bump

( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 12:31, archived)

Wargh! Just resting my eyes.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 12:34, archived)

I'm not asleep boss, I'm just hugging my desk because I missed it so much during my lunch

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 13:10, archived)

+1

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 24 Jan 2017, 12:36, archived)

Now Sold, thanks for the space /talk

( mongychops, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 12:38, archived)

Good job

( H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 12:49, archived)

The Douglas Bader of afternoon threads.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 13:12, archived)

Headline on the BBC news site: Model is intersex
hur hur...
Aren't we all, love.

I had a 90 minute interview this morning before work, so am suitably knackered.
Think it went well, we shall see.

What happened to you this morning?
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:46, archived)

I did a massive piss in Saintsbury's.
It's not been an especially eventful morning.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:52, archived)

How were the facilities?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:04, archived)

Inadequate.
I had to switch urinals, part way through, as they weren't draining fast enough.
#pissdancing is living well
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:06, archived)

What sort of monster horse piss were you doing that you backed up a urinal?
Did you save it up all week to unleash in one, raging torrent?
( Kroney, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:23, archived)

monster munch is a piss camel

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:26, archived)

monster horse piss lol

( H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:30, archived)

Two mugs of tea, a cold morning, an hour in the car, plus my high metabolism.
A killer combination, and the reason I usually go before I set off.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:42, archived)

^piss camel

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:44, archived)

I'm not pleased to see you, it's just my bladder hump.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:49, archived)

my lovely camel lumps

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:55, archived)

tea's got me piiiiii-siiiiing
oooo^ooo_oooo
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 13:11, archived)

90 minutes?!
they clearly don't have a lot going on.
( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:54, archived)

I'm interviewing on Thursday.
I'm filling in for HR as the third person on the panel, so have been allocated the silly "what makes you the best person for this job" questions. Ugh.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:03, archived)

three people to interview one person
ha!
( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:05, archived)

They seem to have quite high expectations of the candidates, too,
which is funny as they haven't rewritten the job description since I was in the role.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:10, archived)

Ask them if they reckon they could take on a tiger with a cricket bat in an office environment.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:07, archived)

is the tiger a left or right handed batsman?

( mongychops, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:11, archived)

How's a tiger supposed to hold a cricket bat?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:11, archived)

reminds me of
this
(ozof, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:23, archived)

So much for applicant confidentiality.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:53, archived)

"Imagine you were shoeless in an office when terrorists took over the building and held all the employees hostage.
"What is the first thing you would do?"
( Kroney, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:25, archived)

"Best crisp?"

( H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:29, archived)

'what's for lunch?' 'weekend plans?' 'what you doing tonight?' 'morning'

( mongychops, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:31, archived)

If I had my way, I'd just leave them alone for 30 minutes, with a bucket of Lego.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 12:08, archived)

*submits CV*

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 13:14, archived)

Yeah, there was a competency test thing also.
Maths, Literacy, memory, problem solving etc.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:05, archived)

Nothing of note, didn't even slip on ice on the way to work

( H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:58, archived)

slip into something sexy when you get home

( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:59, archived)

Why wait till then?
Posting this from a lift
( H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:05, archived)

give me five and I'll drive over

( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:06, archived)

*Something about podka dots*

( H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:15, archived)

Ewan McGregor has refused to appear on Good Morning Britain as he realised Piers Morgan is one of the hosts.
I approve of this.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:59, archived)

I do too... More should do this.
Horrid, entitled prick.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:03, archived)

Had some training on electronic locks around site.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:31, archived)

salto's?

( mongychops, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:33, archived)

Aye. We've had them ages, but never really shown how to set them up or repair them.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:47, archived)

if one with a handle gets stuck hit it with something hard on the right angle and the lock will jump open, #pro tips

( mongychops, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:53, archived)

Ha, the guy who came in to show us said that.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 24 Jan 2017, 12:22, archived)

Went for my post-recruitment medical this morning.
That was a barrel of laffs. They expected me to buy my own sample bottle for the urine sample so I just turned up without it and no-one said a word. Take that, system.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:39, archived)

Should've just given them a full, lukewarm pint glass with some clingfilm over the top.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:40, archived)

I assumed they might actually have some sample bottles available, being a clinic and all that.
But no.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:43, archived)

One of my mates needs to pay £500 to go to one as he wants a working visa in NZ.
You'd think at that cost, the least they could do is provide a plastic cup.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 12:07, archived)

Christ, out of his own pocket?
I'd want a crystal goblet and a fit bird to hold it for me at that rate.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 12:11, archived)

I think they do x-rays and blood tests as well.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 12:15, archived)

