morning

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:18, archived)

M3 Reporting
Dark, grey, cold
Mild frost fucking everywhere
People (on pavement) grumpy and disillusioned
Hornyness 73.5%
Magic ability 23.2%
Hummers 2
Dirty fingers are totes allowed


Report in please
( H.B.Mupps, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:23, archived)

what is that supposed to mean?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:24, archived)

Placeholder really

( H.B.Mupps, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:26, archived)

mate
that's just embarrassing
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:35, archived)

The highlight of my day
Is being first to reply to the morning thread
( H.B.Mupps, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:18, archived)

yeah
but morning reports are dead and buried with the account of the tedious bellend who invented them. No need to go digging up the corpse and fucking it in public.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:24, archived)

Awwww....
Fine, might as well get burned bout to watch football then...
( H.B.Mupps, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:33, archived)

And I used to love Dungeons and Dragons

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:39, archived)

used to Dungeons and s +Dildos
( H.B.Mupps, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:47, archived)

+

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:33, archived)

yes, I'm sure it is!
a ha ha ha
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:35, archived)

Clinical trials have shown morning+ to be 35% better for your health

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:07, archived)

86 out of 114 doctors agree, morning+ is the perfect start to the day

( H.B.Mupps, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:34, archived)

Good morning.
It's my real life birthday today.

I am currently enjoying a cooked breakfast in yet another hotel in London.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:39, archived)

I know loads of people with birthdays today
You're now one of them. Congratulations.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:39, archived)

Yeah it's some dudes 40th that I know as well.
Unsurprisingly I haven't been invited to the birthday party. That Cunt owes me money too. Maybe that's why.

Also I think Mark Owen the jizz bucket from Take That, he celebrates his entry to the world as well today. The one and only time he has been half in and half out of a woman's fanny.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:43, archived)

I saw Mark Owen chatting to Busted in the gardens of Broadcasting House once

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:52, archived)

Strikey g
Sucking off
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:11, archived)

You make a mockery of the great penman and bard who composed the auditory masterpiece "4 Minute Warning?"
For shame, spansflams, for shame
( H.B.Mupps, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:46, archived)

Madonna copied him, really...

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:34, archived)

live it up m8. cheers. real candles 4 ya, however many

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:24, archived)

happy birthday spanishfly

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:35, archived)

Happy birthday friendo

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:46, archived)

happy birthday there and all that

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:49, archived)

More ing

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:44, archived)

Less ing, more like!
+Doris
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:51, archived)

Blimey, Vlado has been here 12 years.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:47, archived)

yeah, dunno how we've managed to survive that chirpy twerp's endless positivity this long

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 7:51, archived)

Back off, Vlado is a hero.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:08, archived)

^

( H.B.Mupps, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:35, archived)

you shut your whore mouth

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:03, archived)

13

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:49, archived)

it's a miracle

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:03, archived)

I think I'm dying.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:03, archived)

:'(

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:09, archived)

it's psychosomatic m8

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:09, archived)

I threw up once just after passing my son back to my mental ex after I had been looking after him for the weekend.
My dad was convinced it was psychosomatic, until I was diagnosed with gastric flu.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:12, archived)

Stress always ruins my guts.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:48, archived)

Did you just assume my timezone?
Happy birthday, Mr "I seen a house fly, I seen a crane fly, but I ain't ever seen a" spanishfly.

Get well soon, muncher of monsters.

*guffs*
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:20, archived)

I'm on universal time m8, if you want to be separatist in your timezone preference that's up to you
but don't expect others to pander to your preferences
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:23, archived)

^ kung fu pander

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:28, archived)

At least someone cares.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:47, archived)

aww, poorly piss camel

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:04, archived)

I used to love phoning in sick - the prospect of a day watching videos always cheered me.
Now I just feel guilty, and spend the day worrying that I'm not doing anything productive.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:25, archived)

well you are effectively stealing from the taxpayer

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:28, archived)

Might get a duck house for the garden.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:40, archived)

ok heads down for the final furlong

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:51, archived)

Disgusting

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:54, archived)

the final edward
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:55, archived)

has he been terminated?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:06, archived)

I think that franchise has.
I hope so, anyway.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:43, archived)

Nope. Cameron returning for one last slog.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:58, archived)

Terminator, T2, The Sarah Connor Chronicles.
If he could produce a sequel that follows that continuity, i'd be pleased. Not likely, given that Genisys had his stamp of approval, but I can but dream.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 10:18, archived)

They should do one between T1 and T2. The change in character of Sarah would be an interesting story.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 10:30, archived)

doesn't T1 explain the change in character of Sarah?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 10:38, archived)

It's the final furlong! *dududuuuduuu...dududu du du...*

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:57, archived)

fur sch
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:05, archived)

shit on it

( $$ ✅, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 8:58, archived)

I'd shit in your mouth and wipe my arse with your nose m8

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:05, archived)

they're celebrating chinese new year in my office by giving out chopsticks as you walk in
lol, one guy walked in and said "oh, chinese new year is it? konichiwa!"
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:00, archived)

pfft

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:05, archived)

Get your knob out
If anyone complains, point out it's Year Of The Cock
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:07, archived)

I have a feeling it's your year this year grrrry.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:44, archived)

Brilliant.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:09, archived)

lol

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:12, archived)

I love your office
everything they do seems so non-pc
( $$ ✅, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:15, archived)

did i tell you about the time someone blacked up at an office party?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:18, archived)

ha!

( $$ ✅, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:21, archived)

Oh, that's brilliant.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:21, archived)

It's not racist if you're African and appropriating the white man's memes

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:37, archived)

i am a strong, african, female at heart
despite looking like a white, middle class, male
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:53, archived)

Alright
750ml bottles of Speckled Hen for a quid at Tesco. I bought 23. *hic*
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:12, archived)

are they filled with piss or something? That's mental cheap.

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:14, archived)

Christmas labelling
that's it. Insane.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:15, archived)

that's lunch sorted

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:32, archived)

*buurrrrp*

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:34, archived)

you get your fill, m8

( $$ ✅, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:17, archived)

The golden hen was priced the same
If they've still got some next time I go in, I'm having the lot
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:18, archived)

you get it all
you've earned it
( $$ ✅, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:23, archived)

I work hard, dammit
actually got a decent apparaisal this year. Well, better than last year, anyway.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:24, archived)

is that where they assess your clothing?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:29, archived)

Yeah
I made some bold style choices last autumn, and they've really paid off
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:30, archived)

Plaid off, more like!

