I've just bought this


tinyurl.com/yjafoqt

For Mrs duck she loves a cappuccino and they look ace
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 17:57, 2 replies)

My best mate...
...and I also engage in the annual Yuletide 'prank gift' exchange.

His riposte to my gift to him of a framed photo of Richard Nixon one year was this the next.



W*nker.
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Wed 2 Dec 2009, 17:07, 2 replies)

This year...
Mum - Tagine (some sort of Cooking device)
Dad - DVD HDD Recorder
Sister - Pandora Charm
GF - UGG Boots, Camera Case, External Hard Drive onto which i've downloaded a shed load of movies and her favourite TV Series (and some of mine!)
Grandma - Spa Treatment Voucher

I went a bit overboard this year (seeing as I didn't have a job last year so couldnt afford anything).

apols for lack of funnies
*relurks*
( Mister B is eating an icanhazcheezburger with lmaonaise, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 16:30, 3 replies)

Home-Made wrapping paper
Last year I created my own wrapping paper. I wrote: Cunt, piss, turd-cakes, arse, et cetera on a piece of A3. My family's presents from me looked lovely. This year I'll just use newspaper, less wasteful.
(fibonacci_cunt cunt, cunt, cuntcunt, cuntcuntcunt,..., Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:56, Reply)

Can't tell you what I'm getting for folk...
...as a few of my nearest-and-dearest mooch these pages too, but I'll say this - I think everyone I've bought for will be chuffed this year. And this is despite the fact that I've had to lay out a fair bit of cash to get my bike repaired this month.

Only thing is, I'll have to spend the entirety of December financially fucking housebound as a result, so they'd better be chuffed and grateful or I'll snatch them back and sell them on eBay.

Oh, and on a personal note let me just point out; Christmas is on the 25th, not at any point before. The 8 weeks preceding it are known as 'November' and 'December'. Anyone saying Merry Christmas to me on xmas day (or xmas eve at a pinch) will get a hearty one back and maybe even a hug. Anyone saying it before these dates will be identified as a twat and told to fuck off. I like xmas, but I hate the two-fucking-month run-up to it that everyone seems to insist on.
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:51, 1 reply)

I love wrapping presents...
Always have done...

Apart from one year when my sister and I were young... Mum had cancer, Dad was lumbered with the Christmas Shifts at work and come Christmas Eve no-one had wrapped our presents. So my mum set my sister and I to work with the paper and I loved it!

Until I started writing labels with my mum dictating...and realised we'd been tricked into wrapping our own presents!

Evil parents.

I wrap everyone's presents bar my mum and dads nicely...theirs is functional, not pretty.
(Kimberelli is addicted to the shiny little magnets..., Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:40, Reply)

This year, I'll be getting my better half bugger all.
Not because I don't love her or anything like that (read my "will you go out with me" post to understand.) But because I simply cannot afford to get the present until January.

Though what I have got planned is, what I deem to be, her ideal present. I'll be getting her a card and a small present for the actual day though, I'm not a complete heartless bastard.

and Muchos Gracias to Elegant Lady Vee for the website i'm getting my ladies present from.
( Jinxy13 is hating the S key, right about now., Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:30, Reply)

My girlfriend hates surprises
Last year, a day or two before Christmas day, we were both lying in bed when she asked me what I’d got her.

“It’s a surprise” I said.

“Oh go on, tell me” said she.

“No, It’s a surprise” I insisted.

This gradually snowballed until we somehow fell out over it (yeah, I know), with her facing away from me in bed refusing to talk to me. Deciding that this was getting silly I let out a sigh and told her what she was getting, but she was still a bit grouchy until the next day.

Needless to say if she asks this year I’m just going to fucking tell her to save a row!

A strange one, I know.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:22, 3 replies)

Surprises
Am I the only person who tries not to work out what their presents are before Christmas? I always loved the surprise and the opening of the presents more than the actual gift. When I was little I lived in the kind of area where most people were poor but somehow wound up with £500 worth of presents each year. In my family instead of consoles and computers galore we'd get a set amount to spend from Grandparents and parents - so we could have a larger present or smaller ones. I'd get something like £80 worth of tat just so I'd have more presents to open on the day.

I also loved the whole stocking thing (orange? yes please) and I've somehow managed to make a good run of getting one. I'm 22 and this is the first time I wont be able to blag it - my brother now has a baby so me and my younger sister cant really play on my Mums fear of her kids being grown up anymore.



It also takes me HOURS to choose what to buy people, because I have to know that the openee is going to actually like and be surprised by the present. I hate the whole general gift ideas (body lotion kits, socks, dust catchers, liquor sets, Boots 3 for 2) and I do not do token gestures. One of my Aunts is the queen of token gestures and I'd rather get nothing than another voucher for House of Frasiers.