Did you just piss on their desk?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:41, archived)

Asserting dominance 4 eva.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:43, archived)

i.imgur.com/7r4mmFN.png
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:54, archived)

Not familiar with this reference, soz.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:56, archived)

I don't watch Peep Show enough to get that.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:58, archived)

morning v2
typical dozy yank, barging in without a care for the domestic culture of a place
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 7:23, archived)

Halfords special battery, car fired straight up this morning.
85 fucking quid though, knackers.
( Kroney, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 7:38, archived)

What Ah/CCA is that?
I only paid 60 quid for a Varta Silver, and that's 77Ah - good enough for a 3.0 V6
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 7:47, archived)

540 CCA, 60 Ah

( Kroney, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 11:00, archived)

I'm not sure you'd have got a better deal out of a factors place,
Fucked charged me 45 quid for a bloody 6v motorcycle battery.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 24 Jan 2017, 7:47, archived)

Morning you all
Bloody cold today like
( H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 7:45, archived)

yer, I had to put on something over my t-shirt now the temps are sub-zero

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 7:47, archived)

^

( H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 8:23, archived)

Hello there everyone.
A good day and glad tidings to all, and to all a good day.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 24 Jan 2017, 7:47, archived)

who are you and what have you done with Windy Pig?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 7:47, archived)

He's fine. Do not worry about windy pig

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 24 Jan 2017, 8:08, archived)

^pod person

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 8:24, archived)

Windy Pod

( H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 8:24, archived)

I awoke to merkin talk of hormone filled beef and chlorinated chicken, hmmm

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 8:12, archived)

I woke up at 6am for no valid reason whatsoever

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 8:14, archived)

Ignore the screaming baby, another 30 mins of rolling around in its own faeces won't kill it

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 8:21, archived)

it doesn't do that
really, my eyes just snapped open at 6am and I couldn't get back to sleep. No idea why.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 8:25, archived)

It was morning ... early ... six. Grrrmachine snapped awake instantly. Alert, ready.
Les Christopher lay on his side, his thumb in his mouth, sucking like a baby.

Grrr rose from his bunk. His feet felt the hard cold stone grey floor. Feet that had trod every troublespot in the world. Feet that had tasted a touch of danger. Feet that had seen too much.

A black beetle scuttled across the floor. Instinctively, Grrr crushed it with his heel. It shattered with a satisfying crunch. Grrr smiled ...
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 8:35, archived)

Christopher Dawson
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 8:39, archived)

Dawson Dennis
( H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:32, archived)

T3h m0rn1ng 2.0

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 8:15, archived)

l0lzzoRs u R 1337 h4xxz0rs!

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 8:26, archived)

hard brexit now

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 8:34, archived)

^ wanks over pictures of Theresa May in her leather trousers

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 8:40, archived)

now we're talking

( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 8:40, archived)

I don't even know what kitten heels are but they turn me on

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 8:44, archived)

img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2015-10/7/8/enhanced/webdr14/enhanced-1405-1444221685-1.png
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 8:48, archived)

I had to change tights today because I got a ladder as I stepped out of the door
#justwomenthings
( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 8:52, archived)

you pervert
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 9:38, archived)

thumb

( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 8:40, archived)

up or down?
I need to know if I should execute these slaves
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 8:42, archived)

up for today

( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 8:51, archived)

how far?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 8:52, archived)

inch
inch and half if I really strain
( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 8:55, archived)

yeah hi

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 9:07, archived)

*friendly wave*

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 9:20, archived)

i was learning some polish yesterday
forgotten it all now though
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 9:40, archived)

words or grammar or pronunciation?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 9:44, archived)

just words
common phrases and t'ing
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:02, archived)

niezłe
you working with Poles now?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:08, archived)

cool, i'll try and get the right accent on the '&#'
just the one. 'member me asking you how to pronounce a name? that person
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:15, archived)

noice. Just a word of warning, Polish is gendered so you have to remember the grammar forms appropriate for the person you're talking to
otherwise genderfluid lolarity ensues.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:28, archived)

i'll probably just talk to her in english most of the time, if i'm honest

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:30, archived)

Talk slow and loud, with lots of pointing.
It's the only way to make yourself understood.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:34, archived)

Loudly and slowly

( mongychops, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:34, archived)

Oh

( mongychops, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:35, archived)

*points*

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:42, archived)

If I'm not at my desk in the next 15 minutes, I'll lose my booking.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 9:07, archived)

your whole life is a shitshow m8

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 9:20, archived)

Did you leave a deposit?

