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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Boring Tuesday is boring.
Keep me entertained for the second leg of work by telling my how a fellow b3tan will meet their untimeley end.

alt. Britain's Got Talent starts again this Saturday. What talents would you showcase?

altalt. dunnolol TYPE!!
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 15:59, 115 replies, latest was 10 years ago)
battered - death by falling after insisting on riding on a rollercoaster with aminimum height requirement
jason - gay face aids and bum cancer
tangles - blood poisoning after refusing "western medicine"
philli jope - book to the head
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:04, Reply)
alt: I dunt watch that shit, also I have no talents and no party trick
people who what your "party trick" is are shit cunts
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:05, Reply)
altalt: ceuvbhwueh hweu whgwheguhwe ihebsvnuiwerhg ;lfhvuwebngbuwrhg iweughvuwqnguvrn ;ihgwh uiog
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lol
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:05, Reply)
Clickin dis

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:06, Reply)
It was a difficult read
I don't like things in a northern dialect
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:07, Reply)

5.9.83.79/questions/offtopic/post2256753
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:08, Reply)

tl;dr
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:10, Reply)
dunno
alt: dunno
altalt: dunno
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:07, Reply)

5.9.83.79/questions/offtopic/post2256751
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:07, Reply)
whats you party trick?

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:08, Reply)
im really good at having drinks spilt on me either by others or myself

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:09, Reply)
I was hoping you wre goanna say that angry sun is on your belly butoon and you can make it whistle

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:11, Reply)
angry sun said you were a prick

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:12, Reply)
Picking up the fattest bird in the room

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:09, Reply)
It's this sort of fresh hilarious post that keeps me coming back

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:10, Reply)
Wait til you hear some of my 'ginger' material
It's well lol
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:10, Reply)
brilliant i love 'jokes' me

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:12, Reply)
Oh man, there are some well funny 'jokes' on here
www.sickipedia.org/racism/ginger/has-anyone-else-noticed-that-ginger-is-an-anagram-of-30954
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:18, Reply)
Gingers are a race?

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:21, Reply)
Yes, didn't you know?

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:22, Reply)
Well you often see crowds running away from them

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:23, Reply)
I tend not to distinguish people based on their differences.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:27, Reply)
gr8 u shud spend moar tyme their and not here lolol

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:22, Reply)
its a lol from me

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:10, Reply)
Altalt:
But I must explain to you how all this mistaken idea of denouncing pleasure and praising pain was born and I will give you a complete account of the system, and expound the actual teachings of the great explorer of the truth, the master-builder of human happiness. No one rejects, dislikes, or avoids pleasure itself, because it is pleasure, but because those who do not know how to pursue pleasure rationally encounter consequences that are extremely painful. Nor again is there anyone who loves or pursues or desires to obtain pain of itself, because it is pain, but because occasionally circumstances occur in which toil and pain can procure him some great pleasure. To take a trivial example, which of us ever undertakes laborious physical exercise, except to obtain some advantage from it? But who has any right to find fault with a man who chooses to enjoy a pleasure that has no annoying consequences, or one who avoids a pain that produces no resultant pleasure?
On the other hand, we denounce with righteous indignation and dislike men who are so beguiled and demoralized by the charms of pleasure of the moment, so blinded by desire, that they cannot foresee the pain and trouble that are bound to ensue; and equal blame belongs to those who fail in their duty through weakness of will, which is the same as saying through shrinking from toil and pain. These cases are perfectly simple and easy to distinguish. In a free hour, when our power of choice is untrammelled and when nothing prevents our being able to do what we like best, every pleasure is to be welcomed and every pain avoided. But in certain circumstances and owing to the claims of duty or the obligations of business it will frequently occur that pleasures have to be repudiated and annoyances accepted. The wise man therefore always holds in these matters to this principle of selection: he rejects pleasures to secure other greater pleasures, or else he endures pains to avoid worse pains.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:08, Reply)
tl;dr

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:09, Reply)
It's like your GCSEs all over again :(

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:10, Reply)
Oi! I passed all them and did an extra one!

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:12, Reply)
general studies doesnt count

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:14, Reply)
neither does Geordie studies,

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:16, Reply)
all them books on Custer, wasted.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:17, Reply)
+ d
and the facials
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:21, Reply)
typetypetypetypetypetypetypetypetypetypetypetypetypetypetypetypetypetypetypetypetypetype
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typetypet
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etypetypetypetypetypetypetypetype finished
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:10, Reply)

5.9.83.79/questions/offtopic/post2256763
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:11, Reply)


/\ _ /\
|/\| | | |/\|
_ _ _ __ ___ ___| |_
| | | | '_ \/ __|/ _ \ __|
| |_| | |_) \__ \ __/ |_
\__,_| .__/|___/\___|\__|
| |
|_|

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:14, Reply)

Battered: swept up and subsequently eaten by a crested falcon
Tangles: chokes to death on yoghurt knit slacks
Dozer: Struck by lightning after his piercings act as a conduit


That's all I have for now.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:12, Reply)
Geordie Jay
And unfortunate decision to have a party with a man known only as MB found face down in a swimming pool..

Alt: Sniper

Altalt: I have just got back from Noocastle it is shit
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:14, Reply)
altalt. You were doing it wrong.
Though last time I was there I did notice an alarming increase of gentlemen wearing joggin pants outdoors and not partaking in sport.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:16, Reply)
what the fuck are jogging pants?

