TV fun
Choose victim... Push a needle through his/her outside TV aerial lead, thereby shorting it out... Wait for TV repairman to arrive, remove the needle... repeat weekly.
( Owza, Thu 5 May 2005, 16:30, Reply)

Bread.
its childish but it was 4 in the morning and we were thought it would be funny

my friends uni flatmate left the new loaf of bread and the milk he bought out on the kitchen table.

we toasted the entire loaf and put it back in the bag then put everything back in the bag exactly how it was.

Priceless.
(Buttoxpillow, Thu 5 May 2005, 16:29, Reply)

Sys admin fun
As the sys admin at work I have administrative rights over all the computers in the domain. When someone has annoyed me I like to wait until they're on the phone in the middle of their sales patter. Then I remotely terminate the process which relates to their business management software just when they're quoting prices etc. and watch them squirm and squiggle as they explain to the customer that "it's just disappeared".

I also like to remotely plant a picture of say a couple of fat lesbians on their disk and then start that as a process whilst they're on the phone. Imagine their reaction as they are talking to an important customer and a huge pair of beef curtains fills their screen!

PS I also like to use stirrers from the coffee machine to put little holes in all the UHT milk puts and put them back so that they start to stink as they go off!!
(fatbobsufc, Thu 5 May 2005, 16:20, Reply)

shared house
One of my favourite Uni tricks was, getting all the alarm clocks we could find together (about 10). Then we set the first one for 1am, next for 1:30am, 2am, etc; right up to 6am.

We then hid them in different places all over my flatmates bedroom.
(Farthing, Thu 5 May 2005, 16:16, Reply)

At work
myself and others regularly change peoples MSN names while they're away from their desk. I also like to loosen peoples keyboard/mouse/monitor connections and stick bluetak in the optical sensor on the mouse so that things randomly stop working. Also I selotaped an overripe banana to the underside of a collegues desk. It stayed there for three weeks until he crossed his legs and stuck his knee in it. My, how we laughed.
(Mr. Partyhat, Thu 5 May 2005, 16:03, Reply)

Remote Control
A few of us were going away for about 5/6 days to blackpool & alton towers. Before setting off we drop in on another friend of ours. Last thing we do before leaving is hide the video remote control and take the TV remote with us.

She was not happy when we around a week later to give it back, specially as we had loads of photos with TV remote promenently showing.
(loquis, Thu 5 May 2005, 16:00, Reply)

Stinky
Parish priest of Sacred Heart Catholic parish, in Griffith, NSW, Australia. Arrogant twunt. I went to his place at night and pissed in the vent in front of his car's windscreen. Ahh, the joy of imagining him driving along on a hot day, and opening the vents to get a nose full of pee-scented air!. Another fave is smearing doggie poop under the door handle on someone's car, makes a nice little surprise.

Ahh, who could forget the old 'Fecal Handshake'? A good one on a hot day. Slide your right hand between your bum cheeks, then shake hands with someone you don't like. They'll wander around, wondering what the poopy, farty smell is. Priceless!
( Pavlovsdog, Thu 5 May 2005, 16:00, Reply)

Coffee
At work we have those cups of 'instant everything', coffee (black & white), tea, fruit juice etc. These were all stacked up by type
A good trick that I used to do was to get a cup of black coffee, and tip the orange fruit drink powder into it.
Then, I would place it in the 'white coffee' pile. You couldn't tell the difference by looking at the mixture.

Did that for weeks until I got bored
(bear trappers hat, Thu 5 May 2005, 15:57, Reply)

keyboard antics
At my girlfriends office when i was visiting, there was a camp queen called Ian (Qu-ian) who was a bit of an arse. I decided to take the ball out of his mouse and re-arrange the top row on his keyboard to say 'ARSE'. He wasn't too happy about it and went in a mardy and swapped his keyboard for my girlfriends. some people can't take a joke.......
(Eddie Hitler If life seems dull and dreary..... it is., Thu 5 May 2005, 15:38, Reply)

Pool Sanitization
I broke up with this bird I was seeing. She was a twat anyway. So, she had this pool in her backyard and the reason I broke up with her was because every time I would get off campus (military college) and stop by, there were TONS of guys hanging around the pool and I was convinced she was screwing around.

One night, drunken and out of uniform (I was wearing black running lycras, a black long sleeved t-shirt with "Smoke Me" written on it in bright yellow and white running shoes: brilliant look) a mate and I slipped over the stockade fence surrounding her property and he held my arms to keep me from falling backwards, while I squatted and took a MONSTROUS shit into their pool. I had eaten Taco Bell ALL DAY LONG and that was, without a doubt, one of the finest dookies I have ever unleashed.