For my 21st birthday my housemate got me 21 gifts in a kind of pass the parcel set up. A massive box with handmade wrapping paper and then lots of different layers. I think it was partly her knowing me far to well after 4 years of living together, and partly thanks for when I'd told her to get her boyfriend 21 things for his birthday a couple of years earlier.
(ignoramusaurus, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 15:12, 3 replies)

The B3ta newsletter is responsible for one present I have purchased.
I hope my Secret santa is thriled with the Sexy Execs 2010 calendar I have bought them.
(Leonard Hatred briefly did some work on, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 14:12, Reply)

Due to location restrictions
This year I am buying my family and friends a selection from the following:

CD's and DVD's
PS3 and DS games.
Clothes
Garden Supplies
Toys
Cheese

I am limited to just these items as they are on the aisles between my 24 hour Tesco's front door and the wine section.

I will also buy a few of them some wine. Technically the wine isn't on my way but as its Christmas I'll let it pass with barely a hint of bad grace or turkey scented flatulence.
( Dervel OTBC, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 13:14, Reply)

Oh, the usual. Y'know...
Leaping Lords etc
(kitescreech still here, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 12:59, Reply)

I got these for these;
GF - you got a scarf and some driving gloves
mum - you got a scarf, new dog lead, 3000 piece pzzle
thom - you got a scarf, new top notch fleece
el - you got left for dead 2
ferrets - you're gonna get some of the roast duck i'm gonna cook and a new play tube
dad - the new clarkson duel dvd
jamie - your a horrible git so i've used your Amazon to order some big black cocks to your house and deleted the confirmation emails from your yahoo, die.
(Sprite, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 9:51, 10 replies)

Four Candles
Last night my mum called and was trying to get some ideas as to what she could get my girlfriend and I for Christmas. I took the opportunity to ask her what she wanted from us,

"Oh, nothing too expensive, but I'd like four candles for the front room. I've seen some I like in Cargo"


I can't wait for Christmas day when she opens her present and realises I've got her......

... a dead worm.
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 9:18, 10 replies)

We all like to give our prezzies
a squeeze and shake to guess what is in there.
One year I recieved a present from my now recently deceased grandfather which I really had difficulty in guessing (frankly unless it is a cd or a Toblerone I always get it wrong anyway).
It was soft under the paper. Spongey but with a hard core. It wasn't big ~5"x2"x2" but had a bit of weight to it - a good pound or two.

After a fair amount of umming, sqeezing and shaking I gave up and opened it.
It was a large jar of marmite wrapped in a pair of socks.
(Baj does Minecraft - http://www.youtube.com/w92baj, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 2:29, 1 reply)

Hello Everyone
Since it`s now the second of December and nobody has acknowledged that fact I would like to say, Merry Christmas to everyone here.
(Sadarse works like Mist condensing mud flaps, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 0:56, 2 replies)

I've given out some awesome Christmas presents in the past
and I've received some awesome Christmas presents.

But my best present this year? I'm almost free of a crippling depression, and am actually considering buying a Christmas tree.
I even left my apartment today and went somewhere different (instead of just going fishing or to the pub, my friend took me out for lunch).
And this year I won't be truly alone on Christmas. I have invites all over the place as my friends have seen me out of the depressive times, but most of all my boyfriend has asked me over to spend the day with him and his family.

Just knowing I'll have a smile on my face for Christmas this year is enough for me :)
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 0:46, 5 replies)

Gave my wife the best Christmas present she could have wished for today
Went to my first AA meeting. Day one and counting. Apologies for lack of funnies.
(Capo, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 0:28, 20 replies)

Not safe as houses.
Our house burned Christmas Eve, 1962.
(uncle_bud is not the jelly roll king., Tue 1 Dec 2009, 23:58, 1 reply)

New Dude Be Nice
The snowflakes ware falling like leaves to the ground like they would in a perfect dream you have experienced













And then i came over her tits

What a great gift

Length: Comical,she laughted and i never saw her again
(Sadarse works like Mist condensing mud flaps, Tue 1 Dec 2009, 23:37, 16 replies)

wrapping paper
My mum is a bit of an eco-warrior. Likes to do her bit on saving the planet and will try to convert anyone else who'll listen bless her. She's massive on recycling, you know the usual, glass bottles, cans, paper-what we all should be doing really. But she does this one thing that christmas that I think is taking it a little too far. She'll be so careful not to tear the wrapping paper on any of her presents so she can recycle it and use it again the following year. Not too bad you might think. But she has drawers full of the stuff. At christmas we'll get presents with paper thats been around for 10 years! I find it annoying when she comes to opening my present and am excited to see if she likes it but takes 10 minutes to open the damn thing. This will normally result in echoing cries from all of us, ''JUST RIP IT MUM!!'' But she never does. And she's probably saved quite a bit of cash over the years. Anyhoo this year I shall be buying her this

www.the-green-apple.co.uk/recycled-christmas-gift-wrap-p-1309.html

And I'll be wrapping it up. With new paper.