( mongychops, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 9:29, archived)

The system values all my bookings at £0.00.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 9:44, archived)

go in there and fuck them up
I've got your back
( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 9:44, archived)

Might eat lunch at my desk, leave crumbs everywhere.
Undermine the system from within.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 9:52, archived)

sounds you would be better off working from home

( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 9:54, archived)

Gonna do that tomorrow, although there's some bullshit policy about it only being acceptable "if it benefits the organisation".
I might have to look for another job.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:00, archived)

not seeing you must be a benefit

( mongychops, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:01, archived)

That'll be the main thrust of my argument, yes.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:11, archived)

working in the public sector sounds shit

( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:06, archived)

Yeah.
Still, the pension is good, despite all the recent changes to it.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:13, archived)

It'll benefit them by having a spare desk

( fuscous, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:21, archived)

^ tggi

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:24, archived)

good

( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 9:38, archived)

ooking um-cherry
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 9:41, archived)

HR have become very strict, of late.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 9:50, archived)

31.media.tumblr.com/5cf59bf7b066e419bdf51fad8125869f/tumblr_mru1t2GRHF1seq2r5o1_500.gif
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:05, archived)

I think most of them got laid off when the service was merged with a neighbouring CCG.
It's only a matter of time before my job is outsourced (again).
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 10:16, archived)

Hot desk?
Hot mess more like.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 24 Jan 2017, 9:44, archived)

I'm the Lindsay Lohan of /talk.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 9:54, archived)

Good midnight to all

(Doggered, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 7:19, archived)

morning

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 6:49, archived)

woodkovsky thinks there should be a new thread
but what do you think? should there be? and if so, light or dark grey?
( vladimir, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 22:30, archived)

Dunno like.
Work's sending me to staines next week vlad. Where shouldn't I stay.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 22:33, archived)

staines, wow, I have no relevant information to offer, so instead have these fascinating facts about early staines
Evidence of neolithic settlement has been found at Yeoveney on Staines Moor. There has been a crossing of the River Thames at Staines since Roman times. The emperor Claudius invaded Britain in ad 43. Staines was settled the same year. Do you think Claudius said something along the lines of, in Rome the Eternal City, born and raised, in the senate was where I spent most of my days...etc blah...I looked at my kingdom I was finally there, so I thought I'd better get down to staines and settle it asap it's only fair etc etc etc
( vladimir, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 22:41, archived)

I see nobody wishes to chat about the early history of staines

( vladimir, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 23:05, archived)

would have been pretty handy for heathrow, mind

(ozof, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 8:23, archived)

If you fished and had a bivvy I could help

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 22:51, archived)

I've only ever stayed at the Thorpe Shark hotel in staines
It was okay, they didn't even have sharks tho
( Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 22:57, archived)

any helicopters

( vladimir, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 22:58, archived)

Did have staines **

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 23:02, archived)

I'd like to see something posted in that 4 pixel stripe, just for a change.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 22:34, archived)

so raise that 4 pixel stripe on high, for the board of the free
and the home of the grey
( vladimir, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 22:43, archived)

i.imgur.com/gdIBLcN.gif
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 23:01, archived)

:-D :-D :-D
*salutes*
*single patriotic tear leaks out of eye, down face and onto floor*
( vladimir, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 23:07, archived)

x

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 23:35, archived)

Hindus are nice ain't they Vlad , eh,the good guys yeah , don't hurt naink

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 22:52, archived)

alright mongy
I am with bill bailey on this one, who mentioned something from the Rigveda, which by the magic of internet I can now source as
"Who verily knows and who can here declare it, whence it was born and whence comes this creation?
The Gods are later than this world's production. Who knows then whence it first came into being?
He, the first origin of this creation, whether he formed it all or did not form it,
Whose eye controls this world in highest heaven, he verily knows it, or perhaps he knows not."
How great is that, 'yeah he might know - and then again, you know what, he might not know.' Anything that is that chilled has to be mainly OK right?
( vladimir, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 22:58, archived)

That's no fruity at all :(

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 23:01, archived)

:-( soz
how about this then, I just read about Gorden Kaye, and when I read this, " Born in Huddersfield in 1941, Kaye described himself in his autobiography as a “shy, gay and overweight boy” who turned to acting to help his self-confidence. " I said to myself 'WHAAT?! But what about all of those waitresses?!' TL:DR - vlad: sometimes a bit thick
( vladimir, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 23:04, archived)

I'm not sure.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 23 Jan 2017, 22:59, archived)

Major Turd's sure
what do you think about that then
( vladimir, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 23:04, archived)

Delete this thread immediately

( Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 23:02, archived)

d'awwww

( vladimir, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 23:04, archived)

I'm off now xoxoxoxox

( vladimir, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 23:08, archived)