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:17, Reply)
joggers.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:17, Reply)
Northerns have always worn sports clothes it's liek a ghastly uniform

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:18, Reply)
I assume the uneducated oaf means track suit trousers

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:18, Reply)
No I don't cos it's not the 90's

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:19, Reply)
Also Noocastle is shit
But it was a great drive in the sun so that's better than working
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:20, Reply)
Also, I think he goes by Richard McBeef now...

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:18, Reply)
Wrong MB
And that's why you will end up bleeding from a prolapsed bottom in a strangers swimming pool
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:19, Reply)
+ instead of in Stunned's back garden

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:20, Reply)
Glad to see the boredom is palpable.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:15, Reply)
UR THREDS R SHIT LOL

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:16, Reply)
Nah m8.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:16, Reply)
I think the regnkn kjbougvjn knoj. Bored

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:17, Reply)
It's going to be a long afternoon.
Im still stuck with a horrible phone that refuses to download anything.
No games, nowt.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:19, Reply)
Put it on vibrate and stuck it up your balloon knot
Then add your mobile number into the Auto-dialler at the call centre. sit back and enjoy
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:21, Reply)
NO DELIVERIES IN THE BACK!

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:22, Reply)
^CANT EVEN DO GAYING RIGHT^

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:23, Reply)
I do gay just fine dear

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:33, Reply)
I read a popular book that said that in order to be a proper gayer you have to be a
Bumbersaurus Wrecks

Its like gay law or sutin
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:34, Reply)
HAVE DONE IN THE PAST AND EARNED MY BADGE, THANKS.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:44, Reply)
More a star than a badge though innit

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:45, Reply)
more like a sliced blood orange

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:47, Reply)
a concentration prolapse

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:56, Reply)
kmnsflkn fnksdf dmkdw

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:21, Reply)
Yer I'm gonna go home in a minute

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:19, Reply)
BYE!

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:20, Reply)
Alright, calm down - I ent gone yet

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:21, Reply)
Why not?

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:22, Reply)
He's got some technicals to manage innit

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:23, Reply)
yeah technical biscuits

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:24, Reply)
He's a prick, technically

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:26, Reply)
Technically a prickator

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:27, Reply)
Technically a gladhesgaytor

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:27, Reply)
I've managed loads of them today already
Off now, bye.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:26, Reply)
Don't care

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:27, Reply)
xxx

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:27, Reply)
prick

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:28, Reply)
Attention whore.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:28, Reply)
If tangles is going I'm going too

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:28, Reply)
I'm going in a half hour, wait till then#

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:29, Reply)
Well I'll give it ten minutes but I might flounce before that

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:30, Reply)
well, this is a new low.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:34, Reply)
Jason's threads are terrible

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:35, Reply)

threads life choices
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:39, Reply)
Or just
threads are
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:40, Reply)
Think about what you have said
Have a long hard look at yourself in the mirror
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:35, Reply)
Well it's been 11 mins now

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:39, Reply)
well in that case best off DYAAKY

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:43, Reply)
Thats fine. I have some articles on suicide I wanted to read.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:34, Reply)
Best try the practical first ol chap

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:35, Reply)
Will you be returning them to the library, or not?

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:37, Reply)
It's all online now GRANDAD

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:45, Reply)
I was referencing a popular joke on sicki
where a man goes to the library and asks for a book on suicide, and the librarian says "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:48, Reply)
*polite applause*

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:51, Reply)
Rory - suicide, when he finally realises how empty and meaningless his life is
Dozer - suicide, when he hears that his bezzy mate has topped himself.
Swipe - choked on a fucking £20 quinoa salad.
Jasum - choked on a massive cock.
Tangers - accidental yoghurt-trouser combustion incident.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:37, Reply)
baked ape survioves to fight another day

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:38, Reply)
Only cos you tried to hang yourself from a 12ft ceiling with a 30ft rope...

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:40, Reply)
baked apen survives to fight another day

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:42, Reply)
OfficeGuffaw

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:44, Reply)
it's funny because i looked at the quinoa as an option, but went with brown rice in the end
it was £10, including a bottle of water. my trainee had stolen me a diet coke from her meeting.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:40, Reply)
I hope you fire her for gross misconduct

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:41, Reply)
i will promote her for taking the initiative

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:43, Reply)
typical l;awyer, rewards dishonesty

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:48, Reply)
why, is it 144 times worse than normal misconduct?

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:43, Reply)
L T F I now

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:44, Reply)
maths lols

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:49, Reply)
So, essentially Vagabond shamed you out of a Sainers meal deal and 7 quid.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:46, Reply)
people who say sainers are cunts*


* apart from stunner
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:49, Reply)
OH OK THEN!!!

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:50, Reply)
bye forever

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:43, Reply)
Bye The artist formally known as frog

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:45, Reply)
oooh she's precious, this one.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:46, Reply)
15 mins...

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:47, Reply)
most pathetic flounce ever
doesn't even register on my patent bertdownometer
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:50, Reply)
'alroght'

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:49, Reply)
I'm watching the Plantagenets

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 17:30, Reply)
I'm still at work.
I'm still bored.

However, in half an hour I will be going home to a double bill of RuPaul's Drag Race. Which makes me happy.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 19:16, Reply)

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