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morning

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:18, archived)
M3 Reporting
Dark, grey, cold
Mild frost fucking everywhere
People (on pavement) grumpy and disillusioned
Hornyness 73.5%
Magic ability 23.2%
Hummers 2
Dirty fingers are totes allowed


Report in please
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:23, archived)
what is that supposed to mean?

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:24, archived)
Placeholder really

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:26, archived)
mate
that's just embarrassing
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:35, archived)
The highlight of my day
Is being first to reply to the morning thread
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:18, archived)
yeah
but morning reports are dead and buried with the account of the tedious bellend who invented them. No need to go digging up the corpse and fucking it in public.
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:24, archived)
Awwww....
Fine, might as well get burned bout to watch football then...
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:33, archived)
Also. You're white.

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:46, archived)
And I used to love Dungeons and Dragons

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:39, archived)

used to Dungeons and s +Dildos
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:47, archived)
+

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:33, archived)
yes, I'm sure it is!
a ha ha ha
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:35, archived)
Clinical trials have shown morning+ to be 35% better for your health

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:07, archived)
86 out of 114 doctors agree, morning+ is the perfect start to the day

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:34, archived)
"Morning Gives You Cancer"
Daily Mail
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:21, archived)
I've always distrusted thos "x out of y doctors / dentists / science bods recommend it" claims
The angle seems to be "this product is trusted and recommended by professionals as a good treatment" but think about it - If a doctor recommends a product that genuinely keeps you 100% fit and healthy then they're out of a job or at the very least thinning out their customer base.
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 10:42, archived)
Good morning.
It's my real life birthday today.

I am currently enjoying a cooked breakfast in yet another hotel in London.
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:39, archived)
I know loads of people with birthdays today
You're now one of them. Congratulations.
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:39, archived)
Yeah it's some dudes 40th that I know as well.
Unsurprisingly I haven't been invited to the birthday party. That Cunt owes me money too. Maybe that's why.

Also I think Mark Owen the jizz bucket from Take That, he celebrates his entry to the world as well today. The one and only time he has been half in and half out of a woman's fanny.
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:43, archived)
I saw Mark Owen chatting to Busted in the gardens of Broadcasting House once

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:52, archived)
Strikey g
Sucking off
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:11, archived)
You make a mockery of the great penman and bard who composed the auditory masterpiece "4 Minute Warning?"
For shame, spansflams, for shame
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:46, archived)
Madonna copied him, really...

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:34, archived)
Get well soon
Get well soon Happy Birthday!
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:00, archived)
happy birthday spaniel

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:46, archived)
Cheers Flebmiester

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:49, archived)
live it up m8. cheers. real candles 4 ya, however many

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:24, archived)
happy birthday spanishfly

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:35, archived)
Happy birthday friendo

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:46, archived)
happy birthday there and all that

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:49, archived)
More ing

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:44, archived)
Less ing, more like!
+Doris
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:51, archived)
Blimey, Vlado has been here 12 years.

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:47, archived)
yeah, dunno how we've managed to survive that chirpy twerp's endless positivity this long

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:51, archived)
Back off, Vlado is a hero.

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:08, archived)
^

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:35, archived)
you shut your whore mouth

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:03, archived)
13

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:49, archived)
it's a miracle

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:03, archived)
I think I'm dying.

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:03, archived)
:'(

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:09, archived)
it's psychosomatic m8

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:09, archived)
I threw up once just after passing my son back to my mental ex after I had been looking after him for the weekend.
My dad was convinced it was psychosomatic, until I was diagnosed with gastric flu.
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:12, archived)
Stress always ruins my guts.

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:48, archived)
parp

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:16, archived)
hark! what wind through yonder trouser breaks?
It is McBeef! Who doth guff from his bum!
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:22, archived)
I like this

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:46, archived)
I woke up with an earworm from the Romeo+Juliet soundtrack
dunno how that happened, I haven't seen it in 20 years.
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:48, archived)
Did you just assume my timezone?
Happy birthday, Mr "I seen a house fly, I seen a crane fly, but I ain't ever seen a" spanishfly.

Get well soon, muncher of monsters.

*guffs*
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:20, archived)
I'm on universal time m8, if you want to be separatist in your timezone preference that's up to you
but don't expect others to pander to your preferences
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:23, archived)
^ kung fu pander

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:28, archived)
At least someone cares.

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:47, archived)
aww, poorly piss camel

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:04, archived)
I used to love phoning in sick - the prospect of a day watching videos always cheered me.
Now I just feel guilty, and spend the day worrying that I'm not doing anything productive.
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:25, archived)
well you are effectively stealing from the taxpayer

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:28, archived)
Might get a duck house for the garden.

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:40, archived)
Morning
and may I congratulate you all for making it this far into the week - well done!
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:49, archived)
thanks
I'm fairly good at surviving.
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:02, archived)
Is that something that you grade?
As in not that good at surviving, excellent at surviving... I'd have thought it was pretty binary really dead/alive.

Maybe you do it with panache and elan (great names for James Bond's seductees, or poodles)?

Anyway, well done!
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:18, archived)
I'm doing better at it than you, metal-shoulder

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:25, archived)

*clunks off in a huff*
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:33, archived)
I dunno.
He's more of a cyborg than you or I, so I'd say he's ahead. Maybe you could implant something in your arm to control lighting, or something?
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:42, archived)
Like, a torch?

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 10:06, archived)
nice dimmer switch would be good

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 10:09, archived)
I can lower the IQ of a room just by entering.

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 10:15, archived)
and brighten one by leaving
maybe you are a dimmer switch after all
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 10:22, archived)
^ bullying
Yet the mod does nothing!

Actually, that's not true. He'll probably join in.
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 10:28, archived)
i love you a bit

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 10:48, archived)
ok heads down for the final furlong

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:51, archived)
Disgusting

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:54, archived)

the final edward
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:55, archived)
has he been terminated?

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:06, archived)
I think that franchise has.
I hope so, anyway.
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:43, archived)
Nope. Cameron returning for one last slog.

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:58, archived)
Terminator, T2, The Sarah Connor Chronicles.
If he could produce a sequel that follows that continuity, i'd be pleased. Not likely, given that Genisys had his stamp of approval, but I can but dream.
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 10:18, archived)
They should do one between T1 and T2. The change in character of Sarah would be an interesting story.

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 10:30, archived)
doesn't T1 explain the change in character of Sarah?

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 10:38, archived)
It's the final furlong! *dududuuuduuu...dududu du du...*

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:57, archived)

fur sch
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:05, archived)
shit on it

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:58, archived)
I'd shit in your mouth and wipe my arse with your nose m8

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:05, archived)
they're celebrating chinese new year in my office by giving out chopsticks as you walk in
lol, one guy walked in and said "oh, chinese new year is it? konichiwa!"
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:00, archived)
pfft

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:05, archived)
Get your knob out
If anyone complains, point out it's Year Of The Cock
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:07, archived)
I have a feeling it's your year this year grrrry.

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:44, archived)
Brilliant.

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:09, archived)
lol

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:12, archived)
I love your office
everything they do seems so non-pc
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:15, archived)
did i tell you about the time someone blacked up at an office party?

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:18, archived)
ha!

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:21, archived)
Oh, that's brilliant.

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:21, archived)
wow

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:22, archived)
It's not racist if you're African and appropriating the white man's memes

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:37, archived)
i am a strong, african, female at heart
despite looking like a white, middle class, male
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:53, archived)
Alright
750ml bottles of Speckled Hen for a quid at Tesco. I bought 23. *hic*
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:12, archived)
are they filled with piss or something? That's mental cheap.

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:14, archived)
Christmas labelling
that's it. Insane.
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:15, archived)
that's lunch sorted

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:32, archived)
*buurrrrp*

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:34, archived)
you get your fill, m8

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:17, archived)
The golden hen was priced the same
If they've still got some next time I go in, I'm having the lot
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:18, archived)
you get it all
you've earned it
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:23, archived)
I work hard, dammit
actually got a decent apparaisal this year. Well, better than last year, anyway.
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:24, archived)
is that where they assess your clothing?

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:29, archived)
Yeah
I made some bold style choices last autumn, and they've really paid off
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:30, archived)
Plaid off, more like!

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:44, archived)
oh SNAP!

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 10:38, archived)
cripes

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:23, archived)
I know
alright?
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:24, archived)
not bad ta
Awesome Turkish dinner last night followed by rather too much rum, but I seem to have got away with it
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:29, archived)
score

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:31, archived)
you won't find the solution at the bottom of a bottle

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:30, archived)
^isn't looking hard enough

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:31, archived)
Gay, gay and thrice gay

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:40, archived)
What if the question is "what is at the bottom of this bottle?"

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:46, archived)
good point

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:47, archived)
Golden Hen is lush,
but it's not really the weather for it, right now.
(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:41, archived)
Sometimes niiiine and sometimes ten, yo

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:57, archived)
A pox on you and your access to great beer at ludicrous prices.

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:44, archived)
Awesome
Gilbert & George are in this restaurant, the cheeky old woofters. Both with their young boyfriends. The cheeky young woofters.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:04, archived)
ART

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:06, archived)
please go over and ask them if they would mind shutting down their animatronic installation project now, it's disturbing, a joke's a joke boys but trump has gotten right out of hand now :(

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:09, archived)
ps gilbert and george are kind of ace really aren't they

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:20, archived)
I do quite like some of their stuff.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:21, archived)
they make me giggle, I've got to be honest

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:22, archived)
I mean, is this not just the perfect summation in visual form of the talk board
www.advocate.com/sites/advocate.com/files/2014/10/27/GG_PORTRAIT-x400_0.jpg
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:49, archived)
I think they deserve a chevron

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:50, archived)
why?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 22:43, archived)
no particular reason mictoboy

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 22:48, archived)
k

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 22:50, archived)
here they are successfully predicting 2017
i.guim.co.uk/img/media/09f3cdbc0bffceed3c197324019f4fb7563b0333/0_246_7360_4418/master/7360.jpg?w=300&q=55&auto=format&usm=12&fit=max&s=c6be0f4cf238067d79998fb6bdef9508
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:51, archived)
that brings this interlude to a close
www.tate.org.uk/art/images/work/AR/AR00170_8.jpg
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:53, archived)
Happy candles vlad

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 0:13, archived)
thanks mongy :D

(, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 17:27, archived)
dunno who that is

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:12, archived)
Artists.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:19, archived)
+gottfried
+galloway
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:17, archived)
alright mano

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:20, archived)
lith

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:36, archived)
alright vlad

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 22:56, archived)
imir

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 22:56, archived)

:)
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 22:58, archived)
I thought they were married to each other

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:30, archived)
Oh, so now you're against polygamy?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:33, archived)
yeah, defo
why pop out for a takeaway when you can have steak at home
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:33, archived)
What if I want steak for lunch and pork chops for dinner?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:37, archived)
What's the vegetarian option?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:38, archived)
spunk in a sock

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:38, archived)
Spunk in an ethically sourced cotton rich sock.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:40, archived)
spunk on a slate