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 22:01, archived)

I'm not sure how you think this thread is going to turn out, but it's not the *most* promising start I've ever seen.
I don't mean to sound harsh but mates can be honest with each other, can't they?
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 22:08, archived)

I agree. I was just venting my elation.
someone should definitely start a new thread.
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 22:19, archived)

sounds romantic!
count me in!
( $$ ✅, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 22:22, archived)

I hope that AT-AT with Pluto's face gets more than 5 mins this time

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 22:24, archived)

punch nazis in the face

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 19:20, archived)

black lace finally take a stand against le pen

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 19:32, archived)

Haha

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 19:38, archived)

I had intended superman but this kind of works with agadoo as well, good toimes

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 19:49, archived)

why would black lace take a stand agaisnt superman?

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 19:54, archived)

My grandad found shooting them easier

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 19:35, archived)

yeah well my granddad used to drop incediaries on em,
his bomber got knocked out the sky though so i've got a fucking score to settle, sadly i'm not as well equipped so i'll have to make do
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 19:38, archived)

Mine was never bitter about the germans , he just felt hitler stole his youth

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 19:43, archived)

course nowadays you'd just get another off ebay

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 19:45, archived)

There's no granddad's for sale on ebay :( reported to the mods

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 19:47, archived)

you're not looking in the right places

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 19:48, archived)

I don't want some falklands ,I want world war

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 19:49, archived)

It's alright for you. I could probably still be called up if it's going badly.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 20:09, archived)

yeah well them nazis'll be stealing our kids youths as well if we let 'em,
german or otherwise

fucking bellends
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 19:48, archived)

I've got 2 kids , they've never mentioned nazis or that their youth is being stolen , they do hate Jews tho, nature / nurture, who knows

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 19:52, archived)

fuck sounds like i need to punch your kids

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 19:53, archived)

That would be like punching kids who hate Scientology, you need anger management, the Pope has wise words

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 19:55, archived)

no it wouldn't,
you need analogy management
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 19:56, archived)

Would it be like punching black kids then ?

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 19:58, archived)

no.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 19:59, archived)

Would it be like punching aborigines?

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 20:00, archived)

No.
Nazis are not a race. It is not like punching anyone on account of being a member of a race.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 20:02, archived)

ahem, "master"

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 20:03, archived)

So nothern Ireland yeah, India , every fucking war of religion going on right now, hating the Jews is just that, people did it before hitler

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 20:10, archived)

ok ok not everyone who hates jews is literally a nazi,
it's still not on though, and it's how people get recruited
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 20:14, archived)

It's not on at all, as I said my 2 kids are very Nazi free, I am, and pretty much everywhere I go is , might get a big fuck off gun tho due to this thread

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 20:18, archived)

yeah good idea,
shoot some nazis
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 20:19, archived)

Is that anyone who hates anyone then ?

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 20:21, archived)

nah it's not people who hate nazis, obv,
or that would get awkward
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 20:21, archived)

So Russia is safe, cool , china too , sweet ,

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 20:23, archived)

i hope China is on our side in WW3 tbh

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 20:26, archived)

putting flowers in gun barrels doesn't stop the user shooting you afterwards

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 20:22, archived)

Fighting intolerance with violence seems a bit intolerant. Can't say I'm going to be too upset about Nazi's getting tumped up though

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 20:01, archived)

It's children ffs , she's hitting children, lucky they are mine and it'll only inforced the hatred , nice one mgt

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 20:04, archived)

I was talking in general, not specifically mgt hypothetically punching your kids.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 20:05, archived)

yeah good point.
i should be hitting you, really, it's your fault if you bring up a pair of nazis, sort it out mate
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 20:05, archived)

poor doris vinyard

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 20:46, archived)

felt joined stole his
( Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 21:29, archived)

don't want them dirty islams coming over here in leaky boats, being given council mansions when my wife has popped out 6 now and still on the list, molesting our daughters because it's socially acceptable in burkaburkaland, talking foreign on street corne
rs, opening skleps, just generally being brown all over the place, enoch was right
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 19:54, archived)

😗👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 20:14, archived)

Fuck it
( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 20:19, archived)

's okay, google sorted it out, appreciated

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 20:21, archived)

Everyone please click this, mongy's finest ever post, for posterity. Or at least a couple of days on the PP.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 20:56, archived)

Done and done, and I mean done.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 21:02, archived)

fully automated luxury communism now

( artifus is doing it all wrong, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 21:33, archived)

fully automatic nazi-punching machine

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 21:35, archived)

link fail. lol.
i.redditmedia.com/fcqRwFGzBWaQCEmLEHGi0UbrdF1dMoLicoQyOadQ8hg.jpg?w=623&s=5823d73d6083d198b79d5566da1bafaa
( artifus is doing it all wrong, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 21:35, archived)