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:44, archived)

oh SNAP!

( H.B.Mupps, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 10:38, archived)

you won't find the solution at the bottom of a bottle

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:30, archived)

^isn't looking hard enough

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:31, archived)

What if the question is "what is at the bottom of this bottle?"

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:46, archived)

good point

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:47, archived)

Golden Hen is lush,
but it's not really the weather for it, right now.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:41, archived)

Sometimes niiiine and sometimes ten, yo

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:57, archived)

A pox on you and your access to great beer at ludicrous prices.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 27 Jan 2017, 9:44, archived)

It's alright. I'll do it.
How was your day chums?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 26 Jan 2017, 17:35, archived)

Long and arduous

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 17:42, archived)

Sorry to hear that

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:32, archived)

Trainers turned up so I'm up the pub giving them a test drive

( mongychops, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 17:44, archived)

Nice.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:32, archived)

long, tiring and very cold
going home shortly for chicken and mushroom risotto
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 17:47, archived)

It was cold today.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:32, archived)

Got contacted by a headhunter
Suddenly evaluating whether I want to change jobs or not.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:20, archived)

Pros and cons...
GO!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:25, archived)

I currently work from home and I have pretty much zero management above me
However, this new job is a proper contract (not a contractor) so should have paid leave in there too. Of course, it needs to have a pay rise too, but so far I've got zero info to go on.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:28, archived)

I get contacted by recruitment agencies too

( mongychops, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:33, archived)

"please stop harrassing our secretary"

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:41, archived)

What sort of thing would it be? Similar to where you are now?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:34, archived)

Very similar job, yeah
It's just a matter of finding out if it's a serious offer or another "ho ho ho Eastern Europeans will work for cabbages" ploy.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:40, archived)

I don't like cabbage.
I've been considering an office job recently. All this buggering about with fixing stuff is a pain, could do with bossing some people around again.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 26 Jan 2017, 18:42, archived)

Go mobile, free van and on your own
/ac
( mongychops, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:03, archived)

not bad actually,
despite having do filthy Javascript
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:31, archived)

Urgh.
I had to write some js about a month ago that removed inline style properties to make things work on modern browsers 'cos they were generated in closed-source libraries. I felt like a cowboy.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:34, archived)

yeah at least i'm not doing web stuff

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:57, archived)

Why are you doing js then? It's not that weird server-side js is it?

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 20:05, archived)

it's a node.js front-end on our virtual reality engine,
for educational use, i'm not sure exactly how much i'm allowed to say about it but it's being demoed at The Bett Show this week so i guess i'm allowed to say at least that much.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 20:11, archived)

Ah right, didn't know node could be used to do ui stuff outside of the web.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 20:16, archived)

yeah it's just a Javascript engine,
you can bind it to anything you want

it beats me how it got so popular though, it's a bloody awful language. but it does have the advantage now of a really low barrier to entry, since anyone with a web browser can code something, it's a bit like the BASICs of the 1980s that were built into home computers, in that respect
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 20:19, archived)

Yeah I'm not a fan. Don't like the ambiguity of it all.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 20:25, archived)

server-side scripting with no type system is a minefield,
mission critical apps can end up doing such stupid things because of a basic typo, and impossible to debug.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 20:27, archived)

Yes.
I'm trying to find an excuse to automate something for work in python so I can learn it; being arsed to do so in my own time is proving difficult.

Far too busy fucking around with a pro*c compiler issue/bug at the moment though. If/when I get a new job I will make sure it has nothing to do with Oracle.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 20:36, archived)

i'm all up on the C++14, personally,
it's great stuff, Rvalue references, mmm
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 20:46, archived)

I don't mind c. It's oracle lumbering under everything like a fucking bridge troll that I take issue with.
Solaris is just awkward as well imo.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 20:50, archived)

The US press secretary has accidentally tweeted his password *twice*. Lol.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:32, archived)

*twice* is a shit password

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:39, archived)

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:41, archived)

So's that

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:43, archived)

Please desist.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:46, archived)

esist yaaky
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:56, archived)

hunter13

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 20:09, archived)

Fake news

( mongychops, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 19:56, archived)

Noo fred innit.
A friend of mine's just won her case on appeal because her owners' association took her to court for installing a boiler that 'defaced the exterior of the residence', when she in fact replaced the previous highly visible black chimney cap with an invisible white chimney cap and let the vegetation grow over it, thus improving the exterior of the residence. Most spurious legal claims thread.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:22, archived)

Where are you that there's a HOA?
They sound like bollocks. The whole point of owning a property is that you're not behest to other cunts like landlords and then you end up with some twat drunk on power having a benny because you didn't mow your lawn that week.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:27, archived)

EXACTLY.
This was my reaction too. Chaining yourself to a bank for 20 years and still not being able to do what you want with your own property is the ultimate pisstake.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:43, archived)

And I take it there's no way to tell the jumped up Come Dine with Me hopefuls to get fucked?
Remind me whereabouts in the country this is so I can add it to my list of places to stay away from
( H.B.Mupps, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:44, archived)

They lost, twice in a row, and now owe my friend over €2000 in fees and damages.
Not that that's going to slow them down one bit.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:46, archived)

In the US they can get a lien on your property and evict you for heinous crimes such as parking your car on your drive overnight.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:51, archived)

that's just taking the absolute piss
not to mention the toilet, sink, shower cubicle and entire fucking bathroom
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 16:31, archived)

i don't want aliens on my property

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 17:02, archived)

well no
I'm fairly sure the point of owning a property is having a tangible asset that maintains a decent percentage of its value over time, rather than spunking cash on rent that ends up solely in someone else's pocket over your lifetime.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:49, archived)

By which I mean
I own my flat but can't do much, if anything, to the external appearance of it.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:50, archived)

What you've described is standard for shared buildings etc.
These go beyond that, or even deeds on a normal property.