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:41, archived)
Infest

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 22:01, archived)
Why can you never get spunk served on a plate anywhere? :(

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:43, archived)
#wewantspunkplates

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:44, archived)
I think I've figured it out
all four men erect playing dick joust.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:38, archived)
Nice.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:41, archived)
Want to come out for dinner with windy, vlad and me?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:42, archived)
hahahahaha

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:43, archived)
I'll just mow the garden then pop over

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 22:07, archived)
there's no need to go to any trouble

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 22:26, archived)

it's interesting you should say that because that's what a lot of people think, in fact one is married to june whitfield and the other is married to a horse
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:35, archived)
George with June
Gilbert with horse
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:36, archived)
^

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:37, archived)
Mcbeef goes to weird restaurants if they allow horses.
I'll never understand London.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:38, archived)
:)

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:40, archived)
nowait

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:41, archived)
Z : ===8)

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:42, archived)

s
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 22:31, archived)
These are those blokes from the muppet show?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:34, archived)
in a way really aren't we all those blokes from the muppet show

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:37, archived)
Does that mean you've stumbled into the same curry house in which they allegedly eat every night?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:48, archived)
Source

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:57, archived)

www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/art/10943336/Gilbert-and-George-Everyone-said-we-wouldnt-last.html
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 22:02, archived)
Tl:dr

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 22:11, archived)
ffs windy would it kill you to make the effort? oyvey
From the beginning, routine was hugely important in their lives. They eat breakfast at the same café each morning, watch television for an hour at six o’clock every evening – usually repeats of Midsomer Murders or Heartbeat: “something soothing” – and then walk for an hour to the Kurdish restaurant in Dalston they’ve been going to for 20 years.
“We used to go to a restaurant that burnt down,” says George. “And then we saw a new one that had opened that had pale-blue tablecloths. No one went there because they thought that a Turkish restaurant shouldn’t be like that. Then we saw that it had testicles on the menu and we thought, ‘Tablecloths and testicles – let’s go for it!’”
The routine serves an important purpose. “It’s important for us to keep a free mind,” says George. It’s the same with the tidiness. “We couldn’t have this craziness in our pictures if we had a mess around us.”
“Everything has to be in its place,” says Gilbert. “That way we don’t have to think.”


other highlights

"George has a clipped way of talking that sounds remarkably like Prince Charles’s. He has ruddy cheeks and, when he smiles, he reminds me of someone, but at the time I can’t think who. Only later do I realise it’s Thomas the Tank Engine."

"Not that Gilbert and George have anything to do with their collectors, or not if they can help it. George shudders and says, “We never want to know where our pieces go because many times we’ve been disappointed by what’s next to it. Or the furniture,” he adds darkly."

"Shortly after leaving St Martin’s, they were turned down by an international art show with the unimprovably dull title of When Attitude Becomes Form at the ICA in London.
...They turned up to the opening dressed as living sculptures wearing multicoloured metallic heads, and stood in the middle of the gallery ...The biggest avant-garde art dealer in the world took one look and signed them up for an exhibition at his gallery in Düsseldorf."

"Far from wanting her children to fit in, George’s mother encouraged her children to stay aloof. “My mother didn’t want us having anything to do with other children. She wanted us to be better than them.” She thought they would bring you down? “Well, they would have done.”
“White socks,” says Gilbert knowingly."

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 22:23, archived)
Moody self indulgent poofs, I don't mind them tho

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 22:42, archived)
enough of their good points

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 22:47, archived)
You've got a working with shit thing in common,

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 22:17, archived)
It's alright. I'll do it.
How was your day chums?
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 17:35, archived)
Long and arduous

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 17:42, archived)
Sorry to hear that

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:32, archived)
Trainers turned up so I'm up the pub giving them a test drive

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 17:44, archived)
Waterproof them first - I ruined a brand new pair once by not doing this

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 17:49, archived)
I've never waterproofed trainers, what do you use spay on fabsil or saink ?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 17:53, archived)
Kiwi do a protector spray, it's about £3 and works fine

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:16, archived)
I just buy fresh trainers when they get dirty.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:19, archived)
When I was younger I bought leather creams and stuff but the trainer's were more expensive then

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:31, archived)
The original US b-boys always used to carry a toothbrush to keep their shoes fresh

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:48, archived)
I use a baby's first tooth brush to keep my rolex clean, I'm so street

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:06, archived)
I'd like to say that it's very important to spay your trainers otherwise you'll end up with a whole cupboardful of the damn things and no pet shop will want them

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 20:57, archived)
What if the pet shop owner had a wooden leg called smith

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:01, archived)
franky mongy in that eventuality I would die happy
rather than bitter, penniless and unlamented as is my current plan
ps alright
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 21:03, archived)
Or just take them off before diving into the canal?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:11, archived)
/s the a

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:13, archived)
Feet first?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:19, archived)
Feet first red sub? Got

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:27, archived)
Nice.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:32, archived)
long, tiring and very cold
going home shortly for chicken and mushroom risotto
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 17:47, archived)
It was cold today.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:32, archived)
Mediocre
Off down the wedding party venue in a minute to check out the setup options for my turntables, to book the catering and to check out which of the rooms we're going to take. Plus have a couple of cheeky pints.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 17:48, archived)
We can all expect invites soon then, hey?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:25, archived)
Any day now!

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:09, archived)
Is one of the options "on a huge rotating platform"

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:33, archived)
Yes.
Well we've turned up as arranged and the prick manager is apparently off today. Shitcunt fucking wanker.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:10, archived)
Punch his lights out.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:12, archived)
Got contacted by a headhunter
Suddenly evaluating whether I want to change jobs or not.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:20, archived)
Pros and cons...
GO!
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:25, archived)
I currently work from home and I have pretty much zero management above me
However, this new job is a proper contract (not a contractor) so should have paid leave in there too. Of course, it needs to have a pay rise too, but so far I've got zero info to go on.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:28, archived)
I get contacted by recruitment agencies too

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:33, archived)
"please stop harrassing our secretary"

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:41, archived)
What sort of thing would it be? Similar to where you are now?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:34, archived)
Very similar job, yeah
It's just a matter of finding out if it's a serious offer or another "ho ho ho Eastern Europeans will work for cabbages" ploy.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:40, archived)
I don't like cabbage.
I've been considering an office job recently. All this buggering about with fixing stuff is a pain, could do with bossing some people around again.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:42, archived)
Go mobile, free van and on your own
/ac
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:03, archived)
not bad actually,
despite having do filthy Javascript
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:31, archived)
Urgh.
I had to write some js about a month ago that removed inline style properties to make things work on modern browsers 'cos they were generated in closed-source libraries. I felt like a cowboy.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:34, archived)
yeah at least i'm not doing web stuff

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:57, archived)
Why are you doing js then? It's not that weird server-side js is it?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 20:05, archived)
it's a node.js front-end on our virtual reality engine,
for educational use, i'm not sure exactly how much i'm allowed to say about it but it's being demoed at The Bett Show this week so i guess i'm allowed to say at least that much.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 20:11, archived)
Ah right, didn't know node could be used to do ui stuff outside of the web.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 20:16, archived)
yeah it's just a Javascript engine,
you can bind it to anything you want

it beats me how it got so popular though, it's a bloody awful language. but it does have the advantage now of a really low barrier to entry, since anyone with a web browser can code something, it's a bit like the BASICs of the 1980s that were built into home computers, in that respect
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 20:19, archived)
Yeah I'm not a fan. Don't like the ambiguity of it all.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 20:25, archived)
server-side scripting with no type system is a minefield,
mission critical apps can end up doing such stupid things because of a basic typo, and impossible to debug.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 20:27, archived)
Yes.
I'm trying to find an excuse to automate something for work in python so I can learn it; being arsed to do so in my own time is proving difficult.

Far too busy fucking around with a pro*c compiler issue/bug at the moment though. If/when I get a new job I will make sure it has nothing to do with Oracle.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 20:36, archived)
i'm all up on the C++14, personally,
it's great stuff, Rvalue references, mmm
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 20:46, archived)
I don't mind c. It's oracle lumbering under everything like a fucking bridge troll that I take issue with.
Solaris is just awkward as well imo.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 20:50, archived)
The US press secretary has accidentally tweeted his password *twice*. Lol.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:32, archived)
*twice* is a shit password

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:39, archived)


(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:41, archived)
So's that

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:43, archived)
Please desist.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:46, archived)

esist yaaky
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:56, archived)
hunter13

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 20:09, archived)
Fake news

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:56, archived)
Noo fred innit.
A friend of mine's just won her case on appeal because her owners' association took her to court for installing a boiler that 'defaced the exterior of the residence', when she in fact replaced the previous highly visible black chimney cap with an invisible white chimney cap and let the vegetation grow over it, thus improving the exterior of the residence. Most spurious legal claims thread.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:22, archived)
Where are you that there's a HOA?
They sound like bollocks. The whole point of owning a property is that you're not behest to other cunts like landlords and then you end up with some twat drunk on power having a benny because you didn't mow your lawn that week.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:27, archived)
EXACTLY.
This was my reaction too. Chaining yourself to a bank for 20 years and still not being able to do what you want with your own property is the ultimate pisstake.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:43, archived)
And I take it there's no way to tell the jumped up Come Dine with Me hopefuls to get fucked?
Remind me whereabouts in the country this is so I can add it to my list of places to stay away from
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:44, archived)
They lost, twice in a row, and now owe my friend over €2000 in fees and damages.
Not that that's going to slow them down one bit.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:46, archived)
In the US they can get a lien on your property and evict you for heinous crimes such as parking your car on your drive overnight.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:51, archived)
that's just taking the absolute piss
not to mention the toilet, sink, shower cubicle and entire fucking bathroom
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 16:31, archived)
i don't want aliens on my property

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 17:02, archived)
well no
I'm fairly sure the point of owning a property is having a tangible asset that maintains a decent percentage of its value over time, rather than spunking cash on rent that ends up solely in someone else's pocket over your lifetime.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:49, archived)
By which I mean
I own my flat but can't do much, if anything, to the external appearance of it.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:50, archived)
What you've described is standard for shared buildings etc.
These go beyond that, or even deeds on a normal property.

They're basically like letting Neighbourhood Watch write extra rules that they can fine or evict you for. Like not mowing your lawn or parking your car on your own drive.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:55, archived)
Is it one of those daft Barrett-type estates where the developers never sold the access road
so they potentially count as Interested Parties or however it's phrased these days? Fuck 'em.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:56, archived)
They're more a us thing. I'm only going by what I've read on the internet,
I don't think you get them in the UK.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:03, archived)
plenty of places refuse to allow property owning tradesmen to park their vans on the new builds, i think even the government was going to get involved

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:06, archived)
Is that in the deeds or saink? I don't see how else they could stop you.
Pretty shit and snobby either way.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:11, archived)
i think with many new build estates they are still run by a management agency and you agree to abide by their rules

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:14, archived)
Even if it's not managed there are COVENANTS
Our house is freehold, although a terrace. When I put in planning to build a shed in the parking space opposite the front of the house (which I got after 6 months of negotiations) the planning officer dug up a covenant from the original planning for the estate that said no building could be built ABOVE a garage on the estate. Not an issue but there can be some weird crap in the files at the council offices...
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 16:08, archived)
Hyacinth Bucket would be proud.
If you park an inch outside the space exactly in front of your house in Luxembourg, your neighbour comes outside and bitches at you (as happened to the same friend as in the original post).
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:11, archived)
what's white and invisible?
your mate's chimney cap
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:29, archived)
he'

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:43, archived)
shouldn't really let stuff grow over your boiler flue, as for the legal bit, dunno

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:29, archived)
We floored over the floor-vent in our gaff. Matey doing the gas inspection didn't like that.
But also said you couldn't fit floor vents any more. My landlord found another gas safe bloke who reckoned you still could.