YES

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 21:36, archived)

Pack up your desk and go home.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 23 Jan 2017, 17:27, archived)

Fuck you, I've had the sack from better jobs than this one you ginger nacker

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 17:29, archived)

Security will be here shortly to remove you, or you can go with some dignity.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 23 Jan 2017, 17:34, archived)

I fucking torch this place with you all in it , I fucking hate you all

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 17:39, archived)

Please calm down Mr. Chops

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 23 Jan 2017, 18:12, archived)

Snake charmer

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 18:14, archived)

Nah M8.
Still got an hour to go.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 17:56, archived)

I don't fancy yours much

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 18:05, archived)

liar

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 18:08, archived)

You heard me.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 23 Jan 2017, 18:11, archived)

After Noon thread.
Lunch woes?
Anything happening this week?

Im staying at a lovely welsh Chateau on Saturday.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:42, archived)

I forgot to make my work lunch yesterday due to too much blazing it and playing The Last of Us and Psychonauts
so now I'm at the mercy of whatever the work canteen decides to lightly heat through - Medium rare chicken ahoy!
( H.B.Mupps, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:44, archived)

One microwave for the entire floor to share.
This office is bullshit.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:46, archived)

lol gutted
everyone wants to reheat their slop from last night. I bet it stinks the kitchen out as well.
( $$ ✅, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:46, archived)

There's always one bellend who looks at an office microwave and thinks 'I know, I could microwave some mackerel in that'.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:52, archived)

As a rule if I make something with fish and bring some into work for lunch I eat it cold
It's a cardinal sin, and one worth bringing hanging back for, to microwave fish in a public place
( H.B.Mupps, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:55, archived)

c s
(immadme, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 14:59, archived)

People keep having the stinkiest fish meals here.
Sort of stuff that goes off overnight in the bin.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:58, archived)

Someone once let a bag of prawns go off in the fridge here then dumped them in the kitchen bin.
Smell lingered for weeks.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:05, archived)

they should build a really big one and call it
MACROWAVE!
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:50, archived)

There's a bit in an early episode of Millennium where a bloke gets shut in a massive microwave, and is lightly cooked.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:07, archived)

don't you work for the nhs?
I'm not paying my taxes to heat up your depressing lunch
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:13, archived)

exactly
they shouldn't have a fridge either. They should keep food cold by wrapping it in cling film and placing it in the toilet cistern.
( $$ ✅, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:19, archived)

Might as well - the toilets are blocked, so they're no good for anything else.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:23, archived)

you have to shit on other people's shit?
nice
( $$ ✅, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:27, archived)

I might start making regular visits to Two Hats' lawn.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:29, archived)

One of my pals was an on-call plumber for the council.
You'd be surprised how many people, when faced with a blocked bog, will take to filling the bath with water and crapping in that.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:30, archived)

I'd rather do what my dad does when he goes fishing
shit in a carrier bag
( $$ ✅, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:31, archived)

My old landlord got a couple of Chinese lads who spoke no English to retile the bathroom.
I woke up on the saturday hungover and desperate for a shit and had to gun the car to Sainsburys.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:36, archived)

Chateau'd myself once

( $$ ✅, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:46, archived)

My child needs passports
Polish one costs 25 quid
British one costs 130 quid.

Is the UK one signed with eagle's blood or summink?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:49, archived)

No they don't godby

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:52, archived)

they do once you factor in all the embassy bollocks

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:03, archived)

imgur.com/vBlmmqy
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:05, archived)

No that's wrong it's whatever grrry says apparently

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:15, archived)

Maybe he's factoring in his hourly rate while he fills in the online forms.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:16, archived)

The cost of renewing my Irish passport is about 800 quid once I have a week in Dublin on the piss

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:18, archived)

One of my dublin mates was telling me about one of the pubs near him.
Apparently it's full of old men sat in stoic silence watching only fools and horses.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:25, archived)

The passport fee is what it is , whatever other bollox you pay for is up to you

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:06, archived)

If I don't have a choice in paying it, then it's part of the passport cost, which is what I said
your troll fu has weakened of late, mongy
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:11, archived)

Err no you lied about the cost of a UK passport

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:14, archived)

The cost is more than a single fee, bellend

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:19, archived)

So this bit ' Is the UK one signed with eagle's blood or summink?' was alluding to what exactly? It read as if you were saying the passport itself was expensive, which we now all know it isn't

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:24, archived)

