Good moaning
Anyone had any more snow? We've got some forecast later but nothing yet.

Edit: just checked the forecast again and it's sleet and rain. No more snow :(

I'm in work early and I'm bored of it already. How are we all?


(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 8:18, 261 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning Sam
We had snow yesterday, but only a covering. Very icy last night though. I'm going to write a letter to the roads people to complain as the A92 (a trunk road!) was hardly touched with grit.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 8:19, Reply)

North Buckinghamshire reporting in
We had about 100mm snow overnight - only the tarmac had properly thawed so it's quite thick on open ground.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 8:22, Reply)

3 inches
here, and only two people have turned up at work.

My boss and me. Everyone else has mysteriously lost the ability to FUCKING DRIVE overnight. How those retarded sycophants get through the day without help from a state appointed carer is beyond me.

/pissed off.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 8:32, Reply)

Morning Jim
Why not petition to have them sacked? I'm sure there are lots of unemployed people just now who'd love to take their place!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 8:38, Reply)

Oh sorry :$
Morning everyone too!

I would love to see them taken down a peg or two for this. Some of the excuses are laughable "I can't get out of my drive." From a person who doesn't have a house with a drive.

"My tyres are bald." Just wtf?!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 8:40, Reply)

In thirteen years of working here
i have never failed to make it to work because of the weather.

Yes, I've been late sometimes. On occasions, I've left early. But I've always made it here at some point.

Yet people who live in the city sometimes don't make it here, 'because the buses were off'. Bloody well walk then.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 8:44, Reply)

Everyone goes into this mad flapping panic at the slightest amount of snow
The local primary school (quite a few colleagues have children there) sent all the kids home yesterday saying they were closing the school the following day (today) because there was going to be TEN INCHES of snow! Something that the Met Office didn't mention at all for this part of the country, teachers fancying a day off I think.

Lots of people off again today even though the snow is mostly melted!

I went home half day on Tuesday after we had two inches in a couple of hours, still managed to get home fine albeit slowly, and have been in every day apart from that. It's ridiculous how many people are using this as an excuse to skive!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 8:47, Reply)

Mooorning
I have new snow today.

Which is nice :) I hear england is having a grit crisis?
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 8:55, Reply)

It's just ridiculous
I drive a Micra (stop laughing at the back), probably the worst suited car for these type of conditions and yet I've made it in.

Really grinds my gears. Anyway, according to my boss there's no point me being here really, so I might get to go home in a bit anyway, and still get paid for today. Woop.

Edit: Darras, we're having an wet blanket crisis.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 8:59, Reply)

Jim
Just take solace in the fact that the others not coming in makes you look pretty good for something you'd have done anyway.

And morning all. Our office is pretty much dead. When I walked in there was nobody here at all.
( Captain V, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:06, Reply)

where are you people?
I'm trying to avoid having to drive to winchester later on and if I have an actual report of snow then I can use it as an excuse!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:07, Reply)

I'm in Winchester now
There's about 3" of snow already and it's falling very heavily. Hampshire will be more or less entirely cut off by lunchtime.




(That good enough for you?)
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:09, Reply)

I called my office
and no one was there so I decided not to go in. We were sent home on Monday for "adverse weather conditions" and today is a lot worse so woo snow day! I just built a snowman :D
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:10, Reply)

Had to dig the car out of a drift to come in...
And I'm the only fecker here!

Sometimes I think I'm too conscientious...

We got about 8" overnight (so the ladies are happy...)
( snee held his breath since, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:13, Reply)

It's snowing
looooaaads here (south Wales)

*waves g'morning*
( Mellicious is made of candy, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:14, Reply)

I think anyone who
Looked out the window and said "Oh, it's snowed... I can't possibly go to work", without at least giving it a try should be stripped naked and hunted through the snow for sport.

As should anyone that complains about their "drive being blocked", when they live in a town, or "The roads are too icy" when they drive a 4x4.

EDIT: Mornin' Mel!
( Cawl, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:14, Reply)

if that is true than you will have my eternal gratitude!
!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:14, Reply)

I...
got really drunk last night, albeit unintentionally.

The problem is, I'm still drunk!

Stupid work! (it's taken me 5 bastard minutes to write this!)
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:15, Reply)

Morning all
We have 2-3 inches of snow here, but I still made it into work. Admittedly I walk in, but it was rather treacherous!

I made a mini snowman on the way in, he's peering out over the pedestrian bridge in Stratford.

I also made snow circles (like crop circles but in, well, you get the idea).
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:15, Reply)

I would have
happily driven in but I know no one else would have
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:16, Reply)

Kaol
Never have wiser words been spoken.

*prepares hunting ski boot*
( Captain V, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:16, Reply)

Strange...
It hasn't snowed here since Monday.
But it's not melted much.

EDIT: V, you're driving. *grabs hunting knife*
( Cawl, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:17, Reply)

Just got a text saying
head office closed

Glad I didn't bother now!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:18, Reply)

Anybody else want to join us in our masacre?
So far we have the combined ability to stab/slice/cut and to bludgeon.

Flame-thrower next?
( Captain V, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:20, Reply)

Mourning all
We had 3-4 cm of new snow overnight (Solihull) and I made it in, as has most of my team. The rest of the IT department is a ghost town, though.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:20, Reply)

mm for those that walk
stop being pansies about the snow!

I get to work walking when it's thigh high so it's possible :p

I can understand the car thing though, brits don't have the proper tyres, it must be impossible without the spikes.

Oh and did anyone read about the girl that died sledding down a hill on a ripped out car roof? The article went on and on and on about how intelligent and bright this girl was.