It was all academic really as that place was draughty as fuck.

#thatsinterestingbarry
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:34, archived)
if you have an gas fire i believe it's a requirement to have a floor vent

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:37, archived)
The guy said wall ones are preferable now because the vents/airbricks below the floor around the building can get blocked with leaves, plants etc.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:41, archived)
oh yeah, it should be a hole cut into the nearest wall i think, you must have that, but i think with the decorative basket style open gas fires it requires a floor vent too, i might be well out of date years since i did a gas course

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:44, archived)
But rude, interrupting my blog

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:33, archived)

l
+splattering session
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:37, archived)
Y'all hadn't posted it when I was writin' mine.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:43, archived)
^ slow typer

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:05, archived)
quick wiper

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:14, archived)
They sound like a great bunch of people to have around
Christ alive...

Although to get into the spirit of the thread - Never had any legal issues really. Definitely nothing that's required court action.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:42, archived)
They're known over here as the worst cunts in the property industry.
A few years ago I had a brief fling with a girl who worked in construction, and she told me their reputation among industry insiders was also of being the worst cunts in the property industry.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:45, archived)
I had no idea
I mean, sure there's what Grrry was getting at, the whole "having a tangible asset that maintains a decent percentage of its value over time" thing, but I assumed when / if I finally got on the property ladder I wouldn't have to deal with other people's opinions on how my house should look
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:57, archived)
The whole thing's just an outrageous racket.
If you buy a house, you're fine. If you buy a flat, you become a member of an owners' association and have to shell out every year for association fees, upkeep fees, management fees, and a fee for not being able to do a damned thing to your own property without everyone else voting on it first.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:00, archived)
that's standard practice on leaseholds

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:08, archived)
leaseholds are a bit of a racket anyway imo.
In Scotland you buy the gaff for life and just pay factor fees or set up joint ownership.

It does have it's own problems. Good luck trying to get everyone to pay to fix the roof if you're the top flat.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:13, archived)
i've often enjoyed it in multi tenanted office blocks when major works are required like new lifts throughout and they start crying as they have to pay not the landlord, you silly cunts you use the lifts and wore them out

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:17, archived)
Pisser if you buy a flat and the council suddenly decide they're replacing the windows though, eh?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:19, archived)
yeah but you got a cheap place, there's a road near me that has houses made of metal, many have been bought, 10 odd years ago the council decided to make them much nicer and upvc cladded them, now the metal houses are odd looking

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:28, archived)
There's some of those metal clad houses round here. They look horrid.
Especially when they get rusty marks running down them.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:39, archived)
Houses with skidmarks.
Classy.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:40, archived)
my dad and i were the first people to pebbledash one......it was a big job as they are corrugated, so you had to batten out the dips, using self tapping screws, then mesh the whole lot before rendering, i was surprised it worked but it did

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:49, archived)
There's some tenements getting the harling done near me. Apart from one in the block that isn't.
Must be private and the guy's refused or something.

Wait so you put the pebbledash on top of the metal sheets?
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:53, archived)
yep, 2" batten in the low gaps you can see, a form of chicken wire stretched over, then a good render, then dashed, worked great, did about 8 or so i think
photos.mouseprice.com/media/expertagent/111/560/97/mediafile-6557587.jpg
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:59, archived)
Why didn't they just take the metal off and roughcast what was underneath?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 16:00, archived)
nothing underneath, these are metal houses

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 16:02, archived)
Ah, always assumed it was just a veneer type deal.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 16:04, archived)
nah these are solid, they were a cheap pre fab bexley council idea for troubled families back in the 60s i think

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 16:15, archived)
The block in Barking in which I own a flat, and the one next to it, had a 12 million quid refurb a few years ago
Chap I bought it from owed nearly 50 grand to the council which I assume was his share of the upgrade. I'm hoping this has future proofed the place for a few years at least.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:30, archived)
Did the 50 grand he owed just come off the sale?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:37, archived)
Yep, poor sod had it whipped from under his nose when I made my payment

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 16:02, archived)
In my first flat
I went to the owners meeting to get permission to block up the recessed balcony, cos 5 of the 8 flats had already done it and it would be handy for extending the kitchen.

Got their approval, drew up the plans, took them to the council for a stamp, council said no "cos no-one else in the building has it, it would look daft".

I told him 5 other flats had, he said his paperwork said otherwise, but now I'd declared intent and he'd declined it he'd be keeping an eye on the property "because I know what you foreigners are like".
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:53, archived)
WTF?
A few months ago I had a genuine real-life episode of shed chat with my neighbour, who expounded about how you need planning permission if your shed covers more than eleven square metres on the ground, and "the council don't bother checking but you never know when somebody might tip them off", hint hint I'm a grumpy old tosser.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:58, archived)
One of my mates grew up in ruralish parts.
One of the farmers tried building a house inside a massive barn and leaving it there so it passed the window where the council could make him tear it down.

Someone shopped him with a few years to go.

I don't think there are any good people in this story really.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:01, archived)
Reminds me of that story where the woman of African descent built a tribal mud hut in her garden.
Honouring her ancestors, indulging in a bit of nostalgia, that sort of thing. Someone shopped her to the council even though it wasn't blocking anyone's right to light and she had to tear it down. Honestly. Who the fuck cares?
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:06, archived)
Some people are just pricks.
My folks had a conservatory with a woodburner put in. Their back neighbours could see the flue running up the side of the house. They've been twats ever since.

The guy lied to the council and said he was running a dodgy business from the garage. Some inspector turned up and my dad opened the garage to show a garage you can barely move around for standard garage crap like dingys, old wardrobes, bikes, old toys etc.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:18, archived)
Was he running a dodgy dingy business?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:22, archived)
Yes, although it went under because he lived in the west midlands.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:23, archived)
So you're saying he couldn't keep it afloat?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:45, archived)
I've heard this story from a few people.
I think it's probably bollocks.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:31, archived)
I remember this being in the news a while back.
Someone built a house to look like a barn and applied for retrospective planning permission on the basis that it had been up for 10 years. Council told them to fuck off 'cos owners had lied about the purpose of the building.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:40, archived)
he surrounded it with a haystack
so you couldn't see it. Unless you were in a helicopter.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 16:15, archived)
he's right, immigrants never play fair by the rules

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:05, archived)
the wankers should be killed

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:05, archived)
it was my fault for trying to do things by the book, apparently
Most of the other cunts don't evwn own their flats; they're lifetime tenants in city properties so just did what they wanted.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:27, archived)
Thinking of changing my name to "Blade Lotus"

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:21, archived)
I sincerely hope you mean via deed poll rather than on here.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:22, archived)
well both
my real name is Twomothy Hatsington
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:23, archived)
Are you sure it isn't Twomothy Threadjackson?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:36, archived)
Yes

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:41, archived)
this makes me glad i rent

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 16:21, archived)
+ boy
taking it up the bumbum from gay spazses for money
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 16:34, archived)
but i'm not a boy

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 16:44, archived)
they throw the coin
you put on some shorts, a cap, hold a satchel and wear your best cheeky smile... Try to look like Jimmy Krankie
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 16:53, archived)
not much chance of that
i'm a bit taller than her
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 16:56, archived)
Hello my leetle fooddancing cherm's
How's it going? I just had a bottle of demerera rum delivered and I'm ready to rock.

This is my blog, yes.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:18, archived)
Hey Mcbeef
You should tell the class what's new in the sneaker world.

They'll like that.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:20, archived)
I might list my top 20 all time favourites, with detailed descriptions and a lengthy review of each style

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:21, archived)
this why we need another Crooked Tongues site

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:22, archived)
Did you know...? [Richard mcbeef edition]
He has a DVD copy of Pink Floyd The Wall signed by Bob Geldolf and Roger Waters
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:20, archived)
new thread
just found an out of date condom in my wallet. What should you chuck out cos it's past its best?
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:13, archived)
put it on your head far enough to cover your nostrils and blow out of them

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:16, archived)
I'm not a student any more
also, I don't want my hair to smell of spermicidal gel
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:17, archived)
better than smelling of sperm tbh

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:27, archived)
Posh wank it is then.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:35, archived)
if it's an out of date johnny
maybe it's a Vintage Wank, which by association becomes a Hipster Wank?
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:50, archived)
I reckon you'd need a Kay's catalogue or something for that.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:52, archived)
Only if you're wanking ironically

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:52, archived)
Ahh, Eurotrash.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:57, archived)
I wonder if anyone did an honest wank over Lolo Ferrari
or were they all ironic?
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 13:30, archived)
Do you think the new wallet you're going to buy will come with a fresh condom in it?
To answer your question: TRUMP! Ha ha, lolitics, etc.

I should bin these trainers I'm wearing and get a new pair, because they're showing increasingly frequent signs of falling apart.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:17, archived)
I need to get some new ones too

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:17, archived)
do your trainers actually fall apart, or just wear out at the soles?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:18, archived)
The soles wear out usually

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:19, archived)
I've been hearing good things about Northern soles.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:21, archived)
no m8

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:23, archived)
OK the truth is
When they start to look a bit old I stop wearing them, I move on to some new ones, but rarely chuck them out. I did bin some Air Force 1s last week as they were proper knackered.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:23, archived)
Yeah, I usually get a hole in them and then they act like a pump and suck water into the shoe which makes my feet wet and the shoes smelly.
I think this happens quicker than it should because I must walk a bit funny; my shoes tend to wear out at a slant.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:37, archived)

wear out at the soles get pushed to the back of the wardrobe by the constant influx of replacements
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:21, archived)
lol see above

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:24, archived)
I know you so well.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:32, archived)
Alright 'Barbara Dickson'

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:34, archived)
Still waiting on mine , parcel farce I call them....Oh hahahahaha

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:22, archived)
I get this joke!

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:25, archived)
no, the wallet did not come with a condom in it
and I won't put one in there since the old one clearly served no purpose.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:18, archived)
Stretch it over your ear
and tell people it's to prevent you getting hearing aids.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:19, archived)
aural sex etc

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:25, archived)
b3ta
amiright?
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:17, archived)
no m8

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:18, archived)
My Sainsbury's Christmas ham is starting to honk a bit

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:18, archived)
Touch it.
Go on, you know you want to.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:22, archived)
might roast some peas whilst I'm about it

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:24, archived)
bindun

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:54, archived)
GC

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 13:46, archived)
mate, you should have eaten it
then your lunch would have been sorted
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:29, archived)
All that poor quality sperm that is undoubtedly collecting in my balls.
The BT HomeHub 3 that is collecting dust at the back of a draw.