Looking at the best part of £300 to furnish my family with passports.
Starting to regret offering to take them abroad, now.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:28, archived)

mine expires soon
fancy chipping in?
( $$ ✅, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:36, archived)

Sure.
Gaz me your bank details.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:41, archived)

sure

( $$ ✅, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:45, archived)

I'd get it done soon incase grrry raises the price to 10 grand

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:41, archived)

too late
it's already £121,000 :(
( $$ ✅, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:46, archived)

Move to Poland they pay you a million pound to have a passport now, Britain is so shit and rubbish

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:48, archived)

#grrrexit

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:51, archived)

It's all the biometric gubbins in it.
American passports actually have an eagle on one of the pages. It's lol.

www.foreigndocuments.com/images/samples/passport_usa_orig.jpg
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:52, archived)

Economics innit, there's not so much demand for Polish passports these days

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:56, archived)

And the fact he's making it up, an adult UK passport isn't that much

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:59, archived)

Not if you're British, no

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:00, archived)

Oh is he getting his kid a black market one, makes sense the 130 now

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:01, archived)

Eagles are much more Polish than British.
Cheap Polish eagles, coming over here, stealing our passports, etc. etc.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:58, archived)

You'll need another one once we leave the EU

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:59, archived)

they'll just scrub out the EU bits with permanent marker next time I enter the country

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:11, archived)

Not having lunch, it gives you cancer.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:54, archived)

Yeah, but if you don't eat you don't shit.
And if you don't shit, you die.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:58, archived)

Only if you burn it.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:00, archived)

fake news

( $$ ✅, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:03, archived)

Bockwurst they called it.
Was just like a fancy hotdog.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:58, archived)

fuckin' krauts

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:01, archived)

Brexit means bockwurst

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:03, archived)

I consider myself to be fairly au fait with Germanic sausage
and I've never tried a bockwurst.
( Kroney, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 13:58, archived)

still on the morning thread eh?
Zip chat proved surprisingly popular and monster munch, surprisingly, seems concerned about earning your scorn.
I wonder what other surprises are in store.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:15, archived)

itchy bum, surprise to come
/ac
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:15, archived)

I'm looking forward to everybody's #fooddancing anecdotes

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:23, archived)

*pours scorn*

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:26, archived)

My worst fear, realised!

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:30, archived)

*scores porn*

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:32, archived)

My second worst fear is that you'll score the porn with me in it,
then use that as a reason to pour further scorn.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:34, archived)

Well, we could tell you, but then they wouldn't be surprises and the effect would be lost.
Just like surprise anal.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:26, archived)

this modern day obsession with bumholes is lost on me

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:27, archived)

Especially when folk have them bleached.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:34, archived)

that's just common courtesy

( $$ ✅, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:38, archived)

oh I do that, but it's not really a sex thing

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:40, archived)

Who you flashing your brown eye to?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:43, archived)

it's not brown

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:57, archived)

Domestos enema?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:42, archived)

morning

( mongychops, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:26, archived)

i.imgur.com/f7P0I.gif
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:32, archived)

I've got a surprisingly dull bit of car news.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:29, archived)

this is not surprising

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:30, archived)

You've bought a Nissan Micra?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:31, archived)

Worse. I'm going to buy a volvo.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:36, archived)

is the surprise that it is a volvo or that car news is dull?
or perhaps it is that I am engaging with dull car chat?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:38, archived)

It's surprising in all the ways you want it to be.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:48, archived)

Once you get into your thirties, Volvo ownership becomes eminently acceptable.
Good for lugging horseboxes, too.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:40, archived)

This is it.
A nice auto XC90 will suit me for everyday and pull a horsebox with 2 on board. Can ditch the defender and the freelander and come out with a couple grand to spare, then maybe buy a more fun little shit heap classic to poot about in
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:47, archived)

I support this decision
Shame it's an auto, but then again rowing through the gears when towing can't be much fun.

You'll need that spare few grand for fuel though.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:49, archived)

It's a semi auto box, so can drop gears for downhill and uphill sorts.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:51, archived)

That's handy. My only experience of auto's is when I rented one in Iceland. Having to ride the brakes down mountains wasn't much fun.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:37, archived)

Sound choice, Windy, old fellow.
Get yourself a nice pair of driving gloves, while you're at it.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:49, archived)

Good idea.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:51, archived)

I managed to get through my 30s without ever owning a volvo

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:58, archived)

Lol old

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:00, archived)

show some respect, sonny

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:07, archived)

They're not compulsory.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:04, archived)

I've not owned a volvo, but had a Saab in my late 20's.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:37, archived)

Jesus is my vehicle

( $$ ✅, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:45, archived)

Love is my seatbelt

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:50, archived)

willy willy bum bum

( $$ ✅, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:37, archived)

willy willy bum bum

( $$ ✅, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:37, archived)

this second post surprised me

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:39, archived)

I felt it had to be said again

( $$ ✅, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:42, archived)

it's the second "willy" that did it for me

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:50, archived)

I hear that.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:54, archived)

Caused the prolapse?