Two days later, in one of the warmest months of the year in South Carolina, we drove by and they had their garden hose stretched out to the street, draining the pool. VICTORY.

I have a photo of that garden hose somewhere. I should frame the bastard.

No apologies for length...I'd eaten quite a bit that day. :)

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Thu 5 May 2005, 15:27, Reply)

mmm salty tea
A few years back I emptied a flatmate's bag of sugar and filled it with salt. Ha ha! I thought, that'll learn the twunt.

If only I hadn't forgotten about it until 6 months later when I borrowed his 'sugar' to make a cake for Mother. How the memories came flooding back with the first mouthfull.

Then again, he'd gone for 6 months adding salt to his tea so I guess we're even. Not sure how he didn't notice that one.

edit/ just remembered that he used to pluck out his tastebuds for fun and smoke a hefty amount of pot. Suddenly it all makes sense. If only I'd known Chunk Mcfunk's butter trick.
(spastic_lequeer, Thu 5 May 2005, 15:19, Reply)

Who's sorry now?!
I spent two days upgrading a friends PC and the tight bastard didn’t give me anything – no money, no beer, no thank you, etc.
So I called in on his 74 year old mum and got her very drunk.
When she passed out I seized the opportunity of some "fingering explorations" as well as inserting a frozen can of shaving foam in her back passage.

Went around his house afterwards and said “Here, smell my fingers. That’s your mum that is”.

But he wasn’t in.



Just wait until the shaving foam thaws out though – they’ll be unable to get access to the back yard for days!!
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Thu 5 May 2005, 15:15, Reply)

boy racer revenge
Marbles up the exhaust pipe and into the silencer of the boyracer next door. Each time the car slows, corners or speeds up there's an untraceable grindy rumbling sound. could be bearings, could be brake pads...

Only problem is i doubt he'll ever have his stereo quiet enough to hear them. He really is a twat.
(ianb, Thu 5 May 2005, 15:07, Reply)

There was this one time
I was in a city where I didn't belong (I'm a cop) and there were two other cops out side my hotel watching me so I sent them out a breakfast platter and while that was being delivered to their car and they were distracted I snuck around the back a put banana up their exhaust pipe.

Ha! the look on their faces*

*might not be 100% me
( weekendsession, Thu 5 May 2005, 15:06, Reply)

Surprise!
At Uni, all of the flats had individual bedrooms, with individual locks. And peepholes in the door. The kitchens also had locks on them. Opened by the same key that opened your bedroom door.

One day, a mate swapped the lock on a flatmate's bedroom door for the one on the kitchen whilst he was in the shower. At the same time, he took the peephole out and turned it round.

Result? Anyone could now unlock this guy's bedroom, without him knowing. But also spy on him in his room.

You can probably guess the rest....but here goes: wait for flatmate to start having a wank, which you can see through the peephole, gather the rest of the flat together, quietly slip a key into the lock, and 1-2-3-SURPRISE!!!
(Steve The Monkey, Thu 5 May 2005, 15:00, Reply)

He was asking for it...
A kid at school had a Howard Jones cassette. When he left the room, I stuck a bit of cardboard in where the tab goes. He came back in, and I played dumb - "I wonder what would happen if you tried to record over tape?".

After a bit of encouragement, he got exasperated and hit "record".

Result - one recorded over Howard Jones album.

I think he should have thanked me, personally.
(Steve The Monkey, Thu 5 May 2005, 14:54, Reply)

Ooh, I got one
This one time, when I was in the cadets, we were at this summer camp, and we had to go canoeing. I thought I'd be left at the barracks as I got this fear of being underwater. The training sargeant made me fall in twice. Bastard. Anyhow, some Royal Engineers came down to show us how to make rafts. The sarge picked me to be on his team so he could tease me about not being able to swim. So I make sure this boat won't make it all the way back. All the boats are having a race when suddenly our raft falls apart. I sat on the jetty thing watching several of my good friends and this bastard of a soldier falling in the water as the raft slowly disintergrated. My only regret is not taking pictures....
( Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Thu 5 May 2005, 14:51, Reply)

I stole all my neighbours porn mags from their bedroom
After a couple of weeks furiously wanking I put them in a pile, shit in the middle, wrapped them up in a roll of tape, pissed on them and left them on their doorstep.
( Brandy_Bumwinkle, Thu 5 May 2005, 14:48, Reply)

and another!
get some guys butter tub,

melt the butter and take a shit in it. (this needs to be cheap supermarket shit so he wont notice!

put back in fridge to set again.

and watch over the next few weeks as he puts butter on his toast and then wonders after a while because his butter knife has just struck brown gold!!

not one of mine,, but needed to be said!
(Chunk Mcfunk, Thu 5 May 2005, 14:24, Reply)

PIGEONS!! gods greatest revenge tool of justice!
Pigeons... god's greatest revenge tool..
right...

pigeons are useless?? wrong...

did you know that if you catch a few (say five)

Its not that hard, trust me!!

