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This is a question Sex Toys

Lanternchikk asks "How about a vibrant and stimulating discussion on sex toys?" What do you use to get off, and has it ever gone wrong? And yes, we've heard that urban myth, thank you.

(, Thu 17 May 2012, 12:33)
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Emvees very touchy about his dad not loving him and his mum being a prostitute, he'll have you on ignore if you've ever dared to mention those
or that time when he looked like a right prick wearing a crazy balloon in a pub full of otherwise normal people

www.flickr.com/photos/james_godwin/5772615168/in/pool-77617660@N00/

don't mention his comedy t-shirts either or he'll stick you on ignore
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 12:12, 3 replies)
i don't even know an emvee

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 12:14, closed)
Hi, I'm Emvee
don't mind Rory, he's a tedious prick
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 12:26, closed)
stop prostituting your widowed mother

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 12:32, closed)
13

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 13:17, closed)
14

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 13:29, closed)

        
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:01, closed)
Man, you're a stupid cunt

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 13:52, closed)
you look like you're in a steven hawking chair in that photo.
were you in a steven hawking chair?
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 13:53, closed)
Fuck knows, I was drunk

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 13:54, closed)
fair do's.

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:00, closed)
That's a pretty good excuse for being a massive prick.
"NO! I'M NOT A MASSIVE PRICK! I'M DRUNK!"
Sounds like being a massive prick with a problem to me.
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:28, closed)
Oh you're back from your little trip to banland, are you?
Still constantly surprised that I don't wear a morning suit and a solemn expression at b3ta bashes? Still wanking yourself daft over every picture of me you can find?
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 12:23, closed)
blimey.

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 12:29, closed)
Is there going to be an internet fight?

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 12:30, closed)
It's only a fight if both participants are evenly matched
As it is, it seems to be me versus a retarded interspastic who's obsessed with pictures of me from past b3ta bashes and pointing out that I look silly. While wanking himself daft over them.

Not that I mind, overmuch, it's like having my own cripplingly stupid version of Heat magazine.
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:09, closed)
Christ.
The "massive prick" thing is looking more likely already.
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:29, closed)
Is there a version of Heat magazine
that isn't cripplingly stupid, then?
I've often wondered, given that Boyd Hilton is sometimes on Radio 4, if there might not actually be a highbrow version of said periodical, stocked in only the most prestigious of newsagents.
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:43, closed)
In a Panglossian way I have to imagine that the contents of Heat magazine are a little bit more sophisticated than
"LOL Emvee wore a T-shirt ROFL"
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:52, closed)
Emvee in a t-shirt, with a balloon on his head.
A woman in a bikini, with cellulite.

It's all much the same - someone's getting jeered at, for the crime of daring to appear in public, either way.
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:16, closed)
That's what these /talk fatties are really afraid of
appearing in public
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:24, closed)
I'm not fat!
I'm just big boned.
*sob* Pass the Chunky Monkey...
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:48, closed)
Listen man, I'm not your mother and I aint here to dress you
Comedy t-shirts mark you out as a knob that's all. Somebody should really have broken this news to you before, perhaps not down forbidden planet but elsewhere.

Cheers emvs
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 12:52, closed)
Look, I know you're desperately jealous of people who do things that you can't
Like leaving the house without a carer or typing without having to use a head dobber, but you've just got to get over it, Rory.

I know you're incapable of dressing yourself, and that tends to spill out into venom against people who can, but it's you who has to learn to live with it, not me.
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 13:51, closed)
i like how adding stark to your username makes you a superhero

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:08, closed)
No, no it doesn't

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:16, closed)
but it definitely makes you pimp out your own widowed mother?

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:18, closed)
I hate to repeat myself, but
man, you're a stupid cunt
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:24, closed)
Transformers are shit

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:25, closed)
Oh noes

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:28, closed)
especially the comics

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:29, closed)
Sturgeon's law

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:36, closed)
Does you're mum ever come in with the spunk of strangers dribbling down her leg, fix you in her gaze and spit, with pure animosity, "It should have been you."?
I'm going to assume she does. Unless she's some sort of retard.
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:40, closed)
Hahahaha hahahaha

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:42, closed)
I think the fucking prick has me on ignore.
On account of he's a fucking prick.
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:44, closed)
Also, MB says you need a new username.
How about "Simon L Fluid"?
Or not. It's a bit waki.
How about "Lino-Chutney"?
Dunno what it means but it dunt sound nice.
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:46, closed)
What about
Inky Pinky Ponky Daddy Bought a Donkey
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:51, closed)
This one too apparently
"Does you're mum ever come in with the spunk of strangers dribbling down her leg, fix you in her gaze and spit, with pure animosity, "It should have been you."?
I'm going to assume she does. Unless she's some sort of retard."
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:03, closed)
Cheers, bloke.

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:10, closed)
Looks like he's flounced off.

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:13, closed)
Wow, thanks

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:14, closed)
Please answer the question.

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:33, closed)
personality horse would like you to answer the question

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:36, closed)
One retard at a time, please

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:38, closed)
who is this to?
sorry i'm lost here
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:39, closed)
That's not my problem

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:40, closed)
is that to me or PH?

