I'd been out drinking, while Mrs Vagabond had a gay mate and his long-term boyfriend 'round to visit.
The couple are quite well-to-do - they like the finer things in life - they discuss art, have wonderful taste, and are keen fans of opera.

I got back at about 10ish, quite refreshed, and all at home were on the outside of several bottles of wine between them, and in the middle of a deep and sincere discussion on the dynamics of personal relationships.

I greet everyone, check they're good for drinks etc, and go and get myself another beer.

Settling into my armchair, listening to the conversation, I open my beer, light up a cigarette, and, to get involved in the chat myself, open with, "So ... one of the things every straight guy wonders is ... how do you decide who's Arthur and who's Martha, then? Do you take it in turns, or is it a set rule thing?"
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 10:54, 23 replies)

I don't get it.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 12:13, closed)

That's because you're fucking minging.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 12:19, closed)

Do you also call your black friends "coons", but, like, ironically?

(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Fri 11 Jan 2013, 12:35, closed)

I don't befriend blacks, you dolt!
Christ.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 12:43, closed)

I see what you've done here.
You've hilariously interpreted this to refer to a sexual activity whereas my intention was to express my confusion at your story. In the sense that I don't understand in what way the anecdote includes anything unsayable and therefore how it might relate to this week's question.

I hope this goes some way to unravelling your no-doubt mischievous confusion.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 17:42, closed)

homophobia is funny lol

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 13:03, closed)

How is it homophobia?
Aside from the obvious - if common - misuse of the word, how is it in any way anti-gay? It was an enquiry - a genuine enquiry. An embarrassing one, I grant you, and not something one asks in polite company, but I fail to see how it's homophobic.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 13:29, closed)

"Gay sex?
How does that work then? Nothing against queers, I just don't see how they'd do it."

Basically, you remind everyone of their dad.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 13:33, closed)

So how is that homophobic?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 13:38, closed)

Everyone's dad is homophobic.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 13:43, closed)

Oh.
That's a shame, because I AM everyone's dad.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 14:18, closed)

Mum wants to know when you'll be coming home.
We all miss you very much.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 16:45, closed)

I'm with Vag on this.
My first thought when I read it was 'Yeah, so what did he say?'.
(username failed moderation, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 16:05, closed)

Except that if we take this interpretation then the obvious question becomes "so why did he post it this week" which leads back around the circle to his underlying homophobia.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 17:43, closed)

I've yet to see any homophobia in my post.
It was saying the unsayable because most people don't ask it, but many wonder.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Sat 12 Jan 2013, 13:40, closed)

I think you're on a hiding to nothing with these dorks.
We're all either gay or homophobic.
(username failed moderation, Mon 14 Jan 2013, 10:11, closed)

Poof

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 14:20, closed)

Usually, one partner enjoys the submissive role more.
And the one with the bigger cock tends to be the top, though there will of course be times when the roles are reversed

It's not always doggy style either, and though there are set dominant and submissive roles outside the bedroom, it's not always so reductive inside it

"I can't be homophobic, I have gay friends whom I ask ignorant questions of when drunk!".

I asked my black mate if all his sort had big cocks and could dance reet well. He told me to shit off.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 22:08, closed)

I don't see how this fits the classic definition of 'homophobia'. I would ask you to enlighten me, but I'm concerned that would make me homophobic too.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 11 Jan 2013, 22:50, closed)

... and then he bummed you with his big cock?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 12 Jan 2013, 8:19, closed)

naturally.
He tickled my kidneys with it.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Jan 2013, 11:44, closed)

I've yet to understand how my enquiry was in any way phobic - homo or otherwise.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Sat 12 Jan 2013, 13:41, closed)

Because calling someone a bigot
is a lot easier than facing up to their own crippling sense of self loathing and inability to come to terms with their desires towards farm machinery and automated shelf stacking systems.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Wed 16 Jan 2013, 13:09, closed)