First post woop!
(flutterybutterfly, Tue 1 Dec 2009, 21:14, 7 replies)

one year we were so poor
my parents handmade our christmas presents. what lovely folk :)
(ladyintheradiator, Tue 1 Dec 2009, 21:01, Reply)

During the sixties, early seventies
when times were hard, we had recycled Xmas pressies, that disappeared in November and magically reappeared after Mass on Xmas morning, a huge grey wooden fort, with all the crusaders, a dolls house with garage added from last year, with new beds, cars and wallpaper, bikes and scooters. My Dad was an ace amateur carpenter/handyman and Mum just as hard working, made great recycled Xmas gifts, love them my parents and the memories to bits.
( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Tue 1 Dec 2009, 20:18, 1 reply)

Christmas Eve
Every year I stop at a convenience store on Christmas Eve to pick up a selection of gifts. I buy cheap toys, candy, bad CD's, auto or office supplies, etc.

The checkout clerk usually gives me a knowing look; I'm apparently a typical last-minute shopper. Of course, everyone gets great, thoughtful presents too. The cheap convenience store things are just stocking stuffers.

Funny though, that these little diversions tend to be favorites on Christmas morning....
(danalan Pretty good, for an amateur., Tue 1 Dec 2009, 19:53, Reply)

One year...
My folks fell on really hard times and it looked like my brother and I would be getting stationary or some such crap. Luckily my uncle came to visit that year. Now he's a bit of an aged hippy, believes in the power of crop circles or some such but he has been around the world especially India and south asia. So I was expecting something exotic that I could at least brag about in school.

The old stoner didn't give us jack. He just gave my dad some cheesy ethnic good luck charm he'd got in a bazaar and expected us to put him up and feed him for the rest of the month. I was seething.

I'd almost given up going back to school with anything cool when all of a sudden my parents got a windfall and I got tons of stuff, a bike, a new console, cool trainers and everything.

My uncle said it was thanks to his good luck charm but it was just a stuffed monkey paw, honestly he'd take credit for the weather if he could.

Wierdly that was the same week that my brother disappeared. My parents are really reticent to discuss it so I don't push.
(Bo Nidle Coming back in from the cold., Tue 1 Dec 2009, 19:37, 4 replies)

My B3TA day
I wanted to post something today as it's my B3TA day and I wanted to see the candle. I was trying to think of something relevant to post. I do have a pearoast

www.b3ta.com/questions/panicbuying/post46143

I think this sums up christmas for me.

I am going to post this as I still want to see the candle, but I'm not in the mood to make up a new story. I've been made redundant today. I really didn't see it coming. My nan and grandpa will get exactly what they want for Christmas this year, and they'll love it, because I bought it for them. They don't give a shit about money and as of today neither do I.
( no longer a user, Tue 1 Dec 2009, 19:12, 11 replies)

my sister
one year, we had a very bad christmas.
it was the day of the school play, december 13th 1985 and i was ten years old. for the third year running, i had been chosen as the play's narrator, a role that always got me laughed at by the parents.
as i stood on the stage, i scanned the audience for my mum, who had promised to come, but she wasn't there. i spotted my uncle, though, so when the play was over, i went to talk to him.
"don't walk home," he said, "i'll give you a lift. i've got a surprise for you." intrigued, i hurried off to fetch my little sister and my 2 cousins. as we walked to the car, my sister asked "is it a good surprise?" "not really," my uncle replied. "your grandad's dead." for someone who had been a nurse for over 20 years, he was shit at giving bad news.
upon arriving home, we were met by a great wailing and gnashing of teeth, as is only to be expected in such a terrible situation. it seems grandad had suffered a fatal heart attack just after breakfast, about an hour after we'd left for school. fortunately, he'd died quickly and not suffered much. the whole family was distraught.

the more impatient of you may well be asking "smash, where is this leading?" well, i'll tell you.
christmas morning, we were unwrapping our gifts next to the tree, when my mother hands my elder sister an oddly-shaped package. tearing the paper off, my sister revealed a pair of headphones, exactly the ones she'd wanted. "thanks, mum!" she cried. "they're not off me and your dad," answered mum. "they're from your grandad. that's the only present he'd managed to buy before he died."
i'd love to say that those headphones were treasured by my sister, but she'd managed to ruin them within about 3 months.
sorry for lack of funny, but it still pisses me off that she didn't treat them better.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 1 Dec 2009, 18:45, 6 replies)

weddin pres
I sent a roll of toilet paper as a wedding gift. I wanted to give them something practical.
(hathat, Tue 1 Dec 2009, 17:30, Reply)