My brother bought a chameleon and didn't know they changed colour
My mate was worried about his brother and wanted to go out looking for him. He couldn't drive so he watched Top Gear, hoping he'd get some tips on how to do it.

My Mum believes there's a movie out there with literally an infinite number of alternative endings so you'll NEVER see the same one twice.

My other mate believes that because energy can't be created or destroyed (just changed from one state to another) this is adequate proof of an afterlife.

I have 100's of these.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 9:51, 5 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

My father-in-law's review of Lord of the Rings
"It was a bit far fetched"
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 9:52, Reply)

My father-in-law's review of The Iron Lady
"Thought there'd be more action"
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 9:52, Reply)

He may have been expecting it to be like Iron Man
not sure
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 9:55, Reply)

Pompey is pretty special

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 9:52, Reply)

yup
do you see why I'm so frustrated and depressed all the time, Tangled?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 9:53, Reply)

Never mind, a little drink and drugs will dull that pain

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 9:54, Reply)

Ah
Lovely drugs!
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 9:55, Reply)

I'm a little concerned, Twoey
It's the weekend and I don't actually have any drugs in the house.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 9:56, Reply)

shit
You could buy some cough syrup and down the lot?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 9:57, Reply)

I'm hoping that my friend will pick some up for me later
And that somehow I will have time to pick it up from him on my way out tonight.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:04, Reply)

Dealers are not your friends
They get you hooked so they can milk you like the cash cow you are
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:17, Reply)

He's not a dealer, he's a teacher.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:18, Reply)

teachers are dealers
they give you free knowledge and instill you with a thirst for more that lasts for the rest of your life!
(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:49, Reply)

brb ... gonna print this on an inspirational poster

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:54, Reply)

Oh, I had a mate who said "if we evolved from apes, will chimps be us one day?"

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 9:54, Reply)

To be fair, a prefectly acceptable question
IF YOU'RE SIX
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 9:54, Reply)

How old was he?

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:01, Reply)

Seven and a half

( Peej, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:02, Reply)

Well that just takes the cake doesnt it
I hope he sold his friend to the creepy bloke with a van
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:03, Reply)

He did and I paid a fair price for him.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:04, Reply)

£1.04?

( Peej, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:06, Reply)

^

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:07, Reply)

Not 6

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 12:08, Reply)

I can't remember the movie, it was a horror movie, and I always watched it half hartedly, but I swear every time the ending was different.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 9:58, Reply)

I know a guy that swears that radios are alien tech, and that if you tune it right you can hear space.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:05, Reply)

Sounds reasonable.
Although it could be ghosts
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:09, Reply)

Isn't a percentage of white noise when tuning a radio background radiation from the big bang or something?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:12, Reply)

yes

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:15, Reply)

I dunno. Possibly. Maybe I'm the moron here. Maybe it is space age alien tech. Maybe Chris Evans is broadcasting from Mars and the radio in your car is hearing the past.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:16, Reply)

Yes

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:17, Reply)

yes

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:18, Reply)

Dear Mr Baggenfock
We, the internet, thank you for your contribution however we have to inform you that you are incorrect. Please update your answers with the correct one as soon as possible.
Kind Regards
B.Dog 29
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:20, Reply)

While we're on the subject of updating things, that '29' is way out of date
Aren't you, like, 43 or summat now?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:24, Reply)

*sobs*
Youn a big meeny
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:26, Reply)

yes

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:18, Reply)

yes

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:18, Reply)

Internet says yes
www.google.co.uk/search?q=Isn%27t+a+percentage+of+white+noise+when+tuning+a+radio+background+radiation+from+the+big+bang+or+something%3F&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&client=ubuntu&channel=fs&gfe_rd=cr&ei=qhlKVLbAHsqq8weF-4AQ&gws_rd=ssl
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:20, Reply)

legal tender means that they have to accept it

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:24, Reply)

That proves nothing.
The Internet says you've got a wispy paedo beard, and we both know it's more a wurzels gummock of a beard.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:24, Reply)

I don't know what a 'wurzels gummock' means, but I like the sound of it

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:35, Reply)

Wurzels is the band.
Gummock is that bit between your balls and your bum hole. And your beard looks like as if a wurzel had a hairy one of them.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:48, Reply)

Sexy as fuck

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:52, Reply)

the internet is 98% fucking idiots

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:28, Reply)

I'm here to help maintain that high percentage

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:35, Reply)

you're the very epitome of generosity

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:40, Reply)

kinda but not really
there'll be a small contribution from cosmic background radiation but most of it will be far more mundane terrestrial sources like your electricity supply, other stations, electronic equipment, your mum's vibrating gunt, ...

Also ... get a digital radio and telly ... it's not the 1990s
(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:27, Reply)

That's why he said 'percentage'
you fucking moron.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:28, Reply)

that's why I said "kinda but not really"
it's like saying a percentage of your weight is due to the moon

edit ... have you just googled and changed all your "no" answers to "yes"? You tragic prick.
(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:29, Reply)

A percentage of your weight IS due to the moon.
Did you go to school?

Edit: read the thread you humourless spastic
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:31, Reply)

yeah ... that's what I just said, you dull prick

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:32, Reply)

^ too thick to follow a simple argument

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:34, Reply)

you just googled and changed all your answers, you spastic

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:36, Reply)

I changed them cos Bonz told me too.
It's almost like it's a comedy messageboard and not a place for autists to get upset.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:43, Reply)

YEAH

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:44, Reply)

^upset yet again^

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:46, Reply)

^

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:29, Reply)

But you don't get the same warmth from digital

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:30, Reply)

I've got functionless valves on the top of my amp to con my feeble brain into hearing analogue warmth

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:31, Reply)

Mmm... glowy

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:34, Reply)

and it saves me a fortune in gas central heating by costing me a larger fortune in electricity!

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 24 Oct 2014, 10:35, Reply)