I don't think the two things are in anyway related.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:19, archived)

caccioppoli.com/Madonna%20and%20Child/Mantegna%20Andrea%20virgin-and-child-4499.jpg
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:32, archived)
Oh dear.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:45, archived)
love

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:24, archived)
as Roxette sang,
Mustard Bean Love
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:26, archived)
Your mum

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:34, archived)
she's too good for you anyway

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:39, archived)
Why not use it for a posh wank? Seems a bit of a waste otherwise.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:16, archived)
I had a posh wank
with an out-of-date johnny
now my hand is pregnants
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:18, archived)
how hand get pragnent?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 16:09, archived)
spunkem

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 16:31, archived)
This place used to remind people to put their bins out
what did you used to find very useful when it happened, but now that it doesn't happen any more you don't find it useful and you wish it still happened.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:18, archived)
to say I love you

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:21, archived)
To whom?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:28, archived)
anyone that will listen

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:38, archived)

i'm listening
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:59, archived)

media.giphy.com/media/3o7TKToIUga8L25gUo/giphy.gif
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:01, archived)
rational thought lol

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:23, archived)
That never happened.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:28, archived)
What was that postcode checking in weather mood thing we used to do?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:35, archived)
That was The Fouricci Sequence's morning schtick
until he was bullied off the board
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:36, archived)
You're welcome

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:38, archived)

?
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:48, archived)
Why is wearing a suit that doesn't fit?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:54, archived)
Because its well lol obvs

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:59, archived)
M12 / Grey, cold, cloudy / strangely exuberant

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:43, archived)
eurgh, yeah. he used to tell us how horny he was :(

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:46, archived)
poor students :(

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:47, archived)
he is no longer a teacher, he got sacked for gross misconduct

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:55, archived)
Did he?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:55, archived)
yes
www.b3ta.com/talk/2880148
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:08, archived)
Magic ability? What a chode

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:11, archived)
what a collection of cunts, glad they all fucked off

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:19, archived)
all but one!

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:20, archived)
I remember when all this was cunts

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:43, archived)
*hugs*

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:20, archived)
fuck off bou

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:22, archived)
I do miss working in a newsroom and having immediate access to what's going on as it happens
I feel a bit disconnected now
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:35, archived)
Strikey g whooooooosh

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:03, archived)
Maybe you could get an rpi or arduino to make a fuck-off big and noisy teleprinter print Reuters articles as they're published.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:18, archived)
it's not the same
I mean fresh like "just got off the phone with the Prime Minister's Office" fresh.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:24, archived)
Phone up the prime minister's office pretending to be someone from itn then.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:37, archived)
Update: back from hospital, now.
Paediatrician reckons it's psychosomatic, which is polite doctor talk for "stop wasting my time".
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:42, archived)
that boy needs therapy

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:46, archived)

therapy a slap
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:49, archived)
you're a nut, you're crazy in the coconut

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:55, archived)
what does that mean?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:58, archived)
i was like "that song must be like 10 years old now"
looked it up and it was released in 2000, lold
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 11:05, archived)
oh man
I remember when I was a kid I asked my mum what the Summer of Love was like, and she said it was boring cos she was only 15.

Now my kid's gonna ask what the previous millennium was like with the same feeling of "soooo long agooooo"
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 11:27, archived)
That can still be quite worrying.
I know someone who's in a wheelchair, and can't use her legs at all but it's supposedly psychosomatic. She can't change it though and I'd imagine it has been that long that her legs have completely atrophied now.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:48, archived)
Well, that's eased my concerns.
Thanks, Gormo!
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:49, archived)
lol spaz kid

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:52, archived)
Daft thing is that he's slightly disappointed that he won't be needing a wheelchair.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:53, archived)
This woman I know has an electric wheelchair thing and the thing is fucking rapid. I reckon it must do at least 15mph.
And here I am using my legs like a sucker.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:57, archived)
Awesome. Might hobble the boy.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 11:06, archived)

which is polite doctor talk for "stop wasting my time". addict insane
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:53, archived)
*declines invite to play game*

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:54, archived)
bloody pedos

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:56, archived)
Sorry I don't understand the question

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:35, archived)
i'm sorry
i'll try harder next time
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:50, archived)
Hang on a minute.
Are you asking what we previously found useful when it happened but in retrospect no longer find useful (which means the fact that it no longer happens is not as serious as it otherwise would be), or what we previously found useful but no longer happens, and the fact that it no longer happens is not useful because it previously happening was useful and its non-occurrence is a hindrance to that usefulness?
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:49, archived)
yes

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:50, archived)
*head a-splode*

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:58, archived)
Just like Scanners

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:02, archived)
just like strong bad

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:03, archived)
alright threads
I mean, how do we really know if everyone is alright any more?
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:20, archived)
i stopped asking when i realised the sanctity had been sullied by wankers

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:23, archived)
does anyone miss dozer yet?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:25, archived)
n

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:38, archived)
you guess

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:24, archived)
is anyone alright anymore?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:39, archived)
I am m8

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:41, archived)
no, you're far-right

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:54, archived)
Alt-right?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:55, archived)
Tits

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:22, archived)
aw man yeah they used to be the best

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:26, archived)
4 tats

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:41, archived)
guffs

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:41, archived)

i.redd.it/rfxf115rywby.jpg
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:42, archived)
"anything from Chinese lanterns to Bible pages"
Sacrilolgious!
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 10:51, archived)
If you rolled a Camberwell carrot and used it as a tampon,
would the THC be, like, infused into the bloodstream or sutin?
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 11:08, archived)
Not sure I could fit it down my urethra.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 11:12, archived)
That's not what I call a winners' attitude.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 11:47, archived)
morning

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 6:44, archived)
Mornholes
My car has an issue of some form, feel free to invent one and talk about it at length
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 7:11, archived)
it's gay and loves you but hates the fact you won't reciprocate

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 7:14, archived)
Yeah lets go with that
I tried lightly kicking a wheel but that didn't work, and the garage is charging £60k to fix it
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 7:18, archived)
you can buy an aftermarket arsehole on ebay
Bolt it to the boot and show it who's boss. Careful though, they come in imperial or metric sizes depending on whether your willy is British or European.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 7:25, archived)
How can I tell what mine is? Is there some sort of serial number somewhere?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:26, archived)
measure it from base to tip with a ruler that does both cm and inches
and tell us the closest whole number.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:30, archived)
1

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:33, archived)
This is tough
Can I round down?
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:35, archived)
don't ask me m8, I'm not Vorderman

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:37, archived)
Disc sander wank, using your own ejaculate as a grinding paste?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:43, archived)
#infest, #openingsong

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:43, archived)
Twelve inch vinyl m8

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:46, archived)
the clutch needs replacing

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:34, archived)
That's what the garage said, but based on Grrry's input I think they're trying to mug me off

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:49, archived)
Clutches can go wrong in many ways
so while most people think it's the friction plate ($$$) that's worn out, it's sometimes just the thrust bearing or slave cylinder, which are pennies in comparison. Slave can be swapped in an hour by a spastic, but the thrust bearing still needs the whole 'box dropped and that takes most of a day, and mechanics charge in pounds of flesh per hour.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:57, archived)
lol thrust

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:03, archived)
i put my car in because the clutch was slipping
but the day before i was due to take it in the clutch stopped slipping and it seems fine now, mechanic said it's fine too, dunno what that was about
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:09, archived)
Sometimes you get a bit of oil on the plate that can be burnt off with time
Sometimes it's just ghosts.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:13, archived)
George Michael is ghost-dogging
gaylols!
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:16, archived)
Like Patrick Schwayze and Demi Moore's pottery scene
only instead of wet clay, it's a middle-aged trucker's cock in a public toilet.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:37, archived)
divine intervention by Jesus

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:13, archived)
Hi there

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 7:43, archived)
^peter gabriel

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 7:49, archived)
Genesis with Gabo or without?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:01, archived)
Not heard the early albums so cannot comment

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:06, archived)
I'm sure someone will be along in a minute with the right opinion.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:15, archived)
Hi!
Utter shit, Gabo or otherwise
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:27, archived)
Bingo.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:30, archived)
It's certainly quite a remove from the hippetty-hop that you kid's are into these days

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:39, archived)

www.joeydevilla.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2012/09.gif
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:57, archived)
right back atcha

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 7:49, archived)
Meaurningue
Everyone's flipping out in the office and ah cannae concentrate on anything.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:21, archived)
First there was hot desking, then standing desks, now they've got you doing gymnastics?
Christ, office culture has vanished up its own arse
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:27, archived)
Is that a metric or an imperial arse?
Last night's systema did mean I woke up stiff as a board, though, so maybe there is a gymnastics connection.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:30, archived)
Pancakes round the water cooler

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:35, archived)
Yesterday actually did feature an episode of pancake chat in the office.
Viz. the difference between crêpes and American breakfast pancakes and what the word 'pancake' on a sandwich shop menu would mean to an international audience.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:42, archived)
I think the only sensible next step is to take in an assault rifle and end everyone's misery

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:44, archived)
Bring your gun to work day?

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:50, archived)
Americans have been doing pancakes wrong for years

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:50, archived)
Pancakes in a sandwich?
Lunacy.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:05, archived)

Lunacy TURTLE POWER
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:36, archived)
talk about hot desking, someone spilt hot tea all over my desk yesterday whilst i was out of office
they've ruined my notes and made it all sticky, i am unhappy
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:41, archived)
This would never have happened if your colleague didn't take sugar.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:43, archived)
i hate people who put sugar in tea and coffee
i hate them so much
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:45, archived)
^
At least once you rise to power it'll be a good indicator of which ones to gas first
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:47, archived)

who put sugar in tea and coffee
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:03, archived)
You should walk out in disgust

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:43, archived)

walk get your dick
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:47, archived)
get you, still using paper for notes in the 21st century
FOR SHAME
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:58, archived)
office politics are great
I love gossip about people I don't know
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:38, archived)
This particular gossip is extra-specially dull.
My boss's son was bullied at school, freaked out and is now seeing a psychiatrist in hospital. So every day I come to work without knowing whether my boss is going to a) be there at all; b) have to leave early; c) burst into tears; or d) all of the above.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:45, archived)
Have you considered playing on her vulnerabilities and have an ill-advised affair?
alt: his
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:50, archived)
I have considered that, especially as she's an attractive woman.
Having affairs with your hierarchical superiors is, however, an excellent way to get the sack if things go sour.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:51, archived)
Fuck it, you probably hate your career anyway

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:53, archived)
as the junior, you can claim sexual harassment and get her fired
then get promoted in her stead.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:59, archived)
Like Michael Douglas with Demi Moore in Disclosure?
I've got her husband's work e-mail and phone too, so there's always the blackmail option as well.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:12, archived)
exactly like that
and if they reject it, claim sexual discrimination from a man-hating HR department and sue them too
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:14, archived)
Morning
I made it with 1 minute to spare of my b3taday yesterday.