It's a tragedy but my first thoughts were, intelligent?? haha! What intelligent person thinks it's a grand idea to sled down a hill on a car roof?? Idiot.
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:21, Reply)

It was a lie Vipros
I'm about 150 miles from Winchester. You can believe it if you want though.

I want it to snow here! It's so unfair! *stamps feet*

Edit: @ darras - it was a car bonnet, not a roof, and there's nothing particularly stupid in that. The stupidity was sledging into/through a barbed wire fence. Bright kid? I think not. This is how natural selection works...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:21, Reply)

heheh
snowhoho
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:22, Reply)

awesome snowman
badger. I'm right impressed!
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:23, Reply)

darras
I'm with you, that girl was a fucking dunce

any idiot knows that you need to check for barbed wire fences at the bottom of where you are sledging.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:24, Reply)

Sam
I consider sledding on anything that is smooth like a car part ridiculously stupid.

EDIT: Going 50mph on a 'sled' is not a grand plan. Especially when there's a fence/main road at the lower end!

Plastic bags now, they are the sleds of the future!

You know some people sled down ski slopes on car tyres? Equally idiotic.
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:25, Reply)

Agreed darras
When I buy a new car it's going to be one that's practical for driving to the alps in (or any other ski resorts) and I'll kit myself out with snow chains, shovels, food that doesn't go off and what not.

Then the weather will never defeat me in my car!

:edit: Vipros surely you need to check for ANYTHING dangerous. I wouldn't, for example, want to be sledding towards a pack of hungry lions!
( Captain V, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:26, Reply)

Thanks Darras!
I'm going to call him Rupert.

I had far too much fun making him
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:26, Reply)

The worst ones
are the people in ski resorts who removed the big orange mattresses from the ski lift pylons, sled down the slope on them and die when they hit the uncovered pylon.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:27, Reply)

V - plan!
Badger - get Rupert a rupert bear scarf. For name continuity!

EDIT: Himjim that actually made me laugh! I am a terrible person on a thursday :D
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:28, Reply)

Plastic bags are rubbish for sledging
They don't do jumps!

I built my own sledge, you lie down almost flat on it like a luge, and it's insanely fast.

Haven't had a chance to get it out this year though as I've been working :(
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:28, Reply)

V...
"food that doesn't go off"?
Sod it, just make sure you've got a passenger and a sharp knife.
( Cawl, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:28, Reply)

Sam
bags do too do jumps! I've done it. Wrecks the fuck out of your tail bone, but hilariously good fun! I think my friend got a video of that..

Perhaps you need more snow to make bags do jumps..
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:29, Reply)

Sled girl
Apparently she had 15 A stars, not in physics she didn't.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:29, Reply)

I don't have a rupert the bear scarf :(
he looks happy as he is :p

I also laughed at the pylon thing *sniggers*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:30, Reply)

I'll need a camping stove too
I don't really like raw meat.
( Captain V, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:30, Reply)

They don't jump as well as a rigid sled though!
Trust me. Air time is a priority for me when I go sledging ;)

I once needed stitches to the edge of my nostril after getting very drunk and deciding to go night sledging on a stolen road sign, I went face first because I was feeling brave/stupid and got a twig stuck up my nose, nearly ripped half my nose off!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:31, Reply)

haha
A twig up your nose! Brilliant!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:32, Reply)

haha!
Sam you retard :p

We used a bodyboard one year, got four people on it, then tried to do a jump! Should have seen the bodies fly. There's a photo of that too somewhere..
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:32, Reply)

Sam
Stop it I'm wetting myself!
( Captain V, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:32, Reply)

Morning all
I'm at work, us Scottish people are hard as nails, a bit of snow won't stop us, it's the other bastards that do that!

Kaol & V Still need more for the slaughter?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:33, Reply)

Dok
did you see my snowman! hehehehe! I feel about 8 again :D
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:33, Reply)

Sam:
Making idiotic drunken mistakes since 1984, so you don't have to.

I have sledged into a couple of fences as well myself, never a barbed wire one though, maybe that's why I'm still alive.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:34, Reply)

ah pish
only got a pic of the three man sledding

picasaweb.google.no/J.Picknett/PSke#5180994364607542818

and two on a plastic bag! - picasaweb.google.no/J.Picknett/PSke#5180992629440755010.

Easter time shenanigans.
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:35, Reply)

Haha
You need a full size surfboard for three people I think!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:37, Reply)

not if you pile on careful like
that was body board size! We want to get a bigger sled this year :D
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:38, Reply)

Dok
We always need more slaughter!
( Captain V, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:39, Reply)

Yes Badger
I saw the snowman, now get back out and make a snowwoman so he can have some sxyfuntiems.

Darras I'd love to live in a country that got a lot of snow, I'd be able to go boarding more often. Saying that, I wen't boarding on Monday, in London!

V I almost pissed myself laughing on Sunday night watching a car skid down a hill into a lamppost, it was in slow motion.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:39, Reply)

but it's cold out
and I have tea and Dexter to watch :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:40, Reply)

I have the power...
to destroy my works website now :) Someone from head office came in this morning to show me how to edit things and create our own branch page. For some reason I have access to the entire site and not just for my branch which is what everyone else has...plus a big shiny delete button LOLZFUNTIMEZ

How is everyone this morning?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:40, Reply)

Dok
that's just awesome! London snowboarding, can't say I've ever done that ;)

mm the snow here's been a bit crap for boarding. I went in sweden a couple of weeks ago and it was all ice. Got the shit knocked out of me. But still, it's snowing again so this weekend looks like a good bet!
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:41, Reply)

surfboards are probably a bit fragile for sledging
well, mine isn't because it's made of hardcore stuff, but your conventional board is pretty weak to be honest.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:43, Reply)

Hi Becky
Do it, do it, do it, kill that website.

