrix re keyboard
You have my symathies. This time of the week seems to be a good time for keyboard-related mishaps.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:24, Reply)

eeeheeeheee
Hipster mini-kilt with tartan thong T-back.

*chuckles*

No, it would look nice, I'm sure.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:24, Reply)

Noon all
Spooky thing for the day, we were discussing how celery is a negative calorie food around the same time you all were as we were eating lunch around 1.30pm. Very odd methinks.

We've got some lovely kitties in at the moment, but not much else to do, so I'm hiding out upstairs til 6 :)
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:25, Reply)

Kilt Alert!

(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:28, Reply)

And just what's wrong
with thinking about me in a short kilt, eh?

*considers*

Oh, well. Yeah, OK.

Edit: *looks at above picture*

*agrees entirely*
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:29, Reply)

Noon beckx
@WGW: By Jove! I think you've just solved the problem of kilt-undergarments. Pass this on to ancrenne at once!
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:29, Reply)

^
By Toutatis!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:35, Reply)

@K2k6
To clarify, yes, it was the short-kilted version of you I needed to wipe from my brain. I'm sure a regularly-kilted version would be fine!
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:36, Reply)

Hello everyone
Please save me!
This has been the worst day I've had a work for 30 gazillion years.
*has a little cry*
Can some one tell me a joke to make me feel happy again?
(

wanderlust, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:40, Reply)

Hello wanderlust
Sorry I can't think of any jokes, but this might give you a laugh.

*lifts kilt at rear*

*moons*

On that note, I'm off. See you later.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:44, Reply)

wanderlust
I am a girl, and therefore crap at jokes.

I do good hugs though.

*hugs wanderlust*
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:46, Reply)

Awh!
*hugs wanderlust*

What's the difference between a brand new Ferarri and a rotting, dead hooker?

I don't have a Ferarri in my garage.
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:46, Reply)

Hugs and being mooned
I knew I'd come to the right place :D

Edit: Thanks for the joke Kaol. Nothing cheers me up more than the thought of a rotting dead hooker.
(

wanderlust, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:47, Reply)

Hello Wanderlust,
I am terrible at jokes today. I can do an amusing dance though.

*flails*

See?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:48, Reply)

Aww Wanderlust
I don't have any good jokes either, but look at the fwuffy kitty. She wants to hug you

(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:48, Reply)

@ Wanderlust
What's brown and sticky?

A brown stick.
______________

Why did the little girl fall off the swings?

Because she had no arms.
______________

What goes green to red at the flick of a switch?

A frog in a blender.
______________

What's blue and fucks grannies?

Me in my lucky blue coat.
______________

What's big and white and if it falls out of a tree it'll kill you?

A Fridge.

/these jokes have been brought to you by 'DiTs Short and Crap Jokes Ltd. - Bringing you shit jokes since 1980!'

EDIT: Hullo Mr. Catkins! Can haz cheezeburger?
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:51, Reply)

Awwww
Kittens and dancing.
I'm all smiley now.
*hugs everyone*
You lot are lovely.
I'm going to bake you all extra special cakes now!
(

wanderlust, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:52, Reply)

@wanderlust
A man walks into a bar with a large orange where his head should be. Someone goes up to him and asks him why he's got a huge orange for his head.

"Well, I came across this genie who said he'd grant me three wishes. Firstly, I asked for a billion pounds, and so I became a billionaire. And then I asked to be made irresistible to women and everyone I've fancied has instantly fallen in love with me".

"Wow! So what did you use your third wish for?"

"I wished my head was a large orange".
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:54, Reply)

STOP!
wanderlust is now restored to happiness

*denies laughing at above jokes*
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:56, Reply)

I'm going home now
You horrible bunch of weirdos.

Catch you later!
*waves*
(

Cawl, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 16:59, Reply)

Bye Kaol!
So lovely...
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:01, Reply)

Bye K
* gives the weirdo-wave *
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:02, Reply)

*waves at Kaol*
I suppose I should go do some work now I've read all the threads.
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:02, Reply)

@ DiT
Those jokes are classics!
I'd forgotten how much I loved the girl on the swing one.
@Spakka that jokes is amazing! It actually made me dribble tea all down my chin.
(

wanderlust, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:02, Reply)

pub tiems!
See you all tomorrow.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:13, Reply)

I can never think of any good jokes
So I just resort to sarcasm and mocking people instead. I find it works for me.

Everyone disappearing away home from work soon?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:14, Reply)

the girl on the swing joke
is one of my all time favourites

also, the blue coat joke made almost a whole stag party full of blokes cry with laughter when I delivered it. I find it most effective when used with a double-thumb self-pointing action.

edit: misterspakkaman: thank you for that one, it's band practice tonight and the guys would be disappointed if I didn't have a new joke for them

just hope I remember it....

any volunteers to phone me at about 8 o'clock and remind me of that joke?
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:15, Reply)

Bye Wookie!
I'm still here :(
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:15, Reply)

@wanderlust
Just hope the tea didn't land on your keyboard. Wednesday afternoons seem to be a good time for keyboard-related mishaps.

See ya WGW.

EDIT@ @Vipros: Your b3ta addiction will grab hold of you and bring you back here, so you can read it again.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:15, Reply)

Girls
don't have those sorts of mishaps!
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:18, Reply)

Unless
they spit/dribble on their keyboards.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:19, Reply)

Non-tea drinkers
Also don't have those sort of mishaps.

How are you all? Managing to not do all that much work?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:20, Reply)

Well

no, I'm not taking that any further. Stop it, young man.
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:20, Reply)

@MrS
you could be right

doesn't mean I'll remember it

lugging all my kit, plus a ganjo (guitar-banjo) and a djembe up 3 flights of stairs has a deleterious effect on my memory
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:21, Reply)

I'm reading my company's newsletter
and feeling more depressed by the minute.

Am avoiding work though!
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:21, Reply)

@Mr S
no liquid of any kind went near my keyboard. It stayed on my chin.
(

wanderlust, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:26, Reply)

* Adopts that innocent smile on my face *
@POD: Quite the opposite. I've spent today trying to find work!

@C: If you didn't read your company's newsletter, would you miss out on much? Not reading helps in this case.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:26, Reply)

Trying to find work?
What kind of crazy thing is this?

I spent today at work considering leaving before I have said I will at the end of summer. It becomes more and more tempting with every day that I work.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:29, Reply)

@S
I have successfully avoided if for the past two years, but now that the threat of restructuring and job cuts is upon us, I thought I'd better show an interest!
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:31, Reply)

@PoD
I know that feeling! I'm meant to be leaving in November, but everyday I keep thinking about how amazing it would be to just walk out and not come back. If only I didn't need the money!
(

wanderlust, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:37, Reply)

If only
If only I hadn't just bought a computer. And didn't need money for next year at uni. Roll on 7th September!
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:39, Reply)

.
@POD: It's called unemployment. It's crazy.

@C: Boo to restructuring, say I!

@W: Not to mention a reference.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:42, Reply)

Home time!
Bye bye everyone
*waves*
(

wanderlust, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:46, Reply)

Bye Ms Lust!
See you soon!

Spak - I agree! I liked my job but now it will change/disappear :(
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:47, Reply)

Bye WL
@C: Pity about that. You seemed to have found something you like. Hope it's still there at the end.

Anyway, I'm going to feed myself. Will be on later this evening. Bye.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:57, Reply)

see you later
everyone!
(

thealternativefact, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 18:00, Reply)

We have moved
We have gone here now.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 18:33, Reply)

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