How very fashionable.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:21, archived)
Belated happy candles, spanflam

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:28, archived)
oh, i missed mine
can everyone pretend it's today and wish me a happy b3taday plz
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:37, archived)
happy candles, The Doveston

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:42, archived)
HCD, TD x

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:44, archived)
happiest of days, t-duvz
we here at the b3ta organisation are very pleased with everything you're doing
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:05, archived)
Daily News Quiz! Who's candle day is it today?
That's right, it's The Doveston's! 1/1 You can have your cake and eat it or some other trite BBC-approved score-related pun
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:15, archived)
huh, mine's coming up soon
I'll be a tweenager
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:39, archived)
Wee-wee

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:28, archived)
Poo-poo

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:30, archived)
fuck off back to France you prick

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:39, archived)
Frogs out etc.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:43, archived)
France reference

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:48, archived)
lol u r fit

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:54, archived)
Board users don't know all the crazy slang words that people are using
b3ta.com/board/11217793
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:55, archived)
Hoo haa

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:32, archived)
ting tang walla etc

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:39, archived)
happy candles, doves

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:53, archived)
thx hun, feelin' the love here today xxx

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:57, archived)
Late reply from your old pal monster munch.

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:03, archived)
Morning MoMu
Wrestling with autocorrect again?
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:04, archived)

cor e
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:06, archived)
Back up the hospital, sitting on a plastic chair in a draft.
Lovely way to spend a morning.
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:07, archived)
I missed something
Why are you in the hospital?
(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:10, archived)
wotchamate monmun

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:09, archived)
morning piss camel

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:10, archived)
Anyone in?

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 23:59, archived)
Oh it's THAT DAY

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 23:59, archived)
I've just consumed so much whiskey, Haggis, neeps and tatties that I got sent to hospital.
I'm in the burns unit.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:09, archived)
mcpfffft

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:11, archived)
genticists have engineered a spider that can spin silk yarn for sewing straight out of its anus
they've trademarked it SHIT THREAD
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:14, archived)
^upset

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:15, archived)
Indyrefxit will put a stop to these shit puns

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:16, archived)
It's this sort of typical English entitlement that makes the Scots want to chance it alone.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:18, archived)
I know a man with a wooden haggis with the name of smith

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:21, archived)
I did actually have Haggis for my tea.
I microwaved it; if Rob Burns were still alive he'd probably punch me in the face for that.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:23, archived)
no I think he'd write an amusing poem about the adventure of the haggis in some whacky dialect what no-one can pronounce no more innit

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:31, archived)

wee metalic sleekit pingorous beastie
in kitchen corner, you heat ma' feastie
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:31, archived)
hot ice lollies is a thing

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:35, archived)
Fuck off, really!?
What a magical future we live in
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:57, archived)
i got it deep fried from the chippy

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:38, archived)
The spicy ones are quite nice tbf.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:40, archived)
How does he smell?

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:56, archived)
I'm Welsh you dick

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:29, archived)
Well go and burn some holiday homes in solidarity.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:37, archived)
Then Dydd Dwynwen Hapus
theconversation.com/how-st-dwynwen-wrongly-became-known-as-the-welsh-valentine-71520

EDIT: for when it is, obviously, not NOW
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 22:35, archived)
interesting stuff Gary, never heard of this before

(, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:42, archived)
hahaha
*applause*
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:38, archived)
Ah, this explains why so many people were wearing kilts this evening

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:47, archived)
Why are you not drinking whisky?

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:58, archived)
FUCK

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 22:02, archived)
Oh well as excused go, that's a reasonable one.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 23:07, archived)
oh man, rhumbled

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 22:02, archived)
Crivens.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:59, archived)
After they've eaten the haggis
what do they do with the rest of the bagpipes?
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 22:34, archived)
The only burns I celebrate are Mr. Burns
and Gordon Burns
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 23:03, archived)

media.giphy.com/media/InEgmsG7PN6M0/giphy.gif
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 23:04, archived)
Boo-urns?

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 23:14, archived)
I tried haggis today, lovely
Forgot to buy whiskey tho
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 23:22, archived)
2016 just claimed another victim.
www.nytimes.com/2017/01/25/arts/television/mary-tyler-moore-dead.html?_r=0
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 23:36, archived)
The wife has one of her crone friends over to talk about babies
so I'm in my masturbatorium with a bottle of red. What would you do in this situation?
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:41, archived)
ask how much they think a healthy baby would go for on ebay
that should shift her
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:44, archived)
I'd probably at least show face so I don't look like one of those weird socially brokenn other halfs who hides at the opposite end of the house whenever my missus has guests.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:45, archived)
I've plated the biscuits and opened the wine and said my pleasantries and bid them a pleasant evening

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:49, archived)

plated the biscuits opened a box of ritz crackers
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:01, archived)

opened the wine wiped the top of the meths bottle on my t-shirt
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 22:13, archived)
I'd probably socialise like a normal human being.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:52, archived)
yeah, an evening chatting about babies sounds like a great laugh

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:39, archived)
Inability to relate to other people is a sign of autism

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:27, archived)
Welcome to the internet.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:29, archived)
out loud laughing at these 2 posts here
cheers
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:43, archived)
^ has a right laugh here

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:50, archived)
it's the only reason I still come here, well that and the pet shop boys chat

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:56, archived)
:(

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 20:02, archived)

and because of you mongychops xxxxx
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 20:02, archived)
Inearly delete my profile u hi don't no

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 20:09, archived)
wat

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:12, archived)
o rly?
just those reasons, eh?
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 20:41, archived)
d'aww looook

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:12, archived)
there's a big difference between being emotionally detached
and being bored off your tits by discussions of nappy preference.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:32, archived)
You do you. Seems weird to me.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:41, archived)
Tbf if two women and two babies were in my house I would be out , selling over priced passports

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:51, archived)
This is why I'm very pleased to not have kids.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 20:09, archived)
throwing around accusations of autism when you've never been subject to two mothers nattering
For shame, windy
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 20:11, archived)
I apologise

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 20:22, archived)
Thank you Dr , I always worried why I don't give a shit about you cunts

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:38, archived)
Talk to girls?
Eurgh!
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:27, archived)
I'd get rid of the red and get a proper drink
only poofs drink red wine
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:58, archived)
well, then I'm a poof

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:44, archived)
wrong, as usual
although this particular red wine is rather shit.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 20:06, archived)
Get a divorce

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:06, archived)
and turn out like you?
no thanks
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:35, archived)
It's certainly a sad exitance I live , might top myself

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:44, archived)
+lager

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:51, archived)
You go to far sometimes, reported to the mods

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:00, archived)
torch the house

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:12, archived)
I like this house
it's just Mumsnet edition LARPing I can't stand
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:02, archived)
post gifs
i.imgur.com/NGZ1T40.gifv
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:17, archived)
solid plan
that's how I roll
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:39, archived)
Pour the wine up my arse
Then run naked into your sitting room with a boner, and guff the wine out all over your wife's mate, whilst singing Crazy Horses by the Osmonds
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:18, archived)
See my gaff's carpeted so I'd probably not do that.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:20, archived)
ahh, I've got parquet so it's not really an issue

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:40, archived)
look I've had a think about this and I reckon it would ruin the parquet, are you really sure you want to do it?

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 20:03, archived)
I'm not going to do it
but if McBeef needs to let off a little steam, I'm happy to help
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 20:16, archived)
GO NORTH

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:22, archived)
The pet shop boy's are just phoning it in these days.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:23, archived)
leave the pet shop boys aloooone

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:44, archived)
Whinge on dadsnet

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:23, archived)
fannycup

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:24, archived)
the thing is they do actually have a contraption for that don't they, when you think about it.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:24, archived)
feminine wipes?

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:48, archived)
AIBU?

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:24, archived)
HUUUUHHHHH

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:53, archived)
WAR

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:54, archived)
Over thar

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:57, archived)
oh, ok. thanks.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:59, archived)
YEAH

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 16:00, archived)
GOOD GOD

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:07, archived)
Edwin Starr lived out his final years in Nottinghamshire, fact fans

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:35, archived)
so much for keeping on running, lying prick

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:42, archived)
hooooooooooooooo

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 16:00, archived)
pooooooooooooooo

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 16:15, archived)
+po

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 16:57, archived)
Not like you to need to strain.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 16:00, archived)
And here I was expecting some form of misdirection comedy from our resident Flebmaster
How times have a-changed
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 16:02, archived)
Mixing things up a bit int I

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 16:15, archived)
I'm not sure I like this "mixing up" mentality, sounds like coloured thinking if you ask me

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 16:21, archived)
ELLODEREMON

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 16:23, archived)
Bullshit, you didn't convince me.
Let me see your REAL poo face.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 16:06, archived)
Gazzed

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 16:16, archived)
Flagged by Norton as 'malicious'

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 16:37, archived)

malicious arousing
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:05, archived)
HHHHHUUUUH

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 16:22, archived)
If anyone can, you can.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 16:36, archived)
CCCCCHHHHHHEEEEEEEEERRRRSSSS

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:06, archived)
Cheers

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:08, archived)
Cheers

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:10, archived)
Cheers

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:15, archived)
Cheers

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:33, archived)
Cheers

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:34, archived)
Food update: the pulled pork went down a storm (good news).
Bad news: the boy still can't stand and I'm having to carry him to the bog and wipe his arse.

What a day of ups and downs.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:16, archived)
It's best just to do the 'ups' when wiping m8.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:20, archived)
vg

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:27, archived)
I need a new wallet, this one's falling apart
What do you need to replace?
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:38, archived)
My PC chair
Luckily I just bought another one, hopefully it'll arrive over the weekend
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:42, archived)
You gettin' a racist chair now?

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:50, archived)
Yeah, it's about time, my current chair was fucked
This new one looks decent, good padding and quality materials, excellent lumbar support, cup holder in the arm, speakers in the headrest that play Nazi propaganda and a "Nignogs and Pakis out" motif on the leatherwork
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:10, archived)
Zeig Heillumbar support, I hope
Plenty of room for a brown or black shirt hanging on the back.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:41, archived)
I saw "aids concentration" on the list of features and I was sold

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:51, archived)
They include a cutdown copy of MS Office to make life easier
"Works Will Set You Free" is their slogan
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:58, archived)
like an hiv cordial

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:14, archived)
ribenaids

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:17, archived)
HIVimto

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:30, archived)
and that's enough of that

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:34, archived)
Kia Whorea

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:36, archived)
Sunny ddt

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:42, archived)
Iced T Cell Count

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:48, archived)
Fannyta

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:52, archived)
Prepsi

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:54, archived)
My jaded outlook on life

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:42, archived)
^

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:45, archived)
buy some bubble gum
you can't be glum with bubble gum
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:51, archived)
I want a new drug
one that won't make me sick,
One that won't make me crash my car,
or make me feel three feet thick.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:45, archived)
No problem, gaz me

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:46, archived)
Ooh, you'll love this one.
I actually need to replace my wallet, because this one's falling apart.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:45, archived)
my styluses

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:47, archived)
use your penis

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:48, archived)
penii, ffs

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:43, archived)
is he /u/doubledickdude?