OK Badger I'll let you off, so long as you make me a cuppa, and let me watch Dexter as well.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:43, Reply)

Morning Becky
Half my office haven't turned up, so it's nice and quiet. I'm feeling a little off though, went t'up pub last night for the pub quiz and had a fair few drinks.

We also argued with the 'Quiz Master' on a few points, and ratted out a guy who looked and dressed like Treygar (sp?) from Knightmare, as he was cheating on his Blackberry.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:43, Reply)

Becky
you should hide CDC's all over the website :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:46, Reply)

Morning becks
Someone linked to this the other day, might help you!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:48, Reply)

Darras
The snow here will be gone by the weekend :(

Vipros, I know that my brothers shortboard would probably take a child, if an adult tried to sledge in it it world snap like a twig.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:48, Reply)

The quizmaster at our local is pretty good
In all the time I've been going I reckon I've noticed less than 5 mistakes.

I always argue with the itbox though. Normally the right answer isn't even an option so it's easy to work out what they're expecting. Always bugs me when they ask how many planets there are in the solar system.

They usually just ask "How many planets are there?" so there's no specification of where they're talking about (the galaxy, the universe?) and even if they had specified our solar system they still don't have 8 as an option!
( Captain V, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:49, Reply)

Herr Dok
that sounds about right.

my board would probably be ok, but I don't think that a 9'4 longboard would be all that much fun...

plus, it was horribly horribly expensive!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:50, Reply)

Quiz masters bah
I had one in the south east ask 'Which country shares borders with both russia and sweden.'

They insisted the answer was Finland. Despite Norway having a fairly sizeable border with Russia up at Kirkenes and also a very long border with sweden! Not to mention that Norway and Russia share Svalbard..

The quiz guy even tried to argue that we were wrong after we revealed that half the team were norwegian. *sigh*
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:54, Reply)

I love pub quizes
But after a couple of drinks, our competitive streak grows. An example of last night's questions that riled us:

Q - What kind of food contains cholesterol?
Our A - Fatty foods
Their A - Animal based food

Only one team got it right, word for word. They also got that the Manic Street Preacher's song 'If you tolerate this' was about the Spanish Civil War.

Oh, another (while I'm angry)

Q - Which blood type can be transfused to patients with all other blood types.
Our A - O Negative

The Quiz Master said it was just 'O', and wouldn't give us a point!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:56, Reply)

Do you think it'd be legal
To have a removable snowplough to fit to my next car in conditions such as these? I could get really keen and have it so I could change the angle and clear both the left and right lanes. Could even make it automated with a button inside the car so I can change it while I'm driving!

Vigilante road clearing ftw!
( Captain V, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:56, Reply)

Captain V - Mr Plow

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:59, Reply)

I'd completely forgotten about that episode
=D
( Captain V, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:02, Reply)

Lab
I thought that everybody knew that 'If you tolerate this' was about the Spanish Civil War.

Jim, brilliant.

V I think that it would be illegal myself.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:03, Reply)

But it makes no sense Dok
The government doesn't want to invest the money to equip us to deal with these conditions (and rightfully so imo) so the only way this country will ever be able to handle this weather is through the Vigilante, Auto mobile, general incineration of neige association - V.A.G.I.N.A!
( Captain V, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:07, Reply)

I thought
that if you made any modifications to a car, all you had to do was declare it on the insurance?

What's the difference between the fucking atrocities you get on the back of chav'd up Saxos and Escorts? It's just in a different place :D
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:08, Reply)

It's a fairly major modification
And remember that you're not allowed to mount certain hood ornaments, due to them being a danger to the other road using public.

I know V it's stupid, but then again, no it's just stupid! I'd rather have flamethrowers to melt the snow and ice in front of my wheels, that's a much better sollution in my mind. Put them on swivel mounts so you can use tyhem on pedestrians.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:14, Reply)

Shame they've stopped making them
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/232777.stm
( Captain V, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:20, Reply)

Umm...what's a CDC?
Lab, have a wank, you'll feel better :)

Aww I loved the Mr Plow episode, one of the last good ones they made
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:23, Reply)

You call yourself a b3tan
and you don't know what a CDC is?!

See me after class, please...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:25, Reply)

Becky
DOn't feel bad, I had to ask as well.

V that's a pity, can't be that hard to make though.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:33, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/search/board?q=CDC
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:34, Reply)

Wait, so I'd have to actually make something?
Fuck that for a laugh, I think I'll just pimp my puppy school and wait for the dowar to come in :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:36, Reply)

Thanks, Becky
I may will definitely do just that later.

Edit: I guess CDC can encapsulate the art of making a snow cock, so you could do that.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:37, Reply)

But that just sounds like an effort
and it would need to be just the right size and...can't be arsed. i'd be rubbish at image challenge as I give up half way through.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:44, Reply)

I have no artistic skill
And even less motivation, so I'll never enter the comps either.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:46, Reply)

Fun to look at
but far too much effort and expertise to do. I can do lolcatz and that's about it. I'm happy with my place in the world :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:49, Reply)

hiii
how are we all today?
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:50, Reply)

I can do shitty stickmen, that's my lot
Hello VC, how are you?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:57, Reply)

I can't do art either
Takes me all my time to draw a straight line.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:57, Reply)

I like drawing.
I can't do number-related stuff at all though, so it all balances out I guess.
( Cawl, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:59, Reply)

I'm okay
had a shit night at work and discovered I have a maths test monday morning at school.