* Then break into some arsholes house who you know is on holiday for a fortnight.

* let the pigeons loose in any room but make sure you close all doors and windows. then...

* leave a small bowl of bread and water mixed to feed them.

then fuck off and leave them..

Its amazing how much pigeons actually shit!! especially when confined in a small space.. Whats also good is the fact they will choose a small area to perch and then stay there. just shitting.. in one place. so soon you see large piles of pigeon shit...

plus added bonus.. when we did this, one of the pigeons freaked out and flew into the window knocking itself out. it must have broke its wing or something cos it died shortly afterwards. a nice rotting pigeon with broken wing, covered in shit from its brothers and sisters..

oh and one more thing... PIGEON SHIT STINKS!! again, trust me...

takes some work but it worth it. I have photos of the room cos we just HAD to check how bad it was before the shit came back from holiday. I dont think i need to tell you what his reaction was, but it did involve the police.. he he he..
(Chunk Mcfunk, Thu 5 May 2005, 14:22, Reply)

The wheels on the.... oh no wait, they dont!
My ex boss anooyed me soo much one week, i came in early and removed the wheelies from her wheely chair. Becuase the company were tight fisted whatsits, there weren't any spare chairs!

Had fun with that, Next day came in early and put them back on but removed the mouse from her pc. Eveyr time she was in late, or i had an early shift, pieces of her desk or computer or equpiment went missing for a day or two :)
( nowimboard shouted "Bring On The Trumpets!" at, Thu 5 May 2005, 14:08, Reply)

got 2, but I'll try to make em quick
Age three, staying over night with an old grumpy aunt. Got a row for something stupid and petty, so revenge was in order. Stomped upstairs and crimped of a nice length of brown cable on her pillow. The subject was never ever raised again after she dealt with it.

About 7 years ago the girlfriend at the time was staying in dorms at uni. One weekend the annoying bint in the next room went away on a 4 week work placement. Cue me pissing into an empty carryout container and using a syringe (nursing student, not a druggie) squirted my piss through the keyhole all over her room. Smelt a bit when she came back.

I've grown out of that phase and now just hurt small animals and start fires.
(Billy Sastard, Thu 5 May 2005, 13:42, Reply)

I had very few "cool" friends after this little stunt.
Damn far too many...

At the school I attend, the stairs up to the tennis courts are used as smoking dens. So a mate and I decided it would be a great idea to set up signs with catch phrases on them to direct smokers to this location and possible teachers. "Just around the coner for that fag you need" or my personal favorite "if your on a nicotine low, you know where to go" (with helpful arrow) Yes, not so popular anymore.

Thats about the best i can think of for now.
(Mkoll, Thu 5 May 2005, 13:31, Reply)

Visual Basic
programs are great fun. Create a little program with a smiley face as an icon or whatever, call it a game and put it on the common drive.

When its opened it A), opens IE to a grot site B) starts deleting files, C) netsends every computer in the domain telling everyone they are cunts, D) shuts down the computer, or E) all of the above. Great fun

Yet I still don't know why they kicked me out of college.

Bugger, Boden beat me to it!
( nnnndave, Thu 5 May 2005, 13:28, Reply)

mm crispy
When i was little (i dunno about 8-9) i was playing with the nozzle on the squeezy glue pot and this perfect crusty circle of glue came off.
My sister was eating some 'floaty light' quavers. I sneaked the crusty debris into the packet. She thought it was a verucca!
( moogy boobles, Thu 5 May 2005, 13:22, Reply)

Making a .bat file
with something along the lines of
'net send USERNAME Isn't this annoying?'
in it thousands of times.

Then running it :)
( beefandcheese, Thu 5 May 2005, 13:21, Reply)

Keyboards
I've been going around our computer lab at uni today surreptitiously half unplugging keyboard leads. Just enough so they appear to be in yet don't work. A room full of physicists and it still takes them ages to work out what's going on! :oD
(insanityboy, Thu 5 May 2005, 13:20, Reply)

hmmm.
someone's been saying the shaving foam thing is an untruth. they would be right - thet's my very own little sabotage...
damn you for exposing it.
( nowhere.elysium Exploder of cats, Thu 5 May 2005, 13:16, Reply)

I sent them on their way to destruction.
They had no chance to survive or make their time.
(Roland Deschain, Thu 5 May 2005, 12:50, Reply)