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:44, archived)
richard "dick" mcbeef

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:46, archived)
lol Roman

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:50, archived)
lol

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:02, archived)
styli, ffs Richard "err there's no evidence actually" McBeef

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:50, archived)
Styluses is also a valid - and infinitely less prickish - plural
ffs indeed
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:00, archived)
correct

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:02, archived)
Stylus
It's what every well-dressed Roman has.

edit: bollix someone else has already made this joke bollix
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:06, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=aebmbzU-nKg
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:18, archived)
A friend of mine still has one of those

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:24, archived)
a rolf?

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:24, archived)
I need a couple of new pairs of black work jeans.
I spotted a small hole in the back pocket last time I came to wash one pair. My wallet/change must have worn it through.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:53, archived)
i need a new wallet too, this one's got no money in it

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:53, archived)
hey you are young and funky, what hoody should i get my daughter for her birthday

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:02, archived)
i sure am, daddy-o
go here, type in literally anything she likes and you'll be able to get it on a hoodie and you'll be a hero
www.redbubble.com/shop/womens-hoodies?cat_context=w-tees&ref=global-nav-menu&style=whoodie
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:04, archived)
and i mean anything
here's one for you: www.redbubble.com/people/doug-dx/works/6172880-carp-carp-carp?grid_pos=6&p=t-shirt&style=mhoodie
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:05, archived)
Cool ta, I'll have to find out what she likes, I'll Google how to pleasure a 14 year old girl

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:07, archived)
can't possibly go wrong
isn't 'supernatural' a thing that teenage girls like?
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:10, archived)
Don't think she's mentioned it , she likes American horror story or saink

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:12, archived)
there's a popular design from that. i see a lot of students in them
www.redbubble.com/people/drtees/works/23477299-normal-people-scare-me?grid_pos=5&p=t-shirt&style=mhoodie
probably available elsewhere for cheaper if you have a scout about
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:23, archived)
Ta I'll get one of those from amazon

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:33, archived)
ebay 9.99, i'll have to get some more hoodies

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:54, archived)
^savvy consumer

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:16, archived)

vy ile
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:20, archived)
Wife and kids

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:59, archived)
my life

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:14, archived)
My work boots are a bit of a mess

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:27, archived)
I've had to run out and replace tonight's dinner, as the joint of pork I was about to cook was past it's Best Before Date, and stank to high heaven.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:37, archived)
how far gone past the best before date?

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:37, archived)
2 days.
Might have been okay, but you can't be too careful with pork, and it really did stink.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:39, archived)
damn, I'd had that

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:43, archived)
If I weren't intending to feed the kids with it, I'd have given it a go.
Got a fresh bit in to cook, now - not done pulled pork before, so fingers crossed.
#foodchat
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:45, archived)
I've done it in the slow cooker before. It's a piece of piss.
Pro-tip: Stick blend and maybe reduce the juices slightly to dip the baps in.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:46, archived)
lol baps

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:47, archived)
Might boil it down to a sauce, if time permits.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:51, archived)
I once tried a recipe that involved cooking/marinating it in irn bru.
It wasn't very nice but the pork was still edible when kept away from the juice so no harm done.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:54, archived)
Old friend of mine used to swear by cooking chicken in a mixture of cola and powdered mushroom soup.
I could never bring myself to find out if he was just pulling my leg.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:56, archived)
I didn't know you were mates with gonz

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:59, archived)
cola glazed gammon is t3h sh1t, that said

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:00, archived)
Never tried it, but it would seem cooking a chicken with a beer can with a couple of cm of beer left in it shoved up its arse seems quite a common thing.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:01, archived)
My sichuan chicken last night was frickin amazing, seeing as we're on #foodchat
Never cooked with sichuan peppercorns before, they're dope. I used double the quantity it says here:

www.schoolofwok.co.uk/tips-and-recipes/recipe-of-the-month-stir-fried-sichuan-chicken
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:58, archived)
school of wok
fucking hell
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:25, archived)
Cool huh

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:54, archived)
take a long hard think about the life of that pig, who was bred, fed and slaughtered just for your consumption
and you've just chucked its entire life's purpose in the bin for being a bit whiffy.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:43, archived)
Only its shoulder.
Unless there's a three-limbed pig, hobbling around some farmyard, I'm sure the rest of it went to a good home.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:47, archived)
You're in for a visit from Þorgeir’s Pig.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:52, archived)
?

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:54, archived)
Þorgeir’s Bull is an Icelandic folk tale
about a wizard who creates a bull monster to scare people and do his bidding, but the bull has an eternal hatred of the wizard and humanity in general for giving him a broken and misshapen body. Annie Proulx used the tale as inspiration for "The Half-Skinned Steer".
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:02, archived)
That's basically the plot of Ex Machina.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:35, archived)
True, and another excellent film.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:36, archived)
I guess, looking at typical stylistic film cycles (30-40 years) the 70's 'paranoia' genre is due a comeback.
Black Mirror clearly borrows a lot from them, and links them to our relationship with more modern technology.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:40, archived)
Here's hoping.
There are some major classics in that genre. Also, I must get myself some DVDs of Black Mirror, as I can't be arsed to download it all am an upstanding law-abiding citizen.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:43, archived)
Just get netflix m8. they're all on that.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:51, archived)
Ta for this idea; I've just looked into it.
I always thought Netflix was mega-expensive but it's only €10 a month apparently. How does it work anyway? Do you need a box to watch from your PC? I don't have a telly.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:19, archived)
You go on the flebsite and choose what to watch if on PC
On a tablet or phone you use the app to do the same
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:32, archived)
^
If you've got a high-res monitor use Edge or whatever they're calling IE now as they're still using silverlight and it'll only output 720p on Chrome et al.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:37, archived)
Really?
Huh, you learn something new erryday
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:49, archived)
You have now been tagged as "Netflix expert".

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:52, archived)
rob would have had it

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:44, archived)
Unlucky
Conversely I just had a right result: Sainsburys just sold me a Christmas ham worth £10 for 50p. Good until the 11th of Jan. That's lunch sorted.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:44, archived)
I bet that kiffs a bit now m8

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:45, archived)
Since rob had his leccy cut off, his bedsit is freezing - the perfect conditions for ham preservation

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:48, archived)
ha

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:50, archived)
lol

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:51, archived)
lol
Is his bedsit in Tower HAMlets?
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:23, archived)
Not sure but his wife and kid live in KUNTish Town

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:28, archived)
Like how some businesses' internet filters won't let you search for SCUNThorpe at work.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:37, archived)
teh ginger fuhrer is gonna light you up, m8

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:39, archived)
He'll have to go and top up his electricity key to do that.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:41, archived)
PorKid

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:28, archived)
my couch
had the old one for 10 years, one leg has had to be replaced by 3 books
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:52, archived)
But then you'll replace it and miss the worn/dented bit you usually sat in.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:11, archived)
not really
i'm replacing it with one exactly the same, apart from the colour. also, the new one will have the kind of back support this one had when i got it
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:15, archived)
I'm 6'3. Finding sofa's with acceptable back-support can be challenging.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:40, archived)
lol tall

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:50, archived)
you're a foot taller than me, then
finding sofas i can afford can be challenging
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:51, archived)
lol small

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 16:00, archived)
5"3 isn't small
it's average
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 16:10, archived)
sure it is, thumbelina

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 16:19, archived)
In China maybe :P

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:07, archived)
For some reason, the morning thread appears to have run out of steam today.
Here, then, is a fresh thread. Best or worst experiences having someone as a houseguest?
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:12, archived)
I made Aardvark a full English when he came to stay, and I never saw him again
That's just rude.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:15, archived)
Shocking.
I reckon he knew he'd have to make you one in return if he saw you again, and he knew his full English was no patch on yours.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:18, archived)
It wasn't a blinder of a breakfast by any means
You can't get the right sausages over here.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:32, archived)
Yeah, I have the same problem.
You can't find British bangers anywhere as far as I can tell. There used to be an English shop that sold them, for a hefty mark-up, but they closed down five years ago or so.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:34, archived)
I frequently buy them just to keep them in the freezer for ages and then throw them away.
Hope this helps.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:35, archived)
I must have thrown away about three-quarters of all the bananas I've ever bought.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:41, archived)
Pro tip:
Over-ripe bananas make an excellent banana and cranberry loaf.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:49, archived)
Or thrown into a clip top jar with oats, milk, and yoghurt (equal ish ratios), maybe a tiny pinch of salt
And you have some good overnight oats
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:52, archived)
you guys are really putting me off my Huel

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:53, archived)
I quite like just apple and cinnamon with my overnight oats.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:55, archived)
Nicely
I bought cranberries yesterday, so that's good timing.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 11:16, archived)
WID DER TANKS AN DER GONS

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 11:18, archived)
We've got a nightlatch on the inside door
and a multipoint on the outside door. We had a friend staying while we were away on holiday who went out for a cigarette closed the first door behind him and realised he didn't have keys on him so he was locked out of the house and inside the porch. Fucker broke out and blamed us for having a door that was not working properly!
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:17, archived)
Top pillockry here.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:22, archived)
I was the one with the broken Mini.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:25, archived)

mini willy
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:34, archived)
That too, obvs

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:34, archived)
This is the awful danger
with thread deletion
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:43, archived)
Ive done that before when Iw as in an upstairs/downstairs flat thingy with a shared entrance hall.
Unfortunately, the upstairs neighbours had moved out. I'd also left my phone at wok the night before, so had to break back in.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:42, archived)
I shit myself in a bed while staying at a mates house.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:23, archived)
Were you staying at McBeef's?

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:26, archived)
^ heroin addict

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:32, archived)
Alright, Spud.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:33, archived)
once a lady stayed over at my house and we had some sex

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:32, archived)
^godby

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:33, archived)
i've just ordered these, i'm blaming you for this, 3 pairs in a week :(
www.offspring.co.uk/view/product/offspring_catalog/5,21/2043962235080
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:36, archived)
I nearly went for those as well

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:41, archived)
Look alright, those, might plump for a pair myself
been needing a new pair for a bit now
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:43, archived)
it's a great price

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:48, archived)
Moby Dee doesn't seem to be too impressed by them though

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:50, archived)
Moby Dee is a fucking imbecile
How could you not see that the red bits are canvas? ffs
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:52, archived)
Had to pass on them, didn't have them in my size :(

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:33, archived)
They all are, thats the problem

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:50, archived)
Quite
No more for me until I see adidas gazelle supers in blue for under £60.

Fucking weddings :(
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:54, archived)
I'm not looking anymore , was only trying to find a white pair with a yellow swoosh

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:58, archived)
I'd wear them.
Hardly an accolade though.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:49, archived)
Why must you turn our messageboard into a board of lies?