They're basically like letting Neighbourhood Watch write extra rules that they can fine or evict you for. Like not mowing your lawn or parking your car on your own drive.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:55, archived)

Is it one of those daft Barrett-type estates where the developers never sold the access road
so they potentially count as Interested Parties or however it's phrased these days? Fuck 'em.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:56, archived)

They're more a us thing. I'm only going by what I've read on the internet,
I don't think you get them in the UK.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:03, archived)

plenty of places refuse to allow property owning tradesmen to park their vans on the new builds, i think even the government was going to get involved

( mongychops, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:06, archived)

Is that in the deeds or saink? I don't see how else they could stop you.
Pretty shit and snobby either way.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:11, archived)

i think with many new build estates they are still run by a management agency and you agree to abide by their rules

( mongychops, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:14, archived)

Hyacinth Bucket would be proud.
If you park an inch outside the space exactly in front of your house in Luxembourg, your neighbour comes outside and bitches at you (as happened to the same friend as in the original post).
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:11, archived)

what's white and invisible?
your mate's chimney cap
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:29, archived)

he'

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:43, archived)

shouldn't really let stuff grow over your boiler flue, as for the legal bit, dunno

( mongychops, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:29, archived)

We floored over the floor-vent in our gaff. Matey doing the gas inspection didn't like that.
But also said you couldn't fit floor vents any more. My landlord found another gas safe bloke who reckoned you still could.

It was all academic really as that place was draughty as fuck.

#thatsinterestingbarry
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:34, archived)

if you have an gas fire i believe it's a requirement to have a floor vent

( mongychops, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:37, archived)

The guy said wall ones are preferable now because the vents/airbricks below the floor around the building can get blocked with leaves, plants etc.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:41, archived)

oh yeah, it should be a hole cut into the nearest wall i think, you must have that, but i think with the decorative basket style open gas fires it requires a floor vent too, i might be well out of date years since i did a gas course

( mongychops, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:44, archived)

They sound like a great bunch of people to have around
Christ alive...

Although to get into the spirit of the thread - Never had any legal issues really. Definitely nothing that's required court action.
( H.B.Mupps, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:42, archived)

They're known over here as the worst cunts in the property industry.
A few years ago I had a brief fling with a girl who worked in construction, and she told me their reputation among industry insiders was also of being the worst cunts in the property industry.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:45, archived)

I had no idea
I mean, sure there's what Grrry was getting at, the whole "having a tangible asset that maintains a decent percentage of its value over time" thing, but I assumed when / if I finally got on the property ladder I wouldn't have to deal with other people's opinions on how my house should look
( H.B.Mupps, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:57, archived)

The whole thing's just an outrageous racket.
If you buy a house, you're fine. If you buy a flat, you become a member of an owners' association and have to shell out every year for association fees, upkeep fees, management fees, and a fee for not being able to do a damned thing to your own property without everyone else voting on it first.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:00, archived)

that's standard practice on leaseholds

( mongychops, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:08, archived)

leaseholds are a bit of a racket anyway imo.
In Scotland you buy the gaff for life and just pay factor fees or set up joint ownership.

It does have it's own problems. Good luck trying to get everyone to pay to fix the roof if you're the top flat.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:13, archived)

i've often enjoyed it in multi tenanted office blocks when major works are required like new lifts throughout and they start crying as they have to pay not the landlord, you silly cunts you use the lifts and wore them out

( mongychops, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:17, archived)

Pisser if you buy a flat and the council suddenly decide they're replacing the windows though, eh?

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:19, archived)

yeah but you got a cheap place, there's a road near me that has houses made of metal, many have been bought, 10 odd years ago the council decided to make them much nicer and upvc cladded them, now the metal houses are odd looking

( mongychops, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:28, archived)

There's some of those metal clad houses round here. They look horrid.
Especially when they get rusty marks running down them.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:39, archived)

Houses with skidmarks.
Classy.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:40, archived)

my dad and i were the first people to pebbledash one......it was a big job as they are corrugated, so you had to batten out the dips, using self tapping screws, then mesh the whole lot before rendering, i was surprised it worked but it did

( mongychops, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:49, archived)

There's some tenements getting the harling done near me. Apart from one in the block that isn't.
Must be private and the guy's refused or something.

Wait so you put the pebbledash on top of the metal sheets?
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:53, archived)

yep, 2" batten in the low gaps you can see, a form of chicken wire stretched over, then a good render, then dashed, worked great, did about 8 or so i think
photos.mouseprice.com/media/expertagent/111/560/97/mediafile-6557587.jpg
( mongychops, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:59, archived)

Why didn't they just take the metal off and roughcast what was underneath?

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 16:00, archived)

nothing underneath, these are metal houses

( mongychops, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 16:02, archived)

Ah, always assumed it was just a veneer type deal.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 16:04, archived)

nah these are solid, they were a cheap pre fab bexley council idea for troubled families back in the 60s i think

( mongychops, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 16:15, archived)

In my first flat
I went to the owners meeting to get permission to block up the recessed balcony, cos 5 of the 8 flats had already done it and it would be handy for extending the kitchen.

Got their approval, drew up the plans, took them to the council for a stamp, council said no "cos no-one else in the building has it, it would look daft".

I told him 5 other flats had, he said his paperwork said otherwise, but now I'd declared intent and he'd declined it he'd be keeping an eye on the property "because I know what you foreigners are like".
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:53, archived)

WTF?
A few months ago I had a genuine real-life episode of shed chat with my neighbour, who expounded about how you need planning permission if your shed covers more than eleven square metres on the ground, and "the council don't bother checking but you never know when somebody might tip them off", hint hint I'm a grumpy old tosser.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:58, archived)

One of my mates grew up in ruralish parts.
One of the farmers tried building a house inside a massive barn and leaving it there so it passed the window where the council could make him tear it down.

Someone shopped him with a few years to go.

I don't think there are any good people in this story really.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:01, archived)

Reminds me of that story where the woman of African descent built a tribal mud hut in her garden.
Honouring her ancestors, indulging in a bit of nostalgia, that sort of thing. Someone shopped her to the council even though it wasn't blocking anyone's right to light and she had to tear it down. Honestly. Who the fuck cares?
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:06, archived)

Some people are just pricks.
My folks had a conservatory with a woodburner put in. Their back neighbours could see the flue running up the side of the house. They've been twats ever since.

The guy lied to the council and said he was running a dodgy business from the garage. Some inspector turned up and my dad opened the garage to show a garage you can barely move around for standard garage crap like dingys, old wardrobes, bikes, old toys etc.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:18, archived)

Was he running a dodgy dingy business?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:22, archived)

Yes, although it went under because he lived in the west midlands.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:23, archived)

So you're saying he couldn't keep it afloat?