So I'm a happy chappie at the moment /end sarcasm.

I like to draw. I'm pretty okay at it.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:01, Reply)

But you're a scientist Mista K
how does that work?

I can't do number work, but can do other stuff instead. I'm sure I could do CDCs if I could be arsed, but there's just no motivation.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:04, Reply)

Motivation
Is a problem for me. I have ideas, but never get around to doing them, as I'm either working, or distracting myself with games, films and chronic masturbation.

My parents are so proud.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:05, Reply)

I bet they are
I mean Lab - look at yourself!
Fine material for life right there. And he's available ladies!
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:07, Reply)

I can just about do a CDC
but with the emphasis on the first C.

I'm quite good with numbers though. And I don't think Kaol's the sort of scientist who does sums, Becky. He's more of a hands-on, chop-things-up-with-a-scalpel sort of scientist!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:09, Reply)

Millions would kill themselves
Just to spend a day as me.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:09, Reply)

Morning/evening VC!
I'm rubbish at drawing or anything artistic or creative, my skills tend much more towards the practical/logistical/technical. I'm about as left brain as they come.

In other news, despite all the weather forecasts I can find saying rain/sleet showers, it is now snowing fairly heavily here. Yay!

*wants to go home early and build a snowman*
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:11, Reply)

Hi Vamp
I'm in mourning for the snow :(

How are you doing in The Future?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:12, Reply)

Exactly right,
Mr. K.

Stats, dilutions and sampling completely escape me.
Anatomy, behaviour and physiology are more my thing.
( Cawl, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:12, Reply)

well I know Lab,
but sadly I am not one of those millions.
However - I'd kill myself to be bert for a day.

EDIT: Hi Sam, Dok. The future is shit. Prepare yourself for a cloud of hatred and crap raining down on you.

Sorry. I am bitter.
I'm about fairly evenly divided on the brain. I'm pretty good at sciences, love english, love art.
I'll find a link to my deviant art site in a minute and show you something I dreweded to keep myself occupied when I was sick
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:12, Reply)

If I were Bert for a day
I'd kill myself, I wouldn't mind being Lab though.

I can do sums when I have too, but I'm not very artistic. Even playing musical instruments means I have to practice lots.

EDIT Sam, where are you?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:15, Reply)

Masturbating should be an Olympic event
Britain could get a bucketful of medals.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:16, Reply)

I am in mid Wales Dok. Almost exactly in the middle, if you stuck a pin in a map.
Still can't find any forecasts saying snow, last night's did but they changed it to sleet this morning. Looks like they're wrong!

Edit: 100!

I want to go and smoke weed and do donuts in my car in an out of the way car park a few miles from here. Might go at lunchtime.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:17, Reply)

Woo!
Just had a call to say that i'm not needed in court for one case (which they hadn't warned me was on this week), as the defendant pleaded guilty.

Those calls are the BEST.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:21, Reply)

If I were Bert for the day
I'd have so much fun. Other people might not though, so it's probably just as well :)

Nothing wrong with chronic masturbation labia, even if your username makes me giggle lots having met you and you being very unlabialike :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:21, Reply)

Aha! I found it!
vampyrecat.deviantart.com/art/Ian-McKellen-58812895

I drew this three years ago (14). I had glandular fever so this was how I passed the time.

And I have a feeling most of Britains medals would go to B3tards.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:22, Reply)

Hatred and Crap
Falling on me.

Oh well I knew it was too good to last.

Sam, do it! If there's a lot of snow it could be even more fun.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:22, Reply)

Nice picture!
Good chiaroscuro.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:23, Reply)

sorry dok
I've had a shit day - my friend in new zealand has had a shit day, and all I can conclude is that shit travels far and wide.

Today was crap. Nuff said.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:24, Reply)

*runs in covered in snow*
morning all

all your snows are belong of me.

ha!

how are we all?

it's been a while.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:24, Reply)

Morning Tulip!
It has been a while, how are you?

Edit: Becky, what were you expecting from me, to have a flappy face, gaping mouth, with one eye in the middle of my forehead?

Or do you mean I'm not a cunt?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:25, Reply)

Why crap?
(feel free to tell me to fuck off if I'm being too nosey)

I had quite a good day yesterday, got to drive my bosses car a bit (must give rubberduck a review), and I picked up some ridiculously nice skunk. And now I'm listening to Howlin' Wolf really loud in my office.

Simple things please simple minds I suppose...

Edit: Hi tulip!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:26, Reply)

Hi tulip
Australia is shit sometimes. Don't come here.

/wants to leave NOW

How's your day been?
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:26, Reply)

If I were Bert for the day
You'd all be in big f*cking trouble.

If I were lab for the day, I'd poke people with my mohawk and use it as a toast rack. Then I'd keep the toast out of the reach of poor children.

EDIT Hiya Tulip, how's things?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:27, Reply)

Fucking hell that's good VC
How'd you like to draw an ickle wickle puppy for my website?

Failing that I'm trawling through my photobucket albums to find some good stuff to put on there.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:28, Reply)

thank you for the greetings all
I'm ok thanks.

What goes?

i hear bert and kaol are having handbags at dawn.

edit@VC -what, ALL of it? Even the bits with Kylie in?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:28, Reply)

Tulip
Hi again, how are things? You can't have my snow though!

Vamp, you said you were OK at drawing that pic is freekin awesome! I don't mind the shite days, I've coped with a huge number of them!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:29, Reply)

My mo is sleeping today
But I have had a friend insert about 30 cocktail sticks in it during it's erect state, after I complained that random drunk people in pubs have a habit of grabbing it without asking.