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:33, archived)
He's making a mockery of teh faq's

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:34, archived)
cock-badger
kitten-flaps
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:41, archived)
If rob hadn't had his leccy cut off I'd send him a link to this and you'd be fucking sacked m8

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:43, archived)

why I
must you turn our messageboard into a board of lies? am a piss camel!
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:36, archived)

+i haev long lashes and i carry Arabs through the Sahara on my hump. if you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages i will wander into your kitchen tonight and piss in your pots and pans
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:40, archived)
camels that piss dishes have a very long face

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:52, archived)
+are we led it off the road

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 11:31, archived)
^tggi

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:41, archived)
Steady on, m8.
This is B3ta, not Razzle.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:35, archived)
+boy

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:35, archived)
once a lady stayed over at my house and BOY, we had some sex!

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:40, archived)
at LEAST five minutes' worth!
spread out over the course of the evening
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:49, archived)
A friend found himself homeless and I let him stay at mine for a 'month tops'.
I knew better but he was a friend etc. Two weeks in and he's nearly thrown through my front door by a gang of nasty looking bastards. Turns out he owed just about every drug dealer in *insert shitty northern town* money. Handily I went to school with one of the ne'er-do-wells and explained the situation. He was a lot easier to kick out once they'd taken all his stuff. Caught the dirty bastard using my hairbrush too.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:33, archived)
You have the best friends.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:37, archived)
I don't have friends anymore.
Just people I'm less inclined to kill.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:45, archived)
We put a friend of a friend up.
He was a right bellend. About 28 but no domestic skills at all. He arsed up my big pot because he tried to make beans on toast in it despite them being about one bean high with the stove on full. One time I caught him making 'french toast', it was in fact fried bread in a pan so hot it was kicking out blue smoke. He used to regularly subsist on pretty much a loaf of bread a day. When we ran out of butter for toast he switched to philadelphia. He used to steal bread, which was extra annoying because he had a habit of tearing the loaf open from the middle like a mongoloid bear.

I gave him a spare pair of bedding when he moved in, he never put it on, he just slept on a bare mattress and sheet.

He paid his first months rent with a payday loan, which meant when he begged his parents to wire him money for the second month the loan company took it back.

He announced he was visiting his nan one weekend and we never saw him again. He left his stuff here, which was mostly a festering stinking pile of laundry he'd took out of the washing machine and dumped on the floor.

After about 2 months I summoned the energy to look up his parents phone number and see if he was alive. The blase way his mum said 'oh he's here' after explaining he'd fucked off without a trace for 2 months made me want to drive down to the northern shithole he lived in and kick his knackers right off.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 11:15, archived)
It's a good job I waited till my boss left before reading this because now I can lol about it.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 11:23, archived)
I left something important out; when we ran out of philadelphia he made toast and put mayonnaise on it.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 11:28, archived)
He sounds like a right autism.
I'd have been tempted to leave a Philadephia tub in the fridge filled with body lotion and see if he noticed.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 11:31, archived)
I've seen the mongoliod bear approach before.
Words fucking escape me.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:11, archived)
My old flatmate's brother came back to the UK after a few years in Greece.
None of us had any problem with him crashing on the couch, because he was a decent, quiet lad. The same could not be said of his ex-boyfriend, who stalked him all the way from Manchester to London and turned up on the doorstep one evening to spend a quarter of an hour yelling out his spurned love and demanding to see his former love, who hid in the garden.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:40, archived)
Bit gay m8

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:41, archived)
Not 'arf.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:42, archived)
Let the right one in

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:45, archived)
That was a cracking film, that was.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:47, archived)
Remake wasn't too bad either.
Book is way better.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 11:35, archived)
I'll have to read the book.
Apparently they toned down a lot of the fantasy and horror elements in the book when making the film.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 11:49, archived)
It doesn't delve too far from it.
The girls relationship with the older guy is explored a bit more.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:11, archived)
Good; they did kind of gloss over that aspect in the film.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:13, archived)
Good book, too.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 11:39, archived)
books are for nerds, ma8

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:19, archived)
was that the one time your housemate's brother didn't want the back door smashed in?

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:51, archived)
+ 50 points snappy riposte bonus

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:59, archived)
Dear oh dear, they're always so dramatic aren't they?

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 11:00, archived)

*rearranges cushions and lamps*
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 11:02, archived)
Yes, this really is what I've chosen to wear today.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 11:12, archived)

Well-lit and comfy
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:42, archived)
morning

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 6:54, archived)
Hump day mornings!

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 7:26, archived)
piss camel appreciation day

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 7:29, archived)
Finally, some appreciation.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:11, archived)
I read that comment in Zoidberg's voice

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:25, archived)
I've tried to watch that programme a couple of times, it seemed to me to be really shit

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:40, archived)
I think it benefited from being cancelled when it was.
Then they brought it back.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:59, archived)
considering your tastes
that's a compliment
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:00, archived)
^huge fan of 'Bender'

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:06, archived)
It's odd that you didn't enjoy a show centred around one inept loser who's a throwback to the previous century

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:13, archived)
This century is shit so far

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:14, archived)

This century is I sprayed
+up the bathroom wall the cleaning lady will need a stepladder
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:16, archived)
morning

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:01, archived)
hail McBeef, master of fleb

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:13, archived)
Urgh.
'ning, all.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:10, archived)
I've noticed "urgh" creeping into more and more online comments
It only adds to my belief that we should cull everyone born after 1990.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:13, archived)
Meh.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:33, archived)
Pfft

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:00, archived)
*glomps*

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:01, archived)
*belms*

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:58, archived)
*bums*

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:02, archived)
A nut's as good as a wank to a blind whore.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:15, archived)
Sex Workers' Book Club:
A Tale of Two Titties
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:17, archived)
Taming of the Screw.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:23, archived)
Zorba Does Greek

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:24, archived)
Morning.
Of vice and men.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:15, archived)
Gravity's Rainbow Shower

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:17, archived)
I don't know what that is and am not sure I want to.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:20, archived)
Sounds sexy

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:52, archived)
To fill a workingbird

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:21, archived)
The Buy-Balls
(male escort guide)
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:22, archived)
The old teste-ment?

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:25, archived)
Some John's letter to the Romans

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:35, archived)
The nosh papyrus

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:48, archived)
The Handjob's Tale

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:59, archived)
Shut up guys

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:10, archived)
:(

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:17, archived)
happy candle day to The Doveston!

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:26, archived)
bit creepy infatuated stalker behaviour here m8

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:27, archived)
happy candles, doves

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:28, archived)
hooray for doves

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:35, archived)
Happy candle day Doveston.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:47, archived)
RIP
Siewert Öholm
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:28, archived)
A Møøse once bit my sister.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:34, archived)


(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:39, archived)

A once bit my sister. ñ
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:47, archived)
Oh ffs

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:48, archived)
ƤɛñŞ

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:48, archived)
i want to break free, i want to break free from your lies you're so self satisfied i don't need you, i've got to break free, godby, godby, i want to break free

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:46, archived)
that moustache really suits you

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:59, archived)
So do the kitteh heels

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:02, archived)
I had to pay £800 to read this post :(

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:07, archived)
Good morning mate.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:47, archived)
morning windy
when are you getting that volvo?
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:00, archived)
Saturday I reckon.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:08, archived)
Are you replacing a Mini
with a Volvo?

*strokes chin*
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:13, archived)
Woah now, I would never own a mini, horrible shite

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:18, archived)
No, you're right
Because that thread is gone I'm unable to refer back to who was banging on about their missues' fucked up Mini yesterday.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:23, archived)
I drink.with blokes who work at the mini plant in Oxford.
No chance I'm touching anything they've been near.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:31, archived)
What makes you think Lars, Lars, Lars and Lars
are going to be any better behaved? They'll just end up naked in the sauna at the end.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:36, archived)
Vlado, kyle and Damon.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:45, archived)
Morning, chaps.
I think I've fractured my toe :(
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:49, archived)
Drop a gearbox on it?

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:52, archived)
Nope.
it's probably gout, or bone cancer or something. All I know for sure is that it hurts like a cunt.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:53, archived)
wd40

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:55, archived)
Cut the foot off.

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:19, archived)
your outer appendages have waged successful separatist movement, it's a breakaway faction
#toexit
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:04, archived)
As someone who has recently had bone breakage
I offer sympathy and I've got a few cocodamol left if you want 'em. And some laxatives - you'd need both...
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:14, archived)
Wedmorns

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:03, archived)
if you like it so much why don't you marry it?

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:13, archived)
No, why dont YOU marry it
*no returns*
(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:24, archived)
I saw you lick it mate, I ain't touching it

(, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:54, archived)
Nice to hear t3h Cult's 'Li'l Devil' on an advert, not heard that for 6.4 yonks
They were my first proper gig in '87. U?

Anything else nice slash yonk related?
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 20:54, archived)
gosh I've read this three times now and I just can't get it to mean anything
hi Richard mcbeef
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:05, archived)
I think he's trying to tell us he hasn't had a slash for yonks.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:06, archived)
oh dear he'll BURST :/
let it go Richard mcbeef, I'm sure you've seen frozen
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:08, archived)
Lesbians the pair of them
www.catholicnews.com/services/englishnews/2016/storks.cfm
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:16, archived)
just thinking of father ted picketing that blasfeemus filum now, thanks mongy

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:23, archived)
The film contains fleeting visuals endorsing homosexual acts and unwed motherhood and some potentially scary situations.





i won't sleep tonight

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:27, archived)
^ risking blindness

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:29, archived)
I'm worried what's worse than bents and whores

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:32, archived)
priests

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:37, archived)
Careful, now.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:40, archived)
down the board with this sort of thing

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:42, archived)
nazis

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:43, archived)
punched

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:44, archived)
my hamster

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:49, archived)
Please, they prefer to be called 'white identitarians' or somesuch, these days.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:58, archived)
Nazis, I mean, not hamsters.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:58, archived)
there's probably quite a few hamsters with nazi tendancies

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 22:00, archived)

i.imgur.com/E1M1SNQ.jpg
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 22:16, archived)
"Not a real hamster"

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 22:31, archived)
I hate top gör

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 22:39, archived)
they're still nazis and ahm gonnae kick the wee bawbag's heeds aff

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 22:00, archived)
he's trying emulate his hero, monster munch

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:22, archived)
hello grrr

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:23, archived)
alrigjt vlad
how are you, out of 10?
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:24, archived)
a moderately dejected and knackered 4

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:25, archived)
Hullo

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:16, archived)
:)

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:24, archived)
Back in the day before x factor shit bands seemed to tour local schools , so I saw the jimi hendrix experience at lunchtime, shit

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:19, archived)
I listened to T3h Cult yesterday during dinner
this makes us bredren of some sort
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:21, archived)
I was still in nappies in 1987.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:21, archived)
^ Ian Watkins

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:22, archived)
That's not very nice.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:44, archived)
PS read this earlier and thought of you. Quite liked the rather scathing comments from the French Translator.
www.sbs.com.au/news/article/2017/01/24/translators-are-struggling-interpret-donald-trump
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:50, archived)
Boomhauer makes more sense than Trump.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 22:53, archived)
I was born in 87

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 21:34, archived)
Feels like we've been in this hospital since 1987.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 22:48, archived)
:(

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 22:50, archived)
Hello wanker's
Richard here. Have you had a pleasant day?
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:21, archived)
Long, boring and tedious.
So yer, not bad.