(Roger McGough-Pipe, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:55, archived)

The names bum-bum.
William bum-bum.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 12:38, archived)

morning

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 7:06, archived)

Grrrmachine

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 23 Jan 2017, 7:07, archived)

Windy Pig
*manly nod*
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 7:11, archived)

nod up or nod down?
unless you're Indian
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 10:44, archived)

Off to my new office, and the exciting hotdesk experience, today.
"Agile working".
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 7:48, archived)

I use agile, still don't have to put up with that hotdesk bollocks
Is the office in a new town, or just a new room in the same old place?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 7:52, archived)

Moving back to the building next door, where I was 2 years ago.
They're cramming two building's worth of people into one, which is sure to end well - my plan is to spend less time in the office.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 8:59, archived)

In other news
I got a Digispark working yesterday. Cost less than 2 quid, and might make a good little toy for your kids.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 9:11, archived)

Looks similar to the bit.
Lost by desk booking, this morning, so had to move to a different desk. Sharing keyboards and mice with the rest of the office is a great way to pick up other people's crumbs. :(
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 10:36, archived)

Also, what did you use the digispark for?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 10:39, archived)

Shoved it inside the cockpit of a Lego train
Powered it straight off the lego battery, and it drives a single IR led to control the train using lego's standard Power Functions commands. Gonna add on a 433Mhz wifi board so that I can control the train remotely


lol cock
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 10:44, archived)

Top quality nerding, here.

( Kroney, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 10:51, archived)

At the risk of earning the scorn of my /talk peers,
I think that's brilliant.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 10:53, archived)

All the mornings of the world

( H.B.Mupps, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 8:01, archived)

don't go overboard m8, we only need one

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 8:06, archived)

You're 'avin a laarf right?
I got a truck full of mornings here that I need shot of. Somebody in logistics has fucked up big time
( H.B.Mupps, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 9:13, archived)

probably some bulgarian, a brexit victory would have sorted this

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 9:15, archived)

That's easy for you to say, sunshine.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 8:09, archived)

I can say bon matin, dzien dobry and bongiorno as well

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 8:13, archived)

PASTA SAUCE CHAT

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 8:15, archived)

DOLMIO AS FUCK

( H.B.Mupps, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 9:13, archived)

RAGÚD MORNING.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 9:30, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ct7Ke_vH_vU
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 9:34, archived)

Mornholes

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 8:19, archived)

alright horbo
I've missed your holes
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 8:27, archived)

hey hun how r u? xx

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 8:30, archived)

not bad thanks
how r u? xxx
( $$ ✅, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 8:42, archived)

damn
thought I was in there
( $$ ✅, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 9:28, archived)

sun's shining, I cleaned my desk, coffee's in my vbelly
it's a good start to the week
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 8:43, archived)

roll it

( $$ ✅, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 8:42, archived)

Last thing I rolled was a Bedford CF2 van on the M1
not doing that again
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 8:44, archived)

you walked away though
not many do
( $$ ✅, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 8:46, archived)

I crawled back in three times to rescue my gear as well
before possibly fainting in a petrol station
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 8:50, archived)

hope you torched it afterwards

( $$ ✅, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 8:53, archived)

the tow truck vultures swooped on it in 20 minutes
and tried to make me pay double its value for the privilege. I told them to scrap it.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 8:58, archived)

Monday
Battery on the car dead again. Couldn't jump it, no taxis available, had to get the mrs out of bed to give me a lift.

GOOD DAY SO FAR.
( Kroney, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 9:53, archived)

My sympathies
Cold weather killed the battery in my car, and when I phoned the supplier for a new one they laughed at the paltry size of the one fitted. I've never been battery-shamed before.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 10:02, archived)

I fucked mine up a couple of weeks back by leaving the foglights on.
My own fault, of course. Bit me in the arsehole now, ain't it.
( Kroney, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 10:25, archived)

Buy trickle charger for 20 quid,
Keep battery charged.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 23 Jan 2017, 10:03, archived)

Just going to replace the battery, tbh.

( Kroney, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 10:25, archived)

I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 23 Jan 2017, 10:03, archived)

I bet one's a bit smaller than the other so they look wonky

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 10:09, archived)

Morning. Just spend 59p on a packet of ginger nut biscuits and now the news is saying they give you cancer. Pricks.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 10:45, archived)

Everything gives you cancer
I'll have them if you don't want them
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 10:50, archived)

^
Also ginger is really good for you, but too much will give you cancer.