Srsly, keep your damn hands to yourself!

Except you guys, you can touch it whenever you want.

Edit: VC, that pic is freakin' awesome!

Also, if I were Bert for a day, I'd finally be able to make love to Al.

*sings* I wanna know what love is!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:29, Reply)

We need a HSH question to discuss today, I think
Anyone got any suggestions? I'm not feeling very inspired.

Edit: Lab, be thankful you don't live in Liverpool, where EVERYONE has a no. 2 buzz cut. I used to have hair down to me nipples (bit shorter now) and frequently got accosted by people calling me Jesus, stroking my hair and asking to have their photo taken with me! (although it could just have been my devilish good looks) Gets a bit wearing after a while...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:30, Reply)

@ Lab
you and bert just made me want to eat toast from your hair.

That's odd.

@Dok - I have all the snow! woo!
I might play in it for a bit before I go to work. Hands up if you think I should pelt strangers with snowballs. and then hug them.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:31, Reply)

Lab
That's because we're not strangers isn't it!

EDIT Tulip, I still have some snow in my garden. I think you should throw hugs and then snow them, to death!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:32, Reply)

Gore Vidal, Vidal Sassoon
Who would win in a fight?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:32, Reply)

Sam
I'm exhausted by trying to reverse my body clock - I don't have money for coffee at school - I fell asleep in two classes, I managed to embarrass myself so thoroughly I still want the earth to swallow me whole - I have a maths test monday which I only just found out about - AND my best friend can't come to my birthday on saturday.

And my work colleague was being a bitch.

That is why my day was shit.

Yes I would love to draw you a puppy.
Kylie doesn't live here anymore she lives in britain.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:33, Reply)

Gore Vidal
Because he's called Gore, and therefore must obviously have horrifically mutilated a number of people. Otherwise he'd be called Steve.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:33, Reply)

Gore Vidal
Because he's dead, so he'd be a zombie.

Also, Vidal Sassoon isn't very hard, on account of being a bottle of shampoo.

Edit: does sound pretty rubbish VC! Are you trying to reverse your body clock to get onto our time, or to try and revert to your own?

*hugs*
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:34, Reply)

aw, that sucks VC
And you can have Kylie back. her teeth are too big for our dentists to cope with. I can't even get a dentist. that's how big they are.

edit@Dok: how does one snow someone to death?

*is stupid*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:34, Reply)

Kylie is a new form of Skynet robot
Made by fitting motors a human skeleton with a very thin covering of skin.

Trufax.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:36, Reply)

For some reason I read that as cocktail sticks through your cock
and shuddered a bit, then thought, well if he's into that then fair do's. No I don't think you're a cunt, wasn't entirely sure what you'd look like though
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:36, Reply)

I'm trying to revert
from YOUR time which fitted in perfectly with my working hours, to MY time.

And I don't like kylie. She annoys me. I like Helena Bonham Carter though - can I have her please?
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:37, Reply)

Ohhhhhh I seeeeeeeeee
Yes, you can have the Bonham Carter but I think she comes with a free Tim Burton.

What time is it over there? is it, like, rillyrilly hot?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:39, Reply)

Lab
Because I have a dirty mind it took me a while to figure out what you meant by "mo" - that people were putting cocktail sticks in and stroking...
EDIT: apparently my mind works like becky's.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:39, Reply)

10:40PM
And 15 degrees. weathers all over the cocking place at the moment.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:40, Reply)

Please
Keep all cocktail sticks, and in fact any and all sharp objects away from my penis.

Thank you.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:41, Reply)

Tulip
Chop them up finely and drop them out of a plane, that's how you snow somebody to death.

Vamp, your day does indeed sound shit, I'd come to you birthday but it's a little far away, in fact it's the other side of the world.

Gore Vidal would win, just because.

Kylie, come on guys, tell the truth you'd do her, I know I would, and she's only a year older than me!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:41, Reply)

Er...
Teeth?
( Cawl, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:41, Reply)

No sharp teeth
Normal, adult teeth are allowed if they are gentle and well behaved.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:42, Reply)

Kaol
I was just thinking that myself.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:43, Reply)

So no dog-teeth?
Fair enough.
( Cawl, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:45, Reply)

I thought it was summertime in Oz
or am I just a bit thick?

Er, teeth? Really?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:45, Reply)

Morning Tulip
Long time no see.

It is summertime in Oz. At least it should be. If it's not, then it's Gordon Brown's fault*.

*actually, it's probably not, but he's getting the blame for everything else, so he might as well take the rap for this too.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:47, Reply)

Dok
you can come to my 19th. I'll be in the UK then.

and thanks guys. took a while.

And Lab - don't fret. I won't let my teeth anywhere near your willy.

EDIT: Yes is is supposed to be summertime.
Last week it was 45+ degrees three days in a row. this week its been low 20's every day.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:48, Reply)

HLT
They're allowed because of what they come along with. I don't want just teeth on their own, but equally receiving a hummer from a toothless maw would be weird.

Thanks VC, I appreciate that.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:48, Reply)

Kaol is gay
and so's his boyfriend
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:49, Reply)

I wouldn't let Kylie's teeth
put me off her giving me a blowjob.

So long as she's careful.

Edit@V'cat - Low 20s is a nice warm summer's day here!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:50, Reply)

Bert's gay and so's his mum
fact
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:50, Reply)

HLT!
woo!

It's lightly snowing again here again. I'm hoping it will settle loads so I don't have to go to work tomorrow either *evil snow glees*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:51, Reply)

My Mum's not gay!
She's actually a man, so going with other women is normal for her.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:51, Reply)

Bert
we all know you and Lab have been together for years. :P

Come out of the closet already!

low 20s isn't warm. Low 20s means jeans and long sleeved shirts.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:52, Reply)

Lab's not man enough for me
It's althegeordie, all the way.