( H.B.Mupps, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:45, archived)

I've heard this story from a few people.
I think it's probably bollocks.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:31, archived)

I remember this being in the news a while back.
Someone built a house to look like a barn and applied for retrospective planning permission on the basis that it had been up for 10 years. Council told them to fuck off 'cos owners had lied about the purpose of the building.
(Roger McGough-Pipe, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:40, archived)

he surrounded it with a haystack
so you couldn't see it. Unless you were in a helicopter.
( $$ ✅, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 16:15, archived)

he's right, immigrants never play fair by the rules

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:05, archived)

the wankers should be killed

( $$ ✅, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:05, archived)

it was my fault for trying to do things by the book, apparently
Most of the other cunts don't evwn own their flats; they're lifetime tenants in city properties so just did what they wanted.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:27, archived)

Thinking of changing my name to "Blade Lotus"

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:21, archived)

I sincerely hope you mean via deed poll rather than on here.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:22, archived)

well both
my real name is Twomothy Hatsington
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:23, archived)

Are you sure it isn't Twomothy Threadjackson?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:36, archived)

Yes

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 15:41, archived)

this makes me glad i rent

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 16:21, archived)

new thread
just found an out of date condom in my wallet. What should you chuck out cos it's past its best?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:13, archived)

put it on your head far enough to cover your nostrils and blow out of them

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:16, archived)

I'm not a student any more
also, I don't want my hair to smell of spermicidal gel
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:17, archived)

better than smelling of sperm tbh

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:27, archived)

Posh wank it is then.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:35, archived)

if it's an out of date johnny
maybe it's a Vintage Wank, which by association becomes a Hipster Wank?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:50, archived)

I reckon you'd need a Kay's catalogue or something for that.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:52, archived)

Only if you're wanking ironically

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:52, archived)

Ahh, Eurotrash.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:57, archived)

I wonder if anyone did an honest wank over Lolo Ferrari
or were they all ironic?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 13:30, archived)

Do you think the new wallet you're going to buy will come with a fresh condom in it?
To answer your question: TRUMP! Ha ha, lolitics, etc.

I should bin these trainers I'm wearing and get a new pair, because they're showing increasingly frequent signs of falling apart.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:17, archived)

no, the wallet did not come with a condom in it
and I won't put one in there since the old one clearly served no purpose.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:18, archived)

Stretch it over your ear
and tell people it's to prevent you getting hearing aids.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:19, archived)

aural sex etc

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:25, archived)

b3ta
amiright?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:17, archived)

no m8

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:18, archived)

All that poor quality sperm that is undoubtedly collecting in my balls.
The BT HomeHub 3 that is collecting dust at the back of a draw.

I don't think the two things are in anyway related.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:19, archived)

caccioppoli.com/Madonna%20and%20Child/Mantegna%20Andrea%20virgin-and-child-4499.jpg
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:32, archived)

Oh dear.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:45, archived)

love

( $$ ✅, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:24, archived)

as Roxette sang,
Mustard Bean Love
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:26, archived)

Your mum

( mongychops, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:34, archived)

she's too good for you anyway

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 12:39, archived)

Why not use it for a posh wank? Seems a bit of a waste otherwise.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 14:16, archived)

morning

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 6:44, archived)

Mornholes
My car has an issue of some form, feel free to invent one and talk about it at length
( H.B.Mupps, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 7:11, archived)

it's gay and loves you but hates the fact you won't reciprocate

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 7:14, archived)

Yeah lets go with that
I tried lightly kicking a wheel but that didn't work, and the garage is charging £60k to fix it
( H.B.Mupps, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 7:18, archived)

you can buy an aftermarket arsehole on ebay
Bolt it to the boot and show it who's boss. Careful though, they come in imperial or metric sizes depending on whether your willy is British or European.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 7:25, archived)

How can I tell what mine is? Is there some sort of serial number somewhere?

( H.B.Mupps, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:26, archived)

measure it from base to tip with a ruler that does both cm and inches
and tell us the closest whole number.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:30, archived)

1

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:33, archived)

This is tough
Can I round down?
( H.B.Mupps, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:35, archived)

don't ask me m8, I'm not Vorderman

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:37, archived)

Disc sander wank, using your own ejaculate as a grinding paste?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:43, archived)

#infest, #openingsong

( H.B.Mupps, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:43, archived)

Twelve inch vinyl m8

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:46, archived)

the clutch needs replacing

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:34, archived)

That's what the garage said, but based on Grrry's input I think they're trying to mug me off

( H.B.Mupps, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:49, archived)

Clutches can go wrong in many ways
so while most people think it's the friction plate ($$$) that's worn out, it's sometimes just the thrust bearing or slave cylinder, which are pennies in comparison. Slave can be swapped in an hour by a spastic, but the thrust bearing still needs the whole 'box dropped and that takes most of a day, and mechanics charge in pounds of flesh per hour.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:57, archived)

lol thrust

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:03, archived)

i put my car in because the clutch was slipping
but the day before i was due to take it in the clutch stopped slipping and it seems fine now, mechanic said it's fine too, dunno what that was about
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:09, archived)

Sometimes you get a bit of oil on the plate that can be burnt off with time
Sometimes it's just ghosts.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:13, archived)

divine intervention by Jesus

( $$ ✅, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:13, archived)

Hi there

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 26 Jan 2017, 7:43, archived)

^peter gabriel

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 7:49, archived)

Genesis with Gabo or without?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:01, archived)

Not heard the early albums so cannot comment

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:06, archived)

I'm sure someone will be along in a minute with the right opinion.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:15, archived)

www.joeydevilla.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2012/09.gif
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:57, archived)

right back atcha

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 7:49, archived)

Meaurningue
Everyone's flipping out in the office and ah cannae concentrate on anything.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:21, archived)

First there was hot desking, then standing desks, now they've got you doing gymnastics?
Christ, office culture has vanished up its own arse
( H.B.Mupps, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:27, archived)

Is that a metric or an imperial arse?
Last night's systema did mean I woke up stiff as a board, though, so maybe there is a gymnastics connection.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:30, archived)

Pancakes round the water cooler

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:35, archived)

Yesterday actually did feature an episode of pancake chat in the office.
Viz. the difference between crêpes and American breakfast pancakes and what the word 'pancake' on a sandwich shop menu would mean to an international audience.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:42, archived)

I think the only sensible next step is to take in an assault rifle and end everyone's misery

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:44, archived)

Bring your gun to work day?