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:40, closed)
just think if you'd been a better son and had a better job
you wouldn't need to pimp out your own widowed mother to pay for all those superhero belt buckles
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:28, closed)
Nope, you're still nowhere near
Do you wanna keep trying?
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:29, closed)
Take a look at that photo, though, right. And imagine your hardest that it isn't you.
Does that chap look like a good person to you? Or a massive prick? Because, here's the bad news right, he IS a massive prick who only gets out when there's a bash for his needy forum chums.
In a fucking in joke comedy tee shirt.
With a novelty balloon on his head.
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:34, closed)
I think Personality Horse tried to tell you the following, but suspects that you have him on Ignore
"Take a look at that photo, though, right. And imagine your hardest that it isn't you.
Does that chap look like a good person to you? Or a massive prick? Because, here's the bad news right, he IS a massive prick who only gets out when there's a bash for his needy forum chums.
In a fucking in joke comedy tee shirt.
With a novelty balloon on his head."
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:54, closed)
Ta.
Can you do the one about his mum with cum dribbling down her legs too, for me?
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:00, closed)
Yes, I have Personality Horse on ignore because I'm tired of hearing about his shit "band"
But please congratulate him for extrapolating all that from one photo of me from a b3ta bash in which comedy balloon hats were being made (not by me, but by another old-school b3tan) and passed around. I'm obviously dealing with a person of Sherlock Holmes levels of deduction here. (Can you emphasise the sarcasm in that last part please?)

You can reassure Personality Horse that I get out plenty, as I have "chums" beyond the reach of this forum, and that the b3ta bash is far from my only source of social interaction for the year but it's the only one from which that stupid prick Rory Lyon can find photographs to post in unrelated QOTW answers.

Might I further suggest that if Personality Horse wants to criticise my appearance based on a snapshot taken at a party that he post some pictures of himself so that we all might judge?

And finally, could I point out that since I have Personality Horse on ignore I'm not really interested in his opinion, and that by reposting it you seem to be nothing more than another shit-for-brains trolling cunt?
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:13, closed)
i'm glad you cleared all this up
i respect you now that you have pointed out that you don't care what personality horse thinks
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:16, closed)
ROFLERS!

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:31, closed)
personality horse said
'ROFLERS!' to this
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:32, closed)
I read the 'And Finally' in a John Craven voice
Why are you so upset? And isn't it a little hypocritical to call me names when you don't know me? Look, it's a lovely day outside, why not go out an enjoy the sunshine, yeah? Peace.
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:17, closed)
I'm not upset, I'm fucking loving this
If the dregs of the internet like Personality Horse are crawling out of the woodwork to insult me, I must be doing something right.
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:21, closed)
Ok, well I'm glad to hear it
Because some might say that explaining that you've got loads of friends, getting oversensitive about photos of yourself and calling people you don't know 'shit-for-brains trolls' makes you come across as a bit of a prick. But don't shoot the messenger, eh.
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:24, closed)
I'm beginning to see why his dad hates him and his mum got driven to prostitution

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:28, closed)
I'm beginning to see why you idolise me

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:34, closed)
Those people would be cripplingly retarded, autistic cunts
Who delight in posting pictures of people to public forums in an attempt to embarrass them, or post comments on said pictures, or repost comments from ignored users on said pictures because they just want to be involved somehow.

I'm still vaguely flattered that all of you in interfatty land are wanking yourself daft over pictures of me, but isn't it time you got yourselves girlfriends or something? Otherwise I could, I dunno, post a new picture of myself a week - maybe even something not from a b3ta bash - and you could spluff yourselves into oblivion?
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:32, closed)
A picture of you not at a bash?
Who'd take it?
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:34, closed)
personality horse says 'a picture of you at a bash?
who'd take it?'
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:35, closed)
You sad twat

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:36, closed)
PH, Emvee says 'You sad twat'
I think he's saying it to me, but it might be to you, he didn't specify
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:36, closed)
"Hey Emvee"
"A fat balding prick said: A picture of you not at a bash?
Who'd take it?"

LOL
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:35, closed)
you're not supposed to take the piss out of yourself
when there are so many other people here to do it for you
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:39, closed)
I'm better at it than you

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:39, closed)
don't put yourself down, Iron Manvee

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:40, closed)
Ahahaha
Yeah, definitely better than you
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:54, closed)
i'm glad you pointed that out
i wasn't sure
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:58, closed)
you don't sound like your embarrassed at all
still at least you've got a pretend girlfriend and lots of offline chums so you'll always be the real winner on the internet emvs
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:36, closed)
And that's why you can't leave me alone

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:37, closed)
Please let us know if you decide to put Two Hats on ignore, so his posts can be re-posted for you too.

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:25, closed)
AHAHAHA!
You seem to have misunderstood how the ignore button works.
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:32, closed)
Let's see some pictures then, fatty

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:39, closed)
hey wait a minute there woah
don't take the mickey out of peoples weight in my thread, thats out of order
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:40, closed)
Ah, another fatty
I knew it
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:40, closed)
i'm very sensitive about my weight, please don't pick on me because of it

(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:42, closed)
I'm not picking on you because of your weight
I'm picking on you because you're breathtakingly stupid. Oh, and too fat to leave the house, but we'll get to that.
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:44, closed)
this is really hurtful and mean, i don't like the way the tone of this thread has changed
are you menacing me? i feel like i'm being menaced

could somebody gaz a mod please?
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:46, closed)
Gaz all you like
I'm not trapped in here with you, you're all trapped in here with me.
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:47, closed)
I'm not upset.
I'm not upset.
I'M NOT UPSET.
I AM NOT UPSET
n   n  ooo  ttttt     u   u pppp   ssss eeeee ttttt
nn n o o t u u p p s e t
n n n o o t u u pppp sss eee t
n nn o o t u u p s e t
n n ooo t uuu p ssss eeeee t

honest
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:45, closed)
You are upset
Otherwise we'd be looking at pictures of a bald overweight man right now
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 15:47, closed)
Please,
no pictures of baldmonkey Personality Horse - I've not recovered from the last time.
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 16:01, closed)
Thing is, though, the things rory just said are all like actually true,
whereas you're just making bollocks up.
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 14:30, closed)
you do look like a prick.
soz.
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 17:13, closed)

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