I once fisted him, right up to the elbow. He returned the favour by inserting a family of squirrels up my caverous peehole.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:53, Reply)

Yes Bert
But your manmum makes those women dress up as men, and then has them take himher up hisher cavernous cackhole.

Edit: I've tried to get with Bert, but only because Hitlercock stole my heart.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:54, Reply)

First time I was in Australia
my friends there were amused to learn that the weather forecasters here use red symbols when the temperature reaches 25°C!

And that's really quite a hot day for Scotland. I think we maybe got two days last year when it was that warm. To be fair, it was a shit summer, but even so.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:54, Reply)

Vamp
You can count on that.

K2 Hi, I like Kylie, and her music as well, I wonder if she'd go out with me?

Lab teeth on they're own would be very strange, a bit like the invisible woman with falsies!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:56, Reply)

Morning everyone
Greetings from snowy white Warwickshire.

It's a bit quiet in the office today, and I has awesome fun on the roads on my way in.

EDIT: Yay! It's started snowing again...
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:56, Reply)

Hello Ducky!
Are you allowed to go out on the track and play around with fast cars in this weather?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:57, Reply)

Christ.
Has everyone in the UK got snow except me?

It's as dry as a nun's crotch up here.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:58, Reply)

Ducky
Hellooooooo there.

Remember on the way home drive very very fast and skid all over the place. I know you can control the car good!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:58, Reply)

back at 2
if I make it through the snow...
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:59, Reply)

Lab
Afraid not. I can have fun but the bloody H&S rules limit us to 50mph :-(

Ironically, I'm off to Arjeplog again next week for 'winter testing'. My boss wasn't amused earlier on in the week when I suggested using the North Circular instead.

Edit: Dok, I spent most of my journey into work deliberately sideways... Thank $deity for RWD and 275mm wide rear tyres :)
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:00, Reply)

hey ducky
I wish I had snow.

Glad to see everyone loves a bit of fisting everyone now and then.

I think I'll pass though thanks.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:00, Reply)

I like snow
But I don't like when it snows straight down, because then you get blizzard in your face whichever direction you choose to walk in.

And I don't like how it cunningly disguises the thick layer of ice on the pavements. *sigh*

But yay snow!
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:00, Reply)

laters, HLT
You'll be fine. I've seen tulips poking their heads through snow before now.

Oh, that's not what you mean, is it?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:01, Reply)

Hi duckie
I had a bit of a spin in an XF yesterday (4.2 but not the supercharger), was very impressed!

The interior leaves a lot to be desired I think, but the engine and drivetrain are pretty bloody good. Got the back end kicking out nicely on the snow with the traction control off :D
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:01, Reply)

Kylie
is a flat-chested boy-child, with no talent, no looks, no femininity and no sex appeal whatsoever.

Anybody who disagrees with me is 9999.99% wrong.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:02, Reply)

Bert
bet you'd still do her if she was wearing an al mask though.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:02, Reply)

K2
Yes it was what you meant!

Darras I hate it when it hides the ice as well.

Vamp I'm not into the fisting either to be honest, I can think of far more pleasurable things.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:03, Reply)

Bert
You just converted me.

Ditch your missus. Be mine.

I've never ever heard someone else say that about kylie

EDIT: Dok. I like plenty of things. Fisting is not one of them. Chocolate (as a food) is. having nice times with nice girls is one of them.

Berts mother is the best thing of all.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:03, Reply)

Kylie's got a pretty face
but other than that, she's a midget. Can't be doing with midgets.

No more snow here, aside from the sheets of ice I walked a border collie on when I got in this morning. Was lots of fun :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:03, Reply)

I'd do anybody in an al mask.
He's promised that he'll let me marry his first born child.

I hope she doesn't baby sick on her wedding dress.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:04, Reply)

*moonwalks in*
Alright, muthafuckas?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:04, Reply)

Kylie looks like Skeletor!
I don't see how anyone can find her attractive in the slightest.

Edit: Morning Davros Sr & Mr Tights...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:04, Reply)

Becky
I like small women though.

Maybe I'm just a wrong'un.

EDIT Not any longer Sam.

Hi DiT.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:05, Reply)

Yo Tightly
Don't be wearing an al mask, cos Bert'll get a bit frisky.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:05, Reply)

Sam
Glad you enjoyed yourself. I hope you liked the gearbox... We've just discontinued production of the 4.2. It's quite an old engine now. Wait until you try the new SGDI 5.0 :-)

I actually really like the interior - it's my favourite of pretty much all the cars on the market at the mo, and is heaps better than the one in the XK.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:05, Reply)

Hi DG & DiT!
Kylie doesn't really do it for me *shrugs*. Wouldn't turn her down though, but that's not saying much.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:06, Reply)

DG
that's the understatement for the year.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:06, Reply)

VC
If you're a lezzer, does that mean you won't use my cock?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:07, Reply)

Doh
I just realised that 'an al mask' looks a bit dodgy if you don't read it right...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:08, Reply)

Oooh, sounds pretty swish
Bet they're even worse on the petrol... Gearbox was nice in snow mode, bit more advanced technology than the auto I'm used to! Had a bit of a go on the paddles but left it in auto most of the time so I could fiddle with the myriad switches and controls :D

Does it have two reverse gears?