( H.B.Mupps, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:50, archived)

Americans have been doing pancakes wrong for years

( H.B.Mupps, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:50, archived)

Pancakes in a sandwich?
Lunacy.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:05, archived)

Lunacy TURTLE POWER
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:36, archived)

talk about hot desking, someone spilt hot tea all over my desk yesterday whilst i was out of office
they've ruined my notes and made it all sticky, i am unhappy
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:41, archived)

This would never have happened if your colleague didn't take sugar.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:43, archived)

i hate people who put sugar in tea and coffee
i hate them so much
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:45, archived)

^
At least once you rise to power it'll be a good indicator of which ones to gas first
( H.B.Mupps, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:47, archived)

who put sugar in tea and coffee
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:03, archived)

get you, still using paper for notes in the 21st century
FOR SHAME
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:58, archived)

office politics are great
I love gossip about people I don't know
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:38, archived)

This particular gossip is extra-specially dull.
My boss's son was bullied at school, freaked out and is now seeing a psychiatrist in hospital. So every day I come to work without knowing whether my boss is going to a) be there at all; b) have to leave early; c) burst into tears; or d) all of the above.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:45, archived)

Have you considered playing on her vulnerabilities and have an ill-advised affair?
alt: his
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:50, archived)

I have considered that, especially as she's an attractive woman.
Having affairs with your hierarchical superiors is, however, an excellent way to get the sack if things go sour.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:51, archived)

Fuck it, you probably hate your career anyway

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:53, archived)

as the junior, you can claim sexual harassment and get her fired
then get promoted in her stead.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:59, archived)

Like Michael Douglas with Demi Moore in Disclosure?
I've got her husband's work e-mail and phone too, so there's always the blackmail option as well.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:12, archived)

exactly like that
and if they reject it, claim sexual discrimination from a man-hating HR department and sue them too
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:14, archived)

Morning
I made it with 1 minute to spare of my b3taday yesterday.

How very fashionable.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:21, archived)

Belated happy candles, spanflam

( H.B.Mupps, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:28, archived)

oh, i missed mine
can everyone pretend it's today and wish me a happy b3taday plz
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:37, archived)

happy candles, The Doveston

( H.B.Mupps, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:42, archived)

happiest of days, t-duvz
we here at the b3ta organisation are very pleased with everything you're doing
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:05, archived)

Daily News Quiz! Who's candle day is it today?
That's right, it's The Doveston's! 1/1 You can have your cake and eat it ^{or some other trite BBC-approved score-related pun}
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:15, archived)

huh, mine's coming up soon
I'll be a tweenager
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:39, archived)

happy candles, doves

( $$ ✅, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:53, archived)

thx hun, feelin' the love here today xxx

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 8:57, archived)

Late reply from your old pal monster munch.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:03, archived)

Morning MoMu
Wrestling with autocorrect again?
( H.B.Mupps, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:04, archived)

cor e
( $$ ✅, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:06, archived)

Back up the hospital, sitting on a plastic chair in a draft.
Lovely way to spend a morning.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:07, archived)

I missed something
Why are you in the hospital?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:10, archived)

wotchamate monmun

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:09, archived)

morning piss camel

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 26 Jan 2017, 9:10, archived)

Anyone in?

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 23:59, archived)

Oh it's THAT DAY

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 23:59, archived)

I've just consumed so much whiskey, Haggis, neeps and tatties that I got sent to hospital.
I'm in the burns unit.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:09, archived)

mcpfffft

( vladimir, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:11, archived)

genticists have engineered a spider that can spin silk yarn for sewing straight out of its anus
they've trademarked it SHIT THREAD
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:14, archived)

^upset

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:15, archived)

Indyrefxit will put a stop to these shit puns

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:16, archived)

It's this sort of typical English entitlement that makes the Scots want to chance it alone.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:18, archived)

I know a man with a wooden haggis with the name of smith

( vladimir, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:21, archived)

I did actually have Haggis for my tea.
I microwaved it; if Rob Burns were still alive he'd probably punch me in the face for that.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:23, archived)

no I think he'd write an amusing poem about the adventure of the haggis in some whacky dialect what no-one can pronounce no more innit

( vladimir, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:31, archived)

wee metalic sleekit pingorous beastie
in kitchen corner, you heat ma' feastie
( vladimir, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:31, archived)

hot ice lollies is a thing

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:35, archived)

Fuck off, really!?
What a magical future we live in
( H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:57, archived)

i got it deep fried from the chippy

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:38, archived)

The spicy ones are quite nice tbf.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:40, archived)

How does he smell?

( H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:56, archived)

I'm Welsh you dick

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:29, archived)

Well go and burn some holiday homes in solidarity.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:37, archived)

hahaha
*applause*
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:38, archived)

Ah, this explains why so many people were wearing kilts this evening

(Roger McGough-Pipe, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:47, archived)

Why are you not drinking whisky?

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:58, archived)

FUCK

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 22:02, archived)

Oh well as excused go, that's a reasonable one.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 23:07, archived)

oh man, rhumbled

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 22:02, archived)

Crivens.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:59, archived)

The only burns I celebrate are Mr. Burns
and Gordon Burns
( $$ ✅, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 23:03, archived)

media.giphy.com/media/InEgmsG7PN6M0/giphy.gif
( $$ ✅, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 23:04, archived)

Boo-urns?

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 23:14, archived)

I tried haggis today, lovely
Forgot to buy whiskey tho
( Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 23:22, archived)

2016 just claimed another victim.
www.nytimes.com/2017/01/25/arts/television/mary-tyler-moore-dead.html?_r=0
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 23:36, archived)

The wife has one of her crone friends over to talk about babies
so I'm in my masturbatorium with a bottle of red. What would you do in this situation?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:41, archived)

ask how much they think a healthy baby would go for on ebay
that should shift her
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:44, archived)

I'd probably at least show face so I don't look like one of those weird socially brokenn other halfs who hides at the opposite end of the house whenever my missus has guests.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:45, archived)

I've plated the biscuits and opened the wine and said my pleasantries and bid them a pleasant evening

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:49, archived)

plated the biscuits opened a box of ritz crackers
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:01, archived)

opened the wine wiped the top of the meths bottle on my t-shirt
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 22:13, archived)

I'd probably socialise like a normal human being.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:52, archived)

yeah, an evening chatting about babies sounds like a great laugh

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:39, archived)

Inability to relate to other people is a sign of autism

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:27, archived)

Welcome to the internet.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:29, archived)

out loud laughing at these 2 posts here
cheers
( vladimir, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:43, archived)