I did get a bottle of Kraken Rum for my birthday from work. So that was nice.
Might double up as a leaving present if I get this job.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:22, archived)
Spoiler: it's fucking horrible
I bought one in the pub because the bottle and label look great, but fucking hell it was like drinking 1970s kids' medicine.

I have some of this on its way www.thewhiskyexchange.com/p/10914/el-dorado-8-year-old-rum

kraken, schmaken
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:24, archived)
I like Kraken rum.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:46, archived)
Same... Just ignore him.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:03, archived)
PS did you have a good birthday?

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:25, archived)
i bet he had a kraken day

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:01, archived)
Aye it was "ok"
Im off here chateaurhianfa.com/ this weekend to celebrate proper
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:04, archived)
Nice!
Lot of interesting* history stuff on Anglesey

*to me...
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:11, archived)
Looking forward to having a wander about.
Castle Beaumaris on the Sunday.
Canny
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:19, archived)
ibya
ydob
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:28, archived)
Dont speak Russian, soz.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:37, archived)
Kraken Rum
Or crack in bum.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:17, archived)
those 2 things are related

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:20, archived)
Mine's been OK but one of my sinuses is gypping me

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:22, archived)
I read that as "my anus is gripping me"

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:06, archived)
U read right m8

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:15, archived)
so-so
had a row, sorted it, worked out how to pay for a new couch and found the one i want, deleted a few phone numbers and started on the 6th row of my new blanket
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:30, archived)
I'm off to the asian supermarket on my way home
Sichuan chicken is the plan.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:32, archived)
keeping it simple tonight
one pan meal. barley, onions, carrots, chicken, water, boil. nice pan of chicken barley soup with minimal fuss.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:34, archived)
my mother used to make that with roast chicken leftovers, I am very fond of it

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:40, archived)
that's how i was introduced to it
we usually had a massive pan of it on boxing day, made from the leftover turkey
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:43, archived)
s'alright
passports weren't as pricey as I expected cos I only need to pay kid's fees, but the UK one is still 8x the price of the Polish one.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:36, archived)
Oh come on Godby, not this again

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:41, archived)
well hopefully it'll be another 5 years before we have this chat again
and I doubt this moribund flebsite will still be around
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:42, archived)
10 years passports godby,stop lying

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:44, archived)
5 years for infants mongy, stop trolling

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:51, archived)
I wonder how much it'll cost you then?

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:56, archived)
in that post-brexit world it'll be 5 quid to the zloty
rather than the other way around, so I won't give a toss.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:33, archived)
Yes Britain is shit and rubbish, you've mentioned that for years, youre like an ex smoker , boring

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:45, archived)
you're projecting a lot here mongy, are you ok?

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:50, archived)
No ur upset , ffs

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 19:16, archived)
But what will I do then?

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:45, archived)
yank it hard

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:49, archived)
Get a new passport for 80 billion pounds

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:55, archived)
I need to renew mine soon, there's a big fee if I do it via the UK embassy here.
Wife thinks I should renew next time I'm in the UK to save some money, what are the chances they'd completely fuck it up and I'll get stranded there? She knows exactly how fucking useless UK officialdom is, I think she's trying to get rid of me.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:02, archived)
How would you even get into the uk with an expired passport?

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:06, archived)
Oh hang on, worked it out... nvm.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:06, archived)
HUUUUUUUHHH

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:13, archived)
nah, there's no extra fee, mongy checked, it's all lies

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:20, archived)
You never mentioned extra fees godby, you were just as usual having a dig at the UK , eagals blood ffs

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:36, archived)
look, I'm sorry I mentioned it, I didn't realise you were so delicate about all this
and also, that you're thick.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:44, archived)
Oh here we go , again ffs

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:47, archived)
Not sure if that's true, I've gazzed him so I'll know soon enough.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 19:13, archived)
There are additional fees sorry , perhaps you should make a ludicrous comparison

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 19:23, archived)
worse than nazi germany, that sort of thing?

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 19:30, archived)
Yeah why not

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 19:41, archived)
no

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:37, archived)
good

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:41, archived)
Gina miller is such a bitch

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:43, archived)
I've been looking at watches that I can't buy as baselworld is in 2 months , every year I do this

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:47, archived)
I ordered an old jump hour on ebay but now mateyboy is saying he's wound it and it's erratic.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:11, archived)
Erotic more like

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:14, archived)
Erratic, erratic,
put your hands all over my baddie.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 19:18, archived)
At least he is honest, a badly running jump hour would be fucked up

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:37, archived)
Yeah, I thanked him for his honesty, said he'd give it a look today and if not will issue a refund.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 19:20, archived)
You really engage with a jump hour so it needs to be right , seems a reasonable transaction, most watch people are sound, scammers excluded

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 19:39, archived)
Not especially.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:50, archived)
Would you like to see my painting and decorating skills?
...no, thought not.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:04, archived)
Ok plane-o, but it better be good. Or, preferably, laughably shit

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:15, archived)
Last time I done some decorating my then housemate snapped his banjo and sent his missus off to get a cloth.
She returned with one still soaked in turps. I had a good old laugh about that when he told me.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:18, archived)
What sort of decorating involves using your wanger?

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 19:19, archived)
None. It was between coats. I dunno what I was up to. Pub probably.
To answer your question, I'll bet Neil Buchanan has done that to impress a lady.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 19:22, archived)
The outdoor bits from Art Attack were filmed on my school's playing field.
#thatsinteresting
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 19:37, archived)
Been a bit slow which is nice

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 18:20, archived)
Come home to find my eldest has been sent to hospital after his legs seized up for the second evening on the trot.
Expect it'll be a late dinner, for me.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 19:16, archived)
I lost feeling in one of my legs earlier. Walking back from the bog to my desk was difficult.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 19:23, archived)
Did you claim to have been in a really long meeting?

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 19:38, archived)
Autism

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 19:44, archived)
wd40

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 20:21, archived)
well, not punched any nazis, sadly,
mostly just computer programming.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 19:23, archived)
Good, try to keep those violent urges in check

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 19:45, archived)
no
must punch nazis. just not actually met any yet
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 20:03, archived)
It's been a behovely concatenation of eidolics, ontology and chezolagnia.
Thanks for asking.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 19:58, archived)
and wankettes

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 20:45, archived)
Cheers

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:20, archived)
Cheers

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:20, archived)
Cheers

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:40, archived)
cheers

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:07, archived)
Cheers

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 19:32, archived)
Oh man, I'd just insulted your mum.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:21, archived)
She was a saint and I won't have a thread say a bad word about her

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:21, archived)
light him up, Windy.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:23, archived)
This chump doesn't know who he's messing with.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:24, archived)
Pretty sure that's going to go down in b3ta's history as one of the most sadly missed lost threads.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:23, archived)
It was a stone cold classic

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:25, archived)
Stone Cold Steve Austin Metro

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:35, archived)
Kia En Tai

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:43, archived)
Jackie Chan Panel Van
Am I doing this right?
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:54, archived)
I think that's more Cockney rhyming car slang.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:55, archived)
Doink The Clown Car

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:19, archived)
Probably not Joe Strummer's proudest moment

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:26, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/8039364
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:02, archived)
that's funny
cos I read in the gents that she was a herpes infested skank who swallowed black cock like a blue whale swallows krill.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:40, archived)
Oh.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:44, archived)
She filters them through her baleen?

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:47, archived)
RIP car chat

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:38, archived)
and not a moment too soon.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:44, archived)
I wish I could be upset about it
but this place killed all trace of my emotions a long time ago.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:45, archived)

ons cons

;-)
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:57, archived)
so 500 quid for a minor service, no parts replaced and only a 2 year warranty, what a rip off

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:46, archived)
Car Chat 2: The Quickening

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:49, archived)
cars are not my thing

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:52, archived)
mea culpa

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:30, archived)
Thank fuck that's gone
Now for a long in depth discussion about video games and food! :D
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:52, archived)
^^^^

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:55, archived)
Ecco The Dolphin-Friendly Tuna

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:21, archived)
haha

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:35, archived)
Mailstromboli

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:28, archived)
Consolevania is coming back.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:09, archived)
Had to Google that, never heard of it
any good?
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:53, archived)
Yeah, very low-budget, pretty funny.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:10, archived)
can we have a thread about birds we think are fit?

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:58, archived)
A well-turned tern

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:59, archived)
the plumage!

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:59, archived)
A well-titted tit

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:59, archived)
lexi belle

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:59, archived)
no longer does porn

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:05, archived)
Eurasian blue tit

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:59, archived)
titter

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:00, archived)
Corvids are the best birds.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:59, archived)
Now that#s something to crow about!

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:00, archived)
#trending

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:00, archived)
Super fast mega eagle

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:00, archived)
you said it

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:01, archived)
they all died to provide the ink for britains rip off 8 grand each passports

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:01, archived)
:)

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:06, archived)

passports car services
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:19, archived)
Dunno my mate gearbox andy does mine for free , although technically he only does gearboxes now

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:28, archived)
swans fly long distances but look chubby

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:00, archived)
I reckon I could knock a swan out

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:03, archived)
If I catch one, will you fight one.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:08, archived)
My housemates dog used to wind up swans. I always worried I'd get hurt trying to stop a ruck.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:10, archived)
Reminds me...
we've got some ostrich steaks in the freezer
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:00, archived)
pervert

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:05, archived)
I am a heron

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:02, archived)
Gil?

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:02, archived)
no, that's fish

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:27, archived)
do you haev a long neck?

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:06, archived)
Yes

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:08, archived)
thundercougarfalconbird

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:06, archived)
that's a car

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:07, archived)
yeah but there are some eagles under the floorboards

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:10, archived)
Crazylegs Crane

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:12, archived)
i don't like birds
weird scaly feet and beady eyes and unnecessary fluttering in your face
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:20, archived)
How much face fluttering is necessary
strictly speaking?
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:25, archived)
any

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:32, archived)
pervert

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:39, archived)
yes, but that has nothing to do with my dislike of birds
especially budgies.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:42, archived)
+mugglers

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:44, archived)
ew. just ew.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:52, archived)
I've never really recovered from the sight of my dad in his tanga briefs.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:02, archived)
i know the feeling
my dad bought a pair to go on holiday with, our first time in spain. wavy blue sea pattern with a sodding silver dolphin on what passed for a waistband. he lived in the damn things every holiday for the next 15 years!
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:14, archived)
I replied in the wrong place btw, that was meant to be a response to fat balls

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:53, archived)
i didn't know he'd posted

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:02, archived)
Just let them have the fat balls.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:35, archived)
they can have the fattest balls they want, i still don't like them

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:41, archived)
Me neither. I am actually mildly phobic, as is my mother

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:22, archived)
not exactly phobic
but i wouldn't miss them if they were suddenly wiped out.
except chickens, of course.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:29, archived)
Mr Motiavian

(, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:49, archived)

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