The interior just seemed really plasticky, acres of cheap looking grey plastic, weird carbon fibre ish stuff and some not great leather, set off not very nicely by some light blue backlighting and an over-fiddly touchscreen. Suppose that's the vogue for new cars though, they all look like demented spaceships inside! Feels more like an upmarket new Citroen rather than a true exec mobile to me.

Doesn't feel nearly as nicely made as the interior of mine, although admittedly that's from when they built decent cars, the new E Class feels about as cheap as the Jag does.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:09, Reply)

*sighs*
Bit slow today, Grandad?
( Cawl, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:09, Reply)

What
me or the day in general..?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:10, Reply)

Bert
you'd be on the money with that statement.

Being a lezzer - no I would not use your cock
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:11, Reply)

Not even
as a novelty rolling pin, VC? Or a cocktail mixer?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:11, Reply)

You and your
Arse-mask :p
( Cawl, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:12, Reply)

Nah
It's cleaner, more economical and more powerful :)

Edit: There's only one reverse gear, but the whole powertrain strategy runs on a completely different code branch in winter mode, so it'll feel a lot different if you use it with the winter mode on.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:13, Reply)

Hmmm
shaken or stirred? nah. Doesn't seem to work.

I'll pass thanks.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:13, Reply)

Bert you mong
The video to "can't get you out of my head" still gives of the raging horn, as does the one for "confide in me".
Mmm Kylie.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:13, Reply)

Ah
Yeah, Kaol, I'm a bit foggy this morning, it's fair to say :p

Working from home due to child illness not going too well either. I may just take the afternoon off instead as I'm getting nowt done (technically this is my lunch break btw so I'm entirely justifed in being here at this present time before anyone decides to complain bitterly about their taxes funding my pissing around on the internet).
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:15, Reply)

Dammit, VC
I'll have to stick with the Mrs then, she sometimes lets me use all three holes at once.

Light, I'd disagree with you on both counts, but 'Better the Devil You Know' gets me hard.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:16, Reply)

Nice!
I'll try and get the boss man to trade his in when it comes out, can you do him a special deal? Or maybe just a stealthy engine transplant? :P

Was definitely nice driving something with a bit of get up and go!

Edit: ah right, makes sense to do that with the ECU these days I suppose. Was only asking because I only found out quite recently that my car has two reverse gears (got to love the Germans!), a higher ratio one in winter mode - sounds like a more mechanical way of implementing the same thing because it's a good bit older.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:17, Reply)

*bitterly complains about taxes*
*gets own column in The Sun*

*profits*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:17, Reply)

Right, I'm off
Back to work. So long and thanks for all the cash.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:24, Reply)

Bert
keep your missus.

She's much better for you. Guaranteed.

And Spinning Around makes me need to change my pants. its the one film clip I like.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:25, Reply)

Kylie's best vid
Was probably the Agent Provocateur advert...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:29, Reply)

^And how!

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:30, Reply)

Kylie
She's short, nice looking, and I bet she's a goer!

I still want her for my birthday, it's in May if you care.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:33, Reply)

I'll do my best to remember
but that's when exams are. remind me closer to the date and I'll see what I can do.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:36, Reply)

Cheers Vamp
I know all about the exams, just think what it's like having a birthday during them, I hated it.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:40, Reply)

sorry Dok
Kylie's all mine, and you can't have her
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:41, Reply)

Dok.
I don't have a birthday during exams - I have a birthday right when school starts and everyone's too exhausted to go anywhere.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:42, Reply)

I'd crush Kylie like a bug
and split her in two like a Yew tree in a hurricane.

Give me a real woman any day.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:43, Reply)

Damn Vamp
That sucks as much as mine does. Parents, no consideration.

No Flesh, she will be mine!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:44, Reply)

c'mon Dok
let's be gentlemen about it.

Pistols at dawn...
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:47, Reply)

my birthday is in the summer
Generally when my landlord has gone away for two weeks.

Which is awesome, then I can have a garden party with pimms and drunken trampolining!! Got whiplash last year from that trampoline... :/
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:47, Reply)

now now y'all lets just stay chill okay?
/hands a kylie porno mag to each of you.

there. Problem solved.

Night all. I'm wrecked.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:50, Reply)

Night VC
You two can keep Skeletor Kylie (half each, perhaps?), not my bag at all.

Edit: lunch, excellent! Half the day done already.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:51, Reply)

ARGH!
*Sets off on a murderous rampage killing all whistlers*
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:55, Reply)

Flesh
I'd prefer swords. A much more honourable method. Though I am quite a good shot.

Darras what's set you off now?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:02, Reply)

the boss again
Every time I think he's stopped. He starts again.. *twitch* DAMNIT I HATE WHISTLING!
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:04, Reply)

swords it is then
though I must warn you, my sword skills are legendary
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:04, Reply)

Darras
Cunt him in the fuck, it's the only thing to do!

I'll bring my own sword then, and the pork one!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:16, Reply)

Excellent
prepare to meet your doooomm.


please note: I will not be held responsible for any injuries you may receive. You brought this on yourself. Also - will not be responsible if I fail to wake in time for a dawn swordfight. Not my fault
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:41, Reply)

So Flesh
What type of sword do you use?

I have a heavy short sword, and of course a dagger as backup.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:47, Reply)

i havd
a big fuck-off claymore, and a double-edged dagger for throwing
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:58, Reply)

Cool
Does it have the leather thong?

I've always found that the Claymore doesn't have very much finesse, more of a whirl it round the head and hope you hit something!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:01, Reply)

I have a katana
It's a fairly cheap one (although not one of those shitty ornamental jobs) but I have sharpened it to a fairly nice edge.

I also have wooden weapons. My red oak jo & bokken would probably do more damage than the live sword!