^ has a right laugh here

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:50, archived)

it's the only reason I still come here, well that and the pet shop boys chat

( vladimir, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:56, archived)

:(

( mongychops, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 20:02, archived)

and because of you mongychops xxxxx
( vladimir, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 20:02, archived)

Inearly delete my profile u hi don't no

( mongychops, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 20:09, archived)

wat

( vladimir, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:12, archived)

o rly?
just those reasons, eh?
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 20:41, archived)

d'aww looook

( vladimir, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 21:12, archived)

there's a big difference between being emotionally detached
and being bored off your tits by discussions of nappy preference.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:32, archived)

You do you. Seems weird to me.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:41, archived)

Tbf if two women and two babies were in my house I would be out , selling over priced passports

( mongychops, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:51, archived)

This is why I'm very pleased to not have kids.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Jan 2017, 20:09, archived)

throwing around accusations of autism when you've never been subject to two mothers nattering
For shame, windy
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 20:11, archived)

I apologise

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Jan 2017, 20:22, archived)

Thank you Dr , I always worried why I don't give a shit about you cunts

( mongychops, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:38, archived)

Talk to girls?
Eurgh!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:27, archived)

I'd get rid of the red and get a proper drink
only poofs drink red wine
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:58, archived)

well, then I'm a poof

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:44, archived)

wrong, as usual
although this particular red wine is rather shit.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 20:06, archived)

Get a divorce

( mongychops, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:06, archived)

and turn out like you?
no thanks
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:35, archived)

It's certainly a sad exitance I live , might top myself

( mongychops, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:44, archived)

+lager

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:51, archived)

You go to far sometimes, reported to the mods

( mongychops, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:00, archived)

torch the house

( $$ ✅, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:12, archived)

I like this house
it's just Mumsnet edition LARPing I can't stand
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:02, archived)

post gifs
i.imgur.com/NGZ1T40.gifv
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:17, archived)

solid plan
that's how I roll
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:39, archived)

GO NORTH

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:22, archived)

The pet shop boy's are just phoning it in these days.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:23, archived)

leave the pet shop boys aloooone

( vladimir, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 19:44, archived)

Whinge on dadsnet

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:23, archived)

fannycup

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:24, archived)

the thing is they do actually have a contraption for that don't they, when you think about it.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:24, archived)

feminine wipes?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:48, archived)

AIBU?

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 18:24, archived)

I need a new wallet, this one's falling apart
What do you need to replace?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:38, archived)

My PC chair
Luckily I just bought another one, hopefully it'll arrive over the weekend
( H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:42, archived)

I want a new drug
one that won't make me sick,
One that won't make me crash my car,
or make me feel three feet thick.
( $$ ✅, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:45, archived)

Ooh, you'll love this one.
I actually need to replace my wallet, because this one's falling apart.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:45, archived)

I need a couple of new pairs of black work jeans.
I spotted a small hole in the back pocket last time I came to wash one pair. My wallet/change must have worn it through.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:53, archived)

i need a new wallet too, this one's got no money in it

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:53, archived)

hey you are young and funky, what hoody should i get my daughter for her birthday

( mongychops, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:02, archived)

i sure am, daddy-o
go here, type in literally anything she likes and you'll be able to get it on a hoodie and you'll be a hero
www.redbubble.com/shop/womens-hoodies?cat_context=w-tees&ref=global-nav-menu&style=whoodie
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:04, archived)

and i mean anything
here's one for you: www.redbubble.com/people/doug-dx/works/6172880-carp-carp-carp?grid_pos=6&p=t-shirt&style=mhoodie
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:05, archived)

Cool ta, I'll have to find out what she likes, I'll Google how to pleasure a 14 year old girl

( mongychops, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:07, archived)

can't possibly go wrong
isn't 'supernatural' a thing that teenage girls like?
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:10, archived)

Don't think she's mentioned it , she likes American horror story or saink

( mongychops, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:12, archived)

there's a popular design from that. i see a lot of students in them
www.redbubble.com/people/drtees/works/23477299-normal-people-scare-me?grid_pos=5&p=t-shirt&style=mhoodie
probably available elsewhere for cheaper if you have a scout about
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:23, archived)

Ta I'll get one of those from amazon

( mongychops, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:33, archived)

ebay 9.99, i'll have to get some more hoodies

( mongychops, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:54, archived)

^savvy consumer

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:16, archived)

vy ile
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:20, archived)

Wife and kids

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:59, archived)

my life

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:14, archived)

My work boots are a bit of a mess

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:27, archived)

I've had to run out and replace tonight's dinner, as the joint of pork I was about to cook was past it's Best Before Date, and stank to high heaven.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:37, archived)

how far gone past the best before date?

( $$ ✅, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:37, archived)

2 days.
Might have been okay, but you can't be too careful with pork, and it really did stink.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:39, archived)

damn, I'd had that

( $$ ✅, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:43, archived)

If I weren't intending to feed the kids with it, I'd have given it a go.
Got a fresh bit in to cook, now - not done pulled pork before, so fingers crossed.
#foodchat
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:45, archived)

I've done it in the slow cooker before. It's a piece of piss.
Pro-tip: Stick blend and maybe reduce the juices slightly to dip the baps in.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:46, archived)

lol baps

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:47, archived)

Might boil it down to a sauce, if time permits.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:51, archived)

I once tried a recipe that involved cooking/marinating it in irn bru.
It wasn't very nice but the pork was still edible when kept away from the juice so no harm done.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:54, archived)

Old friend of mine used to swear by cooking chicken in a mixture of cola and powdered mushroom soup.
I could never bring myself to find out if he was just pulling my leg.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:56, archived)

Never tried it, but it would seem cooking a chicken with a beer can with a couple of cm of beer left in it shoved up its arse seems quite a common thing.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:01, archived)

take a long hard think about the life of that pig, who was bred, fed and slaughtered just for your consumption
and you've just chucked its entire life's purpose in the bin for being a bit whiffy.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:43, archived)

Only its shoulder.
Unless there's a three-limbed pig, hobbling around some farmyard, I'm sure the rest of it went to a good home.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:47, archived)

You're in for a visit from Þorgeir’s Pig.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:52, archived)

?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:54, archived)

Þorgeir’s Bull is an Icelandic folk tale
about a wizard who creates a bull monster to scare people and do his bidding, but the bull has an eternal hatred of the wizard and humanity in general for giving him a broken and misshapen body. Annie Proulx used the tale as inspiration for "The Half-Skinned Steer".
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:02, archived)