Chop and replace "ginger" with literally anything
( H.B.Mupps, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:00, archived)

Semen?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:10, archived)

Full of protein
Good for after a heavy workout
( H.B.Mupps, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:13, archived)

But too much will give you cancer.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:13, archived)

tggi

( H.B.Mupps, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 11:22, archived)

Mornholes!!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 23 Jan 2017, 10:57, archived)

Ural ghey

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 21:15, archived)

YOU MASSIVE BENDER

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 21:26, archived)

I ham just ordered a curry
And I ham watching Designated Survivor.

HAM!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 21:44, archived)

lol, ham is bare jokes, bruv

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 21:51, archived)

Edgy shit bro

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 21:56, archived)

is everyone excited and all ready for their monday to start?

( vladimir, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 22:43, archived)

it's OK I'll wait, just the minute you feel excited about your monday that's nearly here for you to enjoy, just go right ahead and shout up

( vladimir, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 23:09, archived)

You know how most days someone says good morning.
Well, that.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 22 Jan 2017, 9:00, archived)

i wanted to say mornholes but we both posted at the same time and you're much more worth it

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 9:01, archived)

Hey, sorry about that. Mornholes to you.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 22 Jan 2017, 9:15, archived)

Ok now what?

( H.B.Mupps, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 9:50, archived)

Now I reply to everyone in the thread until I go out.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 22 Jan 2017, 9:53, archived)

Poo
Po
( H.B.Mupps, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 10:53, archived)

trips

( $$ ✅, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 9:57, archived)

satan's get

( $$ ✅, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 10:01, archived)

framing this thread

( $$ ✅, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 10:01, archived)

Lucy Fur, a 1950s comedy series about ursinekin

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 10:23, archived)

ARSEinekin more like

( H.B.Mupps, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 10:54, archived)

Nice.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 22 Jan 2017, 10:51, archived)

You know that thing where people post replies
Well, that.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 10:31, archived)

2001kin

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 10:35, archived)

Poopo

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 22 Jan 2017, 10:51, archived)

^ so meta

( H.B.Mupps, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 10:54, archived)

good work, windy

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 10:54, archived)

Yes. I picked up your slack.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 22 Jan 2017, 11:07, archived)

I don't work Sundays m8

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 13:48, archived)

Turns out the ticking noise I could hear in the car was a loose balancing weight.
And then I got the motorbike going and the throttle cable is shot.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 22 Jan 2017, 14:10, archived)

Boomtown rats lesser-known b-sideezzzzz

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 14:12, archived)

+s from the dry cleaner

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 14:56, archived)

Morning
Should pop smell like acetone? Afaf
(immadme, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 11:24, archived)

Alright

( mongychops, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 11:34, archived)

war's on, do your bit

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 14:45, archived)

They dropped me

( mongychops, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 14:54, archived)

loser

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 17:31, archived)

Hi.
Just having a pint in slack time before I meet a mate for food.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 12:33, archived)

You know the other day when I said about pooping in your hands and rubbing it on to your face and in to your eyes?
Well, that.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 21 Jan 2017, 22:19, archived)

Yer.
I woke up early, had 4 pints then napped until 8pm. Not sure if that's winning or a waste tbh.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 21 Jan 2017, 22:23, archived)

Just do, do not worry.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 21 Jan 2017, 22:30, archived)

Oh I'm not worried. Kebab ordered, bottle of wine behind the bar. Away up the road.
Everything's coming up Barry.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 21 Jan 2017, 22:48, archived)

I've been really good today. Might make tomorrow a smash.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 21 Jan 2017, 22:58, archived)

Also, you're about ages with me windy; Len - Steal My Sunshine y/n?

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 21 Jan 2017, 22:54, archived)

I've fond memories of that song.
Can't help but sing along when it comes on.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 21 Jan 2017, 22:57, archived)

Same. It's objectively quite poor but a nice fun pop song that takes Barry back to being a permastoned teenager.
A 'banger' basically.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 21 Jan 2017, 23:12, archived)

See also
youtu.be/lVL-zZnD3VU
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 21 Jan 2017, 23:17, archived)

I member

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sat 21 Jan 2017, 22:35, archived)

Member Harry Dean Stanton?
I member. Might actually watch repo man when I get in.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 21 Jan 2017, 22:49, archived)

Ok so no we take old replies to old threads and then say
Well, that?

Can I post the dozer meltdown then?
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 22 Jan 2017, 1:23, archived)