I also have lots of knives. Although probably not as many as Kaol.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:02, Reply)

Sheesh!
Get a room, you two.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:03, Reply)

unfortunately no
and, since it's (mostly) decorational, is most likely blunt as all hell. That and it's fucking bigger than me at 6 foot makes it rather cumbersome
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:07, Reply)

Hmm...
Abattoir cleaver, and a Fairborne Sykes to finish the job.
( Cawl, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:08, Reply)

Hiiiii Kaol
You know I prefer my KABAR for the finishing off :D

Re. massive broadswords, I once had the honour of witnessing two mediaeval history lecturers from a very well respected archaeology course completely destroy a set of banisters and damage a lot of walls, whilst they were having a sword fight off their heads on crystal meth. Was very entertaining if slightly dangerous!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:11, Reply)

That's not a knife...
This is a knife!

Oh hang on a minute. It's a keyboard. Damn.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:13, Reply)

Umm
I've got a bunch of blade servers.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:21, Reply)

shit!
blade servers.

I ain't fighting you, no way, never.


Damnit
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:24, Reply)

I'm outa this fight
Chains you had to go and bring in the big guns didn't you!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:34, Reply)

yup
looks like he wins

and gets the prize....
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:37, Reply)

Ane the prize is
A Purbah to the eye.

I've always wanted a Purbah.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:41, Reply)

Good afternoon
Everyone!
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:41, Reply)

Hi Edmund
How's things?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:49, Reply)

Afternoon Edmund!
Dok, what the hell is a purbah?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:59, Reply)

Sam
It's a three sided indian knife.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:03, Reply)

Hah!
I win the fight and I was too busy watching the giant Kaol / Bert fight in the main QOTW.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:08, Reply)

@son-of-sam/HerrDr
Fine, thanks. Working hard on some research. Yawn.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:15, Reply)

Well,
The "giant fight" is over.
( Cawl, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:23, Reply)

Hmmm
this thread needs sexing-up.

*does a little dance*
*makes a little love*
*gets down tonight*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:23, Reply)

What giant fight?
Did I miss something?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:26, Reply)

Becky
This is the fight.

It was epic, but by the time I'd read it all, it was over.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:28, Reply)

We've worked through our differences
been through a pretty emotional time. We said some things, sure we meant some of them, but others were purely to hurt the other person.
We've laid our problems out, sorted through them, aired our dirty washing, but now we've come to the realisation...

that Kaol's still a cunt.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:31, Reply)

Someone entertain me
Now.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:34, Reply)

It was highly entertaining
Like watching two window-lickers flail ineffectively at each other.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:35, Reply)

Lab
Have you ever considered putting those clackers on your mohawk?

I think it would be nice to hear them go clikety-clackety-click every time you bend down.

*belms at Light*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:36, Reply)

Lab drop your trousers
Entertainment will ensue!
( Captain V, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:37, Reply)

What fucking
clackers?

V, if I did that, my watching of shemale porn right now would cease to look like work.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:38, Reply)

Clackers
like you used to put on the spokes of your BMX.

Didn't you ever have clackers?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:40, Reply)

Yes I did
I just didn't know what you were talking about. My humble apologies.

They could be fun, but they'd fall off the end. I like the toast idea from earlier though.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:42, Reply)

Kaol & Bert
You are a pair of underhanded spunk gobbling cunts!

And I think the pair of you are fucking ace.

Nice.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:43, Reply)

What about a small bicycle stand?
You could charge people money and make a fortune.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:50, Reply)

True
But then some pikey would swipe the frame away while I was distracted with looking at sandwiches.

Then I'd just have a single wheel chained to my head.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:52, Reply)

It'd be a new fashion craze!
Gok Wan would copy you and everything.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:53, Reply)

So long as it gets rid of
Skinny emo trousers and asymmetrical fringes.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:55, Reply)

Amen to that sister
While we're at it, can we get rid of Kaol too?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 16:00, Reply)

Now now Bert
You two have had your scuffle, you've both grazed your knees and then said "But we wuz jus' playin', Miss", now learn to just be polite to each other or I'll have you in front of the Head Master.

He likes to watch.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 16:04, Reply)

*hides his asymetrical fringe*
I'm not bloody emo anyway. Emo people are too feminine for facial hair!
( Captain V, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 16:04, Reply)

I like to hold grudges
and cocks.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 16:07, Reply)

And grudges against cocks
I'm really fucking bored. Where is everyone?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 16:11, Reply)

I dunno
would you feel better if we started talking about our day and offering each other imaginary tea?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 16:16, Reply)

I'm busy
Trying to do something with my fringe.
( Captain V, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 16:17, Reply)

No Bert
That's not what I want.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 16:19, Reply)

Well then Lab
What DO you want? I am only here to make you happy.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 16:21, Reply)

Well then Lab
What DO you want? I am only here to make you happy.
(Love Berts <---------------------, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 16:22, Reply)

I'd like to see you two make out
And dance for me.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 16:23, Reply)

Aaargh
It's followed me!

Ok, I'll snog it, but only because I'm flattered by it's existence.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 16:24, Reply)

Good man
Don't hold back now, I want to see plenty of tongue.

Actually, do that porn star kiss, where lips don't touch, they just waggle their tongues against each other.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 16:26, Reply)

That kind of kissing is horrible
but ok.

*wiggles tongue*
*looks disgusted with himself*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 16:29, Reply)

I can cope with that
If the lips don't touch, it's not gay.
*looks disgusted with himself*
(Love Berts <---------------------, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 16:29, Reply)

Good good...
Your humiliation sustains me...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 16:31, Reply)