That's basically the plot of Ex Machina.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:35, archived)

True, and another excellent film.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:36, archived)

I guess, looking at typical stylistic film cycles (30-40 years) the 70's 'paranoia' genre is due a comeback.
Black Mirror clearly borrows a lot from them, and links them to our relationship with more modern technology.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:40, archived)

Here's hoping.
There are some major classics in that genre. Also, I must get myself some DVDs of Black Mirror, as I can't be arsed to download it all am an upstanding law-abiding citizen.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:43, archived)

Just get netflix m8. they're all on that.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:51, archived)

Ta for this idea; I've just looked into it.
I always thought Netflix was mega-expensive but it's only €10 a month apparently. How does it work anyway? Do you need a box to watch from your PC? I don't have a telly.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:19, archived)

You go on the flebsite and choose what to watch if on PC
On a tablet or phone you use the app to do the same
( H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:32, archived)

^
If you've got a high-res monitor use Edge or whatever they're calling IE now as they're still using silverlight and it'll only output 720p on Chrome et al.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:37, archived)

Really?
Huh, you learn something new erryday
( H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:49, archived)

You have now been tagged as "Netflix expert".

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:52, archived)

rob would have had it

( mongychops, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 13:44, archived)

my couch
had the old one for 10 years, one leg has had to be replaced by 3 books
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 14:52, archived)

But then you'll replace it and miss the worn/dented bit you usually sat in.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:11, archived)

not really
i'm replacing it with one exactly the same, apart from the colour. also, the new one will have the kind of back support this one had when i got it
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:15, archived)

I'm 6'3. Finding sofa's with acceptable back-support can be challenging.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:40, archived)

lol tall

( H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:50, archived)

you're a foot taller than me, then
finding sofas i can afford can be challenging
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 15:51, archived)

lol small

( H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 16:00, archived)

5"3 isn't small
it's average
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 16:10, archived)

sure it is, thumbelina

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 16:19, archived)

In China maybe :P

( H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 17:07, archived)

For some reason, the morning thread appears to have run out of steam today.
Here, then, is a fresh thread. Best or worst experiences having someone as a houseguest?
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:12, archived)

I made Aardvark a full English when he came to stay, and I never saw him again
That's just rude.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:15, archived)

Shocking.
I reckon he knew he'd have to make you one in return if he saw you again, and he knew his full English was no patch on yours.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:18, archived)

It wasn't a blinder of a breakfast by any means
You can't get the right sausages over here.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:32, archived)

Yeah, I have the same problem.
You can't find British bangers anywhere as far as I can tell. There used to be an English shop that sold them, for a hefty mark-up, but they closed down five years ago or so.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:34, archived)

I frequently buy them just to keep them in the freezer for ages and then throw them away.
Hope this helps.
( Kroney, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:35, archived)

I must have thrown away about three-quarters of all the bananas I've ever bought.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:41, archived)

Pro tip:
Over-ripe bananas make an excellent banana and cranberry loaf.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:49, archived)

Or thrown into a clip top jar with oats, milk, and yoghurt (equal ish ratios), maybe a tiny pinch of salt
And you have some good overnight oats
( H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:52, archived)

you guys are really putting me off my Huel

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:53, archived)

I quite like just apple and cinnamon with my overnight oats.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:55, archived)

Nicely
I bought cranberries yesterday, so that's good timing.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 11:16, archived)

WID DER TANKS AN DER GONS

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 11:18, archived)

I shit myself in a bed while staying at a mates house.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:23, archived)

Were you staying at McBeef's?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:26, archived)

^ heroin addict

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:32, archived)

Alright, Spud.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:33, archived)

once a lady stayed over at my house and we had some sex

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:32, archived)

Why must you turn our messageboard into a board of lies?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:33, archived)

why I
must you turn our messageboard into a board of lies? am a piss camel!
( Kroney, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:36, archived)

+i haev long lashes and i carry Arabs through the Sahara on my hump. if you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages i will wander into your kitchen tonight and piss in your pots and pans
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:40, archived)

camels that piss dishes have a very long face

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:52, archived)

+are we led it off the road

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 11:31, archived)

^tggi

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:41, archived)

Steady on, m8.
This is B3ta, not Razzle.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:35, archived)

+boy

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:35, archived)

once a lady stayed over at my house and BOY, we had some sex!

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:40, archived)

at LEAST five minutes' worth!
spread out over the course of the evening
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:49, archived)

A friend found himself homeless and I let him stay at mine for a 'month tops'.
I knew better but he was a friend etc. Two weeks in and he's nearly thrown through my front door by a gang of nasty looking bastards. Turns out he owed just about every drug dealer in *insert shitty northern town* money. Handily I went to school with one of the ne'er-do-wells and explained the situation. He was a lot easier to kick out once they'd taken all his stuff. Caught the dirty bastard using my hairbrush too.
(immadme, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:33, archived)

You have the best friends.

( Kroney, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:37, archived)

I don't have friends anymore.
Just people I'm less inclined to kill.
(immadme, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:45, archived)

We put a friend of a friend up.
He was a right bellend. About 28 but no domestic skills at all. He arsed up my big pot because he tried to make beans on toast in it despite them being about one bean high with the stove on full. One time I caught him making 'french toast', it was in fact fried bread in a pan so hot it was kicking out blue smoke. He used to regularly subsist on pretty much a loaf of bread a day. When we ran out of butter for toast he switched to philadelphia. He used to steal bread, which was extra annoying because he had a habit of tearing the loaf open from the middle like a mongoloid bear.

I gave him a spare pair of bedding when he moved in, he never put it on, he just slept on a bare mattress and sheet.

He paid his first months rent with a payday loan, which meant when he begged his parents to wire him money for the second month the loan company took it back.

He announced he was visiting his nan one weekend and we never saw him again. He left his stuff here, which was mostly a festering stinking pile of laundry he'd took out of the washing machine and dumped on the floor.

After about 2 months I summoned the energy to look up his parents phone number and see if he was alive. The blase way his mum said 'oh he's here' after explaining he'd fucked off without a trace for 2 months made me want to drive down to the northern shithole he lived in and kick his knackers right off.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 11:15, archived)

It's a good job I waited till my boss left before reading this because now I can lol about it.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 11:23, archived)

I left something important out; when we ran out of philadelphia he made toast and put mayonnaise on it.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 11:28, archived)

He sounds like a right autism.
I'd have been tempted to leave a Philadephia tub in the fridge filled with body lotion and see if he noticed.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 11:31, archived)

I've seen the mongoliod bear approach before.
Words fucking escape me.
(immadme, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 12:11, archived)

My old flatmate's brother came back to the UK after a few years in Greece.
None of us had any problem with him crashing on the couch, because he was a decent, quiet lad. The same could not be said of his ex-boyfriend, who stalked him all the way from Manchester to London and turned up on the doorstep one evening to spend a quarter of an hour yelling out his spurned love and demanding to see his former love, who hid in the garden.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:40, archived)

was that the one time your housemate's brother didn't want the back door smashed in?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:51, archived)

+ 50 points snappy riposte bonus

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 10:59, archived)

Dear oh dear, they're always so dramatic aren't they?

( Kroney, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 11:00, archived)

morning

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 6:54, archived)

Hump day mornings!

( H.B.Mupps, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 7:26, archived)

piss camel appreciation day

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 7:29, archived)

Finally, some appreciation.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:11, archived)

I read that comment in Zoidberg's voice

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:25, archived)

Urgh.
'ning, all.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:10, archived)

I've noticed "urgh" creeping into more and more online comments
It only adds to my belief that we should cull everyone born after 1990.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:13, archived)

Meh.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:33, archived)

A nut's as good as a wank to a blind whore.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:15, archived)

Sex Workers' Book Club:
A Tale of Two Titties
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:17, archived)

Taming of the Screw.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:23, archived)

Zorba Does Greek

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:24, archived)

Morning.
Of vice and men.
(immadme, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:15, archived)

Gravity's Rainbow Shower

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:17, archived)

I don't know what that is and am not sure I want to.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:20, archived)

Sounds sexy

(immadme, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:52, archived)

To fill a workingbird

(immadme, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:21, archived)

RIP
Siewert Öholm
( $$ ✅, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:28, archived)

A Møøse once bit my sister.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:34, archived)

A once bit my sister. ñ
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:47, archived)

Oh ffs

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:48, archived)

ƤɛñŞ

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:48, archived)

i want to break free, i want to break free from your lies you're so self satisfied i don't need you, i've got to break free, godby, godby, i want to break free

( mongychops, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:46, archived)

that moustache really suits you

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:59, archived)

Good morning mate.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:47, archived)

morning windy
when are you getting that volvo?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:00, archived)

Saturday I reckon.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:08, archived)

Morning, chaps.
I think I've fractured my toe :(
( Kroney, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:49, archived)

Drop a gearbox on it?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:52, archived)

Nope.
it's probably gout, or bone cancer or something. All I know for sure is that it hurts like a cunt.
( Kroney, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:53, archived)

wd40

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 8:55, archived)

Cut the foot off.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:19, archived)

your outer appendages have waged successful separatist movement, it's a breakaway faction
#toexit
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 25 Jan 2017, 9:04, archived)

Cheers

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:20, archived)

Cheers

( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:20, archived)

Cheers

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:40, archived)

cheers

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:07, archived)

Cheers

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 19:32, archived)

Oh man, I'd just insulted your mum.

( Kroney, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:21, archived)

She was a saint and I won't have a thread say a bad word about her

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:21, archived)

light him up, Windy.

( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:23, archived)

This chump doesn't know who he's messing with.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:24, archived)

Pretty sure that's going to go down in b3ta's history as one of the most sadly missed lost threads.

( Kroney, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:23, archived)

It was a stone cold classic

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:25, archived)

Stone Cold Steve Austin Metro

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:35, archived)

Kia En Tai

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:43, archived)

Jackie Chan Panel Van
Am I doing this right?
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:54, archived)

I think that's more Cockney rhyming car slang.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:55, archived)

Doink The Clown Car

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:19, archived)

Probably not Joe Strummer's proudest moment

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:26, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/8039364
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:02, archived)

that's funny
cos I read in the gents that she was a herpes infested skank who swallowed black cock like a blue whale swallows krill.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:40, archived)

Oh.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:44, archived)

She filters them through her baleen?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:47, archived)

RIP car chat

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:38, archived)

and not a moment too soon.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:44, archived)

I wish I could be upset about it
but this place killed all trace of my emotions a long time ago.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:45, archived)

so 500 quid for a minor service, no parts replaced and only a 2 year warranty, what a rip off

( mongychops, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:46, archived)

Car Chat 2: The Quickening

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:49, archived)

cars are not my thing

( mongychops, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:52, archived)

mea culpa

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:30, archived)

Thank fuck that's gone
Now for a long in depth discussion about video games and food! :D
( H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:52, archived)

Consolevania is coming back.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:09, archived)

Had to Google that, never heard of it
any good?
( H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:53, archived)

Yeah, very low-budget, pretty funny.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 17:10, archived)

can we have a thread about birds we think are fit?

( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:58, archived)

lexi belle

( H.B.Mupps, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:59, archived)

no longer does porn

( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:05, archived)

Eurasian blue tit

( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:59, archived)

Corvids are the best birds.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 15:59, archived)

Now that#s something to crow about!

( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:00, archived)

#trending

( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:00, archived)

Super fast mega eagle

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:00, archived)

you said it

( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:01, archived)

they all died to provide the ink for britains rip off 8 grand each passports

( mongychops, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:01, archived)

passports car services
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:19, archived)

Dunno my mate gearbox andy does mine for free , although technically he only does gearboxes now

( mongychops, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:28, archived)

swans fly long distances but look chubby

( mongychops, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:00, archived)

I reckon I could knock a swan out

( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:03, archived)

If I catch one, will you fight one.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:08, archived)

My housemates dog used to wind up swans. I always worried I'd get hurt trying to stop a ruck.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:10, archived)

I am a heron

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:02, archived)

Gil?

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:02, archived)

no, that's fish

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:27, archived)

do you haev a long neck?

( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:06, archived)

Yes

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:08, archived)

thundercougarfalconbird

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:06, archived)

that's a car

( $$ ✅, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:07, archived)

yeah but there are some eagles under the floorboards

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:10, archived)

i don't like birds
weird scaly feet and beady eyes and unnecessary fluttering in your face
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:20, archived)

Just let them have the fat balls.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:35, archived)

they can have the fattest balls they want, i still don't like them

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:41, archived)

Mr Motiavian

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 24 Jan 2017, 16:49, archived)